Day 565 – Personal Persona Person Prison

On the word Personal

Word Play
Person – all
Persona – l

Here I am taking on the word Personal – where it is currently existing within and as me from and as a system definition. Where Personal has become personal to ME.

So when we take a look at the current definition that we are all living as Personal, here is a dictionary definition for you and me.

- of, affecting, or belonging to a particular person rather than to anyone else.

- of or concerning one's private life, relationships, and emotions rather than matters connected with one's public or professional career.

So when I look at those definition I can say within self-honesty that I exist mostly within and as that definition(s) – I have defined my life around the “personal” and completely missed LIFE. So by breaking up the word I came to see two more hidden meanings/revelations
In the word personal we have Persona, and Persona is the following from the good old Dictionary:
- the aspect of someone's character that is presented to or perceived by others.

It is quite fascinating because here I can see how I have lived a certain personal lifestyle where everything is about me and my personal – and within that I have created a Persona, which others are perceiving me with, and I also have come to LIKE this persona, in fact throughout my life I have lived to actively advertise my personal life as to create a certain persona as to feed the EGO.

The part that I have never lived, which is also in the word Personal, is once again hidden in breaking up the word and playing with the sounds.

Personal should be “Person ALL” – a person that lives for ALL – where one moves from the personal to the ALL/LIFE – it is fascinating to see how this one word hold the system/mind living of the word in the word and yet also have the reverse process/correction within the same word, the key to live the word in the correct way that is best for all life.

So now how to take this word and to physically integrate this word into and as me, to become a LIVING word as who I am, where I stop the personal and start living as a person that lives for ALL, this one words takes on all og me, every aspect of me – as I have defined myself and all of me throughout my life as Personal to ME, I never considered to live and consider things for ALL as who I am as my actions, my words my life.

So the first question I am asking myself now is, should there be something that is personal?
Well to investigate this point for myself right here and now, I must consider all, everything – and looking at my body, looking at what is here, NOTHING belongs to me, nothing is personal to me, not even a single cell in my body is mine, not the air I breathe Is mine, not even the food I eat is mine, everything return to substance/life, so what is personal? How have I lived this personal as such an absolute within myself, within my life, yet the physical is always showing me that nothing is personal, nothing is just for ME as mine. Everything belongs to LIFE.

How come all my life have I made everything about me and my emotions, my feelings, my thoughts, my experience, my life, everything was about me personally. When someone says something to me that I don’t like, I take it personal, how do I take it personal, where does this personal GO? Do I have a little bank somewhere in another dimension where I collect everything that is personal to me, what I have as belongings, what I experience, what I react to or take personal? So that I can do what with it? What is the point of taking things personally? To take things personally my ego gets hurt? Thus my self-value is hurt? What I personally have on this earth as material things determine how my ego feels? How I define myself? What is the point of personal?

Did I just realize that I wasted my life on something that makes no sense yet I lived it as an absolute thing? I mean it makes way more sense be a person for ALL/Life this is living in a way where what I do is “giving” instead of collecting or hording, may it be material things or mind/emotional/feelings/thoughts that results in nothing as who I am as a being/life– and instead live to give, as my giving will be to life.

So that’s all good in theory and to really set up the word new for myself – person-ALL – so now every time I see myself focusing on “personal” I can identify that I am within a persona, I am within EGO, I am within self-interest, I am in the Prison/person that can only focus on itself and have limited capabilities to look at LIFE and to act and direct myself, the thinking of focus of “personal” is very limited – but when I expand myself in those moments from persona to person for All I remove the inner and I expand as the outer to include all that is HERE, in breathe.

Day 541 – Investigating Ego Part 1

I was once told by an old school friend, Gian, You have a big ego, while this person wasn’t looking at me with a smiley face, it was more of a concerned and disgust face, but in micro expressions almost, because it was a friend and the friend didn’t want to “insult” me, so to say. 

So my first impression was, EGO means, when someone thinks a lot of or about themselves, as in general, everyone thinks about themselves and only themselves, but if you have an ego, then you think a LOT about or of yourself.

After this friend said those words to me, I was a bit angry, because I could not properly distinguish between him and me and why only I have a BIG ego, the main reason for my anger was, because I did not actually understand the word ego, I assumed what ego means due to the moment we had, I was talking about girls and parties and so on, which included me a lot, and my friend was talking about girls differently, he was more the romantic type, and I was more the player type as I can recall, so my way of talking about “girl’s” was insulting to him in a way, and thus he reacted and said to me I have a Big ego, basically only thinking about myself.

After this interaction, I walked away and I was now concerned about this ego thing, in fact I didn’t know how personal I took it till later on the same day, I was thinking about this ego thing so much that I built up more and more anger towards my friend saying I have a big ego, my back chat started running where I would think things like, “how can you say I am only thinking about myself, any guy in this world wants sex and no matter how you play the game it Is ALL about yourself, the male, the sex, I simply approached it less intimately and more in a cold way, so the separation part is easier for both.

I basically reacted to my friend saying what he is doing is all about the “girl” yet he knows as a guy as ME that it is never about the girl, the girl has what the man wants, simple.

So I created a grudge towards this friend, but secretly, in fact I made it my goal to PROOF to this friend that what he is doing as a “romantic guy” that his way is still JUST a game and nothing different from mine, and thus also EGO because it is only about HIM and HIS wants/desires.

As the days in school went by, I obviously interacted with this friend normally, but whenever I got the opportunity, I would say things to him to “test” his mind and where it is, very subtly, I will say things that only me “type” and ego will like, and not his romantic type, but I said the things I did in such a clever way that I could show him that he is no different.

For example, I would go sit next to this friend that has now labeled me as a BIG EGO guy because I talk about women as sex objects, where he does not do those things because he is so much better and mature and apparently has a deeper connection and understand women more and knows it isn’t all about sex and blab bla bla (the mind of a sixteen year old) and I would just sit there, quite next to him, and then I would ask him simple questions, like – what girl do you like? And he would say, no one at the moment, and then I would look at a girl that is walking around on the school grounds that is judged as not so pretty and outcast, and I would point and ask him, do you like that girl? And there, on his face, a face of disgust, the frown, and he would then look at me and say, Gian, why are you asking me this, and I would say, I am just checking if you as a “romantic guy” that do not see girls as just sex objects but that there is more and something emotional apply his rules to any women, or only pretty women, he reacted, stood up and walked away.

See, my point was, I wanted to proof to him that he is full of bullshit and just EGO as well, no matter how pretty he painted the picture in his mind, because if it is about beauty, and that you can only be a romantic to someone that is seen as a “sex symbol” – well, then you are only thinking about yourself and or of yourself in the whole picture, no different than me, I just did it openly.
The story of Ego to be continued.

Day 490 - Personality as a point of view

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have through my acceptance and allowances of thought made myself less than my thoughts.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the moment I accept or allow a thought to create any form of fear/anxiety/stress or any other movement within me, that I have made myself less than a thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself less than a thought through accepting and allowing thoughts to “mean” something within myself as the relationship that I have created within me towards/with thoughts.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the moment a thought direct me as the physical being, that I have submitted to thoughts as having power over me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize, that thought/thoughts are but a point of view/opinion that is “separate from reality and not in fact reality as it is taking place inside MY mind and not real in reality, and thus it isn’t real.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that each and every thought I have is MY point of View and not reality in fact, as each and every thought that I have as my point of view exists as me as my acceptance and allowance to sustain a personality, so that I can say I exist as an individual who has MY own point of view of reality, coming from a point of fear of losing my “mental self” as the personality that I have as the thoughts I have as my points of view/opinions that I have – that is deliberately created within conflict to be able to sustain friction that creates Mental energy so that I can keep creating this mental friction just to sustain a limited existence as a mental individual as thoughts – my point of view on reality. Seeing and realizing that there HERE is only one reality and that MY point of view on reality will always differ from ALL other humans as long as I hold on to personality as the mental self, the projected self, not the living self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take “thought” and having thoughts as something to be taken lightly, not seeing and realizing that each and every thought I accept and allow as my point of view on reality, as my mental projection that keeps my mental self as my personality alive, that I am in fact creating a personality of disharmony, of friction, that can never move to a point of living what is best for all LIFE as me, living as what is here in each and every breath as the real physical reality we all share equally, that does not require opinion, of points of views or ideas or personalities to be what it is, what is here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my point of view on reality is relevant, that my point of view of what I interpret of reality is important and bring big insights and realization, though having these points of views in my mind as thought, as idea, as opinion that is and will be by its design always be in conflict with all other mental selves as all mental selves require for their own existence to have different points of views on reality to have friction to keep creating mental energy that then can be used by each being to make the statement, I am individual, I am unique, this is my personality, because Look at my point of view on reality with all my believes/Ideas and opinions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that thought is the Veil in front of my physical eyes, that does not allow me to see common sense that is HERE existent as the physical, but rather to only see points of views as my opinions, beliefs, ideas and thus as my “personality”.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that common sense only exist within the physical, and not within the mind, as the mind is a mental self, not a physical self, and a mental self can only interpret and project, create illusions and delusions, not see reality and what is here, and thus as long as there is one thought in my mind I am living behind a veil and I will fail as the mind will prevail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to train my body to submit to thoughts and the energy that thought as the mind as the mental self uses to numb or to paralyze the body to do as the mind wants for its own limited survival and to train my body to simply give in and trust the mind/thoughts as the minds point of view on reality.

Day 320 – Tired Character the road to success Part 6

Day 318 - Reactive Character
Day 319 - Insecure Character

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people asking me to move when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will have to Not be tired to do my job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when and as I am tired that I will miss out on what’s happening.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people will think I am weak when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to appear as lazy when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear tiredness in itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the weakness in my body that I experience when I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing time when and as I am tired and moving slow and siting down for long periods.

Thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought where I see what I have to do to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought “where I doing something I do not look forward to” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself doing the same stuff again for the day ahead” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself having to deal with the same people again and taking what they are giving” to exist within and as me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself falling in the exact same routine as the day before and nothing changing” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself NOT getting to the things I want to because I will be so busy with the other stuff all day” to exist within and as me.

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself sitting and doing nothing” while I am busy with work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine myself resting from working or doing what I am doing and that within this I might enjoy myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the opposite of what I am doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself Not dealing with any people for the entire day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the ideal way of spending my day where I am not working to much or where I am not dealing with people all the time when and as I am doing that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am asked to do something for someone to imagine myself not having to do anything for anyone for the entire day and how I would enjoy that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine change during my day where I do not have to do the same things over and over again, seeing and realizing how this creates a tiredness within me as I am in conflict with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself going to bed early and that I will then not be tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself sleeping less and less and still Not being tired and how I do all the same things during my day and even better sometimes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine How I have already Done all the things I wanted to do for the day and to then not have to rush or get stressed and can go to sleep without ever having a bit of tiredness and waking up feeling refreshed.
Internal conversations/backchat/voices
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I must be coming forth as being lazy because I am tired” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat of “I don’t want this day to be the same as every other day’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the internal conversation within me of “If I have to do the same shit again today I will be exhausted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the internal conversation of “ If I keep on doing this same work every day over and over I will get burned out and it will be the people giving me the works fault if I am tired and unable to work” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ fuck I have to do this again” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the Voice in my head telling me “this isn’t your job, you should not do this, it is someone else’s job” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the voice within me saying “if the fuckers give my THEIR work to do again today I will go nuts’ to exist within and as me,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when my day does not go according to how I wanted it to be as I imagined it to have the back chat of “ I am not getting anywhere, this is pointless” to exits within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have to do the same shit over and over every day that is asked of me by someone else when it isn’t my job, to have the internal conversation of “this isn’t my work, why the fuck am I asked o do this, I will never be able to learn or to get somewhere with my own work if this continues, to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I Feel that everything I do isn’t my work to do, to have the internal conversation of ‘ This isn’t my work to do, so therefore I must be getting tired when I do this” to exist within and as me.

Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked to do things that isn’t mine to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked to do the same stuff over and over again every day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the reaction of feeling like I am going to explode to exist within and as me when and as the same stuff is asked of me to do over and over again as if it is a favor, like I want to do it, as if I am that kind of guy that leaves everything I have to do behind to do a favor for someone else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked to do someone else a favor, seeing and realizing how I have made it a believe within my mind that the more favors I have to do the more I will get tired, because favors have nothing to do with work but for someone personal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word favor and like it will be something that will tire me out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as my day isn’t going as I have imagined it to go and as I was intended to make it go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked of a favor by the tenth person for the day as if I am a favor machine and that isn’t allowed to say NO. and to accumulate this anger I create of feeling abused and to eventually wanting to burst and instead keep it all in and becoming emotional and wanting to hide which then makes me tired and so I will hide within tiredness.

Behaviour Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive within my words and actions when and as I am asked of a favor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look down and to start making up excuses to why I can’t do the favor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself in a way to avoid specific people so that I cannot be asked to do something such as a favor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to avoid people that I know will ask of me to do thing that I did not imagine to do for the day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am given a task to do to rush myself as being a good boy that does what is asked, instead of breathing and moving within each breathe and so I see and realize that through pretending to be all good boy soldier doing what’s asked of him and rushing to do it as the polarity of what’s going on within me, is what makes me do thing Physically that tires me out and thus compromise myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aggressive when and as I am pushed out of my imagination world into having to do things, even if it is for others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry within myself and so move and behave in a way that isn’t pleasant for me or others as I look like someone you want to avoid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself unnecessary just to look busy so that I cannot be asked to do something for someone else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk a lot around in a rushing manner to give the impression that I am busy and cannot be asked to do anything, seeing and realizing how I am tiring myself out through following the mind as the wants and needs and desires instead of actually doing what required of me which will be a lot less then what I am doing just to avoid the work lol.

Day 319 – Insecure Character – Road to Success Part 5

Day 318 - Reactive Character, Road to success Part 4

Day 319 – Insecure Character – Road To Success Part 5

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking stupid in front of other people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sounding stupid in front of other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have said the wrong things in front of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking like a child when I am doing a man’s work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being taken seriously by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being physically inferior to others and for my age and design as being a male.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be seen as an equal in a group.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear smelling dirty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my voice does not sound man enough
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not seem tough enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as weak.

Thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture in my head where I have already compared and judged myself to others and placed myself within a specific light as being insecure about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me not being accepted by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of someone I am interacting with seeing me as less then them and making fun of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me being rejected by others as not seeming to have enough knowledge and information with me as they want to have from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me being objectified by others for the way I speak.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of seeing myself being laughed at by others that are physically bigger than me and have real manly voices when I do not.

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine myself getting bullied by others that are Physically more than me in size and in manliness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting laughed at by the people I am communicating with about how I communicate and sound while doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting frowned upon by others because of how I might smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being rejected by others for the way I look today as how I dress.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being belittled by others for being skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being questioned by others for how old I am as I still look sixteen but am doing real man work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being teased by girls for the way I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself standing all alone while all the girls is grouped together looking at me and laughing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting in a fight because of other males finding me weak and pathetic and thus making me an easy target and so abuse me.

Internal conversations/Back-chat/voices
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ Fuck that guy is Big” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ God dammed I don’t have the info on that” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ I hope I don’t sound stupid right now” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “dame I smell myself, please don’t let the girl’s smell me” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I am so skinny and Thin, it must make me look weak’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “this person looks like everything I feel inferior to” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I look like a sixteen year old when I am twenty three” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “why the fuck can’t I just look better and gain some weight” to exist within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I must gain muscles and beard and a manlier voice to have confidence to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I am stupid and must too stupid to’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “No one can take me seriously as long as I do not look my age’ to exist within and as me.

Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am feeling stupid within a conversation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone comments on me being skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else comments on my body image.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I struggle to read something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else is behaving in a way that makes me feel small.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I stand on a scale and see I haven’t gained any weight in 4 years.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else comments on how I smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as girls say I am skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else tells me I am stupid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I have to interact with someone I have compared myself to as me being the inferior one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I do not have vocabulary that seems like it should be known by all already.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my own Image in the mirror.

Behaviour Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure to fold my arms.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about my body image to stand straighter and puff out my shoulders as an attempt to hide what I am experiencing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about how old I look to attempt to look older through facial expressions that is intimidating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about how smart I am or what knowledge and information I have to speak about thing I know more and more just to give a different impression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to clamp my arms down when and as I feel insecure about how I smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk with my head down and my shoulders bulged in when and as I feel insecure about myself in general.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to make my voice deeper and more manly when and as I feel insecure about how I sound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use laughter a lot and smiling a lot when and as I feel insecure about what is being discussed or talked about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind my smile when and as I am insecure about who I am in the moment and whatever is being discussed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a lot of physical movements when and as I am insecure about who I am within a discussion or a situation.

Day 318 - Reactive Character, Road to success Part 4

The Reactive Character, This Character is around during my day a lot, mostly all my actions/behaviors come from that of reacting.

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to Fear that I will be abused.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear that I am now going to do something I won’t like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear that I will have to obey someone I don’t like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear what the person will say.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, Fear that what is about to happen is about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear that I will be involved.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear what might be coming.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear the worst within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear that I will
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react to Fear what will happen afterwards.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react to fear that I will have to pretend now

thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought of seeing a picture in my head where I am doing something I do not like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts of seeing others looking for me in a picture of the past just to use me for their interests.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be used by someone just for their interest and that I will be the slave within doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thoughts of “seining someone being lazy and asking me to do something for them instead”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of doing the same shit as yesterday again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thoughts of seeing myself never getting to my own stuff and just being occupied with doing other peoples shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thoughts of unfairness where I will see in my head how I will be doing a lot and the rest as many will do almost nothing and still just ask me to do more and more.

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the imagination to imagine how I am doing what I belief I am supposed to do in opposite of what is being asked of me to do all ay.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use imagination to create “perfect scenarios in my head of how I believe things should be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Imagination to create Fairness as situations pictures, voices, moving pictures in my head that is always to convince and proof to me that there is unfairness.

Internal conversations/Back-chat/voices
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat of “what the fuck do you want today” within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat of “don’t ask me to do you shit again” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have internal conversations within my head about others such as “ you are a lazy person, just look at what you do all day and still you have the guts to ask me to do more, wtf” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat of “what the fuck do you want now, I need to starts working on what I am here for not your personal shit” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “fuck you I am doing what I want” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the back chat of “ Why are you asking ME’ exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ I am busy, don’t ask me shit” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the back chat of “it’s not my job, do it yourself” exist within and as me.

Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Anger when and as I react.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the anger when and as I react through using it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the emotion of anger as an energetic experience to exists within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerlessness within me when I react.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the powerlessness experience as a reason to react in anger.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the experience of feeling that I am gaining power when and as I react to justify why me reacting it the right thing to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use what I experience within myself as reasons and excuses to react to have the secret outcome as my 3wnats/needs/desires to come true.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see and realize that any attempt within reacting is to have a want/need/desire to be fulfilled which is based on self-interest which thus makes the reaction not valid and anything the reaction is about not true lol.

Behavior Dimension
Before.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tense within my body in the expectation’s I have for the day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the behavior I am as before any reaction is the built up of the reaction as it is a polarity game and thus I need to be breathing and not creating shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am relaxed I built up tensions of for when maybe the relaxing might end, and thus my behavior starts to change to where I will act certain ways to avoid being asked to do anything or say anything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the reacting character sits and creates the conversations in my head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around thinking and making things up in my head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Pretend that I am busy and doing stuff when I am really not having to do anything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into avoiding things and people.

After. When reacting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react to get physically stronger and stand more forward and in a almost fighting mode.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I react and I am possessed that I will tend to go far and walk and move more and try and get away from people just to not to have to do anything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend to be busy when and as I react towards someone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry when I react, to manipulate. Showing it isn’t real or valid already lol.
To be continued.

Day 317 – Road To success – the Road inwards Part 2

From Day 316 - Road to Success Part 1

Day 317 – Road To success – the Road inwards Part 2

Ok so from my last Blog I have gotten a view pointer to look at, first of all I will look at these points the Desteni Way, the way of taking self-responsibility for who I am.

This is what is in my way, now first let me make it clear, when I say it is in my way I am not saying it from a point of separation or like it is a Pest or like I have to now simply chuck that which is in my way aside, that is still separation.

When there is separation, there is fear – So I am taking this on to stand one and equal to that which is “in my way”, so that I can change from that, because standing one and equal means it is and will always be part of us and thus never have any control or power over self, because we are it, we decide.

So as the Who I am I can here look at the Personality that I have created myself as, as energy and then within the personality there are many characters that make up this personality.

Taking on each character point is the way to go, one part at a time.

Characters.
Funny Character.
Tired Character.
Reactive Character.
Obedient Character.
Approval Character.
Insecure Character.
Resistance Character.
Hiding Character
Slave Character.
Smiling Character
Frowning Character.
Kind Character
Friendly Character
Mean Character.
Lazy Character.

Ok those are a few of the characters, I can see that each character is connected to a specific word, as I the living words I am.

I will within this road to success take on each character. It will be to learn to know they self truly so that I can be true to myself.

First Character I will take on will be the reactive Character as that is the one I face the most, I will walk this character and the rest here within the following structure laid below as it was given within Heavens Journey to Life Day 162 Character Dimensions – Introduction.

Fear Dimension
Thought Dimension
Imagination Dimension
Internal conversations/Back-chat/voices
Reaction Dimension
Behaviour Dimension

To be Continued.