Day 319 – Insecure Character – Road to Success Part 5

Day 318 - Reactive Character, Road to success Part 4

Day 319 – Insecure Character – Road To Success Part 5

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking stupid in front of other people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sounding stupid in front of other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have said the wrong things in front of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking like a child when I am doing a man’s work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being taken seriously by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being physically inferior to others and for my age and design as being a male.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be seen as an equal in a group.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear smelling dirty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my voice does not sound man enough
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not seem tough enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as weak.

Thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture in my head where I have already compared and judged myself to others and placed myself within a specific light as being insecure about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me not being accepted by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of someone I am interacting with seeing me as less then them and making fun of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me being rejected by others as not seeming to have enough knowledge and information with me as they want to have from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me being objectified by others for the way I speak.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of seeing myself being laughed at by others that are physically bigger than me and have real manly voices when I do not.

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine myself getting bullied by others that are Physically more than me in size and in manliness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting laughed at by the people I am communicating with about how I communicate and sound while doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting frowned upon by others because of how I might smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being rejected by others for the way I look today as how I dress.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being belittled by others for being skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being questioned by others for how old I am as I still look sixteen but am doing real man work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being teased by girls for the way I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself standing all alone while all the girls is grouped together looking at me and laughing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting in a fight because of other males finding me weak and pathetic and thus making me an easy target and so abuse me.

Internal conversations/Back-chat/voices
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ Fuck that guy is Big” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ God dammed I don’t have the info on that” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ I hope I don’t sound stupid right now” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “dame I smell myself, please don’t let the girl’s smell me” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I am so skinny and Thin, it must make me look weak’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “this person looks like everything I feel inferior to” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I look like a sixteen year old when I am twenty three” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “why the fuck can’t I just look better and gain some weight” to exist within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I must gain muscles and beard and a manlier voice to have confidence to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I am stupid and must too stupid to’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “No one can take me seriously as long as I do not look my age’ to exist within and as me.

Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am feeling stupid within a conversation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone comments on me being skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else comments on my body image.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I struggle to read something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else is behaving in a way that makes me feel small.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I stand on a scale and see I haven’t gained any weight in 4 years.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else comments on how I smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as girls say I am skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else tells me I am stupid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I have to interact with someone I have compared myself to as me being the inferior one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I do not have vocabulary that seems like it should be known by all already.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my own Image in the mirror.

Behaviour Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure to fold my arms.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about my body image to stand straighter and puff out my shoulders as an attempt to hide what I am experiencing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about how old I look to attempt to look older through facial expressions that is intimidating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about how smart I am or what knowledge and information I have to speak about thing I know more and more just to give a different impression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to clamp my arms down when and as I feel insecure about how I smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk with my head down and my shoulders bulged in when and as I feel insecure about myself in general.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to make my voice deeper and more manly when and as I feel insecure about how I sound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use laughter a lot and smiling a lot when and as I feel insecure about what is being discussed or talked about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind my smile when and as I am insecure about who I am in the moment and whatever is being discussed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a lot of physical movements when and as I am insecure about who I am within a discussion or a situation.

Day 318 - Reactive Character, Road to success Part 4

The Reactive Character, This Character is around during my day a lot, mostly all my actions/behaviors come from that of reacting.

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to Fear that I will be abused.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear that I am now going to do something I won’t like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear that I will have to obey someone I don’t like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear what the person will say.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, Fear that what is about to happen is about me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear that I will be involved.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear what might be coming.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear the worst within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react, to fear that I will
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react to Fear what will happen afterwards.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react to fear that I will have to pretend now

thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a thought of seeing a picture in my head where I am doing something I do not like.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thoughts of seeing others looking for me in a picture of the past just to use me for their interests.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be used by someone just for their interest and that I will be the slave within doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thoughts of “seining someone being lazy and asking me to do something for them instead”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of doing the same shit as yesterday again.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thoughts of seeing myself never getting to my own stuff and just being occupied with doing other peoples shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thoughts of unfairness where I will see in my head how I will be doing a lot and the rest as many will do almost nothing and still just ask me to do more and more.

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the imagination to imagine how I am doing what I belief I am supposed to do in opposite of what is being asked of me to do all ay.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use imagination to create “perfect scenarios in my head of how I believe things should be.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Imagination to create Fairness as situations pictures, voices, moving pictures in my head that is always to convince and proof to me that there is unfairness.

Internal conversations/Back-chat/voices
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat of “what the fuck do you want today” within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat of “don’t ask me to do you shit again” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have internal conversations within my head about others such as “ you are a lazy person, just look at what you do all day and still you have the guts to ask me to do more, wtf” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat of “what the fuck do you want now, I need to starts working on what I am here for not your personal shit” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “fuck you I am doing what I want” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the back chat of “ Why are you asking ME’ exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ I am busy, don’t ask me shit” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the back chat of “it’s not my job, do it yourself” exist within and as me.

Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Anger when and as I react.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate the anger when and as I react through using it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the emotion of anger as an energetic experience to exists within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel powerlessness within me when I react.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the powerlessness experience as a reason to react in anger.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the experience of feeling that I am gaining power when and as I react to justify why me reacting it the right thing to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use what I experience within myself as reasons and excuses to react to have the secret outcome as my 3wnats/needs/desires to come true.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see and realize that any attempt within reacting is to have a want/need/desire to be fulfilled which is based on self-interest which thus makes the reaction not valid and anything the reaction is about not true lol.

Behavior Dimension
Before.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tense within my body in the expectation’s I have for the day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the behavior I am as before any reaction is the built up of the reaction as it is a polarity game and thus I need to be breathing and not creating shit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I am relaxed I built up tensions of for when maybe the relaxing might end, and thus my behavior starts to change to where I will act certain ways to avoid being asked to do anything or say anything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the reacting character sits and creates the conversations in my head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk around thinking and making things up in my head.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Pretend that I am busy and doing stuff when I am really not having to do anything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into avoiding things and people.

After. When reacting.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react to get physically stronger and stand more forward and in a almost fighting mode.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I react and I am possessed that I will tend to go far and walk and move more and try and get away from people just to not to have to do anything.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to pretend to be busy when and as I react towards someone.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be annoyed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry when I react, to manipulate. Showing it isn’t real or valid already lol.
To be continued.

Day 317 – Road To success – the Road inwards Part 2

From Day 316 - Road to Success Part 1

Day 317 – Road To success – the Road inwards Part 2

Ok so from my last Blog I have gotten a view pointer to look at, first of all I will look at these points the Desteni Way, the way of taking self-responsibility for who I am.

This is what is in my way, now first let me make it clear, when I say it is in my way I am not saying it from a point of separation or like it is a Pest or like I have to now simply chuck that which is in my way aside, that is still separation.

When there is separation, there is fear – So I am taking this on to stand one and equal to that which is “in my way”, so that I can change from that, because standing one and equal means it is and will always be part of us and thus never have any control or power over self, because we are it, we decide.

So as the Who I am I can here look at the Personality that I have created myself as, as energy and then within the personality there are many characters that make up this personality.

Taking on each character point is the way to go, one part at a time.

Characters.
Funny Character.
Tired Character.
Reactive Character.
Obedient Character.
Approval Character.
Insecure Character.
Resistance Character.
Hiding Character
Slave Character.
Smiling Character
Frowning Character.
Kind Character
Friendly Character
Mean Character.
Lazy Character.

Ok those are a few of the characters, I can see that each character is connected to a specific word, as I the living words I am.

I will within this road to success take on each character. It will be to learn to know they self truly so that I can be true to myself.

First Character I will take on will be the reactive Character as that is the one I face the most, I will walk this character and the rest here within the following structure laid below as it was given within Heavens Journey to Life Day 162 Character Dimensions – Introduction.

Fear Dimension
Thought Dimension
Imagination Dimension
Internal conversations/Back-chat/voices
Reaction Dimension
Behaviour Dimension

To be Continued.