Day 23 - running out of energy

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within patterns of energy as moods, that is not best for me and not best for all, as moods and energy changes and determines who I am instead of me in each breathe as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in a system of polarities such as energy where the one energy relies o the other to exist, thus going into good moods and then bad moods and so FUCK with myself and everyone around me that is unnecessary and not best for all life, as it only ends up in abuse and conflicts that has not value, no real matter with in what is here and best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that any energetic experience I have with in me is valid or real, I realize that what is real is here in the physical as that which we all equally share in all ways and that what is with in the mind or with in self as an energy is simply a self created feeling/emotion that occupies self to keep self enslaves to false gods as thoughts/pictures/memories as the mind consciousness system to feed of the real god as the physical, as LIFE here in the flesh for its own energetic experiences as negative or positive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give validation to any energetic feeling/emotion/experience I have with in me, blindly through the believe that if I can/am experiencing it with in me that it must be real, realizing that I am making it real and keeping it real only with in me through validating it as real with in me, realizing I can simply stop the connection I validate it with and the energy that directs me and that determines who I am through my acceptance and allowance and stop and start directing myself here in the physical one and equal as Life, as that which is best for all life as myself in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be directed by energy as positive and negative.

I forgive myself that I have not considered before that I can stop all energy as polarities with in me and direct myself in the physical with in each breath and that no inner energetic experiences are needed for this simple self directive movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  be addicted to energetic experiences I have with in me, if they are positive or negative and to be a slave to these energies through letting them move me as a slave with a invisible whip.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a slave to energy as positive or negative.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in all ways through only move myself depending on how I feel as a negative or positive experiences, realizing that I can do and move myself so much more and effectively if I move as the physical instead of the mind as a limited confined space based on thoughts and energy that created boundaries and limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am what I experience with in me as a positive or negative energy, realizing that if I continue to live as an energy I will end up as one simply dying out once there is nothing to keep my energy going.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place some energies higher than others just because of how they feel to me, realizing that with in this I am creating the lows just so that I can experience the highs, and so create a life of self abuse and abusing others just so that I can have my energy hits as highs and lows to feel/believe I am alive while I was only existing as a light bold, switching on and off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to not see and realize that the energy addiction existent with in this world as moods/experiences as positive/negative is what is creating the world the way it is, where children has abusive homes depending on how daddy or mommy feels, and where wars break out and millions are killed, depends on how the countries feel, and that money is the ultimate HIGH in energy people can ask for, and thus everyone is doing their best to fuck up LIFE here on earth just so that they can have their HIT (energy) as happiness, neglecting LIFE as one thing and separating everything instead and thus creating/accepting/allowing extensive abuse/deception and inevitable consequences for all equally.

I commit myself to identify all energetic patterns with in my life where I have accepted and allowed energy to move me and to determine who I am and to stop the energy experience thought breathing and t see what I am doing, if it is practical or not if it is best for all life or not, is it common sense or not and to be self honest with myself and change, and to stop energy enslavement as the mind consciousness system.

I commit myself to stop all moods and to write, self forgive, be self honest with myself and to stop the moods, stop the roller-coaster of energy and to remain here in each breath as that which is best for all, so that I may be the same, stable and to be myself as a living expression and not an robotic energetic being moving and functioning only as he/she feels through data input output. 

 Life Review - I Believed I was Superior to my Mind

Day 22 - walk alone as LIFE. (all as one)

I walk alone - this is not referring to actual walking but a walk with in LIFE.

Today the point opened up, No matter what I do, where I am, with who I ma or how I am, I am always alone with myself and Who I am.

Through out my life I have tried surrounding myself with what ever I could just not be alone, yet I always felt alone, the nights or days where I would be by myself in my room in front of the PC or where I am at party's, at school or in any public place or with any person in my life, I always had a experience of myself  being alone, no matter how much I made someone love me or loved someone else or no matter how much I tried keeping things close to me, I was always alone, because I realized that when the time comes - this time will be death - I will be all alone with myself as WHO I AM.

So Tonight I was standing outside to stretch my legs and as I was standing there I realized I was thinking, and not here at all, I was in my mind, I looked at a rock on the ground and I stopped thinking, I could see the rock, I noticed the rock, I then looked around me and I saw reality here, the physical, I then realized I am alone, no matter how many thoughts or feelings or emotions I fill myself up with to hide the fact that I am alone with myself - it is inevitable that I will at death, the same as everyone else face myself alone, I realized in that moment that all thoughts, all emotions, all memories will simply be gone, and who will I be by myself with out all the thoughts, emotions and feeling and memories that I used to hide and keep the truth from myself. 

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone with in my walk as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking alone as myself as who I am this life within re-birthing myself as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the word "alone" a negative energy charge through what I have seen in movies, magazines and that I have heard from others as their opinions believes and judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge "alone" as being a bad thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being "alone" with a negative energy, realizing that as Life being alone or being with people must not change who I am as who I am as one and equal as all life, thus being one with all that is here alone as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality separate from me when I am alone that determines who I am, instead of being here in each breath equal and one with all that exist as life, with in this I am never alone but here as all life as myself as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with thoughts and the mind  to hide from the fact that I am alone no matter what I do or where I am, because I will always be with me as one being facing myself in all ways with in what I accept and allow to exist as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with feeling and emotions as a way to run and hide from being alone with myself as Who I am, and to face myself as who i am within all self honesty and to correct myself with in re-birthing myself as life, so that when I am alone that I do not change but remain equal and one as all that is here in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create multiple personalities for myself with in my mind to talk to by myself where ever I am, just so that I should not be alone with myself here in the physical, as I have attached a negative emotional feeling with in being alone, realizing that no matter how much I try and hide that I am alone as all that is here one and equal as me, that I will face myself as all that is here one and equal at death for what I have accepted and allowed to exist with in the world as consequences as WHO I AM, either as life or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest and create a world of entertainment and abuse with in all relationships through the fear of loss through the fear of being alone, realizing that all I have ever done with in all relationships was only out of fear and not actual care for LIFE as myself, as I only wanted to hold on to everything just so that I should not be alone and facing myself as WHO I AM!!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act on the fear of being alone, and with in this enslave and manifest a world of slavery where I believe I can hold on to things as long as I can just so that I should not be alone, realizing that through these actions I have separated myself from all LIFE as that which is here and neglected life instead through becoming greedy with in holding onto things and exploiting things for my own self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hide my oneness with all life though the fear of being alone with myself as who I am as all life as one in fact and to with in this fear act out and create the world that exist today with all other beings here, as I have accepted and allowed them as myself to continue living and acting out in fear of being alone, fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking self responsibility for who I am as being alone, being one as all in fact and to stand up and take responsibility for what is here, as I realize that who I am all alone with myself is what is creating this world/reality and so as I change who I am with in each breathe, I change what is here as me as one as equals.

Commitments.

I commit myself to be with myself where ever I am as I rebirth myself, so that I will be certain and clear on WHO I AM alone with myself so that no one else may determine it but only me, and to write and apply self forgiveness and using the tools that is here to birth myself as life, as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stand alone, with in standing alone as me I take complete self responsibility for myself as WHO I AM, stopping all blame and projection and all judgments, thus I commit myself to when I see I go into blame, judgment, projection to write it out and to apply self forgiveness as I realize  that in those moments I am not standing alone as myself but instead of placing it on others as blame, judgment, projection in fear of being alone with myself stopping the lie that I have created myself as in the fear of being alone.

I commit myself to when ever I see I attach myself to someone/something to stop and to bring everything back to self where I can stand alone with myself in self honesty and to rebirth myself as life one and equal as all that is here, to stop all fear and separation and to stand as one as all (alone) as equals in each breath.

I commit myself to expose and stop all abuse with in myself where I have separated myself from life in fear of loss, being alone and where I have abused and manipulated to attache people/things to be to hide the fear, but to instead expose the fear, the lie and to face myself as WHO I AM alone and to re-birth myself as life one and equal as all that is here as Life as that which is best for all life as myself.

Understand walking alone, does not mean alone physically like leave everything and everyone and be alone, it is with in self, taking self responsibility for self and WHO I AM with in self to be able to stand alone at all times as LIFE as all is one, to end fear and separation that is manifesting this world the way it is in abuse and deception and suffering as the consequences.

identify brainwashing/viruses with - Bernard Poolman -Virus Free Mind

Day 21 - Purpose and Life.

What is my purpose here on earth, to be alive and breathing? (it should be that simple) I have asked myself this question many times before in my life. I have searched and I have found many purposes, they all end up disappearing and fading away because in time they all started looking/feeling that they weren't really real but made up, either through religion or family.

I have noticed how I have connected purpose to money, that if I were to have a purpose I would need money and that my faith and purpose would then be decided, if I could not make the money I would make my purpose a special one, a purpose I do not know of but someone else does.

This search for purpose has left me unfulfilled and depressed at times, I felt useless and not worth living.

Till today, I asked myself a simple question, do I need a purpose to be aLIFE, why was purpose created, all purposes are currently connected to money and nothing relevant that is worth living as LIFE.

It is all useless meaningless purposes that exist today, they all are about survival and based on fear.

Imaging a world that does not work on money and that you must have money to be able to live on earth, what would your purpose then be here on earth?

I can from this perspective clearly see what my purpose would be then, to be life and to take care of life as myself in all ways, now that is a fun purpose worth Living and actually meaningful, this can be achieved through the equal money system.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge all current purposes existent with in the world systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate all current world system purposes that is based on self interest and profit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my purpose in life is something that must fall on my lap as if I am special and more than others.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that what my purpose is in life is entirely up to me and what I decide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist creating a purpose for myself with in the current world systems to be able to have a effective life where I can stand with in the system and have authority with in the system to be able to change the system to that which is best for all life where all beings will have one purpose in common as LIFE and to enjoy each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject all purposes with in the current world system as capitalism and to with in this give all authority that I have away to the system where I have no purpose with in the system and thus I am useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be rebellious against all purposes that the current system have to offer to me just because I feel I do not want to have any of them, and so compromise myself and placing myself with in a shit position in this life and taking all chances I have of being able to have any say and authority with in changing the system to that which is best for all life and that is a enjoyable life for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself higher than all current world system purposes and with in this sabotage myself with in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a "special" purpose for myself just so that I do not have to take all the necessary steps to create a purpose for myself with in the current world systems to be able to be effective and change the system to the equal money system that is best for all life and enjoyable, where purpose if LIFE and living it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label all purposes with in the current world systems as being negative and only suppressive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become paralyzed with in the current world system to move myself to create a purpose for myself to be able to be effective and change the system to that which is best for all life through judgments and lots of Back chat in my mind where I talk to myself about stuff and come to false believes about stuff and praise them as real ad relevant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed d myself to fear creating a meaningful purpose for myself this life in such a way that all that I do will only accumulate to bring about a world that is best for all life such as the equal money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my purpose is/was what others tell/told me it should and must be and with in this compromise and suppress my own purpose I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my purpose if not forthis life but the after life, realizing that that simply sounds stupid first of all and secondly why am I here then? I realize I am here to realize myself as Life one and equal and to be Life and with in this realization I see and understand that I must with in this direct myself and create my purpose to bring about a world that is best for all Life as myself as that is what I would want for myself and all others as myself.

I commit myself to stop my rebellious actions against the system and me from creating a purpose for myself this life, so that I may create a purpose for myself that I can use to being about a new life that is best for all life as myself

I commit myself to move myself in a direction with in the current world system that is based on profit and money enslavement and to make it my purpose to become effective with in and as the system so that I am able as a responsible being that has a say/authority with in the system so that I am able to change the system to that which is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to make it my purpose to educate myself and others as myself how the current system functions and that it is important this life to be effective with in the current system o be able to change the system.

I commit myself to make it my purpose in each and every breathe to change who I AM so that as WHO I AM will be able and effective to change the system with out any fear, resistance, back chat or judgments through educating myself and others equally as myself and through this process bring about a new world that is best for ALL LIFE and that is enjoyable for every being here equally, to make all purposes one as we share one earth, one life, one breath in each moment together. And that all purposed with in a new world will be fulfilled as each being wants to express themselves with out fear for survival or money.

Day 20 - Dirty Eyes filled with sex, blind to reality.

Have you ever noticed during your day how your mind is filled with sexual content such as pictures, ideas, believes, fantasies and then when you look around in your world all you see is sex, constantly comparing every women/men with each other and self and so within the comparison you decide what you apparently like or don't.

have you noticed how it fills up your eyes, all you can see is sex and nothing else, you do not notice the birds, the bugs, the trees or anything else like for instance how you are enslaved to sex and a robot to respond to sexual images and accordingly make decisions, and the worst part is, making live decisions according to sexual content in your mind.

It consumes all your time, even for some it consumes all their lives and will at their death bed probably regret only past sexual related things, the did and did not's, how can this be all that life is.

It is limited and mind control/brainwashing, it is UN-acceptable.

 Shocking secrets of Masturbation - The Eyes as Masturbation Search engines (interview on Eqafe)

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in thoughts, pictures, fantasies and desires of sex with in and as my mind fueling the mind consciousness systems that enslaves and limits me with in this world to see what is really going on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give these pictures, fantasies, thoughts and desires authority with in my life to direct me and to determine what I see and don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself with in my mind as the EGO as back chat with in what I like and do not like with in sexuality through constant comparison and judgment towards others as I judge myself and to accept it as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as who I am as a sexual predator that can not change his nature, realizing that to be self honest with myself, I was not born with these sexual thoughts/fantasies/desires/pictures but that I have through time created them myself with in constantly participating within watching porn, masturbating to it and giving it my attention and creating it as my nature, and thus I realize that it in fact is not my nature but a self created thing I made up myself because I believed it to be the way it must because I accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by society and blinding myself from alternative ways of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame society for who I am as a sexual predator that constantly scan and judge people sexually all the time with in my secret mind and with in this limit myself a to very tiny word stuck between my eyes and all that I can see with my eyes is sexual stuff all around, enabling myself to see all of LIFE as myself that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to compare people sexually with in my mind to each other and myself so that I may feel better about myself and to fuel my mind consciousness system with in me of limitation and enslavement of the mind, trapping myself within my own mind of constantly only focusing on sexual content and what I like and do not like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see pictures with in my reality, creating a picture reality for myself and others that is a false image and likeness of life as life is here in the physical in the living flesh that does not rely or need pictures to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I create and make up in my mind as pictures/fantasies/desires/thoughts are real and that they valid, realizing that they are all made up and that I am simply imposing it onto reality in the hope that it might become real, realizing that with in this I am setting myself up for a life that will be UN-fulfilled as what I create with in the mind will always be more than what is here in the physical reality,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to occupy my mind with secret thoughts/desires/fantasies/pictures and to make my eye sight dirty, enabling myself to see reality and what is here in fact as LIFE as that which I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see sexual content with in my mind projected onto reality with in a constant comparison towards people with in my secret mind that no one knows of or ever see, and through this enslaving myself to a limited reality as my mind bubble that I call life and in the end, end up believing that this is all that life is about, missing the bigger picture and remaining a slave to the corporate world where people depend on my sexual enslavement to make billions for themselves through selling their products to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in the mind as pictures, thoughts, back chat and desires about and towards other human being with in my secret mind where I constantly compare myself and place judgment onto them as I judge myself, and with in this continue the cycle of enslavement with in myself and others through the way I make decisions and act on the thoughts/desires/fantasies/pictures as the false gods that I worship within my mind neglecting the actual god as the physical as me one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fill myself up with sexual pictures/fantasies/desires/ thoughts in such an extent that all I can see is that and miss  reality completely as a whole as the earth that we all share, and so give away all authority I have with in the physical reality to the mind as a limited bubble/space that will end at death.

Life review - Death by sex.. (interview on Eqafe)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the pictures/thoughts/desires/fantasies with in my mind is real and that I can achieve them all in this life time and live a fulfilled life with in my limited time here on earth, while I have to learn to understand life and how it works and that I am life and responsible for all that is here as myself, and to be consumed with only sexual content during my day to such an extent that I can not even consider LIFE and all other LIFE forms that is here with me equally and so neglect them and allow their suffering to happen/continue as I am to busy fuelling my sexual thoughts/desires/fantasies/pictures and enslaving myself to a limited bubble/space as the mind.

I commit myself to use the tools that I have as self forgiveness, self honesty, common sense and writing to stop all desires/fantasies/thoughts/pictures with in my mind so that I may stop the enslavement and accepted and allowed limitation of myself to a confined space in my head as the mind and to start birthing myself as life one and equal as the physical and to live and express myself in all ways that I can with in that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to expose the lie as the mind consciousness system so that my fellow beings here on earth can see and realize what I have that the mind as thoughts/pictures/desires/fantasies is not real but self create and that we have enslaved and limited ourselves in all ways within participating with in them as if it was normal, and that we all can realize it is all self created and not necessary to live with and occupy our lives till death with meaningless thoughts/desires/fantasies/pictures only to live a life of regret and shame as we did not do anything to bring about a world that is best for all Life in all ways, because we blinded ourselves to see reality to only see our own judgments/comparisons.

 

Day 19 - The pattern of violent thoughts.

When in town, thoughts come up of me having to fight someone, having to defend myself against other people that is in my environment.

This creates a constant inner fight with myself and who I am, as I completely change who I am in order to impose an idea onto others, the idea is - do not fuck with me or you will regret it.

This pattern and behavior is un- acceptable  and not best for all life or myself.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and facing who I am with in the fear of others as a physical manifested consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the mind as thoughts of  fear towards my fellow beings, and to react on it and so create and manifest violent thoughts with in me of fighting/defending myself against others in my mind as my imagination and future play outs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create future play outs of situations in my mind of violent breaking outs and happening to me with other human beings where I have to then fight them and even kill them in the name of survival of the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to with in comparing myself and my physical body to other human beings to see how I can fight them and beat them up to protect me and to be the one that survives and not have to get hurt or die and be seen as weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as weak and with in accepting this fear as valid I have created the believe that if I have a violent conflict situation where I can fight and win that I will feel strong and not weak about myself and be able to live with out the fear I constantly have every day towards my fellow beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have violent thoughts/imaginations towards and about my fellow beings for the fear that I carry and create with in me towards them as being dangerous and violent.

I forgive myself that I have not realize that I am actually the violent and dangerous being in my world, as I am the one having the violent thoughts and imagination, and thus I only project what I accepted and allow with in me onto other to not have to take self responsibility for myself and to change, to stop being a threat to my fellow beings and to be able to live together as equals, thus I realize I must stop my thoughts and my imagination and I must stop being a threat to my fellow beings through stopping my participation in the fear/thoughts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own violent thoughts and imaginations onto others as them being the cause, the threat and that I must be ready to fight and to be ruthless in any moment to protect my ego and my self interest and insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fight from the starting point of wanting to win a fight so that I might feel better about myself and to feel/belief that I do not have to fear my fellow beings as I am able to fend for myself physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a fight with a random stranger so that I can see if I am able to protect and defend myself in a world where I see/belief every human is a threat and is out to hurt me physically, realizing this makes only me the one that is out to hurt someone physically and thus I am the only threat and the only fear walking around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I fight and participate in violence that I will feel better after wards as I have now faced my fear and I survived, realizing that If such an event occur I have no way/idea what the actual physical outcome might be and that I might die, realizing it is all mind and imagination and thus it is not real at all as it was created from the ego, where the starting point is always self interest and thus I always win in my mind, thus it can never be trusted at all or even take is serious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in violent thoughts, the violent thoughts I participate in and give power to are the same ones that cause and accept and allow all wars, all violence in this world, and thus I am responsible for all wars and violence as me, as I accept and allow them in me and justify them in me I am doing so with in this world with in others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my fellow beings, realizing that if I fear them I am giving them a reason to fear me, and thus I am creating and manifesting a world of fear where I accept and allow violence to be the answer for fear and resolving it, and thus I create wars and destruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a terrorist in my mind towards my fellow beings in the fear of that they might hurt me through my own self created ideas and belief in my mind according to my own self judgments and insecurities about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure around other beings and to judge myself around other beings as not being good enough, as not being strong enough and as not being a person that is able, and thus I desire and fear a situation where I can have a fight to proof to myself and others the opposite of that which I judge myself as and feel insecure about, realizing it is all about stopping the evil with in self as the root cause and continuation of a world of violence and suffering.

I commit myself to stop all violence with in me, so that I may walk as the correction and to be able to support and assist others to see that the fear we have for each other is the fear that creates violence, and thus top stop the fear with in self!! Is to stop the fear of each other that can result in violence such as wars.

I commit myself to use the tools that have been given to me such as writing, forgiving myself and self honesty with common sense to take apart the systems with in me so that I am able to take apart the systems with in this world as our systems and to from that start re-creating a new world through understanding and educating my fellow beings equally as me.

I commit myself to be disciplined with in identifying the pattern of violence and fear with in me and to stop giving it attention and validating it to end the fearful world we live in as myself first and from there expand onwards to create a world with out fear.

Day 18 - Rotten Child Syndrome. Rotten world.

I am about 4 years old, I am sitting at the dinner table, I do not want to finish my dinner, I do not like the food, one of my parents say, if you do not finish your dinner you will not get pudding, I slowly start eating more and I find I can not get it all in, I consider to be deceptive to hide the food, it does not work, I fear I will not get the reward of desert afterwards, even though my body can not take more food, I start complaining and making loud noises, my parents say OK leave it, go get your desert. I feel I have achieved something, I can have my desert and I am happy.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a family system to exist where the child must submit and manipulate to get his way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the family construct to exist where the child is trained to manipulate or deceive others to get his/her way through a reward system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a family system/construct to exist where the child has to be motivated by a reward system to do a specific task, realizing that this motive takes away all self responsibility with in a child to move themselves with integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the current rotten family system to exist with in me as the rotten child where I seek all point where I can and may only get a reward with in what I do for my own self interest with in surviving in this world, realizing that I will seek only to do what I feel will reward me and thus neglect earth and all other life forms that do not have the capacity to reward me and my self interest till it all is destroyed because I never cared to live by a principal based on integrity of self that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make money my motive to do things as it is a reward that I need to survive with in this world and thus I see and realized that this was trained into me as a child to only go after rewards instead of principal and integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a family system/construct where the parents have to reward the child to comply, instead of teaching the child real values and principals to live by through education and understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a reward system taught by the parents to get the child to comply to the parents rules and regulations, instead of giving the child principals and integrity to live as that is based on common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly accept a reward system that comes from the family system with in the first 7 years of the Child's up bringing as normal and good, not seeing and realizing that the child is with in this learning to manipulate and deceive others to get what he wants as rewards as the child realized he/she can simply do the opposite of what was asked and a reward will be presented to get the child to stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a reward system as a solution to teach a child, not realizing that a child can and will learn through a reward system how to manipulate and deceive others in complete self interest to get what he/she want as it is easy through simply throwing s tantrum or being extremely nice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be willing to do something in my life if there is a reward at the end of it only for me, as this is a result of a child that has been brought up with no set of principals that is best for all and thus resulted in a rotten child that has been spoiled rotten through a reward system creating a rotten world to the core as it exist today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy a reward system as I realized as a child that the parents could simply be manipulated through my behavior. so I will get what I want as a reward from the parents, not realizing that through this I am creating a world with out principals and integrity that is best for all life and so i am the direct cause for a rotten world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the point of rewards with in the family system through manipulating and deceiving to get my way and so adjust it to fit into the world from my family outwards to be able to use the same skills I learned with in family to survive as the evil that exist with in the world and even greater evil to not loose but gain my rewards with in self interest.

I commit myself to bring to light the rotten child/adult syndrome through exposing myself as the end result and to thus reveal all as myself so that we may take self responsibility for ourselves and stop rotting away through being spoiled.

I commit myself to not reward a child simply because I want the child to finish his/her food, but to instead communicate directly about all points and why it is important for the child to eat the food, and if the child does not want to eat then it may be so, but to never go to the reward system point as this will give the window of opportunity to the child to learn ways to manipulate to get his way as rewards instead of learning integrity and principal.

I commit myself to breath and to be patient with in working with children and to not want to want instant results, as this would require a reward system to get the child to comply and thus the child will learn to use it against the parents to get more rewards and end up a spoiled rotten child. 

I commit myself to instead of teaching children how to manipulate and deceive through presenting a reward system, I will instead teach the child principals and common sense with integrity.

I commit myself to look for different ways of educating parents as myself to be able to bring up children with out having to use a reward system but to instead create self directive beings with principals to live by and stand by and that, that will be how they move themselves and thus no need for manipulation or deceit.

I commit myself to raise and educate children with principals and integrity so that a new world can be born from the rotten child syndrome.

Day 17 - Let my EGO punch something NOW.

During my day I have these moments where I feel I have achieved something, like finishing a project or getting a good score in the reading program I am doing, or I will say something and it was great and it made a lot of sense, mostly when these thing occur I see that I feel I have achieved something I did not expect even from myself.

In those moments I feel happy and more alive, with in this energetic experience I also experience my body getting all pumped up and ready to move do something, usually I would end up wanting to punch something from the feeling of happy, feeling good, feeling like I have some power now and I can use it.

I usually end up punching the ply traps hanging from the roof and then they swing a bit.

I also notice sometimes I loos myself and even consider giving someone (a person) a 'fun" punch.

So I also looked at my past and where there were occasions when I wanted to fight another person, and I found that when I wanted to do such things I usually was in a good mood, feeling like I have power, because of previous events that took place that day that made me feel like I achieved something, that made me feel more.

Instead of breathing and being here in the physical I turn it into ego and energy, this leads to violence and putting people and objects in danger, just because I feel good, I am happy, I feel more powerful.

I realized it is a possession of ego/energy and thus it is not what is best for all life, it has to stop, how did I get to the point in the first place for feeling bad about myself in such a way that when I suddenly feel good about myself I am highly charged up and ready for violence, obviously through self judgment.

Time to break the pattern and stop the self abuse and possible abuse of others, stop the ego.

Self Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a bad person that never does anything right, thus when I do something right in the eyes of others I feel good and better about myself and suddenly powerful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect doing something effective to being a good person, instead of realizing that  it isn't what I do that determine who I am but who I am that determines what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a bad person, I realize that if I judge myself as a bad person as the total opposite of a good person then I will feel over loaded with energy if I believe I have done something good and be possessed by the energy as the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel myself with a good energy just so that I do not have to feel bad about myself through my own self judgments during the day in such a way that I become over whelmed by the energy and need to get it out through punching or doing something physical that could lead to potentially harming another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in violence when I feel good and powerful, realizing that this is only feeding the polarity of when I feel bad about myself to exist, instead of breathing and remaining here as that which is best for all life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that hitting someone softly because I am happy is innocent, realizing that the more I continue to validate it as being okay the worse it can become in time as I create more and more justifications to why it is innocent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the "i want to punch something because I am happy" as being okay because it is a good feeling, realizing that I am connecting violence that put fellow beings/things in danger to being good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect violence to being good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the good feeling grow and so also the wanting to punch something to become bigger and bigger, realizing that one day I might not even realize what i am doing while I am possessed with feeling good and hurt someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to empower myself with violence when I feel good with in the believe that it is okay because I feel good about it, realizing that the good I am feeling is actually an energetic possession of my mind that I have given permission to take over my body and to direct me as a physical demon charged positively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in violence when I feel good, realizing this is the same reason for why people join the army and why people are patriots and are willing to kill and hurt others, as they believe they are doing it because they are doing something good, not realizing that they are actually hurting other beings while they are feeling good about it.

I commit myself to stop and breath when ever I go into feeling good about myself where I want to punch something and to break the connection I have made in my mind between feeling good and punching something.

I commit myself to stop this pattern through using the tools I have such as writing, self forgiveness and self honesty to stop what I allow and accept with in me and so with in this world as war, violence and abuse.

I commit myself to not participate with in this pattern and to continue the ignorance with in supporting the ego as the mind that takes over in an energetic possessive state where I loose control of my actions for a brief moment due to not being aware of what I am doing as I am following a energy with in me.

I commit myself to when I have completed a task or have done something I haven't done before to breathe and to not create the connection with in my mind as what is good and what is bad, but to simple make it part of what has been done and needed to be done as me, and to with in this stop all self judgments as I replace it with Breathing.