I am NOT IMPORTANT - Day 655

I am NOT important

To think you are important can be the biggest thing that holds you back from living your fullest potential.

Here is my self-forgiveness on this topic of thinking I am important. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK that I am important. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the idea as a thought within my mind that I am important.

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to look at why and what I believe of myself to be important and where these believes come from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk and talk as if I am important and thus more than others. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that to be important gives me value as a being, and so I value everything of everyone else except that of myself as principle as who I am and thus stand by as life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am important t than I am destined of r great things that is better than other people’s destinies, thus not seeing and realizing that within this I will do and act in ways that PUSH others down just so that I can be important. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEEL and believe that IF I am not important in the eyes of others then I will have no value and meaning as a being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to WANT to be important as to be seen as MORE than others as to not have to live in FEAR f others as I believe that the idea of being important from others naturally takes away my own fears and insecurities of myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR not being important and thus irrelevant and useless to others and so myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be raised without question by my parents that I am important/special and so more than other people, where this was told to me as an insecurity from my parents of believes they already had of me as NOT being capable, as not surviving in this world and so I had to have an idea of myself as being MORE and so being important, yet accepting and allowing through this within me the polarity of intense fear of not being important and thus NOT surviving/living in this world and failing. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed within myself the FEAR of that if I am not important then I do not exist and may as well then self-destruct and abuse, and so using the IDEA of I am important as a way to “motivate” myself to be better, to be more than what I believe of myself, SEEING and realizing that this is  a band aid that can be harshly ripped off if I suddenly do not feel important and go into all the point that I believe if myself negatively as the polarity playouts. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that how I LOOK makes me important and even so more important than others and how they look like in comparison. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SEE my life story and what I have gone through and lived as SO fucking important and thus MORE than others that I hold onto this false Idea of what my life means, what it should mean, what it is going to mean, and in the meantime glorifying my own story and making it so important that I am bound to not be important as I disregard all other stories as equally important just to keep myself important to have value and meaning, even going to the lengths of making my story more than what it is just to get that attention of look how important I am. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within self-interest to the degree of selling myself out completely to FEAR just to be important and so give up my living, my expression and my natural breathing in the fear of it not being important enough and losing within this life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize how the idea of me being so fucking important has crippled me from actually being important to myself in a way that matters to me and to all life equally as who I am and standing as, where there is no fear and only self-honesty. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I believe that I a important with a special mission this life, I will always fail as the importance and specialness does not and never will match reality and only creates FEAR of failure and so losing importance and thus never actually being able to take the steps that is needed for change, but rather holding on to a fake state of importance and security as EGO/Illusion. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT seen and realized that as long as I trap myself within the idea/opinion and vision of myself as being important, or someone that will be important, that I trap myself in absolute anxiety and fear of LIVING as everything I do and say and live can always possibly be a failure and that an act of simply not existing or deserving to exist as a mind fuck. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I am No ONE then I have NOTHING to lose, to fear to be anxious about, and ONLY everything to GIVE as who I am standing within my principle as what is best for all LIFE. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse others within living in a state of self-importance as an imposed state of being within this reality onto others and so suffocating other people through my own self-importance. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself through living in an illusionary world of my ego as a believer of myself that I am somehow magically important, and thus more than others, where I destroy what is REAL for that which does not exist. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I speak/talk to other people to always have this stance within me of that I am the important person within the conversation and not the other person and so within this Gain nothing and Give nothing except keeping myself trapped in a bubble of illusion. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it HARD within myself to see myself as in fact equal to another human being/life, where I have accepted and allowed the judgment as back chat to exist within me of “ I am doing something different than the other person, I am doing things different,  am different, and this other person is just a normal person” and so I use this as I am more and important and this other normal person isn’t because they are normal, and so disconnect myself from reality here completely and distance myself from actually walking my process as myself real time with the other being and including them in my “different” and vice versa to come to a reality of what s best for all in fact. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to GIVE as little as possible through holding onto the idea/believe that I am important and so have to do less and give less. Thus seeing and realizing that I must be NOTHING and so I have everything to give as I have NOTHING to lose, as they believe and idea of I am important ONLY creates a fear of consistent loss on a physical and emotional level as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as my value, and so my value is everything except one and equal as LIFE.

I fear that when I have nothing to lose, then there is nothing that can stop me from living fully as life (not the idea of life FYI) being careful here of ego again. 

I fear nothing when I have nothing to lose, and what I fear the most to lose is the idea of myself, the believe and these ideas and believes is what I value myself as through others, when my value is that of LIFE one and equal and walking in principle as who I am, then there is nothing to lose and only everything to give.

Idea versus Ideal Day 602 – Day 5 of 21

I have so many ideas during my everyday living – my ideas are always inspired for world change, how I as an individual can start something, make it big and make it happen. I write down many of my ideas and some I post on social networks, where they get some feedback. I appreciate any and all feedback.

Ideas come and go, this is what I have seen for myself, and sometimes I act on these ideas, to physically practically check it out. These Ideas I act on are usually small things that are possible right now, so it is easy and I have feedback quit quickly and can thus change my idea and test it out again.

One of the Key points I have realized within acting on small ideas is to take and idea and to mold and shape that idea into an Ideal, not an Idol, then we will have a problem.

I always align my ideas that are BIG to group activity and efforts, and always in alignment with the principles I live by to benefit and support and assist all those equally that I can currently reach and that stand equally as me. As I know it will only then spread out more and more.

The problem I face is a Fear, where I get an Idea that isn’t something that can be done right here and now, it is something that requires time and effort, to set the IDEAL of the idea already in the planning without having the opportunity first to just test it and then correct it. Because any BIG Idea that goes public effects that idea and how that idea is manifested, so a second chance is very hard after that, an unfortunate consequence of living in a system where there are winners and losers.

I have been in the process of bringing a BIG Idea to live, to manifest it, it is taking time, the planning, the research and all the practical points that is required to be in place before even exposing or revealing this idea to not have any assumptions already made, and that is of course part of and in alignment with my process and living and standing as a Destonian and the Desteni Principles and group. As the group always comes first.

So the point I am facing is the fear of the unknown of not having that space and time to take a BIG idea and first check it out, I must basically give it one shot and that will be it for this one particular idea, and even if the idea fails, it will not mean it was a bad one, it can simply mean that I have missed a few points, and thus the Ideal isn’t met.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking a BIG idea and to follow through with it into manifestation and that it might not work and where the reasons will be that of missing small points within the Ideal outflow I wanted and saw within the Idea.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear making BIG mistakes and who I will be within that miss take, where I can already see myself getting back up and starting over, yet I fear having to go through the whole process again just because of missing a few points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to rush into manifesting my big idea as soon as possible just to find out if it will work or not, and to within this miss the IDEAL and what I must practically consider within the Idea as to as much as possible ensure that the Ideal of the Idea is to manifest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to flood my passion and vision and Idea with too much unnecessary information within a fear as a paranoia of messing it up and to within this take the idea and making it into a typical sales pitch and missing the passion completely of where the Idea comes from as a self-directed and creative movement within me that isn’t of knowledge and information but a physical movement of living and manifesting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going BIG and Viral.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what will happen if my BIG idea actually manifest and how much of a difference it will be from what I saw within me and my mind versus reality as I had no time to first check and assess as what I do with small ideas on a daily living scale.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distrust myself within listening to the mind as knowledge and information as comparison where I compare myself as less than those that has made big ideas come true and were able to be flexible and moveable to adjust and make it happen, and that I am not the same, yet I know within me as my expression that I am, I can I am capable, I must simply take the lead/jump after preparation and cross reference with others and to know that in breath I am okay, I am here, I am doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the voices in my head of what other people will say and think about my crazy ideas and that it will not be possible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR my response to others when and if they might have negative responses towards me and my crazy ideas and that I might just get more crazy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect everyone to just go with it and make it happen and then it will work, yet seeing and realizing the mind as I am facing it now will be equal within everyone else and thus as I face my point I will be able to support and assist others to also see that what seems crazy and impossible and even radical is simply pre-programming holding us back from breaking through our fears. And as long as what we are doing is within self-honesty one and equal to our expression sanding within such a point will be natural and not a fighting and reactive process.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT believe in myself and my potential within me for creating change and effecting this world for a better world that is best for all life. And to within this hold back so much and so many times in fear, in self-judgement, in insecurities and so much mind shit that I have never even given myself a chance to stand up and show my head in the crowds for something different, something that will NOT immediately been smiled upon, yet if I stand as me as my expression in passion and obsolete principle of what’s best for all life, I will be guided one and equal and bear the fruits one and equal.

To end it off – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this WAY bigger than what it is within my mind, as the mind tend to already place oneself in the Famous seat in the spotlight, which is a false idea and not and Ideal way to approach anything in expectations, Be here in breathe moving direct within physical reality and no illusions.

Day 513 – Fear of leaving my body

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear dying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear admitting that I fear death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that ALL the fears that I have comes from the one fear, the fear of death, as all fears is based on the end result of my end/death as a personality to be more specific.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR death as the end of ME, which shows quite a point to look at, who is this ME?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death because I know that I am not real and that at death the truth will be revealed and that I will have to face myself as my own self dishonesty as I never pushed myself to my limits, to birth myself as life and to stand up for and as life a myself for all that is here one and equal as I was busy protecting a personality design that is living within self-interest and only looking after my own ass as the MIND/energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death as the SHAME that I will face for all the excuses and reasons and all the things that I deliberately placed in front of myself to NOT stand up to not stand up for myself as LIFE and to accept and allow myself to be suppressed through the mind as energy and to have deliberately given into it as a way of excusing myself from taking a real stand within myself where I do it for myself as myself as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear death and facing what is real as the PHYSICAL as that which is real and to stand in the face of what is here and what is real and to not be seen as worthy of life as I will find myself unable to communicate and to stand one and equal as the physical as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to ever question why I actually within self-honesty FEAR death and what death will expose to ME.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Death stares me in the eyes every day at any moment and I do not decide that moment of death and I know that when death comes from me – I will not stand as LIFE yet and thus I cannot stand death, thus showing me true fear of death as that of knowing that I am not standing one and equal as LIFE YET as death is still a fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR death as I fear the regret that I will face of myself, as to why I did nothing despite ALL the evidence that I should act and stand yet did nothing but crawl up inside myself into a bundle of excuses and reasons that seem so right and justifiable., which I know death will proof my mind wrong in all possible ways and I will face the truth of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the illusion that I can excuse myself from death and what comes after death.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live in a way where I know that I am standing and that even death is welcomed as I know who I am and that it is nothing more or less one and equal as LIFE.

Death reveals a lot, it exposes what is HERE – most people have pity things that they fear they will meet at their death bed, I also had these pity things, like not having sex with as many women as I would have wanted to, not traveling the world, not partying as hard as I can, never taking chances, never doing certain drugs, never choosing a correct career path, for not loving my family more, for not caring more for my parents etc tec. There are so many – but while those are our distracting thoughts at our death bed there is something completely missed – there is NO heaven or HELL after death, there is only one thing awaiting – dust to dust, not from dust to heaven or to hell.

And the problem is – from dust to dust means after death we remain RIGHT HERE, simply in another form – this form is the physical, and we as humans are currently living as the mind as energy, as illusions of what is here – now illusions aren’t real, and if we exist as the mind and we die, the mind dies – the illusion stops existing, yet you will be here – now if you created and lived your entire life as the mind which ends at death, you have NO possible way of living after death, of directing yourself as the physical, because we never even learned how to communicate with what is real (the physical) we have only always communicated as the mind, so NO thoughts will be there after death to guide you, NO thinking, no memories – so who the fuck am I then? Well I simply do not exist then after death, and that’s it, it isn’t a matter of fear now – now it is a matter of making a decision, do I stand as LIFE do I rebirth myself as the physical as LIFE and amalgamate myself with LIFE and stand one and equal as life, already now this life before death live without the thoughts/thinking/memories and live as LIFE/physical so that at death I know who the fuck I am and nothing changes.

This is also not a matter of separating myself from the mind, the mind is HERE I have to stand one and equal as the mind, as the tool the mind is – which is in reverse of what we have done, we made the tool who we are, see the shit storm we are in – how did we end up making a tool called the mind WHO we are, who I am, it is the same as me deciding to make one of my fingers who I am, imagine how that would have looked like or worked out, pretty fucked up I would say, now that should answer your question to why the world is fucked up if you take a moment to look at the whole of EVERYTHING that is here.

To be continued – death

Day 22 - walk alone as LIFE. (all as one)

I walk alone - this is not referring to actual walking but a walk with in LIFE.

Today the point opened up, No matter what I do, where I am, with who I ma or how I am, I am always alone with myself and Who I am.

Through out my life I have tried surrounding myself with what ever I could just not be alone, yet I always felt alone, the nights or days where I would be by myself in my room in front of the PC or where I am at party's, at school or in any public place or with any person in my life, I always had a experience of myself  being alone, no matter how much I made someone love me or loved someone else or no matter how much I tried keeping things close to me, I was always alone, because I realized that when the time comes - this time will be death - I will be all alone with myself as WHO I AM.

So Tonight I was standing outside to stretch my legs and as I was standing there I realized I was thinking, and not here at all, I was in my mind, I looked at a rock on the ground and I stopped thinking, I could see the rock, I noticed the rock, I then looked around me and I saw reality here, the physical, I then realized I am alone, no matter how many thoughts or feelings or emotions I fill myself up with to hide the fact that I am alone with myself - it is inevitable that I will at death, the same as everyone else face myself alone, I realized in that moment that all thoughts, all emotions, all memories will simply be gone, and who will I be by myself with out all the thoughts, emotions and feeling and memories that I used to hide and keep the truth from myself. 

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being alone with in my walk as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear walking alone as myself as who I am this life within re-birthing myself as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the word "alone" a negative energy charge through what I have seen in movies, magazines and that I have heard from others as their opinions believes and judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge "alone" as being a bad thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being "alone" with a negative energy, realizing that as Life being alone or being with people must not change who I am as who I am as one and equal as all life, thus being one with all that is here alone as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a personality separate from me when I am alone that determines who I am, instead of being here in each breath equal and one with all that exist as life, with in this I am never alone but here as all life as myself as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with thoughts and the mind  to hide from the fact that I am alone no matter what I do or where I am, because I will always be with me as one being facing myself in all ways with in what I accept and allow to exist as LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain myself with feeling and emotions as a way to run and hide from being alone with myself as Who I am, and to face myself as who i am within all self honesty and to correct myself with in re-birthing myself as life, so that when I am alone that I do not change but remain equal and one as all that is here in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create multiple personalities for myself with in my mind to talk to by myself where ever I am, just so that I should not be alone with myself here in the physical, as I have attached a negative emotional feeling with in being alone, realizing that no matter how much I try and hide that I am alone as all that is here one and equal as me, that I will face myself as all that is here one and equal at death for what I have accepted and allowed to exist with in the world as consequences as WHO I AM, either as life or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manifest and create a world of entertainment and abuse with in all relationships through the fear of loss through the fear of being alone, realizing that all I have ever done with in all relationships was only out of fear and not actual care for LIFE as myself, as I only wanted to hold on to everything just so that I should not be alone and facing myself as WHO I AM!!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to act on the fear of being alone, and with in this enslave and manifest a world of slavery where I believe I can hold on to things as long as I can just so that I should not be alone, realizing that through these actions I have separated myself from all LIFE as that which is here and neglected life instead through becoming greedy with in holding onto things and exploiting things for my own self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress and hide my oneness with all life though the fear of being alone with myself as who I am as all life as one in fact and to with in this fear act out and create the world that exist today with all other beings here, as I have accepted and allowed them as myself to continue living and acting out in fear of being alone, fear of death.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear taking self responsibility for who I am as being alone, being one as all in fact and to stand up and take responsibility for what is here, as I realize that who I am all alone with myself is what is creating this world/reality and so as I change who I am with in each breathe, I change what is here as me as one as equals.

Commitments.

I commit myself to be with myself where ever I am as I rebirth myself, so that I will be certain and clear on WHO I AM alone with myself so that no one else may determine it but only me, and to write and apply self forgiveness and using the tools that is here to birth myself as life, as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to stand alone, with in standing alone as me I take complete self responsibility for myself as WHO I AM, stopping all blame and projection and all judgments, thus I commit myself to when I see I go into blame, judgment, projection to write it out and to apply self forgiveness as I realize  that in those moments I am not standing alone as myself but instead of placing it on others as blame, judgment, projection in fear of being alone with myself stopping the lie that I have created myself as in the fear of being alone.

I commit myself to when ever I see I attach myself to someone/something to stop and to bring everything back to self where I can stand alone with myself in self honesty and to rebirth myself as life one and equal as all that is here, to stop all fear and separation and to stand as one as all (alone) as equals in each breath.

I commit myself to expose and stop all abuse with in myself where I have separated myself from life in fear of loss, being alone and where I have abused and manipulated to attache people/things to be to hide the fear, but to instead expose the fear, the lie and to face myself as WHO I AM alone and to re-birth myself as life one and equal as all that is here as Life as that which is best for all life as myself.

Understand walking alone, does not mean alone physically like leave everything and everyone and be alone, it is with in self, taking self responsibility for self and WHO I AM with in self to be able to stand alone at all times as LIFE as all is one, to end fear and separation that is manifesting this world the way it is in abuse and deception and suffering as the consequences.

identify brainwashing/viruses with - Bernard Poolman -Virus Free Mind