Day 476 - What are you waiting for?

This blog is inspired by a song from Nickelback called what are you waiting for. The first time I heard this song was while I was driving in the car a couple of weeks ago, It was a regular day like any other, doing what I do, but what I do has a higher purpose , and I have been walking this process of living/doing what’s best for all for seven years now, and it is has been quite a journey.

I can say within walking a certain Journey for many years has brought very interesting point to light within me and within the world we live in, especially changing how I live, changing who I am through applying myself in all ways within living a new set of principles, principles that previously in my life I have never even thought of even one of these principles as being possible, I had to be introduced to these principles and through my own application I saw for myself that they in fact work as what is best for all life.

Now within seven years of walking a journey to a new life, and re-birthing myself as new life, and thus expanding myself to do whatever I can this life, as I only have this one life, to apply myself in all possible areas to bring about a world that is best for all life, I have faced dozens of challenges.

The biggest challenge I have ever faced within my Journey, my process, IS ME. My mind and my patterns and who I am has been the greatest challenge of all, I have walked through so many layers over and over within myself. I have wondered sometimes when will this end, when will I stop the fear and the patterns constructed within self-interest (fear) and start living and start standing and moving things within the world and get things done, the things that matter to all life, so that we can change this world to what is best for all this life, I don’t have a next chance, it is now or never.

As I was driving in the car, with heavy traffic all around me, thus driving slow. I decided to turn the radio on to see if there is any news or a song that’s actually worth listening to. And with my surprise the radio presented announced that there is new song they are playing today from Nickelback. NOW I do not like Nickelback, so as I was focused on the traffic I did not switch off the radio as I wanted to do, and this new song started playing.

At first it did not sound like the usual Nickelback song, so I turned up the volume and started actually LISTENING to the words of the song, and within a minute I was in tears while driving, the song has triggered some hidden emotional buildup within me that I have been aware of, just never focused on the point and dealt with it properly.

I got emotional and did not suppress the point, I embraced the moment to actually see what is here as the point, since I wasn’t willing to look at it myself and something external had to support me to see what’s here.

While I was in tears (not sobbing or anything, just tears rolling down with my mouth doing that funny trembling thing), I felt something opening up within me, a realization.

The realization was – WHAT AM I WAITING FOR – this point of not trusting myself, not standing one hundred percent in confidence within myself within pushing what I know it real, not fearing falling but doing it, not fearing mistakes and to be willing to believe in myself, to make it happen this life, there is only this life.

I have been stuck in a BIGGER pattern hat I did not want to look at, the pattern was the seven years that has already gone by, this patterns is the pattern of time, the test of time, who I was and who I am here, why have I given up within myself halfway, doing everything halfway, why did I stop believing in what I KNOW WORKS for a fact and that is best for all life, why did I go into this waiting mode, there is truly no excuse, I am here to LIVE my life, my life is the purpose, the dream of a world that is best for all life. And I will never quite this dream, because it is real, and not a fantasy, I am living proof of this dream that can be for everyone, so what am I waiting for??

The song made me question myself, the song simply said many times, what are you waiting for, and the opening up within myself was – I am waiting for myself to actually live, to express and to be true to what I stand for.

And the tears was a forgiveness of what I have been allowing as my mind as ALL the excuses and all the fears and all insecurities and all the self-judgments, the excuses are always based on mind points, never real, not real physical things. And I even made real physical things my limitations which can simply be viewed differently with changing my perspective and overcoming the limitation to move myself to not go into a waiting lethargic state.

It has been a couple of weeks and the realization is still in action, I am living, I am breathing I am moving, I am learning and making mistakes and learning, I am moving past fear of failing, this live it the one life we have to make a change, I alone cannot do this, but as a group we can accomplish anything, as long as we are not waiting.

Please listen to the song and get perspective.

Day 322 – Money is a Dictator.

Here is the dictionary Definition of the word Dictator.

1. A ruler with total power over a country, typically one who has obtained power by force.
2. A person who tells people what to do in an autocratic way or who determines behavior in a particular sphere.

Money dictates everything I do on a daily basis, I am forced every day to work at a job that I have no interest in to make money, and with the Job comes more than just the job, I have to obey the boss, I have to obey the managers, I have to agree with co – workers even when I do not want to, even when I know that what I am doing is purposeless and has nothing to do with Life itself, but I have to do it to get the money that comes in on the end of the month.

Money forces people to do whatever there is to do, at work I have encountered a lot of people from the streets that ask me if there is a job for them at my work place, I tell them they must go ask the boss, they say they will do anything that needs to be done, they tell me they will mop, they will clean they will do whatever there is to do for a bit of money to feed themselves.

I have to wear the most uncomfortable cloths I can wear, tight pants that has delicate fabric that can’t touch anything rough or it gets damaged, it shows any form of dirt or hair on it, I wear white shirts with a tie, I have to wear shoes that are designed to literally just look good, it has no grip, it has no physical support in terms of the physical reality, all they do is shine and be bright, I have to wear deodorant that stinks and builds up sinuses, I have to clip my nails every weak for in-case it might be just a little bit too long according to what’s professional or not, I have to shave my face every morning for in-case there is some beard that might make me look dirty instead of sexy, I have to look clean and like a doll, for me to be able to keep my job so that I can have money.

I have to do whatever is asked of me in the work place from the boss, not because the boss is my boss, but because the money I get from my boss decides if I will do it or not, even when I am asked to go on runs for personal reasons for the boss, I do it, and I lose out on my working time where I can make money, but I can’t say no, the boss can start to dislike me and end up losing my job and have no money.

I have to Change my behavior at work completely to satisfy others so that I can make money, the behavior ends up becoming like every ones else’s behavior, it’s like an automatic thing that takes place, like no one notices it but everyone at work are exact copies of each other there, because it is that specific behaviors that is acceptable and brings in money lol. So much for freedom.

I wake up in the morning at six and I immediately start preparing myself for work, I do not wake up for myself, I wake up for the money, I wake up an hour before work to prepare for work to then go to work and then work all day for money, I drive hours a day in traffic and dealing with will I be late or not, for money.

I get home from work to only then rest and relax not for myself but for work again tomorrow, so that I can be effective while I work and do things properly so that I can earn my money.

I started this job two months ago and in that time I have lived and breathed only for money, there is no space for anything else, I have NO choice, I have no freedom, I have nothing of myself as everything is done for money, everything I say and do becomes about and for my job for the money.

We all believe we are so fucking free, yet no one has sat down and written down a entire day and what happens in a entire day in their life’s, and then a week – because if that has to happen we will all see a scary thing, it’s all the same, we are being forced and dictated by money to do what we do, but Most will delude themselves to believe that it is for freedom, it is for the weekend baby, but then the weekend is also used to forget and to party and to suppress, again for money, because people do that so that they can continue another week.

So the difference between capitalism and communism is, in capitalism you are given the Idea/believe that you are making the choice to be forced into doing certain things and in communism you are simple forced, but either way, you are forced and by the exact same thing, for money in both the ISMS.

I definitely vote for a entire new world system - were I can do work that isn't purposeless and wasteful and wasting my time just for money, but where work can be a way of LIFE a living a fun joyful act of self as it must be something that actually matters and not be a force just for survival, and survival for money, what the fuck is up with that - www.equalmoney.org

Day 21 - Purpose and Life.

What is my purpose here on earth, to be alive and breathing? (it should be that simple) I have asked myself this question many times before in my life. I have searched and I have found many purposes, they all end up disappearing and fading away because in time they all started looking/feeling that they weren't really real but made up, either through religion or family.

I have noticed how I have connected purpose to money, that if I were to have a purpose I would need money and that my faith and purpose would then be decided, if I could not make the money I would make my purpose a special one, a purpose I do not know of but someone else does.

This search for purpose has left me unfulfilled and depressed at times, I felt useless and not worth living.

Till today, I asked myself a simple question, do I need a purpose to be aLIFE, why was purpose created, all purposes are currently connected to money and nothing relevant that is worth living as LIFE.

It is all useless meaningless purposes that exist today, they all are about survival and based on fear.

Imaging a world that does not work on money and that you must have money to be able to live on earth, what would your purpose then be here on earth?

I can from this perspective clearly see what my purpose would be then, to be life and to take care of life as myself in all ways, now that is a fun purpose worth Living and actually meaningful, this can be achieved through the equal money system.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge all current purposes existent with in the world systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate all current world system purposes that is based on self interest and profit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my purpose in life is something that must fall on my lap as if I am special and more than others.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that what my purpose is in life is entirely up to me and what I decide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist creating a purpose for myself with in the current world systems to be able to have a effective life where I can stand with in the system and have authority with in the system to be able to change the system to that which is best for all life where all beings will have one purpose in common as LIFE and to enjoy each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject all purposes with in the current world system as capitalism and to with in this give all authority that I have away to the system where I have no purpose with in the system and thus I am useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be rebellious against all purposes that the current system have to offer to me just because I feel I do not want to have any of them, and so compromise myself and placing myself with in a shit position in this life and taking all chances I have of being able to have any say and authority with in changing the system to that which is best for all life and that is a enjoyable life for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself higher than all current world system purposes and with in this sabotage myself with in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a "special" purpose for myself just so that I do not have to take all the necessary steps to create a purpose for myself with in the current world systems to be able to be effective and change the system to the equal money system that is best for all life and enjoyable, where purpose if LIFE and living it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label all purposes with in the current world systems as being negative and only suppressive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become paralyzed with in the current world system to move myself to create a purpose for myself to be able to be effective and change the system to that which is best for all life through judgments and lots of Back chat in my mind where I talk to myself about stuff and come to false believes about stuff and praise them as real ad relevant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed d myself to fear creating a meaningful purpose for myself this life in such a way that all that I do will only accumulate to bring about a world that is best for all life such as the equal money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my purpose is/was what others tell/told me it should and must be and with in this compromise and suppress my own purpose I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my purpose if not forthis life but the after life, realizing that that simply sounds stupid first of all and secondly why am I here then? I realize I am here to realize myself as Life one and equal and to be Life and with in this realization I see and understand that I must with in this direct myself and create my purpose to bring about a world that is best for all Life as myself as that is what I would want for myself and all others as myself.

I commit myself to stop my rebellious actions against the system and me from creating a purpose for myself this life, so that I may create a purpose for myself that I can use to being about a new life that is best for all life as myself

I commit myself to move myself in a direction with in the current world system that is based on profit and money enslavement and to make it my purpose to become effective with in and as the system so that I am able as a responsible being that has a say/authority with in the system so that I am able to change the system to that which is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to make it my purpose to educate myself and others as myself how the current system functions and that it is important this life to be effective with in the current system o be able to change the system.

I commit myself to make it my purpose in each and every breathe to change who I AM so that as WHO I AM will be able and effective to change the system with out any fear, resistance, back chat or judgments through educating myself and others equally as myself and through this process bring about a new world that is best for ALL LIFE and that is enjoyable for every being here equally, to make all purposes one as we share one earth, one life, one breath in each moment together. And that all purposed with in a new world will be fulfilled as each being wants to express themselves with out fear for survival or money.