Day 570 – Accepting the Positive but not the negative

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that in a moment when I feel good, when I feel like everything is going in the right direction and things are looking bright, to within this feeling/experience lose sight of what is here, where I go into the experience of Bliss and ignorance to reality, within what exist within me and within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is okay to be in a positive/feeling experience as long as it isn’t bad, as long as I am feeling good, the world is okay, my world is okay, and so when I go into the positive feelings within me to create a polarity of negative through the ignorance and Bliss to reality, thus missing what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the positive experience of everything is Good, I Feel good and thus things are good within me and with this world, not seeing and realizing the obvious self-deception, as I know who I am and what exist within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make positive experiences/feeling within me okay, and yet condemn the negative just because of how each one makes me feel, seeing and realizing that the mind uses energy, no matter if it is good or positive, to enslave us in the mind, as I can see within myself for myself that when I am within a negative or positive experience/feeling I am within the mind, I am trapped and enslaved within energy and thus within my patterns/programs/behaviors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can only Move and direct myself when I feel positive, when I feel good, and to within this acceptance and allowance give away my authority as myself to move and direct myself in any moment and to rely on only good and positive moments to direct and move myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me as being positive as just being that, being positive, instead of seeing it for what it is which is energy, which is the same in feelings negative or positive, and thus when I am within any mood/experience if it’s positive or negative I see it for what it is, which is energy, which is of the mind, and within understanding the mind which functions only on energy and thus enslaving the body/person to patterns/habits/behaviors not matter what feeling or emotion it creates within a person/myself – thus I stop any energy that is designed within polarity thus follows pre-programmed designs of patterns/habits/behaviors that isn’t best for me either way, as it is always set within terms and conditions of limitations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play the game of chasing positive experience/feelings, which only confirms my actual experience of myself which is negative, why else would I seek positive then?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within a negative experience/emotional state of myself and to within this acceptance and allowance of me as being negative/bad/sinful always being trapped in the seeking of the positive and thus my life consists of me always only seeking positive, and that is all life will be and can be to me as long as I accept and allow this way of existence of polarities.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I wake up, and if the first things I think about in the morning is negative or positive, that the rest of my day will not be about me LIVING but about me seeing the other polarity or seeking to get out of the other polarity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make it normal as who I am to live within a polarity construct day in and day out and so it continues till death, and within accepting and allowing it as normal I am not seeing, realizing and understanding fully that that is all my live can be, a polarity game, and thus when I die, I will die as existing as nothing more of less than just a polarity and I never actually lived, as I, as who I am without a polarity design is nowhere to be found, as I have defined myself according polarities which is simply energy that comes and go, not who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it is Too difficult to not live in a polarity of either negative or positive, as I haven’t yet defined myself without the polarities, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall back into polarities as I have already given the polarities more authority then who I am here as Breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being directionless, or not knowing what to do with myself if I do not have energy that directs me in either positive or negative and to within this fear fall into the polarity design, thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give Breathe a chance, to give life a chance, to give ME a chance and to trust that I have the authority to step out of any polarity, negative or positive, and be in breathe and to move and direct myself from there within self-honesty and common sense.

Day 523 - Thinking versus doing

 

 It seems that most of my life has been happening in my mind. I am always thinking about my potential and living it, I can see what I must do and live to achieve this utmost potential. But the thought of I am not ready yet always seem to catch me when I am unaware so I postpone the living till tomorrow. But this just becomes habitual and always end up in thought. Which in the future leads to me creating a relationship with myself of "I am a fuck up" a loser, I cant trust myself, I am worthless and useless. These believes aren't necessarily spoken or being thought of. They are more so implied in the act of postponing and not living my utmost potential. The further consequences of these actions are now me leading into destructive behavior. The opposite. Which leads to cool realization. Which is that the initial thoughts I had/ have of living my utmost potential were based on a polarity construct of positive and negative and so ot is for me to stop ALL thoughts and to forgive myself to participate in thoughts no matter how positive or negative they are and to instead focus on what is here as my practical living in each breath which is the utmost potential of me here.

Day 471 – forgetting to live and to express myself.

Without noticing, I have forgotten to express myself, to live myself, to be myself, to be here.

When we do something every day that is the same, we start to become the same every day, we tend to mold ourselves into a character that we believe can handle this daily routine, a character that is set in a certain mind set, a certain thought pattern.

This thought patterns that we construct will eighty percent of the time lean towards a negative one, because we live in a world that is negatively charged by fear and thus everything we do is out of fear, the very job we have and that make ourselves believe is something we are doing because we love doing it, is a lie, because we are doing it out of fear for survival, for our daily bread that isn’t naturally provided to us.

So this is also the danger, I have been doing the same thing over and over every day, which isn’t a bad thing, that is simply an opinion of judgment, it is who I am within it, have I become a certain personality within what I do or am I deciding who I am within each moment within each breathe.

See the difference, if I am accepting and allowing myself to “become” a certain personality within what I do through accepting and allowing the daily influences to mold me, then I will become a negative personality, it is as simple as that, and thus I will have a negative mind set which will lead towards a negative outcome. What we resonate is what we create, even if we pretend to be positive, it is the resonance, that which Is unseen that will shape the outcome of anything.

Then there is the other way, where I wake up every morning and I decide who I am, am I the authority of who I am today, am I taking on my life situation full force with all that I am here in each and every breathe, am I the one making directive decisions and living them fully, am I the one that is living my utmost potential in each moment.

So there is the difference, and what I have been living isn’t the second option to a certain degree, I have accepted and allowed everything negative in my reality to influence me, my goals and my starting point, I have accepted and allowed myself to become negative within my stance and to resonate that “downiness” of not achieving, so on a daily scale I have been living in a down mood, a mood that brings everything down with me, no beaming LIFE coming from me, just me doing what I do every day with the already anticipated downiness within me, of no results, not achieving, just the same as before. And surprisingly that what I create and that’s what happens then.

So I see myself living my utmost potential, yet I fail living it because the utmost potential I am seeing in my head is just that, it isn’t a reflection of real time, living in the rawness of reality, one and equal within how the physical actually works and what I need to do and how I need to move in fact, an that’s half the point, I can’t live my utmost potential if I am only focused on the mind and holding myself in the past results, I must burst out of this confinement of the past and I must move with full confidence and full self-assurance and really mean it, I must move with pride and I self-trust and I must really live the day as if I am going to die today, there must be no excuse, there must be no reason for me to ever say I did not do my best in every single big or small moment to make things work that is best for all life.

I must break the physical spell I have placed over my own physical body – the spell if called thinking and the curse is the thoughts, these habitual thoughts and secret mind thinking is the killer of all time, killing time with doing nothing, yet doing so much, it is like planting trees but not watering them, not nursing them, but expecting fruit. The details of expression are important.

I accept and allow myself to express myself, to live and to be here, I allow myself to be big as live, I give myself this as a guide in each moment within each breathe. I am life and I am allowed to live.

Day 369 – Positivity as paranoia Part 3

Day 367 – Positivity as paranoia Part1

Day 368 – Positivity as paranoia Part2

As I wrote down Positivity I saw within that word how it is all about the I, as there are three I’s in that one word, and this I isn’t the real EYE that see physically, it is the I of self-interest that focuses only on self and self’s happiness, on self’s positivity. 

So ask myself, why would I want to live a life where I always only focus on being happy and positive, or maybe I should ask myself the right question here, HOW will I live a life of only happiness, of only positivity, it requires some form of motivation.

And what better way of motivating oneself through using negativity, FEAR and paranoia.

I have been chased by a dog once, I was riding on my bike and suddenly this dog came out of nowhere, around me was a lot of fields and bush and I was riding on a dirt road, this dog was coming full speed, I had a BIG reaction, my chest was electrified with energy, negative energy, loads of fear, I lifted my ass and started to push those pedals hard and fast, because as I was experiencing this Fear and I was obviously paranoid, a lot of paranoia, Irrational fear – expecting the worst, I was going to die.

It was a big dog, I was fast on my bike, but the dog was also fast on his four legs, I only now realized that I created a shit load of irrational fear (paranoia) to stimulate enough positive energy where I would be motivated to get my ass up and peddle as hard and as fast as possible to get away, I was positive that I would make it, I would make it, even though the chances seemed like I was going to die, In my head of course, it’s called paranoia. 

I eventually came to the downhill part and went faster, the dog chased and I just could not go on anymore, I was tired and overwhelmed with fear, I drove into the bushes and hit a tree while not looking, just keeping my eye on the dog, I fell off my bike and I was really worried, but it was quite. I did not head a single bird sing, the dog was gone, I cached my breathe and I got myself and my bike up and ready, and I paddled away. 

I was very confused about what just happened, but I did not feel positive or negative after that event, I was physically exhausted and breathing a lot.

Back to the original point from day one and Day two on this topic, now giving that example of how I used Negativity as paranoia to stimulate and motivate me to be positive I am most curious to where in my Life am I still doing this, or have I always done this.

If I look at my childhood years and how Christianity was pumped into the heads of the children of all the things about SATAN and GOD, Satan was that point of irrational fear, that point of keeping the kids paranoid the whole time and thus to do the right thing, the positive things, which is believing in god and most of all to fear god because he is a loving god, fuck look at all that paranoia linked to positivity, trained and programmed into me and all the other children. 

The question then comes, does positivity really exist if all and any positivity requires negativity to motivate its existence, to stimulate the existence of positivity, I mean if people did not fear they would not have required love, because love is unidentifiable without hate/without fear, love is just a word of nothingness if love in its sound does not mirror its opposite to self of NOT being loved, being hated, not being accepted/special and all the bs.

When the word love is used it isn’t just a word of love, it is a word of Hate and love, because the word love must remind each and every person using it of all the opposites negative hateful things that isn’t love for that word to have any meaning, it must place a person in a state of paranoia when one is told that one is loved for love to have it meaning.

To be continued.

Day 368 – Positivity as paranoia Part 2

Day 367 – Positivity as paranoia Part1

When everyone becomes positive, you must know there is paranoia. See there is a difference between practicality and positivity. 

Using practicality does not require one to be positive, because being practical works on math, there is a outcome, either way, it isn’t expected to be positive or negative.

When one uses positivity to solve problems then it is backed by paranoia, because the outcome is left in the air, with hope and faith, it is like being positive while crossing a red light at a robot. 

Practicality is, wait at the red light and then cross when it is green, it takes time and patience but you will cross. 

Continuing from the last blog -- “Here is how I used positivity to hide and cloak the paranoia, the reality, the facts when and as I started happening to me and still is……. “

When I started working as a car salesmen I was placed within the second hand department to train and to sell, not long after that I was moved to the new car department, I lost a bit of motivation within this transition because I spend all my training in the second hand department, knowing the cars and how to sell them through observation. 

I was paranoid because here I am with bran new cars, how do I sell them, what I need to know about them, they are from China and they are not well known. 

So I said to myself, I will learn, I will get it, I will sell these cars, it must be easy. I have no choice, so here I lose another two weeks getting the hang of the new floor and getting into the way the floor works around there, plus learning to know the cars, then I spend all my Time never being there, I was used to drive and to pick up and to transport and to do all kinds of things, people sometimes even forgot I worked there. 

Then it started slowing down, I started getting my position right, I started going less and less away by the second month on the new cars sales section, a week in they suddenly changed me again to the second hand cars department again, this fucked me around again, I still haven’t sold one car.

This is where the paranoia came in again, I have been moved again, I have been de-rooted from my foundation again, I now have to only sell second hand cars again, I have to forget everything I learned about the new cars and focus on how to sell the used ones, I was there for two weeks without really being send away as usual, I thought this is good, I can now focus on selling a car for ones. 

And so I became positive again, I stayed positive, I had to stay positive, or the paranoia would get me, I have been in the car sales business for three months and not one car sold, I haven’t made any money, I have only spend money and lots and lots of time basically doing everything besides selling a car. I was paranoid that I would always be used to do everyone’s small jobs and favors and never have time for selling cars, but I stayed positive that it will and have to end someday, telling myself that every day, maybe today is the day. 

So I saw these two weeks as a thumbs up for this is it, I am now in a stable position where I can dedicate my focus to getting clients and making money, sell cars. 

Then the Royal show was coming up, this is a show that the NEW car sales department participates within, which I am not a part of, yet the boss and manager said, I must do it for the experienced, for which I agreed, the people experience, the show experience and all that. 

This was going to be another ten days that I will not sell a car guaranteed, as the show is more for advertisement purposes, But I agreed, I believed that the experience will get me to be a good sales person, to get over the people issues and to reality, so I can work with any and all people equally. 

After ten days of being at the Royal show and basically being alone there with thousands of people that can testify to that while we were supposed to be six people rotating, which never happened, it was a great physical experience for me to push through, standing alone as my own support. Really cool stuff. 

So I got back to work, I went on to call all my leads I collected from the Royal show and I got absolutely no sales from that, how pathetic, even after all the evidence of me not selling a car I somehow managed to stay “positive” because I was paranoid of what has already happened, all the time and money I spend making nothing of it all, even with the most busy show in the City I did not make one sale, with all the Hundreds of people I talked to and that made promises, nothing.

Two days after the show the boss comes to me, and he says, you are moving back to the NEW car sales department, I said oaky, since I had the royal show I know these cars like they are written on the back of my brain/hand, it will be a good move this time. For the best, I will definitely sell a car now.

But as before just like in the beginning when I started, Nothing happens on the floor in terms of customers and selling cars, I am just send around to do other jobs, I don’t mind, it is better than sitting around and doing nothing, but I might just lose that one customer that might walk in when I am gone, see the paranoia there linked to that positive idea of a customer might walk in. 

So I am back at the New car sales department, for about a week, just two days ago I was send to the BOTTOM, I am now not even on the show grounds/room, I was send to go sell cars outside far away from the building next to a parking lot, I have no office, I have to work out of a car and throw a show every day outside.

Here I can sell new and old cars, that’s a good deal for me, I do not mind, I am away from the boss and manager that always ask me to do all their things, like fetching their food, taking them somewhere, picking something up for them, fuck go and pay their bills or get their post. 

I am now open and away with the options of selling new and old cars, they are all there on display, just I have no office or phone or books or anything, it’s a tricky business. 

In one day I got four walk ins onto my parking lot, usually that happens in a week.

See how positive I am, because it has almost been four months now and I haven’t sold a damn thing, I don’t even know what to do with a client if they want to buy a car right now. That’s how much I have been trained. 

So the positivity I have been creating has only been to avoid the facts, the truth, the paranoia of ignoring the evidence that space and time is showing me. 

This does not mean quite your job now, this simply is to show how positivity hasn’t helped me to sell a fucking car, positivity has not helped me to get the business, it has only helped me to prolong the disease of hope and faith instead of taking real action. 

To be continued.