Father to be - Preparing the way Day 330 Part 4

Day 327
Day 328
Day 329

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take in what I see and observe from within my environment within other humans words and behaviors and what they say/do as all being facts and ways of life, and that what I see and learn and hear must be what I must do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what fathers/mothers live and how they raise their children is something that they have learned from a book, seeing and realizing now that I am full grown that there never was a book and it all was simply done from guessing and from those that has gone before them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the scam in my own head that parents and my parents that raised me was qualified first before their had me to be able to raise me, seeing and realizing that I was raised within hope/belief/luck/faith, instead of actual direction and principals that is concrete with concrete results.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a father is someone that has been trained to be a father, and that within everything a father teaches and do and show and tells me was/is always right and the way, seeing and realizing now that I am almost a father and that it was only an idea/expectation I had within my mind of and from the believe I have created about fathers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being pre-pared to be a father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not living up to the expectations of a father within the idea of what a father must be within society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I MUST divine myself as a father within societies idea of a father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give into what society wants and needs of me to be an acceptable father, seeing and realizing that the father idea and what is being lived within the current society isn’t what is best for all life as the evidence is within society as the world the humans have created and still accept and allow through the sins of the fathers.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my self-confidence within myself to be a father to my child equal and one with how I would/can be a father to all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear standing as myself as life identified as a father within society and still to stand as myself within this identity and to not give into society itself and to raise my child within what is best for all life, as common sense/self-honesty/practicality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear society and the expectations of society and what happens as reactions within society when and as those expectations that define a father isn’t met, but instead a new way, a way that is best for all life. For instance no religion/tradition/culture etc, but a living being.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that there is a wrong way of teaching, seeing and realizing that it isn’t about wrong or right, but to teach what is best for all life, as I see and realize that what is right and wrong within society is currently extremely sickening and abusive and thus not best for all to teach my child the rights and wrongs of society to accept and allow, but to instead teach the problems and the solutions as what’s best for all life, to teach common sense and self-honesty where the child will be given tools to have perspectives and insight and to determine through that self honestly what’s best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only wish to teach my child the right way – seeing and realizing that there is no right or wrong way, but only what is best for all life as I see and realize that what is right and wrong within society is currently extremely sickening and abusive and thus not best for all to teach my child the rights and wrongs of society to accept and allow, but to instead teach the problems and the solutions as what’s best for all life, to teach common sense and self-honesty where the child will be given tools to have perspectives and insight and to determine through that self honestly what’s best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing my child to the bullshit existing within this world that corrupts the children of today, seeing and realizing that if and as I teach my child effective common sense and giving my child to opportunities to develop self-honesty that there is not need for me to fear that or to keep my child from it, as he/she will have the tools to determine what’s BS and what’s not and to make his/her own decisions based on what’s best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a bad father within teaching and being an example, seeing and realizing that it is simply a fear of the mind and thus not real, I must trust myself within and as the physical here breathing and focusing on what’s real as always.

To be continued.

Father to be – Define Father Self forgiveness Day 329

Father to Be - Define Father Day  327
Father to Be - Define Father Day  328

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the Idea of being a father and that I must then be the one to discipline them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that a father must be the one to teach a child how to be disciplined through physically disciplining the child, seeing and realizing that it is to show discipline, and to give a definition to the child of what discipline is and so that the child can live that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being a father to having to be the scary one that must be the “bad cop” when self-responsibility wasn’t taken or abuse took place, seeing and realizing that it isn’t to be scary as being the father figure, but that It is me as a being taking responsibility for my creation to align whatever went wrong within oneness and equality as that what is best for all through giving the child consequential outflows of what could happen within their actions to give and teach the child self-responsibility within understanding of their actions, and so when the self-responsibility wasn’t taken and “discipline” is required to give the child physical consequences one and equal so that they can learn and see that everything we do have consequences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that a father must hit his children to be able to teach the child discipline, seeing and realizing that having to teach the child through physical discipline is already a sign that me as a father wasn’t disciplined within teaching my child and thus it is me that has to be held accountable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that physical discipline onto and towards a child is the manifestation of avoiding taking real responsibility as the father as the child can only do what he/she is taught or have seen from those as the examples..

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a father that is feared, seeing and realizing that this can only be real if and when I am acting and living in fear and reactions instead of breathing and directing the physical one and equal as what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “hope” to be a father that the child wants to be with and “love” seeing and realizing that it is for my own self interest and not what is best for all life, as a relationship such as that will only be a enslavement of the child to me for my own happiness and feelings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse enjoyment with love, seeing and realizing that love is a energetic connection based on feelings/emotions that becomes dependent on each other as the polarities require each other and thus creating a cycle of enslavement, where as enjoyment is a physical doing such as swinging someone or picking them up or just being with them or even when just being in each other’s presence which can be applied to all life equally as it requires no energy but only physical relationships.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as the father I must be a serious person to be able to be a good father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a serious father is a stable father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a serious father is a strong father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a happy father is a cool father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that a father that has two sides is a real father, when the father is able to have fun but also a serious side that can come up, seeing and realizing that it isn’t to live a specific character around the father to be a father but to be a living being that is here sharing and teaching and not pretending but to be real within self-honesty/common sense and living what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as certain specific characters in front of my child that I believe will show my child weakness or instability and to within this already want to create fake characters to hide the other characters, seeing and realizing that this is only teaching the child how to hide and how to not face oneself and to always have to look a certain way, instead of facing what is here as the characters and removing the characters which then do not require more characters to hide it as one has forgiven self and moving forward.

Facing The Sins of the Father to Be – Define Father Part 3 Day 328

 From Day 325 Part 1 - father to be Define father

exploratory writing.

So I have defined being a father as being an example, what the father does, the actions of the father, is the father teaching me this or that or isn’t he, I have defined father as what they do determines who they are, but it is who they are that determines what they do, and as my dad was working day in and day out to provide, it shows that who my father was, was caring and willing to give up his family to have a family, so that I could have toys and savings and food and water and cloths and all that, so my judgment as a kid was completely disordered and based on self-interest instead of common sense and what happening in reality – people need money.

Who I am determines what I do – who you are determines what you do, so to be an example for a child isn’t to be a constant doing parent to show the child who you are as a parent, so that they can learn from that, it is to be an example of who you are at ALL times to teach/live/show a principal, a principal that who you are determines what you do, this empowers the child to create who they are and thus what they do. The principal of what is best for all life in all ways. Love thy neighbor as they self, do onto another as you would like to be done onto.

Self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being a bad example for my child, through all the good and bad judgments I have made about fathers in my child years and to within this have defined what bad/good fathers are based on my fears that I have created based on the impressions I got from society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that the words I use/speak in moments of unawareness of from and as reactions will damage my child and that I will thus be a bad father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to do enough things for/with my child to show my child who I am,, seeing and realizing that it is a excuse and a justification as who I am determines what I do and thus for example coming home when it is dark can only be a excuse if I am defining who I am based on what I do, but when who I am determines what I do I am constantly in all moments doing something to be a example as what’s best for all life and so for my child one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear not being a good father through the words I use/speak and how I use them, seeing and realizing that this fear currently exists because of self-judgments I have of myself from actual physical experiences I have had/have where I react or speak in moments of not breathing and being aware and knowing that they do have consequences and thus fearing that I will thus face the consequences within my child and what he/she learned from my words and the actions within it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will teach my child the wrong definitions of words through what I speak and what my actions show for what I speak, thus seeing and realizing that I have to re-define the words I am living so that the words I use is one and equal to what I am living and not creating bullshit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear teaching my child the energies that I have connected to words from my own personal experiences within me through using the words with the energy connections towards my child or within the environment the child is within and that the child will thus take my personal energy signatures that I have connected within words as experiences and make it his, seeing and realizing that I have to take responsibility for myself within the words I use and what’s behind them through breathing and placing a guard in front of my mouth till I am clear and only speak when the words are physical and real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear fucking my child up with the same shit that I know I have within me that I am aware of and have been aware of for years, that I haven’t yet taken self-responsibility for, thus I see and realize that because I haven’t taken self-responsibility for what exist within me that I know is in me deliberately not taking self-responsibility and that I have till now still continued within participating within the shit that exist within me that I have left it to influence my world and myself, and only now that I am about to be a father do I actually realize the consequences of not taking full self-responsibility for what I experience within me and that it is infectious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only now want to take self-responsibility once my own self-interest is at risk, where I will have a child and that I have to help in raising the child and that within me raising the child I will face the consequences of who I have accepted and allowed myself to remain to be to be taught to my child and that my child will become and reflect that back to me and so the sins of the fathers will be given to the children.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear teaching my child to react to people whenever they ask of him/her to do something as that is what I am still accepting and allowing to exist within and as me and thus if I do not take self-responsibility and change who I am within that point then that is what I will create within my child, that which I fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will teach my child to not want to read and learn new things, because that is what I am still existing as within and as who I am and thus as I am still a living example of that to myself then I can but only be that to my child as a example and thus I see and I realize that I have to take self-responsibility for who I am within this point and change to that which is best for all life as an example.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear teaching my child how to have only excuses for not taking self-responsibility, as I see that I am still existing as excuses within not taking full self-responsibility within my daily living and only creating excuses and thus as that is what I am accepting and allowing to exist within and as me as who I am then all I can teach my child is but from me as who I am and thus creating my exact fear, because no matter how much I speak and say things, if I am not that example it will not be real but only be empty words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I will not be home enough to teach my child the skills I have and that is awesome skills as I will be at work most of the day till it is dark already and that my child will not have that part of me as an example to learn from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that Who I am determines what I do and thus I see and realize that within this basic simple example, I do not need to be home all the time to teach things as to what I can do to show who I am, but that who I am will be a teaching within itself, as I will and can be the example for my child that who you are determines what you do which means that my child will not need me to show him/her stuff because they will develop themselves as who they are and through that they will determine what they do.

I am exploring all the corners here within self-forgiveness and my perspective is expanding and I am seeing within my writing where I am still blind or even making excuses/justifications and so forth.

To be Continued.

Father to be - Define father Day 327 Part 2

Continuing from Define Father Day 325 part 1

To be clear, these blogs about fatherhood and looking into my past isn’t to define what is a bad father or a good father, it is to look at where does the father construct in me come from, it is to learn and see those that has gone before me so that I can see myself and what I have learned. This is not about my father, or other fathers, it’s about me and my inner process and to change that.
Continuing from my previous blog on this topic, I am now going to take a look at when I was still a kid and I had friends and how their fathers sounded like through how the kids talked about their fathers and what their fathers is in comparison to how my father was,,,, as this created a lot of new definitions that I connected to what a father must be or can be or should be.

I remember in school as a young child kids used to come from the weekends and they would share with the other kids what they did, and a lot of the stories would be what the boys did with their fathers, this would be activities like camping and fishing and hunting and riding bikes and going on boat rides and all the things that dads would do with their sons, like teaching their kids what and how to do things, and usually my weekend stories would out using barbeque or just being at home or me walking in the streets and exploring the town I lived in by myself.

Through this interactions I felt that I was missing out on a lot, i did not get any of that from my dad every weekend, we went camping, but once a year maybe, and the other activities like fishing and hunting and riding bikes and going on boats never happened, we did not have all those things to start off with in the first place, this in general made me feel less than the others, like I was less skilled and less of a Man, inferior if you will.

I remember saving up money that I got every month that wasn’t a lot, to go and buy myself fishing equipment, because I wanted to see what it is to fish and how it is done, I knew so little about fishing that I saved up very little money, I had just enough to buy a roll of fishing line and a hook and sinker, I went to the shop with my dad, because I asked him and thought this is how it is supposed to be, me and my dad getting fishing stuff, it ended up with my dad staying in the car and me going into the shop and buying what I thought I needed, I got the stuff and I once again thought it was good, my dadjust asked if I got everything, your line and hook, I said yes, and he said ok so now you must just go and see if you can catch a fish, I then took my fishing equipment one weekend to the dam that was but a hundred meters away from our house at the harbor, I put the hook on the like and the I put it in the water, I sat there for at least an hour and said to myself it isn’t really working and quite, never went back.

I learned how to ride bike from my dad and my grandfather, and I learned how to swim from my father and other family members, but I can say within those basic lines my dad helped a lot.

Overall the point I am exposing within these writings are what I have seen and defined as to what a father must be, and it isn’t a fact, it isn’t something written in a book somewhere of what a father must be, this all comes from observations and from interactions within my world.
My father was a good father in terms of what one knows about being a father the way I learned, we all learn from those that has gone before us. My Life was easy and nice and wonderful, if I compare it to what other people have/had in this world.
Is it the right way? Is it the wrong way? No it isn’t, there is no right or wrong, there is doing what’s best for all life, raising a child must be raising a human being to live what’s best for all life, and that means that the child must be all the child can be. And this is where the Mother/Father roles come in, to be the example. A living example.
Back to the topic, what I noticed here as well is, I never saw as a kid the awesome skills I learned from being on my own, from hanging out with myself a lot and keeping myself occupied and learning about things by myself, how to be creative and how to not have fear. How to stand on my own and how to be responsible for myself to a certain point though.
So my dad did teach me through not teaching me all the things other dad’s apparently taught their children, I say apparently because I don’t know for fact, it was always just hear/told from and by the other kids.
So now fatherhood becomes a comparison, a competition, can I be the best dad, a better dad, will my child be all knowing and strong and independent and knowing how to do all these things, and this is what I can see I created through all the observations, because through the observations I create fears within myself and within that I have already made decisions on how I am going to raise my child one day or not, according to my fear, which is not best for all.
To be continued.

Late for work, NEVER - Day 326

I am early at work every Day, not just five minutes, but half an hour, I just hang around there,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear going "there" and to be late for work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my response to being late at work towards myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear how I will be seen for being late at work by others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see it ass NOT being within my Character to be late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so early every morning out of the fear of being in trouble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being in trouble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear who I will be as a reaction/energy experience of myself when I might be in trouble.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself for being very defensive when I might be in trouble in trouble and unpleasant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to stress about being late and that if I am late I am less then who I can be as an Idea of being perfect.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according to what I do, instead of seeing and realizing that Who I am determines what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and to create myself through my actions while I still leave who I am as the same, seeing and realizing how this will always pull me back to the same path as before.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tense up for the mere possibility of being late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my job just for being late.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I am late I will not be able to be there to be handy within doing something such as opening the doors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I want to be early so that I can feel that I am in control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see and realize that I am attempting to control my entire life and everything happening in it, which is not possible and why I tense up and stress as soon as I am just 5 more minutes late then usual. Because I fear losing that Idea of control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a control freak, seeing and realizing that it is irrational Fear hat leads to irrational actions, which is self compromising, instead of taking simple physical actions of prevention for being late that does not require fear but common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within irrational thoughts/behaviors from and as what I fear that is from past experiences as memories, which is the past.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am in fear of being late to stop and to breathe and to instead asses the physical and take presentational actions.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am attempting to take physical actions that is from and as irrational thoughts of fear to stop and to breathe within the realization that I am attempting to control things outside of myself, instead of having the self control to stop fear and to move myself one and equal within and as the physical.

Father to be- Define Father - Day 325 Part 1

I realized after the self-forgiveness that I am writing in circles because I haven’t written out my actual experience in relation to becoming a father, and what my reaction are towards the word father and why.

I am going to write all of that out tonight and then continue on the self-forgiveness then as it will be more specific and not just based on floating information but constructive.

Currently I am not yet realizing the facts YET about what it means to be a father, I still only have Ideas and beliefs and definitions from my past of what it should be, or what it is supposed to be to be a father.

I have all these fears and definitions but it is useless writing them out if I cannot see how I have created them and where they come from and why I made them.

The first impression I had from what it means to be a father is obviously from my own father, the person I was raised to call father, and what I learned and how I have defined father and being a father was from my own father's actions and secondly his words, I connected action to the words that was used, it is how i remember how I defined them, not using words to define actions, that is impossible actually lol. You can’t hear a word and live it, there must be an example first.

here is my first definition of what a father is supposed to be, an Example for the child, An example is a living thing, a action, it is what one show to another what you have and are living and why/how/when/where/who/what etc. from my memories and what i can recall from my father and how he was as a example, he wasn’t really much around for us, so my definition from my father of father is where the father isn’t really around much, the father does not play a big role in raising the child, the father is out and working and bringing money into the home for us to be able to be raised and have a home and all those things, I only saw my father late at nights, and usually when he comes home I did not see him, I was either sleeping or playing with my brothers, this was during the week.

Part of the definition is that the father must obey the mother's words and that the father will always obey what is asked from the mother, this part comes in where my mom used to threaten us with my father and for when he comes home, so I have defined part of being a father as being the scary one, the one that must discipline and hit the children when it is asked of the mother, I have also defined father as being the person you fear, the person you don’t want to come home, the person that is consequences, the person that makes everything serious.

I see it like this, my father was never home but when he was home it was like a stranger that now suddenly has to punish you for what your mother asked of him.

I remember when I used to get saw of hurt myself that I would only call for my mom, even when my father was right there and ready to help, I would run past him or scream past him for my mother.

Here I can see fears coming to surface as i write the fear of being in my father’s position, not by choice but because of work and all the physical things that is taking place that forms such relationships.

I fear not being there for my child and that all I will be seen as will be a unpleasant experience, a fear, a consequence, a hurt, a stranger, and that my child will forget about me and not even know me till much later when the child is older and have been brainwashed to understand what a father is (the person who’s sperm created you with the mothers egg).

My father was busy all the time at work, I knew who he was as a symbol, not as a being, I know he smiled and looked tired all the time and just wanted piece and quite when he came home, I know he was in arguments with my mom quite a lot, My dad was always the one that had to only hear what happened during the day while my mother was taking care of the three of us (boys) and how my mother would tell my dad what we did and how we must be discipline and punished, and how my father would defend us and not really want to punish us, but my mother always won for some reason. Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t bad as it might sound, what I mean is - the words being used that people have defined as evil and criminal and abusive such as “punish” – “discipline” – “screaming”. It was quite okay, but yet the example was all the things I observed from my father’s actions/words and what a father is then, and my mother, but I am focusing on the father point.

From this I have learned that mothers are always right and fathers are always wrong, fathers must keep the mother happy or there is hell on earth, fathers must work all day and come home and listen to the mother even though the father really does not care lol.

I have learned by example that the father is the good guy in being the bad buy, like a weapon, you fear it because of the fact it can be used as a weapon by somone else, and all the actions from the father is forced by the mother and that the father does not really want to do it, but has to.

The mother will have peace if the children are crying after punishment from the father. I started seeing more and more of my father as I grew up, as I was able to go to bed later and later and have more time during the day to do stuff, well night.

This is where I also started having more fun with my dad in weekends and having talks with my dad and sitting with my dad outside and just wonder about the universe, and how he would play music and smoke or read a book most of the time.

My dad started sharing with me more and more stuff, mostly about what he has red and his philosophies and theories and politics and so forth, I never really understood it, but that is what I got from my father, a father must be knowledgeable. A father must be reading a lot and be quite and be stable and be able to talk and be open about any conversation and even be inviting to expand on what to talk about and how to see the world and everything. I observed that my father was always very clean and neat, he kept his stuff always on a certain spot where he knew he would find it, he would be very organized and have routines, it worked for him and he stick to them, my dad also had a dancing side, he would listen rock and roll music and dance around a bit, well move his body and just enjoy the music. my father was able to cook and clean and he was very loose on raising us, he basically allowed us to do what we want with certain conditions that was purely precautions, after having talks with my mother first lol, he did not like to go out much, every now and again he would like to go to a movie, but mostly my dad was on saving money and not spending it on stuff that does not really matter but is purely for pleasure, although as a father that must be given to the mother to have a happy life lol – from this I can see I have defined this as being responsible.

To be continued. .

Day 324 – The Word father and Me Part 1

Father, or in Afrikaans it is Fader. I used to call my Father Dad or as it is in Afrikaans Pa. now I am soon to be a Father/dad and I am reacting to the word Father, as being called father. Reacting is either a Positive or a negative. So I will look at both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I hear the word Father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a negative energetic emotion to the word father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a Positive energetic feeling to the word father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I hear the word father in relation to me through connecting a negatively charged energetic emotion within and as the world in relation to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I hear the word father in relation to me through connecting a positively charged energetic feeling within and as the word in relation to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to other people calling me father.
Ok so now that was focused just on the word father. Now I am going to go into my relationship towards the word father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I hear the word father to react within and as a negative energetic experience of myself as not being capable of being a father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a negative Idea/perception of the word father to being responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being incapable of being a responsible father.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Create Ideas and beliefs about being a father that is of the mind as energy as projections and not based on reality as the physical here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Create ideas/Beliefs/projection of what it means to be a father as being responsible for a child that to be a father I must be a Statue, a Picture, an Idea to my child that isn’t real/true but to be this False Image to present to my child for what I want my child to think of me instead of being a real responsible father through being HERE in and as the physical supporting and assisting my child as being the example within Who I am so that my child can create who He/she will be within what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I must be a cold statue that presents an image of who I am to my child such as what I am doing such as working and making money and being away from home all day and coming home late and not having the energy and time for my child as that is what a father is and must be and to connect this and already create this within what father means and what I must teach my child for what father means, seeing and realizing that this is the System Father figure/image and thus only a pre-programmed design to enslave and control people and that I do not have to fallow or live this father image/idea, I can breathe and be here as the physical and move and direct myself in each breathe and not as a system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that for me to be a father I must be following the Idea/image of what fathers currently are within the world, the providers and the ones always away, and the one that does not raise the child and have that much time for the child and that must rest when home and not spend time with the child and that has too much work and things on his mind and that as long as the father brings home money then the child will be happy. Seeing and realizing that it is all practical within the current system as what the father does, YET I do not have to define myself as it as who9 I am and that I do not have to follow it all as what I see it might be, that I can decide who I am within it all.

To be continued.

Day 323 – I want to do something NOW – what activates activists.

I am what people will call an Animal lover, I would acre for animals before I care for humans, I would put animals before humans basically, I would put nature and forests and rivers and the ocean before I put anything about humans first.

This came to me since a child, since I was very young, I found poisonous snakes better to play with then with humans, I enjoyed finding bugs and animals and playing with them before I would go for a human, humans always had this extra thing to them, they weren’t what they seemed. With animals I knew what I got. Because they did not hide it, they did not have to hide it, they were simply animals.
Nature was always fun to be with, playing with the trees and climbing them and crawling in the grass and playing in the mud and in the sand, nature was/is always cool, don's get airy faily ideas about nature now, there is dangers/harshness.

But I got over my shit I had with and towards humans, I started making friends pretty late and I always found it hard, I did not know how to be and mostly felt out of place. With nature I could smell, I could be wild and natural which is not having to car about what cloths I have on (if any lol) what my hair looks like, how I behave and acted, how I make noises and all those things)and that in itself takes away any extra stress and fears and all the bullshit I now think of daily and have to deal with, since I now only am around humans.

I grew up in a small town with just about 600 people, It was extremely quite in the entire town and there were still a lot of open fields next to the houses, as it wasn’t populated much, and I could run in them and play in them, I started walking the streets all alone since I was eight years old, from whenever till late and come back.

I only had to be around kids during school time, which was always weird for me, I was mostly comfortable around girls and being with girls, since they did not have that whole ego thing going such as most of the boys, I got laughed at for not playing sport and enjoying the sports they enjoyed, I was forced to play rugby by the school and group pressure, I later on enjoyed athletic a lot and tennis.
Basically I grew up with nature for the first thirteen years of my life till we moved to a different place, a city, where there are millions and only concrete during the day.

I used to get really mad/angry when I saw fields burning, since I played in the fields a lot and knew what was living in them, such as the antelopes and the bunnies and turtles and snakes and all the billions of bugs and birds eating in the fields and making nests even in the tall grass, and the moles.

I tried going to the bits of fields I saw was still available in the city, it was impossible to there without hard shoes, that has thick soles, as there was rubbish laying everywhere, glass and cans and plastic bags and all kinds of weird shit, sometimes I even found animal skin laying in the fields.

I used to built up a lot of anger, because I had a bit of a different education then those living in the city, I understood a simple thing such as a field and what it actually means and what is in it, and through seeing the fields in the city, I got really pissed, because I could see the people in the city does not CARE, but I did not consider they did not know, still that is no excuse anyway.

At a later stage in my life I would take plastic bags and I would go around and clean all the fields I could, I piled up a lot of bags in our back yard, BUT it never worked, all it took was one weekend and the exact same mess was there again.

This was only the beginning.

Then I started exploring the internet more and more, and I got to see beyond my own back yard, I got to see what’s happening all around the world, in all of the corners of our planet.

Especially now that I am with Desteni and Equal Money System, I have been more sp3ecific in my research and to also check the information I get.

The more information I am gathering of what’s happening to our planet and how fast the more and more I feel powerless, the more and more I feel there is really nothing we can do any more, the more I feel that I just want to destroy the planet and get it all over with, because all I see and all that there is for all life currently is a slow and brutal way of torture and abuse as the way of life currently is, Yet I do understand within walking with Equal Money System and to solutions that is HERE, that there is a way, There is NO HOPE, hope has already been lost, there is now only a way to FIX what we have done, to then Create a new world.

Because I specifically keep my eyes on the Natural resources of earth and what is still here on a regular basis, I can see within the past 5 years how it is getting worse and worse, for instance the Finishing of our forests and the extinction of animals and how some animals such as the Rhino/Cheetah/Lion/polar-Bear/Tigers/elephants/orangutan are closer and closer to extinction and that if Nothing happenings it will happen right in front of my eyes in my life time.

I sometimes feel like standing up and going crazy, taking myself out there and Fighting and protesting and having revolution and how I can save the animals, how I can protect them, how I can end what’s happening to them.

YET the evidence of such actions has proven itself useless within many many years of proof. So this has come a long way, since I was a kid, and now how it is escalating, how it is only getting worse, how the feeling of powerlessness and wanting to help all together creates this anger, this hate for the world (not earth) and how those two emotions can fuck it all up for me from ever truly doing anything f I had to follow them, because I now have seen the solution, it isn’t the one everyone prefer as it takes time and in time more and more animals/fish/oceans/forest will get abused/tortured and meet destruction in the time that it will take to have an actual permanent solution to the actual problem.

Human nature is the problem, human nature created money, and money now is running human nature, and because of this system we have that we all survive in, we can use money and our nature as a human to justify what we are doing for the sake of self-interest which is Fear which is fear for survival.

So we need to create a new system that is something completely different and that supports LIFE and where we live by principals – that which is best for all life in all ways, I cannot give the solution here ion one blow, I will give a links and that is where the solutions are, Investigate it and do not sacrifice your ability to change this world and to create a new world through going out and exposing yourself to the elite as who you are as an activist, that way they can control you and tag you and mark you and that way you will be made useless in the system. For instance revolutions/drastic actions/aggressive behavior etc.

There is a way and the right way and it is what most people want to fail at doing because it actually required dedication and patience and real action as a activist. Taking on the root problem the same way it controls everything, Politics/economics/government democracy.

Places for real activism to have real solutions.

Desteni
Equal Money System
Economics Journey to Life.
7 Year Journey to Life
Capitalism versus Equal Money.

and then Join us in the stand.

Day 322 – Money is a Dictator.

Here is the dictionary Definition of the word Dictator.

1. A ruler with total power over a country, typically one who has obtained power by force.
2. A person who tells people what to do in an autocratic way or who determines behavior in a particular sphere.

Money dictates everything I do on a daily basis, I am forced every day to work at a job that I have no interest in to make money, and with the Job comes more than just the job, I have to obey the boss, I have to obey the managers, I have to agree with co – workers even when I do not want to, even when I know that what I am doing is purposeless and has nothing to do with Life itself, but I have to do it to get the money that comes in on the end of the month.

Money forces people to do whatever there is to do, at work I have encountered a lot of people from the streets that ask me if there is a job for them at my work place, I tell them they must go ask the boss, they say they will do anything that needs to be done, they tell me they will mop, they will clean they will do whatever there is to do for a bit of money to feed themselves.

I have to wear the most uncomfortable cloths I can wear, tight pants that has delicate fabric that can’t touch anything rough or it gets damaged, it shows any form of dirt or hair on it, I wear white shirts with a tie, I have to wear shoes that are designed to literally just look good, it has no grip, it has no physical support in terms of the physical reality, all they do is shine and be bright, I have to wear deodorant that stinks and builds up sinuses, I have to clip my nails every weak for in-case it might be just a little bit too long according to what’s professional or not, I have to shave my face every morning for in-case there is some beard that might make me look dirty instead of sexy, I have to look clean and like a doll, for me to be able to keep my job so that I can have money.

I have to do whatever is asked of me in the work place from the boss, not because the boss is my boss, but because the money I get from my boss decides if I will do it or not, even when I am asked to go on runs for personal reasons for the boss, I do it, and I lose out on my working time where I can make money, but I can’t say no, the boss can start to dislike me and end up losing my job and have no money.

I have to Change my behavior at work completely to satisfy others so that I can make money, the behavior ends up becoming like every ones else’s behavior, it’s like an automatic thing that takes place, like no one notices it but everyone at work are exact copies of each other there, because it is that specific behaviors that is acceptable and brings in money lol. So much for freedom.

I wake up in the morning at six and I immediately start preparing myself for work, I do not wake up for myself, I wake up for the money, I wake up an hour before work to prepare for work to then go to work and then work all day for money, I drive hours a day in traffic and dealing with will I be late or not, for money.

I get home from work to only then rest and relax not for myself but for work again tomorrow, so that I can be effective while I work and do things properly so that I can earn my money.

I started this job two months ago and in that time I have lived and breathed only for money, there is no space for anything else, I have NO choice, I have no freedom, I have nothing of myself as everything is done for money, everything I say and do becomes about and for my job for the money.

We all believe we are so fucking free, yet no one has sat down and written down a entire day and what happens in a entire day in their life’s, and then a week – because if that has to happen we will all see a scary thing, it’s all the same, we are being forced and dictated by money to do what we do, but Most will delude themselves to believe that it is for freedom, it is for the weekend baby, but then the weekend is also used to forget and to party and to suppress, again for money, because people do that so that they can continue another week.

So the difference between capitalism and communism is, in capitalism you are given the Idea/believe that you are making the choice to be forced into doing certain things and in communism you are simple forced, but either way, you are forced and by the exact same thing, for money in both the ISMS.

I definitely vote for a entire new world system - were I can do work that isn't purposeless and wasteful and wasting my time just for money, but where work can be a way of LIFE a living a fun joyful act of self as it must be something that actually matters and not be a force just for survival, and survival for money, what the fuck is up with that - www.equalmoney.org

Day 321 – Falling behind on daily Blogging, getting up, moving forward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall behind on blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself, to brainwash myself that it is okay even when all evidence show there is no excuse but the mind making me its bitch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my Day and what happened during my day and all together as an excuse to not blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the mind as a excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and to deceive myself into believing that process stops whenever I think it does lol, seeing and realizing that process is always here in each and every moment and I can either support myself or not within re-birthing myself as life and standing one and equal as that which is here as Life as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall behind on daily blogs for not prioritizing what matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prioritize small points of entertainment above what matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself Believe that after a full day of work I deserve to have small points of entertainment as a reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a Mind slave to rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a mind slave to small rewards as entertainment so that I do not have to feel like I am responsible, seeing and realizing that within that I know I am responsible for what is here and that I must act and move accordingly on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not take self-responsibility for what is here through giving into the mind as entertainment and postponing and worsening the situation not just for myself but the entire world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself for this point and to feel guilty, seeing and realizing that I must actually feel shame which I fear as I do not want to face the actual facts of reality and myself within this reality as the direct equal participant of what exist in and as the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defend myself against shame, seeing and realizing that shame is what I must feel to realize my actual responsibility within and as this world and to see myself and how I create and manifest what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear all of me as shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see that participating in entertainment while I know what needs to be done to end what is here is a deliberate act of spitefulness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing true shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will and cannot see shame as I have numbed myself from shame through layering the shame with countless ways of entertainment as a distraction to reality which is a extreme reality of shame and disgrace of the entire human race which is me and all of it in my face.

I commit myself to when and as I am home and I see that I do have time, to take that time to do what matters and to do it till it is done.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am using the mind as an excuse to stop and to breathe and to direct myself within and as the physical real time within what is here in fact to do what needs to be done.

I commit myself to when and as I get home to not waist time on entertainment points that are irrelevant and have not matter to it, and to go and write my blog instead.

I commit myself to only have my entertainment time once I have done what needs to be done for the day within and as walking MY process for Myself as I really want t.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I have made walking my process a JOB to stop and to breathe within the realization that it is the mind really fucking me over, as the fact is that I enjoy writing my blogs and learning to know myself and to go to the points of Self support and assistance and where I can learn and actually see how I create my days and myself to within that have corrections to live and to challenge myself to change within each breathe to rebirth myself as Life as all that is here one and equal.

Day 320 – Tired Character the road to success Part 6

Day 318 - Reactive Character
Day 319 - Insecure Character

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other people asking me to move when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will have to Not be tired to do my job.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when and as I am tired that I will miss out on what’s happening.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that people will think I am weak when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to appear as lazy when and as I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear tiredness in itself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the weakness in my body that I experience when I am tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing time when and as I am tired and moving slow and siting down for long periods.

Thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought where I see what I have to do to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought “where I doing something I do not look forward to” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself doing the same stuff again for the day ahead” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself having to deal with the same people again and taking what they are giving” to exist within and as me
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself falling in the exact same routine as the day before and nothing changing” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “seeing myself NOT getting to the things I want to because I will be so busy with the other stuff all day” to exist within and as me.

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself sitting and doing nothing” while I am busy with work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine myself resting from working or doing what I am doing and that within this I might enjoy myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the opposite of what I am doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself Not dealing with any people for the entire day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine the ideal way of spending my day where I am not working to much or where I am not dealing with people all the time when and as I am doing that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am asked to do something for someone to imagine myself not having to do anything for anyone for the entire day and how I would enjoy that.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine change during my day where I do not have to do the same things over and over again, seeing and realizing how this creates a tiredness within me as I am in conflict with myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself going to bed early and that I will then not be tired.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself sleeping less and less and still Not being tired and how I do all the same things during my day and even better sometimes.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine How I have already Done all the things I wanted to do for the day and to then not have to rush or get stressed and can go to sleep without ever having a bit of tiredness and waking up feeling refreshed.
Internal conversations/backchat/voices
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I must be coming forth as being lazy because I am tired” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat of “I don’t want this day to be the same as every other day’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the internal conversation within me of “If I have to do the same shit again today I will be exhausted.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the internal conversation of “ If I keep on doing this same work every day over and over I will get burned out and it will be the people giving me the works fault if I am tired and unable to work” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ fuck I have to do this again” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the Voice in my head telling me “this isn’t your job, you should not do this, it is someone else’s job” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the voice within me saying “if the fuckers give my THEIR work to do again today I will go nuts’ to exist within and as me,
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when my day does not go according to how I wanted it to be as I imagined it to have the back chat of “ I am not getting anywhere, this is pointless” to exits within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have to do the same shit over and over every day that is asked of me by someone else when it isn’t my job, to have the internal conversation of “this isn’t my work, why the fuck am I asked o do this, I will never be able to learn or to get somewhere with my own work if this continues, to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I Feel that everything I do isn’t my work to do, to have the internal conversation of ‘ This isn’t my work to do, so therefore I must be getting tired when I do this” to exist within and as me.

Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked to do things that isn’t mine to do.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked to do the same stuff over and over again every day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the reaction of feeling like I am going to explode to exist within and as me when and as the same stuff is asked of me to do over and over again as if it is a favor, like I want to do it, as if I am that kind of guy that leaves everything I have to do behind to do a favor for someone else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked to do someone else a favor, seeing and realizing how I have made it a believe within my mind that the more favors I have to do the more I will get tired, because favors have nothing to do with work but for someone personal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word favor and like it will be something that will tire me out.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as my day isn’t going as I have imagined it to go and as I was intended to make it go.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am asked of a favor by the tenth person for the day as if I am a favor machine and that isn’t allowed to say NO. and to accumulate this anger I create of feeling abused and to eventually wanting to burst and instead keep it all in and becoming emotional and wanting to hide which then makes me tired and so I will hide within tiredness.

Behaviour Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become defensive within my words and actions when and as I am asked of a favor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to look down and to start making up excuses to why I can’t do the favor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself in a way to avoid specific people so that I cannot be asked to do something such as a favor.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to avoid people that I know will ask of me to do thing that I did not imagine to do for the day.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am given a task to do to rush myself as being a good boy that does what is asked, instead of breathing and moving within each breathe and so I see and realize that through pretending to be all good boy soldier doing what’s asked of him and rushing to do it as the polarity of what’s going on within me, is what makes me do thing Physically that tires me out and thus compromise myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aggressive when and as I am pushed out of my imagination world into having to do things, even if it is for others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry within myself and so move and behave in a way that isn’t pleasant for me or others as I look like someone you want to avoid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself unnecessary just to look busy so that I cannot be asked to do something for someone else.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk a lot around in a rushing manner to give the impression that I am busy and cannot be asked to do anything, seeing and realizing how I am tiring myself out through following the mind as the wants and needs and desires instead of actually doing what required of me which will be a lot less then what I am doing just to avoid the work lol.

Day 319 – Insecure Character – Road to Success Part 5

Day 318 - Reactive Character, Road to success Part 4

Day 319 – Insecure Character – Road To Success Part 5

Fear Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking stupid in front of other people
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear sounding stupid in front of other people.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I have said the wrong things in front of others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking like a child when I am doing a man’s work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being taken seriously by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being physically inferior to others and for my age and design as being a male.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be seen as an equal in a group.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear smelling dirty.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that my voice does not sound man enough
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not seem tough enough.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as weak.

Thought Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see a picture in my head where I have already compared and judged myself to others and placed myself within a specific light as being insecure about myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me not being accepted by others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of someone I am interacting with seeing me as less then them and making fun of me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me being rejected by others as not seeming to have enough knowledge and information with me as they want to have from me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of me being objectified by others for the way I speak.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of seeing myself being laughed at by others that are physically bigger than me and have real manly voices when I do not.

Imagination Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Imagine myself getting bullied by others that are Physically more than me in size and in manliness.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting laughed at by the people I am communicating with about how I communicate and sound while doing so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting frowned upon by others because of how I might smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being rejected by others for the way I look today as how I dress.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being belittled by others for being skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being questioned by others for how old I am as I still look sixteen but am doing real man work.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself being teased by girls for the way I am.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself standing all alone while all the girls is grouped together looking at me and laughing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine myself getting in a fight because of other males finding me weak and pathetic and thus making me an easy target and so abuse me.

Internal conversations/Back-chat/voices
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ Fuck that guy is Big” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ God dammed I don’t have the info on that” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “ I hope I don’t sound stupid right now” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “dame I smell myself, please don’t let the girl’s smell me” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I am so skinny and Thin, it must make me look weak’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “this person looks like everything I feel inferior to” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I look like a sixteen year old when I am twenty three” to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “why the fuck can’t I just look better and gain some weight” to exist within me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I must gain muscles and beard and a manlier voice to have confidence to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “I am stupid and must too stupid to’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the back chat of “No one can take me seriously as long as I do not look my age’ to exist within and as me.

Reaction Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I am feeling stupid within a conversation.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone comments on me being skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else comments on my body image.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I struggle to read something.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else is behaving in a way that makes me feel small.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I stand on a scale and see I haven’t gained any weight in 4 years.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else comments on how I smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as girls say I am skinny.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as someone else tells me I am stupid.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I have to interact with someone I have compared myself to as me being the inferior one.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I do not have vocabulary that seems like it should be known by all already.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to my own Image in the mirror.

Behaviour Dimension
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure to fold my arms.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about my body image to stand straighter and puff out my shoulders as an attempt to hide what I am experiencing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about how old I look to attempt to look older through facial expressions that is intimidating.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I feel insecure about how smart I am or what knowledge and information I have to speak about thing I know more and more just to give a different impression.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to clamp my arms down when and as I feel insecure about how I smell.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk with my head down and my shoulders bulged in when and as I feel insecure about myself in general.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to make my voice deeper and more manly when and as I feel insecure about how I sound.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use laughter a lot and smiling a lot when and as I feel insecure about what is being discussed or talked about.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide behind my smile when and as I am insecure about who I am in the moment and whatever is being discussed.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a lot of physical movements when and as I am insecure about who I am within a discussion or a situation.