From Day 325 Part 1 - father to be Define father
exploratory writing.
So I have defined being a father as being an example, what the father does, the actions of the father, is the father teaching me this or that or isn’t he, I have defined father as what they do determines who they are, but it is who they are that determines what they do, and as my dad was working day in and day out to provide, it shows that who my father was, was caring and willing to give up his family to have a family, so that I could have toys and savings and food and water and cloths and all that, so my judgment as a kid was completely disordered and based on self-interest instead of common sense and what happening in reality – people need money.
Who I am determines what I do – who you are determines what you do, so to be an example for a child isn’t to be a constant doing parent to show the child who you are as a parent, so that they can learn from that, it is to be an example of who you are at ALL times to teach/live/show a principal, a principal that who you are determines what you do, this empowers the child to create who they are and thus what they do. The principal of what is best for all life in all ways. Love thy neighbor as they self, do onto another as you would like to be done onto.
Self forgiveness
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being a bad example for my child, through all the good and bad judgments I have made about fathers in my child years and to within this have defined what bad/good fathers are based on my fears that I have created based on the impressions I got from society.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that the words I use/speak in moments of unawareness of from and as reactions will damage my child and that I will thus be a bad father.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to do enough things for/with my child to show my child who I am,, seeing and realizing that it is a excuse and a justification as who I am determines what I do and thus for example coming home when it is dark can only be a excuse if I am defining who I am based on what I do, but when who I am determines what I do I am constantly in all moments doing something to be a example as what’s best for all life and so for my child one and equal.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear not being a good father through the words I use/speak and how I use them, seeing and realizing that this fear currently exists because of self-judgments I have of myself from actual physical experiences I have had/have where I react or speak in moments of not breathing and being aware and knowing that they do have consequences and thus fearing that I will thus face the consequences within my child and what he/she learned from my words and the actions within it all.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will teach my child the wrong definitions of words through what I speak and what my actions show for what I speak, thus seeing and realizing that I have to re-define the words I am living so that the words I use is one and equal to what I am living and not creating bullshit.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear teaching my child the energies that I have connected to words from my own personal experiences within me through using the words with the energy connections towards my child or within the environment the child is within and that the child will thus take my personal energy signatures that I have connected within words as experiences and make it his, seeing and realizing that I have to take responsibility for myself within the words I use and what’s behind them through breathing and placing a guard in front of my mouth till I am clear and only speak when the words are physical and real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear fucking my child up with the same shit that I know I have within me that I am aware of and have been aware of for years, that I haven’t yet taken self-responsibility for, thus I see and realize that because I haven’t taken self-responsibility for what exist within me that I know is in me deliberately not taking self-responsibility and that I have till now still continued within participating within the shit that exist within me that I have left it to influence my world and myself, and only now that I am about to be a father do I actually realize the consequences of not taking full self-responsibility for what I experience within me and that it is infectious.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only now want to take self-responsibility once my own self-interest is at risk, where I will have a child and that I have to help in raising the child and that within me raising the child I will face the consequences of who I have accepted and allowed myself to remain to be to be taught to my child and that my child will become and reflect that back to me and so the sins of the fathers will be given to the children.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear teaching my child to react to people whenever they ask of him/her to do something as that is what I am still accepting and allowing to exist within and as me and thus if I do not take self-responsibility and change who I am within that point then that is what I will create within my child, that which I fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will teach my child to not want to read and learn new things, because that is what I am still existing as within and as who I am and thus as I am still a living example of that to myself then I can but only be that to my child as a example and thus I see and I realize that I have to take self-responsibility for who I am within this point and change to that which is best for all life as an example.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear teaching my child how to have only excuses for not taking self-responsibility, as I see that I am still existing as excuses within not taking full self-responsibility within my daily living and only creating excuses and thus as that is what I am accepting and allowing to exist within and as me as who I am then all I can teach my child is but from me as who I am and thus creating my exact fear, because no matter how much I speak and say things, if I am not that example it will not be real but only be empty words.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear that I will not be home enough to teach my child the skills I have and that is awesome skills as I will be at work most of the day till it is dark already and that my child will not have that part of me as an example to learn from.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that Who I am determines what I do and thus I see and realize that within this basic simple example, I do not need to be home all the time to teach things as to what I can do to show who I am, but that who I am will be a teaching within itself, as I will and can be the example for my child that who you are determines what you do which means that my child will not need me to show him/her stuff because they will develop themselves as who they are and through that they will determine what they do.
I am exploring all the corners here within self-forgiveness and my perspective is expanding and I am seeing within my writing where I am still blind or even making excuses/justifications and so forth.
To be Continued.
No comments:
Post a Comment