Day 1 – Self – forgiveness and writing starting my journey to life again

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that to apply the tool of writing self-forgiveness daily on anything and everything I face is to MOVE within the physical and to stop the mind is necessary for change this life time as to rebirth myself as life one and equal, and thus when and as I do NOT write and resist to write or even justify to not write and come up with all seemingly good reasons to not write, that I am in and of the mind and nothing more or less than that. 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to push through to write openly every single day self-forgiveness as a self-commitment to myself as rebirthing myself as LIFE and to not give into the pre-programmed habits and patterns of the mind that justifies my limited existence as energy, as moods as who I have accepted and allowed myself to become on a physical level that has enslaved me to my habits and patterns on a daily basis and to push through to change through writing out the patterns and habits that constitute me, till who I have defined myself as the believes and ideas and opinions around myself are completely obliterated and to even then push beyond that. 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to FULLY grasp the extent of how much the MIND is directing me through how much I resist writing self-forgiveness that I can even justify that I have nothing to write about and that I thus do not have to write at all. THUS not seeing and realizing that this process isn’t preprogramed and WILL not come easy or automatically to ANYONE as it isn’t in anyone’s pre-programming and thus does not follow a program and requires WILL to push through as breathing, and to be a DIRECTIVE author of oneself and one’s life to take action and write and open up willingly points that isn’t even here yet is here by the fact that they can be opened up. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a things as a justification, an excuse or a valid reason for why I am NOT writing OPENLY in my journey with Desteni within the tools provided and all the support given such as TIME being a problem, or mental emotional burdens that is going on or are going through and thus not writing, or that I am to stressed, too fearful to write,, and thus do not write. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a thing as an excuse that is valid for not writing self-forgiveness, and thus I see and realize that as long as there is an excuse within me then I am NOT self-honest and thus abusing LIFE and the time that I have here in the physical at this moment to only entertain the mind and self-interest. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is such a thing as having NO time to write self-forgiveness due to some excuse or justification or reason, and thus I see and realize that any excuse or reason or justification is all but of the mind that is keeping me back from expanding and growing as LIFE as the mind can always find time for being lazy, depressed, or watching TV or Youtube videos of hours nonstop till one drops to sleep or dead, yet writing is apparently too much and just another burden, and thus confirming the minds power and control over self-will. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that if I resist applying self-forgiveness in writing on all my points that I face daily and to even move beyond that into the points as me as the world system then I am literally trapped in the mind as fear, only entertaining a prison of my own creation and feeding a self-destructive system till I die and never changing and rebirthing myself as life, and thus I see and realize that if I am not willing to PASSIONATELY push myself to sit and write, that I am in fact NOT grasping the TRUTH as the denial of what is here as LIFE and why I must change and take FULL responsibility for myself as all LIFE that is here in all dimensions this life time, to stand as life and to actually walk as an example for myself as all life to create heaven on earth for all life as me here. 

I commit myself to write daily self-forgiveness.

I commit myself to expose al my excuses and justifications and reasons for not writing self-forgiveness daily and writing and speaking it. 

I commit myself to challenge myself in all my excuses, justifications and reasons to why I seemingly cannot write self-forgiveness daily. 

I commit myself to expose my own insecurities of writing and applying self-forgiveness daily OPENLY for all to see and to stand as a point of real change in real support for others in real points I face that others deem to personal to expose and share, yet this is what the world needs as this is what I truly need to change. 

I commit myself to write daily for myself as myself as my honesty till I am self-honest and standing as life for the next 7 years, testing my breathing my commitment daily.

Day 618 – My Journey to Life Update, My Desteni 2017

HI everyone,

I have decided to give an update in this blog today of how it is going with my journey to life, this isn’t referring to just my blog, it is referring to my daily every breath living, the journey HERE in each and every moment, and thus how am I doing?

I am a Destonian – this literally means one thing – rebirthing self as life and being a living example walking specifically with the Desteni Tools and principles that is best for all life in FACT.

I have been walking this journey for 9 years now, physically on the Desteni farm here with hundreds of Destoninas, with Bernard Poolman the Portal and everything else that is here as Desteni, the one and only Desteni for humanity, which is oneness and equality in fact.

I am not going to give a whole history lesson on my journey in this blog or compare anything. This is simply going to be an update.

Me personally

I am doing great, I am enjoying the daily challenges that I am currently facing internally and physically with my body and then externally (which doesn’t really exist) as all is one and equal, so me doing great does not mean I am saying life is good and easy, in fact it is me saying that there is a lot of shit, challenges and a lot of negativity, yet I am here, breathing ad I am standing, so I am doing great.

What are the challenges I am facing?

Currently I am facing quite a lot of challenges all at the same time, as I know this is how life is for most.

My challenges are as follow

1.       Me and my internal reality throwing random shit at me all the time to deal with, the thoughts, feelings and emotions that then takes my space and ability to response practically and within common sense. This I take on using the tools of Desteni as all ways, I breathe, I forgive, I write my forgiveness and then I change.

2.       I am facing who I am within my agreement – in relation to sex, communication and parenting – this I deal with the exact same tools and communicating.

3.       I am dealing with OLD long term addictions, which I am at the moment quitting and stopping, one at a time, with using the tools of Desteni and all the cool support on Eqafe from the Portal Sunette.

4.       I am challenged at the moment everyday with managing a farm/property on which a community lives ( the outside stuff) and making sure things outside gets done, general maintenance, and then attending to peoples requests for the things I can do but they cannot, like let’s say in a random moment someone needs to move something heavy, or get something fixed, I am the guy. This challenges Who I am within Flexibility and making sure that there are NO reactions, no fairness game playing out, but truly being at service within my ABILITIES to life to respond within my self-honesty. Plus all the projects that is on going, like building, setting things up, plants, nature etc.

5.       As all ways, I am still challenged by my Diet, what I eat and how I eat, and within this learning to know my body a lot more, this is a daily thing, and quit interesting to see how I eat and when and what and then the physical responses, I am within this also quitting a lot of things, like Breads as much as possible, I am now on day ten with NO coffee.

6.       Who am I within living in a community and when there are issues or conflicts or problems within the community and we have meetings and communications going on, who am I within this as a solutions all ways as what is best for all life.  So here I am challenged with never taking sides but standing with the group as a whole as principles and best for all life, not falling for what sounds right or wrong based on morality but always what is best for all and what’s in the words.

7.       I am challenged with Time, and this is specific with all my tasks that I have on the Detseni Farm, including the DIP courses where I am a buddy and have quit a few Trainees that I chat with weekly, and in that time I also have my house and my room and basic daily things I need to get too, not to mention sometime spending time with my son and Partner.

8.       This brings me to the other point, spending time with my son and partner, it is something that does not happen a lot, I do not get lots of time, unless it is late at night and my son is asleep and I can finally have time with my wife so to say lo, but then it is getting to late and I have to be in bed to wake up early to get the farm running in the mornings.

9.       I am always challenged with Money and finances, as I have NO control over finances or money, as we area  group and everything we do here depends on the message of Desteni and Eqafe and DIP and DIP lite moving and reaching people and thus that supports brings support back to us/me here equally so we can continue to be that support, but it hasn’t moved a lot in recent years, So I am always under a budget that is limited to really GROW and expand, which laces me under more pressure because that means less help on the farm and thus less time for me and things moving slower.

10.   I started a Project here on the Farm that is called Earth Haven and opened a Company called Earth Haven Foundation seven months ago, to create another branch for income – but this is much more than just income, as I am taking things to a whole other level with Earth Haven, and the challenge here is also reaching people and getting people to fund and support, because once again money is movement, and People are the foundation, so I want to reach a lot of people and then funding, create a cool group for pushing forward world change. Here my challenge is basically getting people to see the simplicity of this movement (Earth Haven) and how the impact of this will be great, basically creating hundreds of Desteni Farms across the world and even MORE and BETTER in terms of the physical practical functionality, because money can allow that and create that. her is a link if you are interested to see - https://www.patreon.com/earthhaven

11.   I run a couple of accounts for Desteni on Social Networks, and they haven’t been able to move a for a while, this is on my list daily to get a way to move them, for example the Desteni Universe I want to upload hundreds more of Bernard Pullmans Videos there but I do not have the time to go through all of them, recreate the videos and render them and upload them, as I KNOW they are awesome and most beneficial for all of humanity. Then there are still the twitter accounts, the Instagram accounts and and google accounts for Desteni and for Eqafe and Earth Haven that all needs to move daily and consistently. I am not finding time. - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCb63lmCTvrWSy1-A2BO3fHg

12.   Another challenge is me blogging and vlogging a LOT more, and even doing my hangouts I used to do so much, as I truly enjoy it, but again time. So here I am doing a few a week and that’s what I can do currently, yet I know a lot more has to be done to reach more people, as that is crucial to change, to creating a world that is best for all life.

13.   Improving my reading and writing skills to become more effective within processing information and in general be able to be more clear within my words to live and express oneness and equality within myself and life.

Ok, I will stop here for today with the list of challenges I work with Daily for now, there are more, but I have to keep it more on the surface, otherwise the details of each and every challenge in each and every project or thing I do will be a book, which might not be a bad idea for the future, to write a book.

For reference, if you are interested in the DIP Pro course here and would like me to be your buddy, to walk this course with you, don’t be shy, people have to come first that are serious about helping themselves and this gets priority – so I definitely have time for  this – check it out here - http://desteniiprocess.com/ jus request me.

This is the update for now. Keep on writing, self – forgiveness and self-honesty, share and care, and no matter what stick to matter and stand within what is best for all life, this is only possible through focussing on who you are as LIFE.

Did you get distracted by the picture in the post?  check out this interview on distractions on Eqafe - https://eqafe.com/p/distractions-life-review

Day 321 – Falling behind on daily Blogging, getting up, moving forward

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall behind on blogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself, to brainwash myself that it is okay even when all evidence show there is no excuse but the mind making me its bitch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my Day and what happened during my day and all together as an excuse to not blog.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the mind as a excuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and to deceive myself into believing that process stops whenever I think it does lol, seeing and realizing that process is always here in each and every moment and I can either support myself or not within re-birthing myself as life and standing one and equal as that which is here as Life as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall behind on daily blogs for not prioritizing what matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prioritize small points of entertainment above what matters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself Believe that after a full day of work I deserve to have small points of entertainment as a reward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a Mind slave to rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be a mind slave to small rewards as entertainment so that I do not have to feel like I am responsible, seeing and realizing that within that I know I am responsible for what is here and that I must act and move accordingly on it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not take self-responsibility for what is here through giving into the mind as entertainment and postponing and worsening the situation not just for myself but the entire world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself for this point and to feel guilty, seeing and realizing that I must actually feel shame which I fear as I do not want to face the actual facts of reality and myself within this reality as the direct equal participant of what exist in and as the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to defend myself against shame, seeing and realizing that shame is what I must feel to realize my actual responsibility within and as this world and to see myself and how I create and manifest what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear all of me as shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see that participating in entertainment while I know what needs to be done to end what is here is a deliberate act of spitefulness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing true shame.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will and cannot see shame as I have numbed myself from shame through layering the shame with countless ways of entertainment as a distraction to reality which is a extreme reality of shame and disgrace of the entire human race which is me and all of it in my face.

I commit myself to when and as I am home and I see that I do have time, to take that time to do what matters and to do it till it is done.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am using the mind as an excuse to stop and to breathe and to direct myself within and as the physical real time within what is here in fact to do what needs to be done.

I commit myself to when and as I get home to not waist time on entertainment points that are irrelevant and have not matter to it, and to go and write my blog instead.

I commit myself to only have my entertainment time once I have done what needs to be done for the day within and as walking MY process for Myself as I really want t.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I have made walking my process a JOB to stop and to breathe within the realization that it is the mind really fucking me over, as the fact is that I enjoy writing my blogs and learning to know myself and to go to the points of Self support and assistance and where I can learn and actually see how I create my days and myself to within that have corrections to live and to challenge myself to change within each breathe to rebirth myself as Life as all that is here one and equal.

Day 128 – Living a commitment - Breathe

Ok so I was about to do my Commitment statements on the previous blogs I did on Being skinny – The Machine Within, and as I started writing the commitments I stopped, I red the one commitment I did and I asked myself – did I write this commitment as Myself in fact where I will live this commitment. Then the next question came up – Have I live even one commitment I wrote in all the blogs?

Self honestly I haven't lived on commitment, I have only written them and placed them in blogs, I realize I had to do this to come to this point of realizing I have to physically live what I commit myself to. 

Then the next question came to me – What does it mean to commit myself to something. Now realizing that I have been in this process for four years and I have been doing what I am doing for a long time, I should by now know what commitment is and LIVING it physically in fact.

Then Came the next point after the self investigation – I looked at what I have committed myself to the most in my written words – the words I have written the most was – I commit myself to when and as I see myself...... and then it ends with to breathe and be here.

Now came the real test, where I could not ignore this point and postpone it for later – I had to ask myself once again – Have I ever gone ONE day where I live this commitment to the fullest of simply BREATHING – as living my commitment in fact – NO I haven't, I told myself, well you know it is a process, it takes time, then I realized it is a simple commitment – and this means that once I commit I LIVE, as simple as that.

So here I am going to take myself on – I am going to be strict with myself and my words and what I write.

Thus I am going to for the next 21 Days and beyond, do Self forgiveness on the one commitment – the commitment to “breathe and be here” and to ACTUALLY within the 21 days willingly breathe as a commitment to live one commitment I committed myself to. To keep myself to my own words and live it. 

Because this is a PATTERN – where I commit and forget and commit and forget and commit and forget and so it goes on. 

I can not recall one commitment I have made from previous blogs, because I never lived it in fact, I never integrated it as the flesh as who I am as the living words I am.

Here I am taking on one commitment and applying Self forgiveness on the point. Breaking the pattern, because this is not just in relation to blogging and so forth and my process since I have been participating with Desteni – this pattern has played out all my life in everything I do, never finishing a book I started, not finishing school, not finishing a video game I started, not finishing any relationship, I always only made these awesome statements in my life and never lived it. 

So here I start with the basic Commitment on Breathing in awareness – the foundation for myself as Breathe. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living one commitment for real daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear living one commitment as myself daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of “seeing myself already failing, standing outside tomorrow morning after waking up already forgotten the commitment to life and to just continue as thoughts”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already judge myself as a failure due to past/memories of where I stated I am going to do something and never did and completely forgot and in the end feel even worse and more like a failure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disbelief in myself through self judgement of past memories/experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make this a competition, realizing I am only competing with my mind that is energy and not real, and thus I see and realize as breathe I am here doing this for myself as an actual self movement that is not part of my pre-programmed life and thus I have to be deliberate and self moving and be strict with myself for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on “hope”, Hoping that tomorrow I will do it, realizing that it is a self movement where I have to in fact move myself and LIVE it and DO it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see and judge myself as incapable of moving myself constantly in breathe all day in awareness of myself here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that if I have to commit myself to breathe all day in awareness tomorrow that it will compromise my life and I will move slow and not get anywhere with doing things, realizing this is the mind moving and giving all and the best excuses it can to not go there where the mind can not exist in breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to doubt myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear actually doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me when I suddenly tomorrow change in my movement and behavior as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create ideas within my mind as to what it means to live in and as breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not breathe and be in the mind as fear, fear of losing the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing the mind as the mind is all that I have ever known and lived as, and thus I see and realize that I have created and manifested my live according to the mind and thus I see and realize that as I move as the breathe the mind created reality will slow down and I will not be able to sustain the mind reality I manifested for myself as patterns/characters and thus I see and realize why the mind fears moving as breathe as the physical.

To be Continued.