Day 134 – Living Commitments – Day 6 of 21. – All I ever known.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all I have ever known as who I am was/is thoughts/feelings/emotions and that to birth myself as breathe as the physical as that which is real is a physical act in self awareness actually breathing willingly and to stop the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make having thoughts as normal and thus when and as I am lost or within thoughts, I do not recognize it - as I have already judged it as Normal and thus simply accepting and allowing it to consume me and my day, as self compromise and sabotage.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be consumed by thoughts through accepting and allowing thoughts as being normal and that it is “just” happening to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the thoughts that is within me through telling myself it is Normal and part of human nature to have thoughts, realizing that as a child I did not have thoughts and that this is the evidence that the natural state of the human/physical is without thoughts, thus thoughts is but a indicator that there is something wrong and not directed within oneself, such as past memories/experiences that one has accepted and allowed to have influence on the present – as this is able to be so through a lack of education of how everything functions in life and that self responsibility has not been taken for all that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts as just one of those things that I do every day as if it is normal, realizing that through this I am accepting and allowing the past to be in the present re-creating the past constantly and thus form abusive patterns towards myself and life, realizing that taking self responsibility through stopping the thoughts as the past re-occurring I am taking self responsibility for the present as the future as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Follow thoughts due to me being so used to it, as I see and realize as a child I was never taught what thoughts are and how to direct them I instead out of curiosity followed them, leading to abusive patterns and events/situations that only compromised me and still does the same out of a habit of it is Normal as I have always done it this way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider stopping thoughts and to instead only follow them or to be directed by them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as thoughts come up see them as valuable and that they must have purpose and meaning, and therefore I must follow them, realizing that the purpose and meaning within the thoughts is but only me that has forgotten the past and thus in curiosity wanting to follow the thoughts to relive the past to see that I have not missed anything, realizing that I do this every day, day after day only re-creating the past as I forget the past through the thoughts/feelings/emotions that comes up within me, realizing that I must stop and Breathe as breath is the present in all ways, each breath is new and here as the physical as that which is best for all life to create a future that is best for all and not the past repeating and accumulating in the present.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the next thought I will have might be important and thus I must participate within all thoughts just not to miss that one thought that might be important.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all thoughts is of the past and thus not real, but an energy experience trapped in the past re-occurring in the present as I have not taken self responsibility for and as my past yes to take self responsibility for my present and thus the future.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am automated within thoughts, to stop and breathe and to bring myself back here to breathe and to slow down and move myself as the director in the present.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself justifying and believing that the thoughts I am having right now must have some importance, to stop and realize they are only thoughts of the past and that it is nothing new, ever, and only creating the past in the present, and thus to stop and breathe and be here as the breath as that which is best for all life, as I realize it is not best for all life or myself to constantly re-creating the past, as the past is evident to have only led thus far to a world that is even more fucked up.