When and as I see I have made a mistake, I commit myself to not go into defense of what I missed, or did not consider, but to instead take a breath,
see the points, drop the energy that I within my body, my chest, and to relax,
stop all words that want to come out of my mouth in a natural way, to instead
look within, see who I am within this, and allow growth, expansion by admitting
my miss take and to take it in and to make it part of my consideration.
My weaknesses are exposed through others giving feedback,
when I take it personal I know I must take breath, see and realize that I am
facing a weakness, the defensive mechanism activating within me to want to TELL
why and how I made the mistake, is defending the mistake, it is to justify the
mistake, and so I cannot learn from the mistake, I will only keep on missing
it, not taking it, not expanding and learning.
When I react to others words and how I take them, I know it
is MY interpretation of what their words are meaning, how I am taking them, how
the words are hitting the notes within me, the notes that are already existent
within me, I am an instrument, If I am not tuned in to SOUND, but rather tuned
in to EGO as energy and personality, then words will activate the energy, the
personality and the through my reactive behaviors I will play music
accordingly, where I can play the SOUND of life as self-responsibility, or I
can play the Sound of energy and characters where the words are swords, meant
to get back, defend and not grow and expand.
When and as I read or hear the words of another that is
directed to me, that is meant for me, and I pick up a “feeling” that there is
something else behind their words, such as frustrations, anger, annoyance or a
certain energy that is sharp as to stab me, to then stop this “feeling” that Is
a defensive mechanism of MY personality/Ego already having a military grade defense system build in that is already ready to attack, where the energy then
possess my body and shakes my body to possess my words, where my reaction isn’t
a direction as a direct action of me anymore, but rather fulled with energy as
something else that now in return will have a sharp energy to stab the other
person back with anger, frustration or annoyance, thus not standing as
self-redirected principle as breath, but rather only existing as a limited
organic robot with automatic responses enforcing an abusing cycle.
When I react and find myself possessed within an energy of
self-righteousness, I stop the words that are ready made, ready to just slip
out and respond, I give to myself the moment, the breath, to swallow those
words and to stop that energy through breathing, to then remove the personal,
to embrace LIFE, where I am an instrument of LIFE, and the music as the words I
play stand as SOUND and not energy, I remove the emotions and the personal, I
look within and I calm my waters, the storm that has been stirred, I see and
realize in the moment that this storm isn’t who I am, the lightning and thunder
does not have to be the answer, I can instead tell the storm to remove itself,
and what remains is me, here calm, standing, as the E-motions, the motion of
energy is gone, and I remain as the motion of LIFE, so I speak words that is
self-responsible as creator, not blamer, justifier or manipulator, I embrace
change, that who I am as the energy ends and I can reborn myself within that
moment as a new me, as the moment is here, the opportunity, and this I am
grateful for, no matter how hard it can be or is, I embrace absolute
self-responsibility and to change, as that is the way forward, living
self-forgiveness to drop the ego, energy and be humble.
Time manifested reactions. When I find within myself, that I
have created a certain perspective, opinion about another Peron and what I
believe their perception is of me, where I believe their perception of me is
that of lesser, of inferior, of not capable, of not able, due to how I take
their words, how I receive their words, how I FEEL their words. I allow myself
to stop the stereo typing of another and how I FEEL them being towards me in
relation to me within me, as I am the holder and beholder of the perception I
have of them as to what perception they have of me, as every word, every action
I take around or in relation to that person or persons will always be to try and
defend my own perception of myself against their perception of me as what I
perceive them to have a perception of me, and thus I always walk in defense and
control, never allowing me to drop all perceptions, to drop all expectations
and to actually breathe and live.
THUS – I see and realize that I hold perception of others
within my mind and who they are based on believes and assumptions of what
perceptions they are holding of me, and so I am creating and manifesting these
perceptions in reality, as my words and actions are a reaction to the
perceptions and thus creating them, manifesting them, so when someone comes to
me and says something to me, I already have a ready-made answer, reaction
towards that person, as I believe their words and actions towards me is coming
from the perception they have of me – which comes from the perception I have of
them and what they have of me, so I react and act in ways that makes no sense
to them, yet I feel I have to constantly defend myself, my perception of
myself. I see this is a battle of illusions.
When someone points out something about me, and I see myself
reacting to the person pointing out the point to me, I stop and I breathe, as I
realize and SEE that I am only reacting because of the believe I have of that
person and what I believe their relationship is within themselves towards me,
so I always find their words and actions as an attack towards me, because of
hat I am holding within me as the STORY, where I have placed the CHARACTERS in
my story as always being the bad guys and I am the good guy, and thus everyone
is out to get me and I must fight this great battle to just make it through, to
make it to the end of the story.
When I fuck up, make a mistake and it is noticed by others,
I commit myself to not make it personal as to what the responses will be, I see
and realize that it is always about self-forgiveness and not others forgiving
me, as I must change in fact to stop making the mistake, using shame and guild
as a defensive mechanism will not change anything but accumulate a negative
ball of energy that will manifest the same shit again, and so I see and realize
that if confrontation occurs of a mistake or fuck up that I have created/made,
that it can never be personal, as I can never actually in fact change by
defending myself with others, by justifying myself, but to instead admit the
mistake and take self-responsibility, and that It must be TRUE to me,
self-honest that I will change, and not something based on how I am feeling by
being confronted, by being pointed out a mistake I have made, or how the
mistake has made others feel, or what their perception or idea is about me
making the mistake, as such starting point for change isn’t valid and based on
nothing more than energy that in due time disappears. I see that I must make
the consequences REAL for myself, to not avoid them, to face them, to change
and to stand up and know that I WILLED myself to change, by my directive
principle and decisions to stand for LIFE as all life as who I am to be that
which is best for all life.
