Who am I every day, there are so many characters and then there is the personality – the baseline so to say of who I have accepted and allowed myself to become.
This baseline is what I am looking at, the general “me” that I have defined myself as and have lived, the characters that I play come from this baseline/foundation.
I will now take a closer look at this baseline of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be as through taking myself and looking at myself when I am all alone.
They say you can learn to know a person and who they really are through getting them angry, because then their real face shows, well all that is showing when you make someone angry is their back chat, their thoughts that they have in secret.
And this is what I am looking at without having to become angry first to see it, or to react or whatever, I take myself and I place myself alone in the dark, and I see what is here as that which I have accepted and allowed myself to be through investigating myself as who I am in secret, seeing the thoughts and seeing the secret mind.
Because it is as we all fear to admit within the mind that we think and talk to ourselfs about others and things and then make decisions, and we all know how limited it is for every human to do decision making this way, because we are all limited to ONLY the judgments of our knowledge and information we have in our minds about stuff that we got from those that has gone before us, and this is why we all Fear so much what other think of us for instance, and why it is a problem, because it is always dishonest, it is always happening in secret in the mind as thinking and having thoughts and chatting/gossip to ourselves in our minds.
We can change this world if we all stop the mind, stop living in two worlds while we all clearly share one, to stop living in secret thoughts and back chat about others and ourselves and everything, it is called opinions for a reason, it is a opinion and not a fact, it is something made up within a person’s own mind within the limits of their own knowledge and information stored within them that was taught to them and repeated over and over till it sank in and then eventually the person believe the opinion is their own free speech.
So I am saying out a pretty simple example of what I am walking here as me in secret as the baseline of who I am every day, it is those repetitive thoughts and back chat that comes up every day, they might seem a bit different at times but yet it is really all the same.
So who am I in general every day, looking at the points where I repeat myself everyday regardless of what I do or try and act out these points keep coming up.
I am now looking at a very prominent point which is me reacting when someone is asking me to do something for them.
I face this point daily living in a community, we all live in a Big community called earth, we only like to care for only a certain part of the community that we call family, while the rest is neglected, here where I live there is no family, we are all people equally made of flesh and bone and mostly water and so we recognize the basics needs of each being and how we all can live together functioning in harmony, this requires a lot of communication and considering things and really facing yourself in those moments.
So when someone asks me to do something for them I react, this isn’t normal because the reaction shows to me that I had secret thoughts and back chat previously about this point, and now that the point is here in the present I react to it as all the past back chat and thoughts come in rushing, the past flooding the present.
So what is it I talk to about myself in secret so that when I am asked to so something I react instead of simply seeing t for what it is as someone asking me to do something for them, I see that the back chat and thoughts come in and make it a WHOLE other point and takes a simple asking to do something for someone and place it out of context within me which creates a lot of energy friction that then builds up, If I am not breathing some nasty stuff can come out, because it is this nasty stuff that I created in secret.
So why do I create nasty stuff in secret about others and about certain points? Why do I take the time and spend the time in my head in secret to talk about other people, to judge other people and to categorize other people and to label other people and to place things on and over other people in my mind.
Well that is the point where I face who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, because it is who I am that decides what I do.
I see within this one point that I do it again out of fear, I have back chat and gossip and thoughts in my mind about other people because I fear something and within my mind I believe I am building a case to defend myself, I believe that in my mind I am setting things right, I believe that in my mind I can prepare myself to face this fear.
So in relation to this Point I see the fears, the fear is being used, abused and that it is all unfair that someone is asking me to do something for THEM – I highlight THEM because that is the separation point I see in my mind.
Now I am going to look at the inner conversations/back-chat that takes place within me as a response to the fear I have which originated from the believe that I am separate from Them. Separation is always fear.
Back-Chat points.
Them being out there, them being the other people, them being the people that want to abuse and use me and that want to only sit back and do nothing, them being the people thinking they are more than me, them being the people that is lazy and wanting to use my hard labor/work for their own purposes while they can if they want to, really do it themselves, or at least try before asking. Why do they always just jump to asking first instead of trying to do it themselves, that’s what I always do first, so why can’t they, they always thing I have so much spare time on my hands to do everything they ask, I am already so busy why do they not consider that, I have other things to do that is more important then their little requests. Cant they consider it.
See the back chat, see how I have used the back chat within my mind as a way to reason and make it all seem so True and real and that it is so tempting to just use that as a weapon to burst out at someone when they ask me to do something for them, so that they can feel bad and shit for only abusing me and using me and that they are not willing to do so themselves, proving that they are only abusing, haha I am so cleaver, look at how I figured this out, I saw their game, I can now play them back.
Ok so realize that everything I wrote from Back-Chat till here is always the mind fucking with you, it is never real, it is always based on pure assumption and interpretation and beliefs of self and others and self judgments and judging others, it is always not real, so Breathe and walk through the resistances, stop that shit, stop that limitations, because in the back-chat points I gave one should and must clearly see how I have in my Mind only defended and fought for my own limitations just for the sake of proving my Fear was right?? What’s that all about??
So here it is to now look deeper, what happened in my Life that I created such a big point in relation to this point of being asked to do something for someone else and reacting to it every-time – everyday I walk around in this anxiety/fear that someone will suddenly ask me to do something for them.
I have written about this point before, I have walked it as many words, for instance the one old blog I wrote was called “ fear of unfairness” which is this exact point, and another one was on reacting when I am asked to do something” and the other one is “fear of being misused/abused” so it is showing me that I am still walking this point, it’s like ruling my every day and my every movement and it is going to stop, because it is abusive and not best for all life quite obviously.
Here is a lot of cool point I will walk in self forgiveness and corrective statements next.
Next up self forgiveness. .
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