I am Insecure, What do you think of me – Day 346

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to CARE SOOOO much what other people think about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about self-conscious Ideas/images of what others want/prefer from me so much that I compromise my entire integrity and instead change when it isn’t necessary .

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I care TOO much about all the small things that is of consciousness that I make myself insecure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I walk around thinking and caring about what others think of me the whole time that I will feel insecure, and that it isn’t even the others doing it but me to myself only.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Focus and care about myself as the IMAGE of myself that I have within my mind and to forget myself as the physical where there is no fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that when and as I am within my mind participating within a Image and Likeness of what I think I am supposed to be by the expectations created by others through their words and actions towards me that I will Be Insecure as I am IN the mind, and to get OUT of the IN security I must live out as the physical OUT of my mind and in my breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live inwards instead of living HERE as me as my body as My sound as my movement and as the breathe in each moment where there is No Insecure where I attempt the whole time to keep myself In and secure from what I perceive that can harm my EGO, seeing and realizing that when and as I live IN side as the mind I am existing as the EGO and thus I am creating a EGO that can be harmed, when in fact it isn’t real, it is simply an image and likeness of myself, a false Idol.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use submissiveness and obedience as a way to protect my Insecurity through accepting and allowing the subtle abuse happening as a way to avoid and standing up within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be easy and soft with Myself as to only protect my sensitive ego that I have created though years of mimicking my actual living with the image and likeness within myself that isn’t real, in the fear that, that image and likeness will be shattered and the true real me that I have suppressed comes out all at once as a reaction, instead of living me as the physical daily as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to care about what others have to say as Opinions/ideas/believes about anything and everything and myself and to make it a point of caring instead of keeping what is good and fucking debunking the bullshit with common sense/questions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear speaking up and to voice myself within the idea that I am created of myself as the false Image and likeness of the mind I have of myself that it just isn’t me, I do not do it, seeing and realizing that it is only so because I have created it to avoid conflict, to avoid what others think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of myself and what other people think about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my entire existence around what other people think about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR what other people think about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire that others only think good about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear other people’s reactions towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be able to stand within stability and common sense in the face of arguments with others, seeing and realizing that this fear only exist because I have given everyone else permission OVER me as more than me as I have given others ALL the power within my mind to define ME for me through Caring SOO much what others think of me, that they can literally create me through me not standing as my own self directive principal within and as Breathe as LIFE.

Day 158 – When The Starting Point is Self – Judgment Continued.

Day 158 – When The Starting Point is Self – Judgment Continued.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have to do something new within my day such as Planting a tree or Building a desk to do the task from the starting point of Judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less then the new activity such as planting a tree od building a desk where I will have back chat within the judgment of “ Ok I Have never done this before and thus it means I will be bad at it” and to the when and as I am doing the activity I constantly have the belief and thinking that I ma doing it wrong and not right, and so I create stress and anxiety for myself while I work where I feel self conscious about myself within doing the activity and that someone will come along and “attack” me. Saying I am doing it wrong and why and that I am bad for doing it so.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself that when and as there is a new activity that I have to do, that I judge myself as less than the activity to create competition within myself to be motivated to do the activity just to proof to myself and others that I am not less than the activity within the fear of being less then the activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself within my mind small, and to within this try and be Bigger and better in what I do, not seeing and realizing that I am trying to disproof something in my head through my actions and thus contaminate everything I do with ego instead of common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be incapable of doing a certain task in my life within the prominent judgment within myself where the back chat always is – “ people do not expect this from me, they all judge me as weak and not able to, I must proof them wrong” and so force things in my life just to disproof people based on what I have in my mind (thus not real) and to within this harm my body such as picking up heavy bags and carrying them around forcefully – as this actions is reaction to the self judgment I have of myself based on the fear of being less then the job/task and that others will see me as weak for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear if other people will see me as weak just because I can for instance not pick up a fifty kilogram bag.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be judged as weak by others when and if I ask for help from another to pick up for instance a fifty kilogram bag and to through this instead pick up the fifty kilogram bag myself and force it onto my body and case harm such as muscle spasms/torn muscles that can lead to fracturing the spine and a lot of self harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that me not accepting and allowing myself to work within equality and oneness with my body creates insecurities as I compare what I want to be able to do within my mind to what is possible in and as the physical with the body I have and to then force the mind ideas/belief onto the body and cause harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and move myself as the mind within and as the beliefs/judgments of the mind in a attempt to disprove the body and to say – look the mind was right I could do it and therefore I am strong and not weak and I can do things, and to within this process break the body as I want to place/impose that which is not real onto that which is real.

I commit myself to when and as I have to do a task/activity/work to work with my body one and equal in and as the physical and to use my body in oneness and equality in my movement and considerations to not give into the ideas and the wants/needs/desires of the mind that is always made greater and better in the mind then what it really is and that will cause harm and to not participate within such behaviors as the ego through forcing myself to do the opposite of what the mind wants to do, as everything works in reverse and at the same time walk through the self judgments and ego points in physical breathing space time and to write and self forgive when and as I see points coming up that needs direction.

Day 157 – When the starting Point is Self – Judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within activities in my daily live from the starting point of self judgment, and to within judging myself within the particular activities I do as not being good enough, or not being able to do it, or that I am less than the activity I am doing and to within this go into a competition with myself where I compete with myself to prove my self – judgment right or wrong so that the mind as the Ego can get an energetic kick out of it, does not matter if it is good or bad.

Example – I have to built a new Desk for someone. Before I start I have the thoughts of - “ me making the desk and finishing it and it looks crap and not “perfect” and not stable or nice” – and to then have the back chat of – “Ok so I am not supposed to be able to do this Nice of Good as I have always or never in my life perfected anything” as the self judgment – and to then within this have fear/anxiety/stress the whole time while doing the job, the fears are that someone will Judge my work and tell me where I am doing it wrong or not good enough, or that I will finish the desk and the persons who’s desk it is will be disappointing and thus only confirm my self judgment and beliefs about myself – and this stresses me out as I work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself as less than the Job/work that I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being the “guy” for the job, thus I will still do it but I will just not be able to do it perfect, seeing and realizing that I limit myself within this judgment and thus compromise myself from perfecting myself as the “guy” for the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself To fail myself for every job I have to do before I even do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am asked to do s Job such as building a new desk for someone to go into the mind as thoughts such as “ seeing myself already fucking up the desk” and to within that have back chat of “ Oh fuck I hope I do not fuck this up” within the fear of that if I fuck it up I will get punished and that I have wasted someones money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Learning something new within the already created expectation of myself of fucking up from the judgment of I am not able to do work that needs specificity and patience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes to perfect myself in any and all kinds of jobs within the fear of wasting someone else money, not seeing and realizing that as I have the fear/reaction within me of already fucking up that when I am actually doing the work, that I will be in constant anxiety/stress that takes away my focus here as breathe in each touch that gives away self direction and where I am then directed by UN-seen forces such as thoughts/feelings/emotions that will direct me and thus cause fuckups – seeing and realizing that the self judgment and fear is actually in fact only creating it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Identify myself as a failure in anything I do due to past mistakes where I did not correct myself, and to have not identified myself as being unable to correct myself and only being able to make mistakes, not seeing and realizing that I never gave myself the chance to fix my mistakes and to learn from them without any judgment and to breathe and walk the correction, seeing and realizing that this is the solution and the way to self perfection in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I MUST make mistakes to learn and self perfect myself, not seeing and realizing that mistakes is simply a second chance and not a MUST, and thus it is possible to self perfect the first time through breathing and being here in each touch in and as the physical focused in and as one dimension and not multiple dimensions that will cause dimension shifts that causes one to “fuckup”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self – perfection as it will show to me that I am able and capable and that all self judgments and beliefs and all the fears I have accustomed to was BIG fucking LIE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear Losing my Fears and self judgments and Beliefs in the fear of losing my comfort zone as all my limitations that I have enslaved myself to – That I simply got accustomed to and never considered anything beyond them such as self perfection and just kept on living the Lies about myself I kept on telling myself.
To be Continued.

Day 127 – Being Skinny – The machine Within Part 13.

This is a continuation of day 126 on the point of looking at all the points that I can see within myself that is Still Here as what I am holding onto and applying Self Forgiveness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the body, as if the body isn’t me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully consider that I am in fact the body and what that implies.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as I am the body in fact, I decide what is happening to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in and as the belief that everything that is happening to my body I ca not prevent or change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am existing as the mind as energy and thus as the mind I influence the body through that which I resonate myself with, and through this resonance as the thoughts/feelings/emotions and back chat I am creating my body and influencing my body, realizing that as I do not understand the physical or the body or how the mind functions I have no directive principal over what is happening yet I am doing it, thus I see and realize that I have to learn and educate myself on how the mind works and the body and to within this take self responsibility equally for both, and to rebirth myself as life as that which is here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the body/flesh through existing as the mind as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as the mind through the body which leads to physical consequences that I can not understand as I have separated myself from the body to exist as the mind and thus anything that is happening with the body is always a “mystery” to me, realizing that the mystery is solved once I look at Who I am as existing as the mind instead of as the body as the flesh that which is real and which is being abused for the entertainment of the mind as self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the mind in separation of the body/flesh without considering that there will be consequences living in separation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from myself as the flesh as the body as who I am in fact as Life one and equal., and as long as I exist as the mind as energy I will only manifest consequences that will be bared on the flesh to show to me what I am doing as who I am.

Ito be Continued with Commitment Statements.

Day 126 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 12

Continuing from Day 115 Part 1 taking quotes and applying Self Forgiveness accordingly.

Self Forgiveness – this I will apply through looking at all the points that I can see within myself that is Still Here as what I am holding onto.

I approach this through breathing and looking at myself and as I breathe I speak the word Skinny – and withing this I see what is here – for instance as I say Skinny I have a reaction towards it, a fear, now what is the fear the fear I see is “lack” – fear that I am lacking something, either within my body that I get in through foods, or through a Belief/idea/opinion and so forth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create and idea about skinny being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word skinny that I have judged as bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react within self judgment within being skinny and that other will see me as less than.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being less than other being skinny and being a male.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure when someone says I am skinny within the self judgment of “I am small and weak and the skinniness conforms it”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge being a male and being skinny as being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to be strong and not weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place value in strength, realizing that strength is to take what your weakness is and to make it a strength.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to feel vulnerable being a male and being skinny as we live in a world of where the belief exist that the strongest survive, realizing that as long as I belief and live out that being skinny is weak I am supporting such a world where only the strong survive and where the weak is cast out, instead of creating a world where the strong supports the weak and the weak supports the strong to be supportive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear strong people and that they will take advantage of me as bullying me or wanting to fight me or wanting to harm me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being harmed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being physically harmed in a situation where someone physically bigger than me can easily over power me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being physically over powered by another human due to having a reasonable bigger size body then me and that I will be harmed and can not do anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the fear of being harmed physically by another human created and made myself a weapon within and as the mind in such a way that I will harm others first before they can harm me, realizing that within my fear I am actually the only harm around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to other males just because they are bigger than me in their physical designs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to other males and to within the comparison within my mind belittle myself and make myself feel less than, realizing that in fact I am not less than them or more but that I am only creating it so within my mind and becoming/living the manifestation of my thoughts/judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust myself to walk this earth as the earth as who i am as the flesh, and to instead search for an image/idea that I preferred all my life befor4e I can walk and breathe, realizing that I do not know the future and that I can for all I know waist my entire life searching and trying to achieve this image before I start to live life as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I will only get rid of the fear I have towards other human being once I achieve the body I belief will give me the confidence I require.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from and as confidence and to seek it outside of myself in a future projection, instead of realizing that I can bring confidence here as WHO I decide to be in each breathe.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I see/observe other ,ales with well built bodies, that I am not desiring the type of bodies they have for myself, but that I am desiring what they present as having confidence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect confidence to what type of body I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being confident with myself because of the self judgments I have about myself and my body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I do not have the right to be confident with myself because of being skinny, realizing that this is a typical pre-programmed design and a result of a consumerism society where the media portray that only “healthy LOOKING” people can be confident and have self trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall for the trap of consumerism where it is presented to the people that only healthy LOOKING people can be confident, creating a world of people that is insecure and do not trust themselves all based on how they look and so Capitalism has created the perfect conditions for consumerism as people will now do anything to look good and healthy to only then have confidence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FALL for the beliefs/ideas/opinions that are portrayed by the media based on a profit driven society where anything and everything will and can be used against you to make profit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attach an idea of being skinny as being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attache a negative feeling/emotion to the idea I have about being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge being a skinny male as being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge skinny males as being less than and inferior.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being skinny as being a bad thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bad about being skinny due to the ideas I have created about being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the idea I have created about being skinny comes from memories and past experiences that I have identified as myself and so created a character for myself as being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel shit for being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate me as the body for being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate myself for not gaining weight no matter what I have tried.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have tried everything yet as there is one more option and thta is to make peace with myself as the body and to focus on living as that which is best for all life and to instead be here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I hate myself or being skinny I am actually only feeling powerless to change myself and within feeling powerless I become angry and depressed, instead of breathing and to stop the mind fuck that does not do anything practical for me and only compromises my life as proven through space and time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the feeling of being powerless to change my body and to thus give into depression and anger.

To be continued...

Day 125 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 11.

Continuing from Day 115 Part 1 taking quotes and applying Self Forgiveness accordingly.

Quote 9: “what is the belief of myself that I am imposing/trying to live out that takes all my energy, instead of living here in breathe as the physical.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must be muscular.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the belief of myself of that I must be muscular to be a man.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being a man according to how big and how much muscles a man has.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define being a man according to muscles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that I must be muscular to be respected.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect respect with how big and how much muscles I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have a Belief a religion of myself that I must always be ABLE to do anything at anytime and thus I must always physically be ready – thus I belief to always be physically ready my body must be in a certain shape that reflects that I am always ready.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place being always ready to work/act and taking self responsibility in, that I must be physically built for such things, realizing that I have already proven to myself over time and a lot of work in my life even while being skinny that how big and how my muscles look had nothing to do with any of that.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in fear of the unknown as to when something MIGHT happen and to within this fear want/desire to prepare my body to the ultimate to always be ready just in case, realizing and understanding that living in this behavior I am actually only creating my fear through my actions/behaviors.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I must be ready to physically fight and kill other humans just in case with my body and so within this fear of physically having to fight someone and that I might die, excessive and break my body in the preparation of the fear manifesting, realizing that within such behavior I am killing myself and harming myself and thus I do not need another human to beat me up as I am doing it myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that my body is useless and through this PUNISH my body physically through the way I move and push my body constantly telling my body – you are not good, you such, you are a bad body, I hate you for the way you are and that I will only love you if you change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see how I am abusing my body and that the signals I am giving my body daily through my actions and what those actions are signaling/telling my body and that my body will respond in return.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have to work with my body in oneness and equality to have actual effect – as it is all about the starting point as LIFE and what is best for all LIFE in all ways and as this is only a matter of WHO I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as long as I force anything onto my body or into my body I am in FACT giving my body the judgment signals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my body and to within this force my body within physical actions to change to the other “good” judgment as the Love in my mind, not realizing within these actions I am only hating and punishing and being nasty to my body in my actions as I might as well just say to my body all day Long – I hate you- I fucking hate you, You are useless and that is why I am making you do all these things, like crucifying the flesh for a false image/God in my mind.

To be continued