Day 119 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 5

Continuing from Day 115 Part 1 taking quotes and applying Self Forgiveness accordingly.

Quote 4: “ I weigh 65kg and I am 22 and 1.77m high, this is according to “professionals” underweight and I agree. Even when I remove the Idea of how I must “look” physically according to pictures, the physical reality is I am under weight and my body is not gaining weight that is seen as healthy.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trust professionals of a system that is not built on what is best for all life and within the consideration of the physical, but that is built on consumerism where profit is the driving force of each and every word spoken by any professional, yet considering what they say and to analyze the practicality and common sense within it is trusting myself and seeing what is real and what is only being said to make profit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to agree with professionals just because they are apparently professional, yet when I ask them questions that seem obvious such as what would have caused the problem in the first place they will not be able to give me and answer but only force solutions based on their perceptions of the situation onto me which costs money and so they make money, realizing that I must investigate the “problem” myself with the info they gave me with self honesty and common sense and my own research where I can and to apply corrections accordingly or not – self honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of being Skinny because someone labeled with professional said so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the words of a professional words that must be taken seriously and not lightly and to within this go into fear of having to much or lack of something such in my case “weight” and since a professional said so, it must be serious, realizing that a professional is only professional within what he is taught to know to make capital/profit in a profit driven system and thus all and any info a professional gives that comes from a system designed to suck money out of people, I must be self honest with myself and the info and to trust myself to not trust all I hear or read and rather apply my own research as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Make my skinniness a problem just because a “professional” said so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the professional and what he said as the statistics as my reasons, excuses for abusing my body with Protein shakes, mass muscle gaining shakes and heavy gym and putting pressure on my body, joints, bones, muscles.

I forgive myself that I have made a problem out of my body at looking at how my body looks physically and to accept and allow professional info that looks at what healthy is also according to picture perfect bodies and NOT at all at what and how the physical functions/works in practicality in and as the physical.

I asked a guy ones at a sport shop at the weights and exercising equipment section what Can I do to gain weight – I then told him my history and what the “problem is” he suggested everything he had to me, I told him I already tried everything except steroids, he looked at me and he said – OK here is what you must do – for a couple of months you must work as little as possible and only work at the gym, and you must eat Macdonals three times a day.

I looked at him and I said, No thanks, and then walked away.

So here a professional told me to basically go and destroy my body and to compromise and create problems for my body that will manifest in the long run, yet he did not consider that point at all and he just looked at my body and how my body looked like from the outside and gave me solutions according to that, now if you ever ask a professional for help and he looks at your body as a picture that needs fixing, know any help you will get from that will not be what is Best.

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR being unhealthy due to how my body looks like according to the bodies that is being advertised on TV and magazines as being healthy – realizing I will probably die unhealthy then as the healthy pictures portrayed by the media is always un achievable for most people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR being unhealthy due to opinions from others and the media about how I am not looking and to within this Judge my body as being un healthy and actually move and direct myself within and as fear of being unhealthy and go out and abuse my body at the gym, doing hard core sports, using chemicals, and torturing myself in my mind the whole time about how I look, realizing that this is exactly what Capitalism as the consumerism society wants to exist within me so that I will spend my money and they will make money within using what I fear or what they create within me to fear to drive me as my secret mind/intentions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am unhealthy because of what the Media says Healthy is and must look like through creating fear messages to brainwash the masses to feel shit about themselves and to then go out to find the solutions in all the traps Capitalism set up just before sending out the Bait as the fear.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that If I was never told I am skinny or unhealthy according to how my body looks I would never have had a problem with it and would actually have focused on how I live as me my body and actually be effective in living as the physical body, not chasing pictures in my head the whole time every day in fear of not looking a certain way in fear of not being accepted and being judged and in the end in fear of not being loved, instead of seeing how I am within my body as the physical experience and functions of the body, as such I am quite effective.

To Be Continued.