Day 266 – Me Myself and Parrots Part 4

Continuing from:
Day 263 Me Myself and Parrots Part 1
Day 264 Me Myself and Parrots Part  2
Day 26 5 – Me Myself and Parrots Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that for the “relationship” between me and the parrots can only work if there is trust.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “HOPE” that there will be trust in the future between me and the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not sea nd realize that to “hope” for trust will never built trust and only create expectations and disappointments that leads to anger and self hatred that leads to me reacting and in the end becoming harmful to others (parrots).

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that Trust is something that is developed through MY living actions that is proven and consistent in time and space that is genuine as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the hope that one day there might be trust between me and the parrots instead of realizing that I must create that trust as Who I am, not as who I pretend to be as that will create real trust that will be able to stand the test of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be to lazy to make the effort to built real trust that is physical and not a dream world in y head of someday maybe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create pictures of me and what I want the parrots to be with me and to then try and attempt to place the parrots in this picture of my mind, not seeing and realizing that this will create conflict and is abuse as it requires force to get the parrots to submit into the picture that might never happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project a picture of what I desire for the relationship with the parrots to be from my mind into reality and to then attempt to play/create it as the picture, not seeing and realizing that the picture in my head is but only a picture and thus I will never succeed and always end up reacting and being angry and have a “bad” relationship with the parrots as I will even blame them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a thought picture within my mind where I see myself happy with the parrots and where I can lay with them and them with me all together and just being awesome together and to then react towards the parrots when this is not happening in reality and to then get angry and mean towards them, seeing and realizing how I have set myself up in a game of polarity with the parrots through living in my mind as a fantasy world and not considering EVERYTHING of and as the physical to be effective and in fact live in oneness and equality with what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Doubt myself to be able to stop the mind projections and all the beliefs/ideas and to stand here as the physical one and equal to move myself within creating a effective relationship with me and the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through so many “bad” experiences with the parrots to have judged myself as incapable of ever having a one and equal relationship with them that I not live in separation of them as fear and self self-judgment, seeing and realizing that I must stop the Bad energy connection I have made and to stop all positive future projections I have created of the parrots and to work with what is here as the physical and to give myself a new slate where I do not hold the past over my own head or block myself with a wall of a future projection from being effective here as breathe with the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the behavior of the parrots from the past against them and to already cast them into judgment for their past and to accordingly act and behave as if they have already done that which I expect from them, seeing and realizing how I in fact create the past again here in the present as the future.

To be continued.

Day 265 – Me Myself and Parrots Part 3

Continuing from

Day 263 Me Myself and Parrots Part 1
Day 264 Me Myself and Parrots Part  2

Working with the parrots is something that must be applied in my daily living, not just when I am with the parrots, this is how I deceive myself and also show that what/who I am when I am with them is but only temporarily and thus not real, it is still a pretentious point, because when I am not with them I am someone else, and when I am with them I am suddenly now being careful and caring and considerate and gentle and kind and name it, but as soon as they are back in their cages and I do not have to deal with them I am someone else, this is what they know, they can observe it and see what’s here, and it cannot be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only apply myself when and as I am with the parrots instead of applying myself all the times as the correction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be reckless during my day within participating within my physical reality and to only change to slowing down and breathing and being here once I am around the parrots.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I do not apply slowing down and being aware of myself and my movements and actions ALL the time in each breathe but only do so once I am with the parrots, that I am in fact compromising myself to be set up to “react” as I am attempting to suddenly NOW be corrected and expecting it when all day I was practicing the opposite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the consequences of my actions in each moment as who i am within applying myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I see the correction that I have to LIVE with the parrots to be effective such as slowing down and being aware of each and every moment and to be here as the physical in awareness to only apply it when I am with the parrots, not seeing and realizing that only applying it with the parrots isn’t enough and that I am setting myself up to fail and to only create more self hatred.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create self hatred through knowing what I have to do ALL the time and to Not apply it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my communication with the parrots through only practicing my communication with the parrots in the limited time I spend with them, seeing and realizing that I have to apply physical communication within and as my reality as the physical as awareness all the time in each breathe being aware of all my movements and slowing down.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I slow down and focus on my movements more and being aware of my movements all the time that I will LOSE time and not get things done during my day, not seeing and realizing that by NOT doing so I am not getting anywhere anyway and actually only making the problems bigger.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe that there inst time for awareness all day, LOL asking myself then how do I make it through the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my actions that I do without awareness and slowing down around the parrots that causes them to see me as a threat and a danger and thus not save to be around with is a Habit I have become addicted to as my automatic robotic movements I do daily that is now Living for me and thus I am actually always a danger to myself as living in unawareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear slowing down and being aware of my movements as I have created the believe that being slow and aware in and as myself as my body is a weakness as if I am not busy and not doing anything and as if I haven’t mastered my own movements yet and that others will see me as weak if I have to move slow and in awareness every day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my self-judgments as if they are other peoples judgments as a reason to justify why I am not applying myself ALL the time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within perfecting myself as re-birthing myself as life, seeing and realizing that rebirth takes baby steps as I have to remove the old and then to Create the new as that which is best for all life as the parrots are showing me currently where I am still living within self interest.

To be continued.

Day 264 – Me Myself and Parrots Part 2

Continuing from Day 263 Me Myself and Parrots

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Blame the Parrots for Biting me and how I experience myself within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Who I Am when approaching the parrots will have an effect on the parrots and their behavior towards me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to approach the parrots within superiority and dominance as to want to control them to not get bitten.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear getting bitten by the parrots and so when I approach them I take on characters of defense which will have certain characters to then such as dominance and superiority to impose upon the parrots so that I can control the parrots and to not get bitten, not seeing and realizing that this actually only motivates the parrots to bite more as Who I Am within approaching them is that of Fear and thus I am a threat to them, I am a danger to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that any fear I have when approaching the parrots is showing within me and as my behavior which will mostly be “harmful” as fear is reactive and reactive is of a mind demon possession as energy that can take over when the characters “feel” they have failed and thus the parrots will Bite to show that who I am isn’t best for all and that even they can see it and that they have to defend themselves from me already beforehand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry at the parrots for not working with me, seeing and realizing that this is not the case, they are working with me showing me who I am and what I have accepted and allowed within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my anger is in fact me being angry at myself for knowing who I am when approaching or working with the parrots yet I do not change and accept and allow the fear to direct me within my approach.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to “fix” the parrots as if they are broken because they Bite me, seeing and realizing that this is me attempting and trying to not to have to see who i am and to work with that as I know it will be “harder” and thus I rather try and change the parrots to fit my limitations/fears/comforts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my ego to take charge of the matter where I do not even look at myself in totality to see what it is I am accepting and allowing within me that provokes the parrots to Biting instead of working together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear standing as equals with the parrots in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I stand and walk as the parrots as their equals that they would take advantage of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the parrots my fear, instead of me facing me as the living fear that I have accepted and allowed myself to be as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that how the parrots respond to e when and as I have to work with them that it is feedback to me for what’s happening within and as me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of seeing a parrot biting me to exist within me mind before I even work with them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat of – If you bite me one more time then I am going to stop being nice to you” as the reaction towards the thought I had.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the thoughts and back chat that I have towards the parrots is that of justifying my fear that I have created within me from past experiences and that the backchat and thoughts are motivating violent behavior as the reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the parrots can see this within me as y thoughts/backchat will have a Physical effect as behavior that the parrots can read because that’s how they communicate and thus know the physical signs of danger and fear and will BITE to fend the danger off which is me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a danger to the parrots within not looking and changing who I am within myself to what’s best for all and to stop the mind/thoughts/feelings/emotions and to Breathe and be here as the physical as the parrots equals.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that only through controlling the parrots will I be able to establish team work between us.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that through using control to establish teamwork in the group that I have/am actually showing that only through fear can there be order/teamwork and thus everyone is in fear of one another and that leads to stress and thus biting and hurting and fighting and conflict that is preventable.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that there is another way that is not fear and control and dominance and that I must apply this as what is best for all life and o stop the ego from looking away and to take self responsibility.

To Be continued.

Day 263 – Me Myself and Parrots.

This Is Wings in the Picture with Me

We have five Parrots here at Desteni Farm, Me and my partner are the ones taking care of them, they live right in our room with us, we have five cages in our room and we let the parrots out for a hour or two a day if we have the time, most of the time either me or my Partner have the time to let them out.

Taking care of the Parrots is easy, it is basically giving them food three times a day, giving them clean water every morning and washing the bowls, it is keeping their cages clean which I do every Saturday, and then also part of taking care of them is to make sure they are good over all in health.

Then there is the one point that I am still not cool with, this is me with the Parrots, what I mean is that the relationship between me an the parrots must have a good relationship for this to work, because we need to literally live together and thus requires working together.

This isn’t always so, The first Parrot we got we called parrot, we have a great relationship and he is pretty cool over all with humans because we had him all alone for a while so he got human interaction for hours every day, then we got four more Parrots, this is where we had to start treating them equally to not create/cause problems between them, so we had to stop giving individual special attention.

This became a problem since we now only have one parrot that is cool with humans and lots of other things and four others parrots that is still half wild, because they went up in numbers so quick we never had the time to give each one individual attention and interaction.

So now working with the Parrots can be trouble as there are four of them that still gets frights for any out of the ordinary movements or sounds and sometimes even freak out for nothing, and they BITE.

The new four parrots have been Biting ever since they could, they never had that interaction with humans to be with us and to understand us and them together, like our fist parrot understand how saw he can bite and that the human skin is sensitive and can be damaged, so he does not bite and he gently nibbles or play with the Human skin equal and one, the others don't, and they seem to actually like to see how we react or get hurt when they bite us, this is causing problems with working together and thus creates conflict.

So the point I am facing within this is myself, facing the parrots everyday and them biting and not stopping it, even after a year by now, they just continue, I have tried to stop them through tapping them on the beak, like with dogs, I also tried approaching them differently and many other things, its not working, I feel like just giving up, the ones that still bite, Wings - one of the four has been working with me out of her own, she flies to my desk and sits on my lap and she does not bite anymore.

So I know it is to hang out with them more and to play with them and connect with them and communicate with them, or to establish communication, but the time to do this is something that I am struggling with, because I am already busy and already have all my time set out for specific daily commitments/tasks, and through seeing how effective the first parrot is through ALL the time we spend together I see it is what required, but there are four now.

Sp for this to work I have to work with my reactions first and my anger and everything else that I have now created already in myself as back chat towards/about the parrots, so that when I work with them I know I am clear and that I can direct it and express myself and not be in fear around them.
Self Forgiveness next.

Day 262 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 10

Day 262 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 10

“Every day I assume a Character that I expect everyone wants to see of me, I assume that this is the only character that is acceptable by everyone around me”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume a character everyday out of the believe that I have to or I will Die.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I have to assume a character everyday just to get around and survive the day.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Assume any and all characters necessary to survive the day, even if it means losing myself and my integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself To believe that I need to assume a character in order to live Life, not seeing and realizing that I can live Life anyway without characters/masks.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself o go into characters that I created deliberately as a response to what I fear in live to hide the fear or to attempt to avoid the fear, never facing my fear within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create characters that I believe others want to see me as everyday that I play and pretend to be just to not to have to face points I fear from others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself into believing that the characters/masks I wear play every day is for others, seeing and realizing that I put them on for myself to hide my insecurities/fears/judgments and everything about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear NOT going into character and playing the roles with the masks as I fear what might or might not happen.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what Might or might not happen when and as I do or do not play the characters I have made myself believe that others want to see me as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Live my Life according to what I fear or do not fear and to within this create characters/masks that I enslave myself to as a personality that is addicted to energy as thoughts/feelings/emotions to move and direct me and my life accordingly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have enslaved myself to the characters that I play every day as a personality suite that I wear as the WHO I AM everyday around people or even alone just to be save and to preserve my own self interest of fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Who I Am as my personality that consists of many characters I play s a creation of and as fear and thue when and as I accept and allow myself to defend and define myself according to who I am currently that I am actually saying I am FEAR.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide in dishonesty towards myself as who I believe I have to be as the characters I play every day in front of everyone and or in different situations as I believe that it is what keeps me save and protected and that it is the only way, not seeing and realizing that I am actually just locking/enslaving myself to and as Fear as the mind as the thoughts/feelings/emotions I have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can not change who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i must play the roles that I have played for so long everyday even if it compromises me and my world and everyone within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I can create who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear creating myself and to believe that it is wrong to change myself in the eyes of others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing myself in the believe that the changes I have to make will weaken me and make my stand within this world weaker and that I will not be able to survive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear changing who I am to that which is best for all in always in absolute certainty as myself within the fear that I might lose my ability to survive within this world, not seeing and realize than my change then is not what is best for all life but just a compromise and thus I am not yet self honest with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist and live as survival within all and any character I play and that all of Who I Am currently as my personality no matter how positive or negative it is, is all in the name of survival and fear.

To be Continued.

Day 261 – The Pattern of Who I Am Part 9

Continuing from Part 1 till here and more.

Taking the Parts from Part 1 to 3 and applying Self Forgiveness on them one at a time, each point.

Today’s Point: “see how I have used the back chat within my mind as a way to reason and make it all seem so True and real and that it is so tempting to just use that as a weapon to burst out at someone when they ask me to do something for them, so that they can feel bad and shit”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate/use back chat within my mind in secret to reason with myself as a way to create reason/opinions that I can use towards/against others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a evil professor sitting in the back of my head talking to myself and making options and poisons up inside my head as the backchat and the gossip and the thinking as weapons to attack and harm and WIN against others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the secret mind as back chat where I sit in the dark in my head by myself talking to myself and having conversations with myself where I actually argue and reason with myself and even play scenarios where I win against myself as a way to test my secret weapons I am creating with the words I use and place as a way to win even if it means I have to use nuclear words against others as any means to win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I participate within back chat and gossip within my mind where I am all by myself that I am actually having no cross-reference at all what so ever and that such bullshit can never be trusted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I reason with myself within my mind where I pretend in my mind that it is actually reasoning, LOL seeing and realizing that it is just me fucking with myself as reasoning requires two people talking for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that any kind/type of reason I come to within my mind is actually valid, as the reason I create within my mind with myself cannot be reasoning as it was created from me talking to myself??? Mental problem it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the difference between any “normal” person and a mentally ill person is that the mentally ill person simply say what’s in their head out loud and thus they are actually more honest then any normal person.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can reason and create reasoning skills and create “new” reasoning skills within my mind talking to myself in secret where I will play out scenarios where I always win arguments and fights and so forth as a way to prepare myself for the real thing, not seeing and realizing that this is always in my disadvantage as it always gives me a false everything of reality as it was/is constructed within a alternate reality that is of energy and fuzzy logic and not the facts in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accept and allowed myself to have back chat when and as someone asks me to do something for them and to within this back chat always first defend my limitations and to then quickly look for ways to fight with my words to Win even if it means I limit myself and enslave myself to the limitations of the minds reasoning of weird logic based on self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I react when someone asks me to do something for them to Immediately create of bring up the “reasoning” I prepared within my mind as a weapon to attack someone that I deliberately tested and tried within my mind to see if it will hurt the other person or make them feel shit/bad and like crap for asking just to feel that I have a sense of power back where I am not a slave that simply do what I am asked and to feel that I have no authority to decide if I will do what I am asked or not, not seeing and realizing that I am abusing other people and myself and that in fact all that is required of me in situations such as this is for me to breathe and to consider what is here in and as the physical and make a decision of yes or no accordingly and do it or not or arrange other time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see the evil within me that I have created myself as when and as I sit by myself back-chatting gossiping by myself where I deliberately test and try out reasoning skills towards/about/against another being to deliberately with the intention to harm them when and as I use the reasoning I create within my mind just to win or have some sick self interest feeling/emotion to be fulfilled as energy rush of winning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately want to make others feel shit/bad just for asking me a simple things such as doing something for them just because I have some personal issues I have to sort out within myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be bad to create myself as, as it all exist within me all the time and thus I am always responsible and cannot take it out on others or myself but that I must forgive myself and see what I am doing in the moment and to breathe and to then take a deep breath and decide based on the principal of what is best for all in all ways.

To be continued

Day 260 – The Pattern Of Who I Am Every Day Part 8

I have in my Mind only defended and fought for my own limitations just for the sake of proving my Fear was right?? What’s that all about??

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear within me that I might be asked to do something for someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this fear within me that I might be misused or abused by others for my abilities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my abilities special and unique within my mind, seeing and realizing that as I have made my abilities special I fear that others will abuse it and use it only because they can.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when and as I have abilities that I can apply where others cannot and that when they ask me for help to feel like I am being abused and used, not seeing and realizing the fact as the physical that I am capable and able to do certain things others can yet what they need to get done still remains and that it is my responsibility as the one with the abilities to help them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this fear of maybe they will/are abusing me for what I can do just so that they do not have to train and learn how to do the things by themselves as I did.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the back chat of “ if I could do it with hard work and training so can they” to exist within me, not seeing and realizing that everyone had different physical bodies that is specific and also a result of genetics that they cannot always help for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to others when they ask me to do something for them within the fear of that they might now just be taking advantage, seeing and realizing that I am the only one not taking advantage of myself to test and upgrade my abilities in that moment to push myself beyond my own limitations of my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I fear others will take advantage/abuse my abilities because I fear pushing myself and getting out of my comfort zone within my mind where I have this abilities but never use them to bring myself to my full potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I only fear myself and that I might abuse myself when and as I use my abilities to their fullest as I know myself and that I can never stop even when it is required as my ego kicks in.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself as my abilities through only wanting to limit them within not applying myself as my abilities equally for all when and where it is possible and to only remain a slave to my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that it is abusing myself when and as I am not using my abilities that others do not equally have as the physical points through trying and attempting to hold myself/abilities from others as a way of spite.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful towards others when and as they ask me for help through reacting and wanting to make myself un available to them as to achieve a goal where I can say look what I have and you can’t have it just to feel more special.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my behavior as the result of my back-cat and inner gossip is a result of me attempting to be spiteful which is always self abusing within holding myself back and limiting myself and remaining a slave to energy as the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it makes me powerful and strong to have abilities others need/want and that I can withhold it from them if I feel like it, not seeing and realizing that what I do onto another is what I want to be done onto me will be in play at all times.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I live in fear of others asking me to do something for them as I have already judged that others will not do anything for me within my mind through gossip and back chat from once upon a time in the past where it was done so onto me and now I place this judgment onto all.

To be continued.

Day 259 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 7

Here I continue with the last Blogs I stopped at just before the power went off here for three days and two nights – thanks for understanding if you are a reader of this blog.

Last time I was doing Self forgiveness on the points I discussed in Part 1 and Part two.
“I believe that in my mind I can prepare myself to face this fear.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Believe that I can prepare myself within my mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions to Face my Fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that it is within the Mind that I create Fear in the first place, as I always take things from reality as the physical and place it into a energy experience through the mind through how I perceive/judge reality which then turns into a reaction and fear as the mind tends to always make something more then what it is in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have a fear and that I am trying/attempting to “prepare” myself to face this fear that I am actually just keeping the fear alive within me as I am giving it recognition and validation as if it requires special attention and thus it must be real, making it real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have fear within me towards/about others/things that it is always about me as it is only within me and not about the others/things as I am the one creating the fear within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fear within me towards about others/things through the back chat and judgments and gossip I have with myself in my own mind where I generate energy which usually ends up as fear as it is dishonest because I know I am doing it all in secret in the dark and that what goes on in my mind I do not dare expose or live because I know it is all lies and only abusive in its nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be dishonest with myself about the fears I have through believing that it is created within me through what others do and say and think when and as I can see that I am the one with the fear and that when and as I participate within secret as back-chat and gossip in my mind that I am creating the fears and the energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for the fear that I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make others responsible for the fear that I have within me, seeing and realizing that I fear admitting that I am the one that created the fear and that I can thus stop it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to take responsibility for my fears as the creator of my fears, seeing and realizing that I have created the fears as a way to not to have to take responsibility for myself as Who I Am within and as myself and what I accept and allow within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fears within me as a way to excuse myself from having to take responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create fears within me as a way to justify and reason my way out of having to take self responsibility for myself and this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be self honest with myself about my fears and why I have created them and that I have created them myself through participating within the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions and as all the Back-chat and gossip I do in secret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that all fear is from existing within self interest and the believe/idea that I am separate from everything else.

To be continued.

Day 258 - In The Dark on Desteni Farm

I am sitting here in the Dark, we have been out of power for a long time here at the farm, It has been two nights now, it is quite fascinating to see what changes within ones environment.

Electricity is everything, it is fucking LIFE, let me rather say ENERGY, and not the energy one would experience inside ourselves, I am talking here about real physical energy that moves things, it is what keeps your fridges and freezers going so that there can be food stored in it, the food itself is a scary point to look at when the power is out, I asked myself what if the power never comes back?? The food in my fridge is all from somewhere else, I don’t have it in my garden, and the food in my fridge/freezer is designed to have to stay cold or it goes to waste.

Then the next point we constantly face which is water, it s even more important than the food, we can live without food for longer than water, and as we all know water does not just come to our houses through some miracle, it is electricity that brings it all together, unless you have a rain tank with rain water, which will run empty if there is no rain, and then we have a gravity tank which will run empty and need electricity to be filled again. And then there is everything else besides the basic needs of water such as drinking it and growing food with it which is showering and washing cloths and dishes and the use of toilets, it all becomes a problem once there is no electricity/energy to move those things.

We live on a farm so we have a vegetable garden and we have chickens and we have a dam and a tiny river and we have lots of fruit trees, BUT here is the thing, the fruit trees isn’t bearing any fruit currently, the vegetables aren’t always ready at any time, the water from the river and dam are beyond poisonous if you want to drink it, catching fish is never a guarantee, and I mean where do we all take shit’s and piss if the water can’t run.

So consider what it will be for the billions of people living in closed apartments in cramped cities with sometimes no gardens at all even close by and or anything but the system as the alternative, which isn’t a alternative if the power goes out LOL, it is a fucking mess waiting to happen, hell for all at once as everyone’s fears will take to the streets for survival, those with solar energy or wind energy will probably die first as others will kill them for it, and so a cycle will start, anyway!!

There are so many point coming up in relation to what is physically changing just because that ONE point is removed from the rest, electricity, and now I am only mentioning a few points.

If you look at it I am just giving basic NEEDS points, not yet mentioning ALL the other things we have conditioned ourselves with, such as all the entertainment points, your TV and your Music and your PC and your game consoles and Cell phones and how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live in a world where our basic needs are constantly under threat, our electricity comes from Ancient fossil fuels from within the earth from millions of years ago.

Ever since the power has gone out I haven’t been able to take a shower even when I really need to, it is simply impossible, there is no electricity, there in nothing to give me that warm shower I am so used to, so what is my alternatives? If the power has to never come back on for a hot shower, we only have a dam and a river with water that is disgusting!!

I haven’t been able to just go into my house after a day of work outside and just have a coffee, there is no electricity, I can’t even just quickly watch a movie or a episode of something, I can’t turn the music on and check my facebook or emails or whatever else it is, it is impossible, there is no electricity.

When night comes, it is dark and that is it, there are no lights and there is nothing else to do, I mean we have torch lights, but they only last a few hours, we have candles but they only last for so long.

When night comes I hear a shit load of bugs enjoying the quietness through making loads of sounds and I can even hear the bats for once, I can obviously not see anything outside, I just sit in my house.

It is like I had all of these weird connections unplugged from me and now I am here all by myself, all these points I participated within everyday within a believe that it will continue forever and ever and ever and that I will never have to change anything I do or have to ever consider anything about my daily life because it is always just here, BAM the electricity goes out and here I am suddenly looking at small things such as, where will I get food from once the food in the fridge is gone, I am not growing rice in the garden or corn flakes, its all made and comes from far away yet I eat it every day, I make myself dependant on these things in a system where that which brings it to me is determined by money and based on fossil fuels as the only way it’s getting to me.

The reason for the electricity being out is because we had a massive storm here, it blew trees over everywhere and peoples roofs and all other bunch of stuff, a guy that has been living in this area for the past twenty years say it is the worst he has seen, so the electricity company is up fixing all the shit that went wrong to bring electricity back to the people, they are under pressure lol, because everyone just wants their normal lives to return to them as quickly as possible.

So as we all know South Africa, here they strike for anything any time for good reason though, they get shit money and shit lives, so we just hope they do not decide the work is to much and strike for the next few weeks, those with the money that has always had everything that electricity/energy provides will have HELL, maybe now some people will consider what is means to not have a flushing toilet or to not be able to have anything electricity provides, or they will just want their electricity back and forget.

We have a generator, so we are currently able to generate electricity with ancient fossil fuels to power our fridges and freezers and we can pump water to our gravity tank and have gravity fed water to our houses, but that can only last as long as we have that good old OIL in there, otherwise it is over, and it cost quite a bit of money, but rather that then all the food going moldy and rot and having to re buy that.

My daily routines and patterns in terms of night - mostly is all out of place and really impossible to do, I can write this blog because I charged the Tablet with the generator, so basically I put fossil fuel energy into my Tablet and now I can write and post a blog.

Imagine the whole world going without electricity, we are fucked, imagine that currently no one gives a shit that our world is run by coal and oil and fossil fuels that is created of a time of millions and millions of years, it will run out and we all will not be prepared on all levels unless we apply the EMC principals and do with common sense and LIVE prevention, create a new system before oil runs out where we can start creating a new world where money does not limit us to what is possible and why we are not changing certain point ASAP.

Quickly, consider one point and look into it, right now in your home, where does the water come from and how does it get there, you will find that fossil fuels are bringing it to your home, and you do not even know how and where or anything, do you have a alternative place to get water from? If it has to ever come to it, I mean shops will run out of bottled water, people will becomes demons as fear kicks in.

Do you understand the implications and the facts of when I say Fossil fuels are running EVERYTHING, find out what oil is and where it comes from, your life depends on it currently and it should be quite a fright when you realize the shit we are in from just that one point.

I am still sitting in the dark right now, the time is 21:43, there is nothing to do still, it is impossible, we do not have equipment or abilities to go out and o shit in the dark or get work done, we need light, we need plugs, we need coffee, we need all our stuff in our house such as the PC's to be able to work and the lights and the microwave machine and the kettle and the toaster and the TV and I mean see it for yourself, it’s all dead still.

O the Animals are loving it though, there is a quietness in the air, it’s like the sound of silence, my brain hurts hearing it at times, I am so used to all these machines running and making noise and everything all the time being on, it’s weird but relaxing, my body relaxed extensively in this darkness.

Day 257 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 6

Day 257 – The Pattern of Who I Am Every Day Part 6

I see within this one point that I do it again out of fear, I have back chat and gossip and thoughts in my mind about other people because I fear something and within my mind I believe I am building a case to defend myself, I believe that in my mind I am setting things right, I believe that in my mind I can prepare myself to face this fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the gossip/back-chat within my mind that I create and participate within is from fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I fear others gossiping about me, so I gossip about them first to make myself feel better just in case they are gossiping about me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I fear others gossiping about me is my own insecurities and self-judgments that I have about myself that I project onto others as if they are talking about the judgments and fears I have of myself and so within this fear I start to gossip about others within my mind to make myself feel better and to prepare myself just for incase the gossip is real and I need something to defend myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip about others/things within my mind without seeing and realizing that simple truth that it is me that is gossiping and judging and having back chat about myself first that I then create into insecurities and fears that I now project onto others as gossiping about them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I gossip about others within my mind within secret that the gossip coming out within me about others is actually the things I fear others might be gossiping about me and so I start this game of gossiping to see who wins and who loses as the best gossipers in secret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have back-chat within me that it is within me and thus it is always about me and that I am attempting to separate it from and as me through projecting the back-chat onto and towards others within me mind in secret just to create a energy experience that can make me feel better about myself though making shit up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when and as I gossip/back-chat within me mind that I am setting things straight within me as that which I always believe to be the convenient truth where I always win and seem so good and right.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am always deceiving myself within my mind through participating within secret as gossip/back-chat about myself/others/things as it is always based on assumption and my own limited interpretation of the physical reality and what i observe within the frame of my limited knowledge and information about things.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am always deceiving only myself through participating within the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions that is always in my self interest and thus can never make a real valid calculation of reality as it is always based on me and only me winning and not having to feel bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I participate within my mind as gossip/back-chat and having thoughts about others that it is from fear and nothing else and that I am always trying to built cases within my mind towards LIFE and all that is here to defend only myself interest which in itself is utterly stupid and limited as it is never real or truth, it is simply made up crap in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that anything going on in my head is real or valid, when I do not even know how the mind in fact works or how energy and resonances work or how the Quantum Mind works.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe anything I make up or believe to be real within my mind, seeing and realizing that I will always make anything in my mind only in my favor and that it is obvious that if everything must always be in my favor that it cannot be trusted. Its a obvious sign of malfunctioning and thus must not be used as it will only been abused.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I have gossip/back-chat about others that it is always to bring them down and make them less and to be nasty and judgmental and spiteful and simply put evil and that within this I can see that it is obvious that I do this in defense of something I fear of myself and am trying to hide of myself as I am clearly attempting to avoid looking at myself and am only trying to place myself in the good light so no one can see me and only focus on others and that this is always only me defending my own fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that in my mind I am always defending fear no matter how good or evil things are in my head.

To be Continued