Day 471 – forgetting to live and to express myself.

Without noticing, I have forgotten to express myself, to live myself, to be myself, to be here.

When we do something every day that is the same, we start to become the same every day, we tend to mold ourselves into a character that we believe can handle this daily routine, a character that is set in a certain mind set, a certain thought pattern.

This thought patterns that we construct will eighty percent of the time lean towards a negative one, because we live in a world that is negatively charged by fear and thus everything we do is out of fear, the very job we have and that make ourselves believe is something we are doing because we love doing it, is a lie, because we are doing it out of fear for survival, for our daily bread that isn’t naturally provided to us.

So this is also the danger, I have been doing the same thing over and over every day, which isn’t a bad thing, that is simply an opinion of judgment, it is who I am within it, have I become a certain personality within what I do or am I deciding who I am within each moment within each breathe.

See the difference, if I am accepting and allowing myself to “become” a certain personality within what I do through accepting and allowing the daily influences to mold me, then I will become a negative personality, it is as simple as that, and thus I will have a negative mind set which will lead towards a negative outcome. What we resonate is what we create, even if we pretend to be positive, it is the resonance, that which Is unseen that will shape the outcome of anything.

Then there is the other way, where I wake up every morning and I decide who I am, am I the authority of who I am today, am I taking on my life situation full force with all that I am here in each and every breathe, am I the one making directive decisions and living them fully, am I the one that is living my utmost potential in each moment.

So there is the difference, and what I have been living isn’t the second option to a certain degree, I have accepted and allowed everything negative in my reality to influence me, my goals and my starting point, I have accepted and allowed myself to become negative within my stance and to resonate that “downiness” of not achieving, so on a daily scale I have been living in a down mood, a mood that brings everything down with me, no beaming LIFE coming from me, just me doing what I do every day with the already anticipated downiness within me, of no results, not achieving, just the same as before. And surprisingly that what I create and that’s what happens then.

So I see myself living my utmost potential, yet I fail living it because the utmost potential I am seeing in my head is just that, it isn’t a reflection of real time, living in the rawness of reality, one and equal within how the physical actually works and what I need to do and how I need to move in fact, an that’s half the point, I can’t live my utmost potential if I am only focused on the mind and holding myself in the past results, I must burst out of this confinement of the past and I must move with full confidence and full self-assurance and really mean it, I must move with pride and I self-trust and I must really live the day as if I am going to die today, there must be no excuse, there must be no reason for me to ever say I did not do my best in every single big or small moment to make things work that is best for all life.

I must break the physical spell I have placed over my own physical body – the spell if called thinking and the curse is the thoughts, these habitual thoughts and secret mind thinking is the killer of all time, killing time with doing nothing, yet doing so much, it is like planting trees but not watering them, not nursing them, but expecting fruit. The details of expression are important.

I accept and allow myself to express myself, to live and to be here, I allow myself to be big as live, I give myself this as a guide in each moment within each breathe. I am life and I am allowed to live.

Day 152 - Fear of Living

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being here in breathe where there is no mind that controls my every movement, instead of me living in and as my movement in awareness of me here as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect living to an energetic experience of either good or bad, not seeing and realizing that as long as I rely on being alive to be based on a feeling then I can never live as the feelings/emotions is always dependent on the input. And thus I see and realize that I am LIFE and thus always Life and that the fear of living is me holding me back as LIFE as the mind as thoughts feeling and emotions that puts limits on Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I move and direct my day to do so dependent on how I feel, and that I will only enjoy my day if I feel alive, instead of realizing I am LIFE and thus as LIFE I am here living as the physical and thus feelings and emotions and thoughts are but limiting me from expressing myself in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to control all my movements in my
Daily participation with thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself through controlling all my life thought thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I am here and that waiting for a feeling or an emotion to make me feel alive is me only hiding in fear of living here and seeing what is actually here as me as Life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HOLD myself back within life as LIFE through the thoughts/feelings/emotions I participate within that only controls my behavior
according to fear and survival of the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that to be alive my expression must always be BIG and wonderful and remember able.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being alive to a energetic experience that feels BIG and that take over my body, not seeing and realizing that I am in fact only limiting myself to that experience to be able to feel alive and thus enslave myself to a lifelong search to feel alive for this energetic experience and thus never living here as the breathe that is always here as LIFE and not subject or limited to any or only one thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the thoughts/feeling/emotions that control my everyday movements and behaviors in the name of survival and to actually live here as the breathe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the mind control as the thoughts/feelings/emotions where my mind controls my body in complete limitation and enslavement to energy and to fear who I will be without the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown, where I let go of knowing as the three of knowledge of good and evil, and where I decide t eat from the tree of life that is neither good not evil but only what is best for all life in all ways and thus not knowledge or information needed to LIVE but to simply LIVE as LIFE one and Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and aso I am within the mind as thoughts/feelings/emotions that I am actually literally mind control myself as the body and thus not living but controlling.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the control I have limited myself to as a belief of what life is and to actually live here in each breathe that is unknown yet known.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that to be alive means I must be doing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that to be alive I just do out of the ordinary things, not seeing and realizing that through such a belief I am only validating the belief that I am not alive when I am not doing something out of the ordinary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make living difficult for myself through placing being alive outside of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make living a feeling and thus to within this always being in search of life instead of seeing and realizing that I am literally already LIFE as the physical and thus I am here alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to harm life as I seek to be alive outside of myself as separate from life here through taking what is here and to turn it all into a energy experience at any cost.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that within the belief of I must feel alive to be alive I am actually only contradicting myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when and as I place being alive in a feeling/emotion that I am actually telling myself I am a zombie walking around in search of/and feasting of LIFE and devouring LIFE to feed myself just to feel alive, and thus create a system that is no different such as capitalism where the system keeps on feeding on earth just to keep it alive even at the cost of earth (life).

I commit myself to when and as I see myself seeking to be alive, to stop and breathe and realize I am here already LIFE in and as the physical as plain simple common sense can show me in all ways possible and that seeking to be alive is a symptom of brainwashing and mind control that has been deliberately created within the world to make people BUY buy and BUY so that money can be made and so that a very few people can become stinking rich because everyone is in search for LIFE, while it is a search that can never be achieved as long as everyone do not see the obvious and look to self and what is HERE. The perfect scam..

Day – 48 – bad boy continued.

This is a continuation of Day 47 – loving the bad boy

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when someone judges me as bad that it does not mean I am bad and therefore must now live as being bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when I accept someone else calling me bad that I am actually not bad until I go out and do physical things in my life and create myself as bad deliberately within my actions, and thus it is not the other person to blame as I am clearly self responsible for my own actions.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the bad boy personality is just another personality that I have created myself through my own self judgments and insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I went out and started living differently within acting out in life against the system as being bad within spitefulness that I was actually only harming myself as I set myself on the path of self destruction, instead of realizing that the system is fucked up and the current limited way of life where society imposes good and bad onto people through their own self created believes and idea on what is good and bad instead of living what is best for all life and thus instead realizing that I must be self honest and change the god damn system to what is best for all life and to not accept and allow a system that is fear based and judgmental towards life as normal.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the bad boy act/personality was part of my ticket to getting sex as I learned that girls like bad boys and so I pursuit in my journey of self destruction to fulfill one desire of obtaining sex.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that being a bad boy to spite others is actually me spiting myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the bad boy live just happened to me, suppressing and denying all the actions I took within the physical as living and creating events situations to have certain experiences to upgrade myself to a bad boy as where I made it part of me, and thus it did not just happen to me, I am responsible.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself believe I am a victim within who I am and become through my own actions that I take.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to victimize myself within my actions as if I cannot stop myself as if I am forced to do the thing si do as the bad boy, realizing that I can simply stop and change as I am the one moving and directing myself to do the things I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to the excitement of being a bad boy, realizing that the energy as excitement that I get from doing the bad boy things will run out and that I will seek it like a drug addict seeking his next hit, and that this will lead to me doing more and more extreme things that would lead to consequences that will harm me and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider the physical consequences I am creating for myself and others within trying to be a bad boy in spitefulness towards those tat has judged me as bad, realizing that I am only harming myself in spite of the evidence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to break down relationships in my world and hurting others through my actions as being a bad boy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a asshole as the ad boy act personality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  gossip about other people and being nasty to them just to keep up the bad boy act as being better more and less limited as a self created believe based on the idea I have created about myself as being a bad ass, realizing I am only placing my judgments as gossip and my insecurities on others and projecting myself on them to hide my own shit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a jerk towards my fellow humans and animals and plants in the name of being s spiteful shit through not taking self responsibility for myself and who I am, and giving away myself responsibility to accept and allow others to influence me as who i am and live it out in blame and self pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as spitefulness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately abuse girls as the excuse of I am a bad boy – you should have expected it from me, realizing that I am within this only creating more consequences for myself as I break people and relationship around me till I am all alone and fucked within this world, realizing I created it for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my body through drinking and drugs and fighting and doing crazy stunts to show off in the name of being a bad boy, realizing the physical consequences has a high price and then the bad boy will be a useless bag of meat at a early age or older.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in secret as a pretentious bad boy and to be a pretentious ass in front of others never finding out who I really am, as I decide who I am and not giving myself this chance through constantly feeding polarities on both ends missing myself completely.

I commit myself to look within my life where I access the bad boy personality and to see why, to write and to self forgive myself and to stop, to end the abuse caused within my world through spitefulness and blame and to take self responsibility as myself and to bring about a world that is best for all life and not what is based on stupid made up rules of right and wrong, but rather what is practical and best for all life (plants, animals, humans etc) and to stop the creation of mental unstable humans that has split personalities in secret and in front of others and create mental disorders that the medical industries and psychologist make billions off.

I commit myself to expose the current believes and rules of the world as it exist now as not being what is best for all life or any individual as it is based on fear and right and wrong and not what is best for all life as common sense but on stupid make believe ideas/opinions that is based on self interest and imprinted into the children and then play out as mental disorders where the child is constantly in a fight for what is write and what is wrong instead of real values and principles that is best for all life in all ways, thus establishing the equal money system is the path as the common sense system.