Being NICE - NICENESS Self-Forgiveness

 

 

BE NICE - as my parents tell me as a child - Or ELSE

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed with the IDEA of being NICE, where I must pretend to be who I am not and to deny what I see is here for the sake of an IMAGE within the system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress myself within who I am as a child as my parents would say to me BE NICE, without understanding why, and what the reason is. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself by telling myself I did not know the reason why I was told to BE NICE, as I could see and feel it, and so had to suppress myself for those false reasons of reality. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to SMILE and be HAPPY when I meet others as to be NICE, yet the reality of what is here isn't nice and never was, and I had to go along with it or ELSE?? 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go along with the BE NICE or ELSE agenda through accepting FEAR of what else could happen within me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of what will happen if I am not nice, yet rather self-honest here within who I am as an expression of life within reality as what is best for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build a character that is always NICE, as I fear for my survival if I dare simply being here as what is here and to have real conversations, to really get to points, versus pretending as I was taught to do to survive or ELSE!!!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR for my survival if I am not NICE, that people will hate me, place me aside, think I am rude, and so not give me the benefits of the system. 

I forgive myself,f that I have accepted and allowed myself to to be NICE to the system that is currently here that enslaves humanity and tortures the innocent out of fear of becoming the tortured or the one that does not benefit from the system as billions do currently. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself create an image of me in my mind that is of the OPPOSITE of Nice if I dare letting go pretending to be nice, SEEING and realizing that is also part of the problem, the polarity and that I must simply develop and create myself within the principle of what is best for all, and so within that I will develop a me that is in each breath equal and one with who I am and nothing more and nothing less, as I remove Thoughts, feeling and emotions from the interaction, and instead replace it with equality as life between me and another with my mind involved, and thus coming a a point of self-honesty where there is no reaction, no judgement, nothing, except what is here in the moment to direct and move as each other as myself. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand the implication of what it MEANs to be NICE and what they accepts and allows within humanity as a falsehood instead of a brotherhood. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see,realize and understand that teaching to be NICE just for the system sake, makes Children/people/adults gullible and easy to manipulate/deceive and to be abused, as a person, as I have, will only be nice no matter what, till it is too late and you are trapped in someone else mindfuck. such as child predators, scams, religions, school, politics, economics, name it all, the entire system around us as within us. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be NICE to my mind, yet all that exist on earth is cruelty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LIVE a pretend life of niceness and yet that niceness has shown NO results in the world becoming NICE and actually change to what is best for all life. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuck with myself, my progress, my development within my process being being NICE and compromising myself in my NICE actions that aren't best for all, within self honesty. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself throughout my life by being nice, which created and creates consequences for all that isn't TRUE as they are based on being NICE within the system and so keep the system going that isn't nice at all. 

I forgive myself that I have not seen and realize TRUE niceness is for me to wlak my process for me within my TOOLS, to utilize the tools I have to then LIVE the change, live what I see as best for all life in all ways to bring about a TRUE world that is NICE to all life, where my actions reflect ACTUAL true niceness from within and so without, to end all abuse in all ways. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear challenging myself to DROP being nice, and to in fact bring forth my expression that was suppressed through my acceptances and allowances as a child that was simply here, to bring myself back HERE in simplicity, to then walk and talk within and from principle as what is best for all life, and not as FEAR as the system to pretend and be false, mostly starting with myself through first applying my self forgiveness on my points to purify me to then live the self-realizations daily.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge NICEness. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLAME niceness as me. 

I forgive myself that I have NOT accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that it is all about the starting point within WHO I am, and to live niceness, I must first actually be NICE as LIFE as all life, in my thoughts, words and actions to always honour LIFE and to never LIE to hide what is here as LIFE and that needs to change, and so from my starting point, I can be NICE, yet it has a purpose, a direction within who I am and what I stand by as LIFE as my principles in LIVING and words.

Day 492 – Being myself, being natural within work

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I can in fact decide how I experience myself when I need to do something that I have labelled as “work” – where as I can decide to make this “work” an expression of myself, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there are only a certain amount of things within this world that I can express myself within and that allows my expression to show, and thus all others things that isn’t within this category of “my expression” that still needs to be done, becomes a burden, a chore.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that who I am as an expression of LIFE can express myself in anything that is here, as my expression is who I am and it isn’t decided by what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself according what I do and thus what I do must decide how I experience myself, seeing and realizing that this is a personality design, part of the Identity crises that we face on this planet, where we have entities that decide for us what we can and cannot do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that when there is something in my reality that I must do or that needs doing and I do not nessasarely enjoy it, that I cannot express myself within doing it. Seeing and realizing that this is me separating myself from what needs to be done as something outside of me, yet I am the one that has to do it, I might as well let go of all the mind point and all the thoughts and back chat and the emotions and feelings that is deciding my experience and thus how I do the task and make it part of my expression where doing the task is then one of no effort as who I am is natural to me and to within this do everything I do naturally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my expressions as not suitable for this world and to within this seek out only certain things within this world that I believe will accept me expression and to limit myself to my own judgement of my own expression to what I can and cannot do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my expression as who I am naturally is wrong and that I always need to fix myself and work on myself as my expression to fit more into this world where everyone else is doing the exact same, instead of just being myself and trusting myself as who I am and to show passion and realness through who I am instead of fakeness and pretense.

Thus I see and realize that I must also align my expression at all times within what is best for all life to make sure that my expression is abusive or harmful to others, not changing who I am but adjusting and realigning myself to be the expression that is best.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I do not know who I am within all the thoughts/feelings/emotions and back chat clouding me, who I am and within this have a contaminated expression of myself that is always lost within my own mind and thus always acting out in a certain way that seems to confirm that there is something off with my expression, not seeing and realizing that it is my expression that is naturally here without the thoughts/feelings/emotions and back chat as the MIND, and to let go of the mind I will know who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to give myself a chance as my expressions, but to always fall into the mind as believes/ideas/opinions of who I must and thus what I can do, based on EVERYTHING around me since birth that has conditioned me through my acceptances and allowances of it.

I want to be free – freedom is to understand how everything works in LIFE, to not have thoughts/feelings/emotions chaining one down t a limited mind perspective – to be free isn’t to have no rules, it isn’t to not have any restrictions, it is to be able to freely express oneself as who you are within what is HERE without the mind trapping on within what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give thoughts power over my expressions, to let thoughts decide how I am going to approach a certain situation, instead of naturally walking in and expressing myself within what is here as REALITY, what I can see and direct one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to back up my thoughts with back chat as reason and logic, to keep myself save from expressing myself, in the fear that my expression will be judged by others, seeing and realizing that it is and has always only be me judging me and through my own judgment decide and make certain actions that then show/reveal these internal judgement point where other are also now seeing it and thus doing onto me as I have done onto myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR expressing myself as who I naturally am and to TRUST who I am not matter what – seeing and realizing that this trust has been lost (since I was a baby) due to me accepting and allowing thoughts/feelings/emotions/back chat to govern my LIFE that as based on the mind as deception of LIFE as the slave creator, as the web of my own enslavement to energy.

Day 369 – Positivity as paranoia Part 3

Day 367 – Positivity as paranoia Part1

Day 368 – Positivity as paranoia Part2

As I wrote down Positivity I saw within that word how it is all about the I, as there are three I’s in that one word, and this I isn’t the real EYE that see physically, it is the I of self-interest that focuses only on self and self’s happiness, on self’s positivity. 

So ask myself, why would I want to live a life where I always only focus on being happy and positive, or maybe I should ask myself the right question here, HOW will I live a life of only happiness, of only positivity, it requires some form of motivation.

And what better way of motivating oneself through using negativity, FEAR and paranoia.

I have been chased by a dog once, I was riding on my bike and suddenly this dog came out of nowhere, around me was a lot of fields and bush and I was riding on a dirt road, this dog was coming full speed, I had a BIG reaction, my chest was electrified with energy, negative energy, loads of fear, I lifted my ass and started to push those pedals hard and fast, because as I was experiencing this Fear and I was obviously paranoid, a lot of paranoia, Irrational fear – expecting the worst, I was going to die.

It was a big dog, I was fast on my bike, but the dog was also fast on his four legs, I only now realized that I created a shit load of irrational fear (paranoia) to stimulate enough positive energy where I would be motivated to get my ass up and peddle as hard and as fast as possible to get away, I was positive that I would make it, I would make it, even though the chances seemed like I was going to die, In my head of course, it’s called paranoia. 

I eventually came to the downhill part and went faster, the dog chased and I just could not go on anymore, I was tired and overwhelmed with fear, I drove into the bushes and hit a tree while not looking, just keeping my eye on the dog, I fell off my bike and I was really worried, but it was quite. I did not head a single bird sing, the dog was gone, I cached my breathe and I got myself and my bike up and ready, and I paddled away. 

I was very confused about what just happened, but I did not feel positive or negative after that event, I was physically exhausted and breathing a lot.

Back to the original point from day one and Day two on this topic, now giving that example of how I used Negativity as paranoia to stimulate and motivate me to be positive I am most curious to where in my Life am I still doing this, or have I always done this.

If I look at my childhood years and how Christianity was pumped into the heads of the children of all the things about SATAN and GOD, Satan was that point of irrational fear, that point of keeping the kids paranoid the whole time and thus to do the right thing, the positive things, which is believing in god and most of all to fear god because he is a loving god, fuck look at all that paranoia linked to positivity, trained and programmed into me and all the other children. 

The question then comes, does positivity really exist if all and any positivity requires negativity to motivate its existence, to stimulate the existence of positivity, I mean if people did not fear they would not have required love, because love is unidentifiable without hate/without fear, love is just a word of nothingness if love in its sound does not mirror its opposite to self of NOT being loved, being hated, not being accepted/special and all the bs.

When the word love is used it isn’t just a word of love, it is a word of Hate and love, because the word love must remind each and every person using it of all the opposites negative hateful things that isn’t love for that word to have any meaning, it must place a person in a state of paranoia when one is told that one is loved for love to have it meaning.

To be continued.

Day 368 – Positivity as paranoia Part 2

Day 367 – Positivity as paranoia Part1

When everyone becomes positive, you must know there is paranoia. See there is a difference between practicality and positivity. 

Using practicality does not require one to be positive, because being practical works on math, there is a outcome, either way, it isn’t expected to be positive or negative.

When one uses positivity to solve problems then it is backed by paranoia, because the outcome is left in the air, with hope and faith, it is like being positive while crossing a red light at a robot. 

Practicality is, wait at the red light and then cross when it is green, it takes time and patience but you will cross. 

Continuing from the last blog -- “Here is how I used positivity to hide and cloak the paranoia, the reality, the facts when and as I started happening to me and still is……. “

When I started working as a car salesmen I was placed within the second hand department to train and to sell, not long after that I was moved to the new car department, I lost a bit of motivation within this transition because I spend all my training in the second hand department, knowing the cars and how to sell them through observation. 

I was paranoid because here I am with bran new cars, how do I sell them, what I need to know about them, they are from China and they are not well known. 

So I said to myself, I will learn, I will get it, I will sell these cars, it must be easy. I have no choice, so here I lose another two weeks getting the hang of the new floor and getting into the way the floor works around there, plus learning to know the cars, then I spend all my Time never being there, I was used to drive and to pick up and to transport and to do all kinds of things, people sometimes even forgot I worked there. 

Then it started slowing down, I started getting my position right, I started going less and less away by the second month on the new cars sales section, a week in they suddenly changed me again to the second hand cars department again, this fucked me around again, I still haven’t sold one car.

This is where the paranoia came in again, I have been moved again, I have been de-rooted from my foundation again, I now have to only sell second hand cars again, I have to forget everything I learned about the new cars and focus on how to sell the used ones, I was there for two weeks without really being send away as usual, I thought this is good, I can now focus on selling a car for ones. 

And so I became positive again, I stayed positive, I had to stay positive, or the paranoia would get me, I have been in the car sales business for three months and not one car sold, I haven’t made any money, I have only spend money and lots and lots of time basically doing everything besides selling a car. I was paranoid that I would always be used to do everyone’s small jobs and favors and never have time for selling cars, but I stayed positive that it will and have to end someday, telling myself that every day, maybe today is the day. 

So I saw these two weeks as a thumbs up for this is it, I am now in a stable position where I can dedicate my focus to getting clients and making money, sell cars. 

Then the Royal show was coming up, this is a show that the NEW car sales department participates within, which I am not a part of, yet the boss and manager said, I must do it for the experienced, for which I agreed, the people experience, the show experience and all that. 

This was going to be another ten days that I will not sell a car guaranteed, as the show is more for advertisement purposes, But I agreed, I believed that the experience will get me to be a good sales person, to get over the people issues and to reality, so I can work with any and all people equally. 

After ten days of being at the Royal show and basically being alone there with thousands of people that can testify to that while we were supposed to be six people rotating, which never happened, it was a great physical experience for me to push through, standing alone as my own support. Really cool stuff. 

So I got back to work, I went on to call all my leads I collected from the Royal show and I got absolutely no sales from that, how pathetic, even after all the evidence of me not selling a car I somehow managed to stay “positive” because I was paranoid of what has already happened, all the time and money I spend making nothing of it all, even with the most busy show in the City I did not make one sale, with all the Hundreds of people I talked to and that made promises, nothing.

Two days after the show the boss comes to me, and he says, you are moving back to the NEW car sales department, I said oaky, since I had the royal show I know these cars like they are written on the back of my brain/hand, it will be a good move this time. For the best, I will definitely sell a car now.

But as before just like in the beginning when I started, Nothing happens on the floor in terms of customers and selling cars, I am just send around to do other jobs, I don’t mind, it is better than sitting around and doing nothing, but I might just lose that one customer that might walk in when I am gone, see the paranoia there linked to that positive idea of a customer might walk in. 

So I am back at the New car sales department, for about a week, just two days ago I was send to the BOTTOM, I am now not even on the show grounds/room, I was send to go sell cars outside far away from the building next to a parking lot, I have no office, I have to work out of a car and throw a show every day outside.

Here I can sell new and old cars, that’s a good deal for me, I do not mind, I am away from the boss and manager that always ask me to do all their things, like fetching their food, taking them somewhere, picking something up for them, fuck go and pay their bills or get their post. 

I am now open and away with the options of selling new and old cars, they are all there on display, just I have no office or phone or books or anything, it’s a tricky business. 

In one day I got four walk ins onto my parking lot, usually that happens in a week.

See how positive I am, because it has almost been four months now and I haven’t sold a damn thing, I don’t even know what to do with a client if they want to buy a car right now. That’s how much I have been trained. 

So the positivity I have been creating has only been to avoid the facts, the truth, the paranoia of ignoring the evidence that space and time is showing me. 

This does not mean quite your job now, this simply is to show how positivity hasn’t helped me to sell a fucking car, positivity has not helped me to get the business, it has only helped me to prolong the disease of hope and faith instead of taking real action. 

To be continued.