First, Silence in the Storm/self, STOP the panic in the pandemic - Self forgiveness 1

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as long as I have a reaction/fear towards how the current pandemic is handled within the world, that is validates my opinions about it, not seeing and realizing that my reaction/fear is contaminating my seeing and information processing, and thus my opinion is just that, an opinion running wild with assumptions and projections, where I am projecting my fear and reactions into and onto reality, wanting it to be validated and confirmed by others to feel safe, to feel that I am on the right path, and so as to not have to experience fear or my reactions. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my opinions/believes/ideas and to be still/quiet within me regarding the pandemic, the world and what is going on, to really see what is HERE, in fear of that what I believe it to be not being real, not being my fear, not being what I want it to be. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that I want my opinions/believes to be the TRUTH of what is going on within the world, as I then feel in control, and so when I feel in control I feel I will not lose, and so I will impose and even manifest my opinions/believes and ideas to be real just to be in control to win, to be right., and thus I see and realize that I am the creator of what I fear, by acting out of fear and on my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being caught with my pants down regarding what is going on in this world regarding this pandemic and thus fear what I am going to do, thus who I am going to be, and so I see and realize that what I fear is me, my reactions, my experiences, my worst fears coming true, and not the pandemic itself, but rather me within it. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown, to fear what I can not see and do not know, and so within this state of fear go into attempting to make things Known to myself, by taking the fears and projecting them outwards into my reality and manifesting them, so that I can see them, anywhere and everywhere as to attempt to make everything known, so that I can point fingers and say, LOOK there it is, I am right, I know, I can see, and thus not only manifesting my fear in my reality within what is here, but to in fact reinforce it through getting others to agree with my opinions and to stand with me, as two or more in my name, and it shall be done. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear the virus, to make my fears about the virus, and thus anything and everything said about the virus becomes fuel for my fear, and not my common sense, my self-trust, and thus I sell out myself to fear of the virus, where the virus is this monster, yet not looking at what brings a virus about within this world, how it spreads and how it is handled, which can show it is not the virus to fear, but rather seeing that mans fear manifested a world where only fear exists and thus a virus can exist that effects all equal and one, and so I see and realize it is a world that I must change by being the change first within myself, stopping me existing as fear and rather living within consideration of all life, as what is best for all life practically. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create more separation between me and my fellow humans within this pandemic by NOT stopping my thoughts/feelings and emotions FIRST and foremost of my interpretations and projections of the pandemic, and to actually have a real conversation with my fellow man, instead of simply IMPOSING and forcing my opinions and believes of the situation onto them. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself and my position and my OPINIONS the GOOD side, where I am on the right side, and I CARE and everyone else that does not share the same FEELINGS as me towards the pandemic will be BAD people, and so in fact create more separation and the signature of WAR between my fellow man, and thus I see and realize I must stop, I must slow down and look, is WAR with my fellow man a better option than dealing with the pandemic, is separating myself from others a better way forward? I see and realize this is NOT best for all, thus I take self-responsibility and I stop, as I see and realize it is best to deal with reality here as it is with my fellow man rather than separating and creating war with my fellow man while also dealing with a pandemic. Thus, I see with me and my fellow humans connected, standing as one, we can prevent and take action that is best for all dealing with what is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conspire against my brother and sister. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give away my responsibility as my brother’s keeper to fear, to wanting to be right, to wanting to convince my brother/sister of my point of view, or ELSE, or I do not care, I do not stand with them, and within so keep going into circles of win and lose, never coming together. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat from the three of good and evil as the tree of knowledge and to abandon the tree of LIFE by giving into my fears, opinions and beliefs of what is here, versus reality, where reality is, I am here and my fellow humans are here, we must untie, not in opinions and believes, not in convincing and converting each other to our way and view of seeing what is here, but rather within the principle of LIFE and how can we direct and manifest what will bring an outcome that is best for all life based on the basic needs of every man women and child within this reality as a physical living NEED, and to deal with pandemics where all needs are met, and where all are take care of, where we do not accept and allow abuse of one another and being each other’s keepers, seeing and realizing that as long as we fight, split, and divide, we will allow and accept abuse, we will not be able to direct reality here as we each will be stuck in our minds in alternative realities of what is going on and fighting to be right, versus supporting each other in this reality instead. 

To continue.

Day 529 - fear is an interesting emotion

 

fear is an interesting emotion. It is almost a consistent feeling we anticipate/expect within our realities. For example when a snake comes along people freak out, as if the response was already there in a fear just lashing out and screaming and wanting to harm and kill in Fear of what the person fear can maybe happen. I have observed fear in slow motion, specifically with a snake and me handling a wild snake. The fear isn't my own as I can see it come from a pre response that I integrated from my parents and others when I was young, yet I accepted the fear as my own. You should see how a snake respond to people who has fear. The more fear the more the snake becomes aggressive and actually only then put everyone in danger. Blaming the snake. Meantime our fear creates what we fear and it isn't even our fear. We were taught the fear. If we react about or towards something with fear then we can know that we have been living in fear the whole time. That something is just revealing what we exist as

Day 519 – What I learned from Bernard Poolman – Lesson 9

When I came to the Farm back in 2008 in June, I brought with me R700 as pocket money. This was money I worked for, I earned it the hard way, I used to be a waiter, and I always tried to get double shifts to make extra money, so to me this last R700 was a lot of money.

Every time I open my wallet, I would look through my notes (money) just to generate this feeling of freedom and security within me, it made me feel like I have power, I have free will and choice.
After the first two weeks on the farm, all my money was gone, it was finished – I smoked back then, so smokes and essentials took my money quickly.

So, suddenly I had NO money, I had this consistent fear/anxiety within me regarding my stance within this world and who I am. I felt powerless and bound, basically the opposite to how I felt when I had money.

So I learned a lot of lessons quickly – first of all I realized I have NO idea what money is and how it works, I do not even know the value of money, I mean, I saw R700 as a lot, what does that reveal about my training from home and school regarding money, once I hit the real world by myself – POOF my money is gone, see my parents used to buy almost everything for me, and I used to only use my money for partying and my own entertainment. This quickly changed.

So in my crisis of having no money, I had a discussion with Bernard – Bernard said that I can stay and live on the farm if I work on the farm, do labor and maintenance as a start, and for this a room is provided, food is provided and reasonable comfortable life, plus pocket money, all basics will be met and a little bit more. I agreed to this with a massive smile – Because I LOVE physical work, I enjoy it, I live for it, so here I was able to do what I enjoy and have no worry about my basics being met – But Bernard added in, everything you see here and what we are building, comes from money that I made, I worked my ass off to start this and so that we can fucking change this world (with my dad present still at this time)

So here I was, with nothing, no money, and there is Bernard the complete opposite – my mind was blown once again, as my idea about money got changed very quickly.

One man worked his ass off, for many years in a business that he started, then stopped it, changed his course in life 180 degrees and have enough money to start a movement that will change the world forever. Even allow others from all over the world to come and visit and stay here for months and even years, being supported by the farm, by money Bernard made in the past – but every person that came/comes here, came/comes with a purpose, as the purpose of the farm was/is to support and assist as many as possible and to create a centered point for this movement that IS global, as a foundation and stability point.

But Bernard said, the only way to test if the people that start walking their process and that commit to changing this world to a place that is best for all life is and will be REAL in fact, is if the money I have created to start all of this runs out, and that this (Desteni) and all its branches continues by each and every individuals self-honest participation and understanding of how money works. If not then at least we know we have removed those that pretend and didn’t mean to change anything.

Back then it was kind of confusing what Bernard said, but after his money ran out and after his death – Desteni is still here, alive and moving forward by the will and participation of dozens/hundreds of individuals around the world. Now that’s what you can call real growth. I mean it must be proven in the physical.

It’s like removing the training wheels from a child’s bike and the child just continues driving – the development from there on is limitless.

I learned that Money is required to do anything and to bring change to this world, without it I will only be begging for change on the corner of a street – I also learned that R700 is NOTHING, I require at least 700 Billion to really impact this world.

I also learned that it is about HOW I use money, is it for what is best for all life in support of all life, or just for my entertainment, that’s the value I give the money, I can spend R20 here on smokes and R50 on sweets and R70 on a pizza, Or I can spend that money on supporting life and I will see the Value of the money suddenly meaning something more than my entertainment – because as long as money remains a point of entertainment within my mind, for my own self-interest, the value of money will always seem like nothing, but the moment I am seeing the value of money as the key to changing this world, Money suddenly has a value far beyond my own self-interest. And thus I will stop aiming for just the next pay check to buy smokes or candy or a drink, but to push myself to make millions/billions as it will contribute to changing this world. My aim naturally goes to LIFE.

As long as I do not understand money and how to deal/work with it and the effects ever cent has, I will always be a slave to money and my self-interest points towards it, looking at money as only a source for consumption for self-interest.

I also learned that as long as I live in scarcity towards money as my relationship towards money I will hold on to money and start having less and less – as I become self-preservative instead of expanding and promoting abundance within myself and not fear/stress – as who I am within/towards money starts reflecting in my reality. Because when we live in fear of not having money we start to spend our money stupid and can’t seem to see where it goes.

NO matter what, I must have NO feelings or emotions towards money – I must always stand in self-honesty and common sense within and towards money within myself and see it for what it actually is and to make decision with money that is always best for all life, promoting growth and expansion that is best for all life.

Day 518 – What I learned from Bernard Poolman – Lesson 8

In the beginning of my process I had many struggles, but like all guys in the system, our minds are wired and intertwined with and for sex, so this was an obvious point I was facing in my reality.

The point in relation to sex wasn’t just sex, but with what “type” of girls I would like to have sex with.
So me going into an agreement back then, my first Agreement and still my one and only agreement (smiles) – I had to face many points within my agreement with my partner, especially sex.
So the point I faced within sex was the “image” point – as my partner didn’t meet the Image of my MIND and what my mind wanted and find stimulating.

So sex within my agreement wasn’t nessasarely flowing, as the image I needed to stimulate me for sex wasn’t met.

So this became a depressing point within me, and within my agreement, and it was quit noticeable.
So one day, Bernard walked into my room while I was sitting by my computer – and he just asked as usual, what’s up, and I as usual said, oh nothing much (me assuming Bernard is asking me what I am physically doing) and thus giving a response to what I assume. Then Bernard out of the blue started talking to me about what is attraction, what is an Image – my mind was blown, WOW, how did Bernard know to talk about this point, like I haven’t mentioned anything, in fact I made it a point within myself to hide it and make sure Bernard does not see it lol.

But he did, and in a quick few moment Bernard asked me straight forward, IS that which you are attracted to within women truly your Decision? I paused for a moment and I said, NO within self-honesty, Because I looked at the question of is it truly my decision, and all I could see within my mind was Media/porn/TV/magazines and influences from men/males that has gone before me.

And then Bernard asked me straight forward again – so where does your LIKES and DISLIKES come form towards women then? And I said well, magazines/TV/porn/media etc

Then Bernard said to me – so it is clearly not YOU that made the decision of what you like, NOW realize that if you see this, you still have that decision to make – just look at when you were a child, even a baby – there was NO judgment and enjoyment in playfulness was possible with anyone, no matter their size or shape.

So within sex, you can really decide in every moment what you like, you can as a suggestion decide to LIKE all shapes and sizes, NO limitation, NO judgments – then you can truly enjoy yourself – isn’t that actually the only decision you can make.

After Bernard said all that, my mind was still blown, so simple YET so fucking true, the common sense is staggering, the self-honesty is so simple and direct – how could I not have seen this before.
Then Bernard said, to support yourself to walk through the point of falling for the attractions of the mind, imagine everyone as skeletons, realize that if the flesh is removed what remains is skeleton, and if everyone is a skeleton, how would you make a decision on what you like or dislike, you can’t, you simple walk what is best for all and enjoy yourself.

This moment took like 5min, and it changed my life forever – I realized I can decide, and I said fuck media and all the past influences, I want to enjoy myself, I got angry for a moment at the system for all the bullshit influences that has limited and screwed with all my relationships for such a long time, but I realized soon enough I was just angry at myself, took a breath and moved on, I was now in the authority point of just enjoying myself in sex as a physical expression, it took practice and time, but it was fun and I got over any and all other attraction that would usually have distracted me or that was needed to stimulate me, now what was my stimulation was ME – physical touch and breathing, not the form of a body size or image.

Day 517 – more on the point of expectation/expectations

Let’s start with basics

after the basics of showing how expectations are in literally everything and behind our every belief/Idea/opinion and that it isn’t good or bad, remove that motion, this is about understanding the point, and then I will get to the creational point where expectations INSIDE ourselves in our immediate reality/moment create the moment realities without us even knowing it or being fully aware of the secret shit.

Every belief is an expectation
Every opinion is an expectation
Every Idea is an expectation

Isn’t it?

It cannot be that way, it is impossible – a belief is a belief, an opinion is an opinion, an Idea is an Idea – really?

Quickly belief something or in something - Obviously the reason behind the belief is to expect something?

Quickly have an opinion for me - Obviously the reason for an opinion is the expect something; why else do you have the opinion? Don’t tell me just to have an opinion, you are expectation to win or to gain or to feel or something.

Quickly have an Idea for me (about ANYTHING) – now obviously you are having an Idea with an expectation behind it, why else do you have the idea, just to have an idea?

Let’s go a bit deeper – I have an opinion about smoking is bad – first of all is it an opinion or a fact? – if you claim it is a fact then you are also expecting something from that fact, if it is an opinion then obviously you are expecting something from that opinion – either way you are expecting something for why you say for example smoking is bad or not bad – you are expecting something, either it means you can smoke and it reliefs you from dreadful thoughts on what the smoke might do to your lungs – well there is your expectation for having for example an opinion on why smoking isn’t bad – if you go with that it is a fact that smoking is bad, well you are expecting for example for others to now stop smoking and look to you for example as being an example of the one knowing better and their “facts” so to say.

Let’s look at belief – I belief that there is a god – this should be quite obvious what the expectations are, either go to heaven or go to hell, those are the two expectations – or another belief rather – I belief that this person in front of me is short, the expectation obviously is that you now expect others to see you are tall or taller, why else would you have a random belief of someone being short, or it the person in fact short? I mean fact or belief, there is an expectation, if the person is in fact short, then you must as yourself in comparison to what? 7 billion other people all being different in size? So what’s the expectation from such a fact, well I expect myself to be considered tall then and not as short, therefore I am better – the expectation being “I am better” or perhaps I am more lucky.

Now lets look at Ideas – I have an Idea, lets change the world – well that expectation is pretty obvious, the expectation it a better world – I have an idea about how to build a car port better, with the expectation obviously being that the car port will be better – Ideas is quit an easy one, every single Idea leads to an expectation.

SO the major question then remains, what is behind the expectation, why do we have beliefs or Ideas or opinions about or over any and everything – but more importantly – how does expectations for example determine how you pick up a spoon to eat your cereal, how your expectations literally can influence and create physical vents and manifestation in your immediate reality, ones that you aren’t even aware of.

Stay tuned for the next Blog going in deeper.

Day 516 – One word changed my life

For the past three weeks I have walked this point every single day – I have successfully incorporated and still doing so one word that has changed my life in the most unexpected ways. I will convey this in this blog and perhaps you can do the same.

Before I give you the word, I need to first say the following: ALL my life I have lived in fear, I have blamed fear and I have believed fear to be the one thing that keeps me back that is creating my world and thus not creating what I actually want to create, because fear is just there around every corner – so it seems that fear is the culprit.

BUT – never have I really looked at what is behind fear, what is there behind fear pushing fear in front of my eyes and inside of me, I mean fear doesn’t just happen, it is something that is created.
So one day I was just looking at this point in a moment with my son, it really took me a moment to breath and to really see inside of myself, my son was about to do something that was deemed wrong or not good from inside my mind as what I was programmed with – so I was preparing myself to stop my son, to say NO – and what happened? Exactly what I EXPECTED from my son.

There is the word – EXPECTATIONS/expect

SO I noticed this moment in slow motion, I truly lived it and I was present in the participation of it, But I did not say stop or no, I instead talked to my son about what is happening. But this story isnt the point, it is the realization the moment of clarity that I had and opened up my reality to a whole new level of interaction.

EXPECTATIONS

Before you have any reaction or any fear you first have an expectation within yourself, a thought, a memory – then the fear backs it up, making it so real, fear is like the reinforcement of the expectation. It will happen, most expectations do not happen that you are having consciously, but it is the unconscious one, these are the ones I am looking at, breathing slowly and catching them, taking a moment to see what’s really underneath, and they are all about YOU and what you can practically live and do, not about what the next lotto ticket is or who will win a soccer game.

Expectation is simply the word that describe this, it is the word that you can hold inside of yourself throughout your day and see how you are creating your day EXACTLY as you are expecting it to be, no more and no less – then you have two polarities that back the expectation up, reinforce it, either a positive or a negative, the fear or the love, without the expectation there is nothing the fear or love can latch onto, so then it is just simply you have breathing and dealing with HERE.

I have now taken the word expectation and I have applied it within every moment of my day as a cross reference – when I wake up, what is my first expectation of the morning/day – when I start moving and doing things, it is literally everywhere and I have now seen for myself, what I expect is what I get/create – unfortunately I am like everyone else programmed mostly in the negative and polarized by a positive, so it usually jumps between the two, I simply have to see my creation process in between and I am using the word expectation to highlight each and every moment to show my.

What is expectation, it is the past reoccurring literally, you expect it you create it, and it’s always the past, so it is always reinforced by fear.

So let me make it more clear, why use the word expectation/expectations to reflect and see the point, take a look, whatever you do or before you do it, there is behind the fear an expectation/expectations, and if you take each expectation it is as if you are opening up a story book, you can see what is going to happen and when and where and what characters must be involved and how the interactions must take place and then what the outcome will be as expected. Basically you can already SEE within your expectation the LINE of creation that you are about to live and this gives you the insight to change, stop and realize your expectation is literally creating what is happening or what is going to happen you have already written the story within the expectation.

So just for one day, wake up and hold the word expectation within you, and see what it reveals in each moment and see how you can decide from there on NOT to live that expectation and change. Using breathing common sense and self-honesty always within what is best for all life.

This is why the world isn’t changing, because we all have secretly already created the expectation that the world is going to end, and just look at it, we are literally living that expectation, I mean how can you live anything else than what you are expecting. So do not focus too much on fear, it is what is behind the fear as the expectation that needs addressing.

Day 509 – Clock Boy and the future of the Human

Most of us have heard about the Clock Boy story by now, a 14 year old student who built a clock for a project and took it to school, BUT because he had built the clock in specific way, everyone assumed it was a bomb, this kid actually got arrested on school property – have we lost our minds AS A HUMAN RACE.

But this is simply a reflection of where we are heading as the human race, we are living in constant fear, which later on turns into paranoia.

This reflects many dimensions of the human race and how we have “evolved” as a species, But I want to only point out one of these dimensions that this incident is showing to us ALL.

The world ISN'T getting better, by the fact that humans are more and more anticipating the worst, we are expecting the worst in every scenario, if the world was getting better through ALL the efforts that we have already made to better it, then this kind of paranoia would not have occurred – but it did, only reflecting what is within the general population – extreme paranoia expecting the worse, an this is simply an indication of what we have already been living for decades, always expecting the worse and the end of the world, and thus the world has literally only been created according to our expectations, it is ONLY getting worse.

Soon we will live in our own jails and prisons to protect us from our own paranoia, and we will give so much attention to our paranoia that we will always expect it to happen, and guess what, It does sometimes happen then, because we are just living in a waiting state, and we are waiting till what we are waiting for happens, you see by this act in each one we will create the end of the world by just living in that very expectation of it, we will through paranoia make really Irrational decisions that we will justify through fear, and we will slowly but surely nuke each other out of Paranoia, just like this Kid went to jail from other peoples “expectations” as paranoia and sending him to jail for JUST IN CASE… never ever looking beyond with reason and common sense and applying practicality to our ever action, we will act out of reactions and this will be the end of Life as we know it.

Day 472 - Anxiety before Interactions on topics

Why do I have anxiety just before I interact with another being, to be more specific, a stranger? And to be even more specific. When I am interacting with a stranger about a specific topic.

The answer is simple – now they self, and within this specific topic I can say that if one does not know oneself then there are some parts of self that one is leaving up to random events to direct, this direction will come from the input from others and what feelings/emotions/reaction the input is creating and then one will react on that – and this is the part of self that self-know about and that have an anxiety about it.

Why does this exist, yet again simple and direct, because if it is topic related and one is proclaiming a stance within the certain topic and one isn’t fully informed on the topic one is proclaiming a certain stance within, then one will always be anxious talking to others about it because it’s a defense mode, where one is already in the expectation of having to face self within a certain question that might come up and then not standing within and as the stance one is proclaiming within the certain topic.

If that isn’t simple and direct enough – here is another explanation – if you are a Christian or a Car sales man or a waiter or if you are whatever you claim and you are standing as such a point, But you have not investigated and researched and explored and red everything and anything you can about it and all that consists of it in self-honesty and common sense, then you will always be anxious before talking to a stranger on the topic at hand as you know you are standing as something but are not living it in fact as the facts.

This counts for anything in life – preaching and speaking does not mean anything, as long as there are anxiety it is revealing a pattern of self, the pattern is created specifically to avoid the areas in one’s life that one has not perfected yet, the anxiety is a mechanism that self has put into place to generate fear as to jump-start the pattern that has worked successfully as a COPING mechanism, if one is in fact living the certain topic at hand, no coping mechanism is required as it is who you are as a living example, in the facts.

So what have I come to do for myself – with everything I am currently participating within my life, where ever I see I am within anxiety – I stop myself and I realize I am not going into a pattern, I take a breather to look at the pattern and what it is – I find the point for why I created the specific pattern in the moment, I forgive myself and I correct myself, I do this till I see there is no more anxiety.

There are layers of this and one has to be patient and slowing down is a key.

So now I can take this a more recent event – I am a friend to many families, helping them within their lives with and giving families the opportunity of a life time, so I am in a family’s home, there is NO anxiety because I am one hundred percent certain of what I do as I have been doing it for a long time, not helping families, but what I am presenting to them I have used and done myself WAY before I ever entered a home, so I know I have lived it and I have seen the result and I am still living it, so I am not preaching, I am sharing I am giving them facts and result and I am enjoying it, but as I go on within helping the families, I will face one moment of anxiety, the anxiety might come just before finances are discussed.

This is already giving me an indication that I am falling into a pattern, the pattern is revealed through the anxiety being like a red light going off, showing a weakness within me.

My weakness is that ALL my life I have helped people in my life for free – with extreme points in other peoples live, never expecting anything, so I am not obviously a grown man with my own family, and now Like the system demands I have to have money, I took my passion for helping people into making it my LIFE, but now I have to ask for money in return because I need bread on the table and to take care of my family.

But my weakness if Feeling bad when I ask for money for my service and product, because in my heart I feel it must be for free, yet nothing in this world is for free, otherwise I would be a beggar with my family on the street helping no one.

Now I feel insecure about working with finances with a family within helping the family, and thus when It comes to the point of money I am anxious, as I know I am going to present the finance part as being a “dislike” and thus they will also dislike it and end up saying they LOVE it but will not take it.
Thus here I got anxious and communicated in anxiety to the people, and thus I fell into the same pattern and made the same mistake, because I am not yet LIVING the money part as me as being comfortable within me

Thus it’s a weakness of mine that I need to work on and make it strength for example. So how do I do this, as you can see the help I am presenting to the family I am way confident and comfortable with because I have in fact lived it and done it myself, before ever presenting it to anyone else, But the one part I have never done before is still the anxiety part, a weakness, I have not yet lived it and expressed it as me as fact as the other part.

And how do I get to doing it, through ding it, and making mistakes as soon as possible so that I can find my point of expression and live it, fearing making the mistakes to learn is a waste of time, because the mistake will bring forth what one needs to learn and learn it and then LIVE it. Become one with it. But the anxiety will make one run and hide from making such simple decisions of doing/living and learning and correcting and thus perfecting.

Day 369 – Positivity as paranoia Part 3

Day 367 – Positivity as paranoia Part1

Day 368 – Positivity as paranoia Part2

As I wrote down Positivity I saw within that word how it is all about the I, as there are three I’s in that one word, and this I isn’t the real EYE that see physically, it is the I of self-interest that focuses only on self and self’s happiness, on self’s positivity. 

So ask myself, why would I want to live a life where I always only focus on being happy and positive, or maybe I should ask myself the right question here, HOW will I live a life of only happiness, of only positivity, it requires some form of motivation.

And what better way of motivating oneself through using negativity, FEAR and paranoia.

I have been chased by a dog once, I was riding on my bike and suddenly this dog came out of nowhere, around me was a lot of fields and bush and I was riding on a dirt road, this dog was coming full speed, I had a BIG reaction, my chest was electrified with energy, negative energy, loads of fear, I lifted my ass and started to push those pedals hard and fast, because as I was experiencing this Fear and I was obviously paranoid, a lot of paranoia, Irrational fear – expecting the worst, I was going to die.

It was a big dog, I was fast on my bike, but the dog was also fast on his four legs, I only now realized that I created a shit load of irrational fear (paranoia) to stimulate enough positive energy where I would be motivated to get my ass up and peddle as hard and as fast as possible to get away, I was positive that I would make it, I would make it, even though the chances seemed like I was going to die, In my head of course, it’s called paranoia. 

I eventually came to the downhill part and went faster, the dog chased and I just could not go on anymore, I was tired and overwhelmed with fear, I drove into the bushes and hit a tree while not looking, just keeping my eye on the dog, I fell off my bike and I was really worried, but it was quite. I did not head a single bird sing, the dog was gone, I cached my breathe and I got myself and my bike up and ready, and I paddled away. 

I was very confused about what just happened, but I did not feel positive or negative after that event, I was physically exhausted and breathing a lot.

Back to the original point from day one and Day two on this topic, now giving that example of how I used Negativity as paranoia to stimulate and motivate me to be positive I am most curious to where in my Life am I still doing this, or have I always done this.

If I look at my childhood years and how Christianity was pumped into the heads of the children of all the things about SATAN and GOD, Satan was that point of irrational fear, that point of keeping the kids paranoid the whole time and thus to do the right thing, the positive things, which is believing in god and most of all to fear god because he is a loving god, fuck look at all that paranoia linked to positivity, trained and programmed into me and all the other children. 

The question then comes, does positivity really exist if all and any positivity requires negativity to motivate its existence, to stimulate the existence of positivity, I mean if people did not fear they would not have required love, because love is unidentifiable without hate/without fear, love is just a word of nothingness if love in its sound does not mirror its opposite to self of NOT being loved, being hated, not being accepted/special and all the bs.

When the word love is used it isn’t just a word of love, it is a word of Hate and love, because the word love must remind each and every person using it of all the opposites negative hateful things that isn’t love for that word to have any meaning, it must place a person in a state of paranoia when one is told that one is loved for love to have it meaning.

To be continued.