Day 21 - Purpose and Life.

What is my purpose here on earth, to be alive and breathing? (it should be that simple) I have asked myself this question many times before in my life. I have searched and I have found many purposes, they all end up disappearing and fading away because in time they all started looking/feeling that they weren't really real but made up, either through religion or family.

I have noticed how I have connected purpose to money, that if I were to have a purpose I would need money and that my faith and purpose would then be decided, if I could not make the money I would make my purpose a special one, a purpose I do not know of but someone else does.

This search for purpose has left me unfulfilled and depressed at times, I felt useless and not worth living.

Till today, I asked myself a simple question, do I need a purpose to be aLIFE, why was purpose created, all purposes are currently connected to money and nothing relevant that is worth living as LIFE.

It is all useless meaningless purposes that exist today, they all are about survival and based on fear.

Imaging a world that does not work on money and that you must have money to be able to live on earth, what would your purpose then be here on earth?

I can from this perspective clearly see what my purpose would be then, to be life and to take care of life as myself in all ways, now that is a fun purpose worth Living and actually meaningful, this can be achieved through the equal money system.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having no purpose.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge all current purposes existent with in the world systems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate all current world system purposes that is based on self interest and profit.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my purpose in life is something that must fall on my lap as if I am special and more than others.

I forgive myself that I have not realized that what my purpose is in life is entirely up to me and what I decide.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist creating a purpose for myself with in the current world systems to be able to have a effective life where I can stand with in the system and have authority with in the system to be able to change the system to that which is best for all life where all beings will have one purpose in common as LIFE and to enjoy each other.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reject all purposes with in the current world system as capitalism and to with in this give all authority that I have away to the system where I have no purpose with in the system and thus I am useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be rebellious against all purposes that the current system have to offer to me just because I feel I do not want to have any of them, and so compromise myself and placing myself with in a shit position in this life and taking all chances I have of being able to have any say and authority with in changing the system to that which is best for all life and that is a enjoyable life for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself higher than all current world system purposes and with in this sabotage myself with in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a "special" purpose for myself just so that I do not have to take all the necessary steps to create a purpose for myself with in the current world systems to be able to be effective and change the system to the equal money system that is best for all life and enjoyable, where purpose if LIFE and living it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to label all purposes with in the current world systems as being negative and only suppressive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become paralyzed with in the current world system to move myself to create a purpose for myself to be able to be effective and change the system to that which is best for all life through judgments and lots of Back chat in my mind where I talk to myself about stuff and come to false believes about stuff and praise them as real ad relevant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed d myself to fear creating a meaningful purpose for myself this life in such a way that all that I do will only accumulate to bring about a world that is best for all life such as the equal money system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my purpose is/was what others tell/told me it should and must be and with in this compromise and suppress my own purpose I want.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my purpose if not forthis life but the after life, realizing that that simply sounds stupid first of all and secondly why am I here then? I realize I am here to realize myself as Life one and equal and to be Life and with in this realization I see and understand that I must with in this direct myself and create my purpose to bring about a world that is best for all Life as myself as that is what I would want for myself and all others as myself.

I commit myself to stop my rebellious actions against the system and me from creating a purpose for myself this life, so that I may create a purpose for myself that I can use to being about a new life that is best for all life as myself

I commit myself to move myself in a direction with in the current world system that is based on profit and money enslavement and to make it my purpose to become effective with in and as the system so that I am able as a responsible being that has a say/authority with in the system so that I am able to change the system to that which is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to make it my purpose to educate myself and others as myself how the current system functions and that it is important this life to be effective with in the current system o be able to change the system.

I commit myself to make it my purpose in each and every breathe to change who I AM so that as WHO I AM will be able and effective to change the system with out any fear, resistance, back chat or judgments through educating myself and others equally as myself and through this process bring about a new world that is best for ALL LIFE and that is enjoyable for every being here equally, to make all purposes one as we share one earth, one life, one breath in each moment together. And that all purposed with in a new world will be fulfilled as each being wants to express themselves with out fear for survival or money.

Day 20 - Dirty Eyes filled with sex, blind to reality.

Have you ever noticed during your day how your mind is filled with sexual content such as pictures, ideas, believes, fantasies and then when you look around in your world all you see is sex, constantly comparing every women/men with each other and self and so within the comparison you decide what you apparently like or don't.

have you noticed how it fills up your eyes, all you can see is sex and nothing else, you do not notice the birds, the bugs, the trees or anything else like for instance how you are enslaved to sex and a robot to respond to sexual images and accordingly make decisions, and the worst part is, making live decisions according to sexual content in your mind.

It consumes all your time, even for some it consumes all their lives and will at their death bed probably regret only past sexual related things, the did and did not's, how can this be all that life is.

It is limited and mind control/brainwashing, it is UN-acceptable.

 Shocking secrets of Masturbation - The Eyes as Masturbation Search engines (interview on Eqafe)

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in thoughts, pictures, fantasies and desires of sex with in and as my mind fueling the mind consciousness systems that enslaves and limits me with in this world to see what is really going on.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give these pictures, fantasies, thoughts and desires authority with in my life to direct me and to determine what I see and don't.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself with in my mind as the EGO as back chat with in what I like and do not like with in sexuality through constant comparison and judgment towards others as I judge myself and to accept it as who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as who I am as a sexual predator that can not change his nature, realizing that to be self honest with myself, I was not born with these sexual thoughts/fantasies/desires/pictures but that I have through time created them myself with in constantly participating within watching porn, masturbating to it and giving it my attention and creating it as my nature, and thus I realize that it in fact is not my nature but a self created thing I made up myself because I believed it to be the way it must because I accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by society and blinding myself from alternative ways of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame society for who I am as a sexual predator that constantly scan and judge people sexually all the time with in my secret mind and with in this limit myself a to very tiny word stuck between my eyes and all that I can see with my eyes is sexual stuff all around, enabling myself to see all of LIFE as myself that is here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to compare people sexually with in my mind to each other and myself so that I may feel better about myself and to fuel my mind consciousness system with in me of limitation and enslavement of the mind, trapping myself within my own mind of constantly only focusing on sexual content and what I like and do not like.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see pictures with in my reality, creating a picture reality for myself and others that is a false image and likeness of life as life is here in the physical in the living flesh that does not rely or need pictures to exist.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I create and make up in my mind as pictures/fantasies/desires/thoughts are real and that they valid, realizing that they are all made up and that I am simply imposing it onto reality in the hope that it might become real, realizing that with in this I am setting myself up for a life that will be UN-fulfilled as what I create with in the mind will always be more than what is here in the physical reality,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to occupy my mind with secret thoughts/desires/fantasies/pictures and to make my eye sight dirty, enabling myself to see reality and what is here in fact as LIFE as that which I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only see sexual content with in my mind projected onto reality with in a constant comparison towards people with in my secret mind that no one knows of or ever see, and through this enslaving myself to a limited reality as my mind bubble that I call life and in the end, end up believing that this is all that life is about, missing the bigger picture and remaining a slave to the corporate world where people depend on my sexual enslavement to make billions for themselves through selling their products to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in the mind as pictures, thoughts, back chat and desires about and towards other human being with in my secret mind where I constantly compare myself and place judgment onto them as I judge myself, and with in this continue the cycle of enslavement with in myself and others through the way I make decisions and act on the thoughts/desires/fantasies/pictures as the false gods that I worship within my mind neglecting the actual god as the physical as me one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fill myself up with sexual pictures/fantasies/desires/ thoughts in such an extent that all I can see is that and miss  reality completely as a whole as the earth that we all share, and so give away all authority I have with in the physical reality to the mind as a limited bubble/space that will end at death.

Life review - Death by sex.. (interview on Eqafe)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the pictures/thoughts/desires/fantasies with in my mind is real and that I can achieve them all in this life time and live a fulfilled life with in my limited time here on earth, while I have to learn to understand life and how it works and that I am life and responsible for all that is here as myself, and to be consumed with only sexual content during my day to such an extent that I can not even consider LIFE and all other LIFE forms that is here with me equally and so neglect them and allow their suffering to happen/continue as I am to busy fuelling my sexual thoughts/desires/fantasies/pictures and enslaving myself to a limited bubble/space as the mind.

I commit myself to use the tools that I have as self forgiveness, self honesty, common sense and writing to stop all desires/fantasies/thoughts/pictures with in my mind so that I may stop the enslavement and accepted and allowed limitation of myself to a confined space in my head as the mind and to start birthing myself as life one and equal as the physical and to live and express myself in all ways that I can with in that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to expose the lie as the mind consciousness system so that my fellow beings here on earth can see and realize what I have that the mind as thoughts/pictures/desires/fantasies is not real but self create and that we have enslaved and limited ourselves in all ways within participating with in them as if it was normal, and that we all can realize it is all self created and not necessary to live with and occupy our lives till death with meaningless thoughts/desires/fantasies/pictures only to live a life of regret and shame as we did not do anything to bring about a world that is best for all Life in all ways, because we blinded ourselves to see reality to only see our own judgments/comparisons.

 

Day 19 - The pattern of violent thoughts.

When in town, thoughts come up of me having to fight someone, having to defend myself against other people that is in my environment.

This creates a constant inner fight with myself and who I am, as I completely change who I am in order to impose an idea onto others, the idea is - do not fuck with me or you will regret it.

This pattern and behavior is un- acceptable  and not best for all life or myself.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other human beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself and facing who I am with in the fear of others as a physical manifested consequence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within the mind as thoughts of  fear towards my fellow beings, and to react on it and so create and manifest violent thoughts with in me of fighting/defending myself against others in my mind as my imagination and future play outs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create future play outs of situations in my mind of violent breaking outs and happening to me with other human beings where I have to then fight them and even kill them in the name of survival of the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to with in comparing myself and my physical body to other human beings to see how I can fight them and beat them up to protect me and to be the one that survives and not have to get hurt or die and be seen as weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as weak and with in accepting this fear as valid I have created the believe that if I have a violent conflict situation where I can fight and win that I will feel strong and not weak about myself and be able to live with out the fear I constantly have every day towards my fellow beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have violent thoughts/imaginations towards and about my fellow beings for the fear that I carry and create with in me towards them as being dangerous and violent.

I forgive myself that I have not realize that I am actually the violent and dangerous being in my world, as I am the one having the violent thoughts and imagination, and thus I only project what I accepted and allow with in me onto other to not have to take self responsibility for myself and to change, to stop being a threat to my fellow beings and to be able to live together as equals, thus I realize I must stop my thoughts and my imagination and I must stop being a threat to my fellow beings through stopping my participation in the fear/thoughts

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own violent thoughts and imaginations onto others as them being the cause, the threat and that I must be ready to fight and to be ruthless in any moment to protect my ego and my self interest and insecurities.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to fight from the starting point of wanting to win a fight so that I might feel better about myself and to feel/belief that I do not have to fear my fellow beings as I am able to fend for myself physically.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to have a fight with a random stranger so that I can see if I am able to protect and defend myself in a world where I see/belief every human is a threat and is out to hurt me physically, realizing this makes only me the one that is out to hurt someone physically and thus I am the only threat and the only fear walking around.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I fight and participate in violence that I will feel better after wards as I have now faced my fear and I survived, realizing that If such an event occur I have no way/idea what the actual physical outcome might be and that I might die, realizing it is all mind and imagination and thus it is not real at all as it was created from the ego, where the starting point is always self interest and thus I always win in my mind, thus it can never be trusted at all or even take is serious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in violent thoughts, the violent thoughts I participate in and give power to are the same ones that cause and accept and allow all wars, all violence in this world, and thus I am responsible for all wars and violence as me, as I accept and allow them in me and justify them in me I am doing so with in this world with in others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my fellow beings, realizing that if I fear them I am giving them a reason to fear me, and thus I am creating and manifesting a world of fear where I accept and allow violence to be the answer for fear and resolving it, and thus I create wars and destruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a terrorist in my mind towards my fellow beings in the fear of that they might hurt me through my own self created ideas and belief in my mind according to my own self judgments and insecurities about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure around other beings and to judge myself around other beings as not being good enough, as not being strong enough and as not being a person that is able, and thus I desire and fear a situation where I can have a fight to proof to myself and others the opposite of that which I judge myself as and feel insecure about, realizing it is all about stopping the evil with in self as the root cause and continuation of a world of violence and suffering.

I commit myself to stop all violence with in me, so that I may walk as the correction and to be able to support and assist others to see that the fear we have for each other is the fear that creates violence, and thus top stop the fear with in self!! Is to stop the fear of each other that can result in violence such as wars.

I commit myself to use the tools that have been given to me such as writing, forgiving myself and self honesty with common sense to take apart the systems with in me so that I am able to take apart the systems with in this world as our systems and to from that start re-creating a new world through understanding and educating my fellow beings equally as me.

I commit myself to be disciplined with in identifying the pattern of violence and fear with in me and to stop giving it attention and validating it to end the fearful world we live in as myself first and from there expand onwards to create a world with out fear.

Day 18 - Rotten Child Syndrome. Rotten world.

I am about 4 years old, I am sitting at the dinner table, I do not want to finish my dinner, I do not like the food, one of my parents say, if you do not finish your dinner you will not get pudding, I slowly start eating more and I find I can not get it all in, I consider to be deceptive to hide the food, it does not work, I fear I will not get the reward of desert afterwards, even though my body can not take more food, I start complaining and making loud noises, my parents say OK leave it, go get your desert. I feel I have achieved something, I can have my desert and I am happy.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a family system to exist where the child must submit and manipulate to get his way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the family construct to exist where the child is trained to manipulate or deceive others to get his/her way through a reward system.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a family system/construct to exist where the child has to be motivated by a reward system to do a specific task, realizing that this motive takes away all self responsibility with in a child to move themselves with integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the current rotten family system to exist with in me as the rotten child where I seek all point where I can and may only get a reward with in what I do for my own self interest with in surviving in this world, realizing that I will seek only to do what I feel will reward me and thus neglect earth and all other life forms that do not have the capacity to reward me and my self interest till it all is destroyed because I never cared to live by a principal based on integrity of self that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make money my motive to do things as it is a reward that I need to survive with in this world and thus I see and realized that this was trained into me as a child to only go after rewards instead of principal and integrity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a family system/construct where the parents have to reward the child to comply, instead of teaching the child real values and principals to live by through education and understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a reward system taught by the parents to get the child to comply to the parents rules and regulations, instead of giving the child principals and integrity to live as that is based on common sense and what is best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly accept a reward system that comes from the family system with in the first 7 years of the Child's up bringing as normal and good, not seeing and realizing that the child is with in this learning to manipulate and deceive others to get what he wants as rewards as the child realized he/she can simply do the opposite of what was asked and a reward will be presented to get the child to stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept a reward system as a solution to teach a child, not realizing that a child can and will learn through a reward system how to manipulate and deceive others in complete self interest to get what he/she want as it is easy through simply throwing s tantrum or being extremely nice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only be willing to do something in my life if there is a reward at the end of it only for me, as this is a result of a child that has been brought up with no set of principals that is best for all and thus resulted in a rotten child that has been spoiled rotten through a reward system creating a rotten world to the core as it exist today.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy a reward system as I realized as a child that the parents could simply be manipulated through my behavior. so I will get what I want as a reward from the parents, not realizing that through this I am creating a world with out principals and integrity that is best for all life and so i am the direct cause for a rotten world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the point of rewards with in the family system through manipulating and deceiving to get my way and so adjust it to fit into the world from my family outwards to be able to use the same skills I learned with in family to survive as the evil that exist with in the world and even greater evil to not loose but gain my rewards with in self interest.

I commit myself to bring to light the rotten child/adult syndrome through exposing myself as the end result and to thus reveal all as myself so that we may take self responsibility for ourselves and stop rotting away through being spoiled.

I commit myself to not reward a child simply because I want the child to finish his/her food, but to instead communicate directly about all points and why it is important for the child to eat the food, and if the child does not want to eat then it may be so, but to never go to the reward system point as this will give the window of opportunity to the child to learn ways to manipulate to get his way as rewards instead of learning integrity and principal.

I commit myself to breath and to be patient with in working with children and to not want to want instant results, as this would require a reward system to get the child to comply and thus the child will learn to use it against the parents to get more rewards and end up a spoiled rotten child. 

I commit myself to instead of teaching children how to manipulate and deceive through presenting a reward system, I will instead teach the child principals and common sense with integrity.

I commit myself to look for different ways of educating parents as myself to be able to bring up children with out having to use a reward system but to instead create self directive beings with principals to live by and stand by and that, that will be how they move themselves and thus no need for manipulation or deceit.

I commit myself to raise and educate children with principals and integrity so that a new world can be born from the rotten child syndrome.

Day 17 - Let my EGO punch something NOW.

During my day I have these moments where I feel I have achieved something, like finishing a project or getting a good score in the reading program I am doing, or I will say something and it was great and it made a lot of sense, mostly when these thing occur I see that I feel I have achieved something I did not expect even from myself.

In those moments I feel happy and more alive, with in this energetic experience I also experience my body getting all pumped up and ready to move do something, usually I would end up wanting to punch something from the feeling of happy, feeling good, feeling like I have some power now and I can use it.

I usually end up punching the ply traps hanging from the roof and then they swing a bit.

I also notice sometimes I loos myself and even consider giving someone (a person) a 'fun" punch.

So I also looked at my past and where there were occasions when I wanted to fight another person, and I found that when I wanted to do such things I usually was in a good mood, feeling like I have power, because of previous events that took place that day that made me feel like I achieved something, that made me feel more.

Instead of breathing and being here in the physical I turn it into ego and energy, this leads to violence and putting people and objects in danger, just because I feel good, I am happy, I feel more powerful.

I realized it is a possession of ego/energy and thus it is not what is best for all life, it has to stop, how did I get to the point in the first place for feeling bad about myself in such a way that when I suddenly feel good about myself I am highly charged up and ready for violence, obviously through self judgment.

Time to break the pattern and stop the self abuse and possible abuse of others, stop the ego.

Self Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a bad person that never does anything right, thus when I do something right in the eyes of others I feel good and better about myself and suddenly powerful.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect doing something effective to being a good person, instead of realizing that  it isn't what I do that determine who I am but who I am that determines what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as a bad person, I realize that if I judge myself as a bad person as the total opposite of a good person then I will feel over loaded with energy if I believe I have done something good and be possessed by the energy as the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fuel myself with a good energy just so that I do not have to feel bad about myself through my own self judgments during the day in such a way that I become over whelmed by the energy and need to get it out through punching or doing something physical that could lead to potentially harming another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in violence when I feel good and powerful, realizing that this is only feeding the polarity of when I feel bad about myself to exist, instead of breathing and remaining here as that which is best for all life as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that hitting someone softly because I am happy is innocent, realizing that the more I continue to validate it as being okay the worse it can become in time as I create more and more justifications to why it is innocent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify the "i want to punch something because I am happy" as being okay because it is a good feeling, realizing that I am connecting violence that put fellow beings/things in danger to being good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect violence to being good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the good feeling grow and so also the wanting to punch something to become bigger and bigger, realizing that one day I might not even realize what i am doing while I am possessed with feeling good and hurt someone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to empower myself with violence when I feel good with in the believe that it is okay because I feel good about it, realizing that the good I am feeling is actually an energetic possession of my mind that I have given permission to take over my body and to direct me as a physical demon charged positively.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in violence when I feel good, realizing this is the same reason for why people join the army and why people are patriots and are willing to kill and hurt others, as they believe they are doing it because they are doing something good, not realizing that they are actually hurting other beings while they are feeling good about it.

I commit myself to stop and breath when ever I go into feeling good about myself where I want to punch something and to break the connection I have made in my mind between feeling good and punching something.

I commit myself to stop this pattern through using the tools I have such as writing, self forgiveness and self honesty to stop what I allow and accept with in me and so with in this world as war, violence and abuse.

I commit myself to not participate with in this pattern and to continue the ignorance with in supporting the ego as the mind that takes over in an energetic possessive state where I loose control of my actions for a brief moment due to not being aware of what I am doing as I am following a energy with in me.

I commit myself to when I have completed a task or have done something I haven't done before to breathe and to not create the connection with in my mind as what is good and what is bad, but to simple make it part of what has been done and needed to be done as me, and to with in this stop all self judgments as I replace it with Breathing.

Day 16 - Emotions within words.

Why is it every time I have something to say that makes a lot of sense turns out to be a fuck up when I speak, why is it that when I speak up and say what needs to be said it turns out to become a mess, why is it that when I face a point of conflict with in my world that it always turn out that I did not get the points through with in the conflicts situation, why is it that every time I have the opportunity to support and direct myself with in words it turns out to only create more shit.

The answer is easy, I have seen it and I know it, I add emotion to my words, this compromises me to be here and to direct me, as the emotion is now directing me, as I then rely on energy to move me, and because I add emotion as a energy as a negative energy I allow myself to be able to be moved, shifted in energies depending on what the other being does. And when the energy changes with in me I change.

This is not best forall life and definitely not for me, it only creates regret and never ending conflict with in and with out.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add emotions to my words with in the belief that if I add emotions that it will be more and powerful. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I add emotions to my words that it will be more and powerful and thus with in this I see and realize that I do this in the hope that it will persuade others to not go into conflict or arguments with me, as I want to avoid them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add emotions in my words to avoid people from going into conflict or arguments with me, with in this I see and realize that I use emotions from the starting point of manipulating conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate conversations with in adding emotions with in my words to try and persuade people from not going into arguments or conflict with me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself through believing that emotions will help me with in getting the message out and clear and to not have to argue about it, realizing that through adding emotions I am allowing myself to be open to be directed by any other energy that might come my way and loose the points and all authority with in the point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become emotional when I am faced with having to word myself out, with in the fear of that my words will not be heard, and thus I believe the emotion will make it seem more and be heard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my words as inferior words and that they can not be heard unless it has emotion within it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself with in getting emotional about speaking up about things, realizing that the emotions is the past as experiences that I bring to the present and place it with in the present and thus I re-live my past with in the emotion, instead of being here in each breath with in each word expressing myself as them here and clear to bring the message through clear and without any past projected baggage to make it more and dramatic so that I may impose onto others what I am trying to express so that they may feel less than, and not go into arguments or conflict situations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use emotions as a defense to get others to move away from me to not engage in conversations I am having to avoid all conflict and arguments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use emotions with in conversations with in my words and through this sabotage myself when I get all emotional and energetic as the conversations turn into a constant reactive state instead of a directive statement with in common sense and that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself with in effective communication through adding emotions with in my words that sabotage me as my words as the word become only reactive instead of being directive, through this I see that I have created a fear with in having conversations  as I have only proven to myself in time through adding emotions and becoming reactive that I can not trust myself with in conversations with in my words, thus I realize I have to stop all emotional connections through clearing all words and to breathe when i speak and make sure all my words are clear to have clear communication.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create distrust with in myself through time with in adding emotions to my words that sabotages me and my communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid all conflict situations and argument with in my world through the fear of becoming emotional and reactive with in my words and thus only end up regretting saying anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have back chat with in my mind through having thoughts towards other people and situations and with in this create an emotional charge towards the situations as I have made it personal with in me, realizing that if I talk to myself in my mind as energy that I am adding energy to my words as emotions and with in this already giving away all my authority with in any point to speak out as I have already sabotaged myself in my mind, I realize that any reaction or any emotion with in me that I have had as a conversation with in myself has been tainted  and thus if I speak it out I will only be emotional and reactive instead of being directive and clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make thing personal when they are not, I realize that any point I make personal even if it is about myself that I am adding emotion and thus I am compromising myself from communicating effectively and clearly about the point, and so I also realize that if I make it personal that it will and can only turn out as a situation of arguments and conflict instead of assistance and support to stand up as life and rebirth self with in that which is best for all life.

I commit myself to not speak when I see that I have emotions added to my words with in myself, to write and to self forgive myself till the words are clear and there are no reaction or emotion.

I commit myself to breathe and see my words with in me and if they are best for all life or personal and with in self interest and to stop all self interest and personal emotions to stop all self sabotage and compromise so that I may communicate effectively and clearly, to stop regret.

I commit myself to take situations that I have to face with in my world and to write it out and to clear it with in my writing and to with in my writing give myself a clear direction on how to deal with the situation/conflict so that I may live the change and to not postpone and suppress the points but to instead get them out with in common sense and clarity instead of reactions and emotions that end up back firing to end the pattern and rebirth myself as my written word to the living word.

Day 15 - who you are determines what you do!! who am I?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that what I do determines who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do things in my life in the hope that it will determine who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to leave "Who I am" up to hope, instead of directing me to create me and to define me as Who I am to be able to live life with in what is best for all life in all ways, as this create me as the correction as the living expression in the flesh with in a fulfilled life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame others for who I am/have become, realizing that it could only have happened through me directly accepting and allowing it to be so.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that who I am currently is unchangeable and written in stone, I realize that who i am currently is only written with in me as who I have defined myself as and thus I can simply redefine myself with in the living word as life one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my myself to believe that who I am currently is okay and that I do not have to change anything, while the result of who I am currently is the cause for all suffering and abuse in this world as it can only exist with in who I am currently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the limited definition of Who I am currently to be all I believe I can be this life, I forgive myself that I have not considered before that I can rewrite the words I live as the living word that I define myself to be as Who I am, to live what is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as who I am with in what I belief society wants from me just so that I might fit in and do not feel left out, realizing that when I do this I accept and allow me as who i am as a limited me with in a prison reality that support and accept abuse and suffering in the same world we all share, thus I realize that to define myself according to how I believe others want me to be is deception and self abuse, and as I allow myself to be abuse I accept and allow abuse to exist with in the whole of the world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed  parents to define Who I am with in their words, not living my life but instead their lives, realizing that with in accepting and allowing me to live parents definitions of who I am/should be is not what is best for all life as the parents are clear examples of how to not change the world but to only fight for survival with in the current word and hope to make it, realizing that such definitions of what parents want the child to be is in fact not trust worthy and that it is up to self to change and decide who I am to be the change to that which is best for all life in all ways to create a better world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a live of searching for "Who I am" in a never ending journey, instead of simply creating me and defining me as Who I am in each breathe as life one and equal as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself a wide open window where I allow anything that comes in to determine who I am, and thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a victim with in my live to let/allow other things to determine who I am.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to fully realize that who I am is up to me and to define myself as life as that which is best for all life in all ways, as this is a life worth living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself that I have not defined who I am for myself and allowed everything else in my life do it for me through my acceptance and allowance and so abdicate my responsibility for what is happening with in the world as I use the justification of, it is only who I am because of past events and thus I could not help myself, realizing that because of the acceptance and allowance I have in fact participated in creating and maintain the world the way it is currently as what I do to determine who I am is doing it, instead of me defining myself as Who I am and living the change to a world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined as Who I am through my environment and the world, realizing that because I allowed and accepted it, it is the cause for why the world is the way it is as abusive and destructive, as I never allowed myself to define myself as life as the correction and to live Who I am in each breathe taking self responsibility and correcting it as Who I am, and not through what I do. Because I realize it is WHO I am that determine what I do. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be influenced by other's to define who I am, as I realize this is a indication that I am not clear on who I am and that I have not yet made an absolute decision with in myself as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to  fear admitting that who I am currently is not what is best for all life and that who I am currently is evil, as the world and all life currently is the evidence that reflect back to me who I am, as who I am determine what I do and what I do as who I am is what created and is keeping the world the way it is currently, where I take and take from others and from nature and the animals kingdom to fulfill myself in consumption as I do things all the time to define me instead of me defining me as who I am that determines what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that as long as I leave who I am up to what I do then I will consume and destroy earth in the hope to find out who I am, instead of simply defining myself as that which is best for all life as LIFE, so that I may live "who I am" as life that will be life instead of against life destroying and abusing life.

I commit myself to stop all parts with in me that I have defined myself as that is not best for all life in all ways and to realize that i can change it, that I can define myself as who I am in each breathe and live the correction.

I commit myself to use all the tools that I have at my disposal to stop all automated definitions that I have attached to myself through blindly accepting them as who i am and to re create myself with in that which is best for all life in all ways.

I commit myself to to take self responsibility for the evil that exist with in this world that I have created and still keep in place as Who I am and to change who I am to do what is best for all in all ways.

I commit myself to stop when ever I see I am doing something in my live that I hope will determine who i am, and to look with in myself and to define who I am with in self honesty and writing so that I may change to Who I am determines what I do, and this way all I do will only be what is best for all life in all ways and not be abusive or destructive to self and others.

 Inspired by this Blog - Creations Journey to Life day 15.

Day 14 - I broke a girls heart , past relationship.

 This was a few years ago, there is still guilt, shame and fear, as I now see what I have accepted and allowed from the start of the relationship and what led to the end, where both partners get hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the guilt of breaking a relationship partners hart, after I have made her promises and told her I love her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make promises with in a relationship that is based on irrational thoughts and from the mind as energy, instead of realizing that promises are not needed but living it in the physical is and to stand with in a agreed relationship that is based on communication, openly sharing, removing all irrational thought, removing secret mind, self forgiveness, and to eradicate all back doors, and thus no promises needed, only living application with in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tell a girl that I love her when the words I speak is only words based on a irrational energetic experience that is not in consideration of the physical and daily living to be practically lived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word love to manipulate a girl so that I may feel secure with her and that she is under my control, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word love in the fear of being lonely, and so I say to a girl that I love her so that she may stay with me and never leave me, and to with in this end up being the one to break the girls hart because I had a change of hart.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse the relationship partner with the word love to manipulate a girl into loving me and not wanting to leave me because I fear being alone and that only with her can I be happy, and to be the one to break up with her.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear loosing a relationship partner and with in this fear, end up being the one to leave the partner as I have rushed myself to the end goal of loosing her just so that I may feel save and that I wasn't the one being abandoned and hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to break up with a relationship partner just so that I do not have to be the one that gets to be abandoned.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to consider that before I go into a relationship that I can direct the point through first having a discussion with the partner I am considering and to see with in communicating if the relationship can work practically,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt a relationship partner through being the first one to break up just to that I do not have to be the one to be hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hurt myself with in pushing myself to break up with a relationship partner because I feared loosing the relationship partner from the beginning, instead of sharing/communicating with the partner and removing the points of fear through discussing the point and applying self forgiveness to create a agreed relationship that is of enjoyment instead of fear of loosing each other and compromise.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set up failing relationships through jumping into them based on energetic experiences I have created with in myself through participating in certain justifications with in my mind as thoughts that are irrational most of the time and to then with in the believe that it may come true go into the relationship.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that with in my fear of being hurt and being abandoned that I have created the points directly to manifest with in my relationship through deliberately looking for points with in the relationship that I can use as points to use to justify why i break up the relationship and to break the relationship partners hart first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to built a relationship on fear of loosing the relationship partner, instead of communicating about all points to remove all irrational thought and secret mind and to have effective communication and to be clear on all words being lived with in the relationship, so that a relationship can be directed to a agreement where both partners can enjoy each other in a agreed relationship where there is no fear or being hurt or of any break up, but a commitment to walk together.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush into a relationship because of all the energy I have created with in me through all the participation of thoughts and fantasies with in my mind that is not with in the consideration of the physical and how daily live is lived, and so thus I have already from the start created and manifested a break up where one or both partners end up getting hurt or abuse because nothing practical or real was considered or discusses.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blindly go into a relationship and believing that no one will get hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a relationship blindly based on energetic experiences that  I have created through thoughts and irrational thinking and calling it love, and that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe and hope than when I blindly go into a relationship that no one will get hurt, Realizing that with in blindly going into a relationship that was not agreed upon on certain principals such as clearing communication, stopping all irrational thought and secret mind  and to redefine the living words with in the agreement that both is clear on what the agreement relationship will be lived as and to be open about the past to have no past interfering in the present and that a relationship can work unless it is agreed upon and that is was set up to fail from the beginning.

 Relationships and Agreements -  

I commit myself to communicate with a relationship partner all points that is necessary to have a agreed relationship and not a relationship that is based on hope and believe, and thus have a agreed relationship that will work instead of maybe working.

I commit myself to communicate with a relationship partner about all the words with in  a agreed relationship to stand clear on the words we are living as the relationship to not have any miss communications.

I commit myself to share with a agreed relationship partner all points of the past and to remove the past from the present so that both can live here in support and to not have any surprises and to move on in self forgiveness and anew.

I commit myself to not keep any secrets from a agreed relationship partner and to be open about all points such as sexuality, money and the relationship itself and to always work through the points and support and assist each other to not have any back doors that can be used to escape from the agreed relationship.

Here is the blog that inspired mine - Do you love breakups"s

 Here is another Blog for great support on relationships - Failed Relationship. 

Day 13 - Insecurity.

Why am I insecure I asked myself today, I looked at the point and I saw that I had a belief about myself, that I have hidden things with in me that I fear can be exposed.

I can not see what the things are that I fear that can be exposed right now, I just know it is a feeling, a fear and that it is based on an idea that I have about myself as being bad as being wrong.

I have created a personality for myself that defends me (my insecurities)  no matter what, as long as I do not have to feel insecure, the ego/personality that I have created as the guy who can handle anything, that has no problems and that knows anything and can do anything, giving all the good qualities as a image of myself within a presentation of myself to others so that they will not find the weak spots, the bad with in me and expose me.

This only makes the insecurity bigger and more, because now that I have created this personality that everyone known me as, I also fear being exposed as a fake, because that is what I am actually, when I present myself a certain way while inside me it is different as the experience.

I asked myself in self honesty, why and when will it stop, why can I not simply stop in one breath, why am I allowing this, because I still had fear, fear of the unknown, what will happen if I let go of my insecurities, who will I be/become,

Self forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and be insecure about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in the feeling of being insecure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being bad and that it is wrong and bad what I have with in me and that I have to hide it, and that if it has to ever be expose it will mean the end of me, realizing that if what I am hiding with in me has to be exposed, that the only end it will bring to me is my ego as energy as that which I hold onto as being important to hide and generating the mind consciousness system with in me as a energetic enslavement and limitation that is now imposed onto and with in my physical reality, compromising and sabotaging me and my reality with in applying myself effectively and openly with in the principal of what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate my insecurities and giving them attention as if they are important, realizing that through these actions I am actually keeping my insecurities alive and growing, instead of stopping and breathing and walking through the insecurities to see what is real and what is not, to face myself as my insecurities and to basically get over it and move on with my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become, realizing that only through self exposure can I truly see what is here and what is real and not, and only once I see for myself with in self honesty and common sense and gaining the understanding that I give to myself or receive through others support, can I take self responsibility and change as that which is best for all life and start living life instead of hiding and keeping myself alive in fear/anxiety/stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my insecurities after holding onto them for so lone, that I cna not see how I can live with out them, realizing that I will actually only start living once I let go of them through self forgiveness and self honesty.

What am I insecure about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about all the thoughtI ever had and that they can be exposed for all to see, and that I will with in such exposure diminish myself and never be able to face myself again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I had to ever be exposed for all the thoughts I ever had that I will only diminish and not be able to face myself or others, I realize that I can change this through self forgiveness and thus support and assist myself to see and realize that all insecurities has only been self created and thus it is not real but only a way to hide from facing self and changing to that witch is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about sexuality and that if I had to ever expose all my sexual thoughts/fantasies/desires and what I have done in my life in relation to sex and masturbation that I will not be able to face other people or look them in the eyes, realizing that this is only my interpretation and self judgment and that I am the one that has to forgive myself and face myself and that it is not about others forgiving me, but me forgiving me and living the change and taking self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about who I am currently in my entirety as all of me with in myself and with out as the my physical body and appearance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about speaking up and not hiding my common sense and standing up for life as I judge myself as being to young and not good enough and not capable yet, realizing that as long as I hold back and hide with in myself I will never be ready till I take the step of standing and taking self responsibility head on for all of me as what I have accepted and allowed to exist with in and with out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as negative and positive, creating good points and bad points with in myself and thus creating the insecurities and the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about sharing my actual real time experience with certain people that I have identified as being superior with in my life and that if I had to share with them my actual experience that i will be seen as less than, realizing it is only me who will see myself as less than as it is only my self judgment with in me, thus I realize I must stop the self judgment and simply face myself with in my writings and self forgiveness so that i may stand and walk as that which is best for all life in all ways.

Commitments.

I commit myself to when ever I see I am going into feeling like hiding from a certain situation scenario because I see that if I take part in the scenario I may be confronted with facing my insecurities, that I will take a breathe and not allow my fear and insecurity to direct m and giving permission for its continued existence, but to go there and see for myself what it is that I fear and feel insecure about.

I commit myself to take on all points where I have a resistance with in going/doing with in myself and to go there and to see what it is that I fear and feel insecure about facing as myself and to write and do self forgiveness on the points, using the tools I have been given to support myself with in changing myself as that which is best for all life as Life, as me.