Day 13 - Insecurity.


Why am I insecure I asked myself today, I looked at the point and I saw that I had a belief about myself, that I have hidden things with in me that I fear can be exposed.

I can not see what the things are that I fear that can be exposed right now, I just know it is a feeling, a fear and that it is based on an idea that I have about myself as being bad as being wrong.

I have created a personality for myself that defends me (my insecurities)  no matter what, as long as I do not have to feel insecure, the ego/personality that I have created as the guy who can handle anything, that has no problems and that knows anything and can do anything, giving all the good qualities as a image of myself within a presentation of myself to others so that they will not find the weak spots, the bad with in me and expose me.

This only makes the insecurity bigger and more, because now that I have created this personality that everyone known me as, I also fear being exposed as a fake, because that is what I am actually, when I present myself a certain way while inside me it is different as the experience.

I asked myself in self honesty, why and when will it stop, why can I not simply stop in one breath, why am I allowing this, because I still had fear, fear of the unknown, what will happen if I let go of my insecurities, who will I be/become,


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel and be insecure about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate with in the feeling of being insecure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being bad and that it is wrong and bad what I have with in me and that I have to hide it, and that if it has to ever be expose it will mean the end of me, realizing that if what I am hiding with in me has to be exposed, that the only end it will bring to me is my ego as energy as that which I hold onto as being important to hide and generating the mind consciousness system with in me as a energetic enslavement and limitation that is now imposed onto and with in my physical reality, compromising and sabotaging me and my reality with in applying myself effectively and openly with in the principal of what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to validate my insecurities and giving them attention as if they are important, realizing that through these actions I am actually keeping my insecurities alive and growing, instead of stopping and breathing and walking through the insecurities to see what is real and what is not, to face myself as my insecurities and to basically get over it and move on with my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear exposing myself as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become, realizing that only through self exposure can I truly see what is here and what is real and not, and only once I see for myself with in self honesty and common sense and gaining the understanding that I give to myself or receive through others support, can I take self responsibility and change as that which is best for all life and start living life instead of hiding and keeping myself alive in fear/anxiety/stress.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of my insecurities after holding onto them for so lone, that I cna not see how I can live with out them, realizing that I will actually only start living once I let go of them through self forgiveness and self honesty.

What am I insecure about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about all the thoughtI ever had and that they can be exposed for all to see, and that I will with in such exposure diminish myself and never be able to face myself again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I had to ever be exposed for all the thoughts I ever had that I will only diminish and not be able to face myself or others, I realize that I can change this through self forgiveness and thus support and assist myself to see and realize that all insecurities has only been self created and thus it is not real but only a way to hide from facing self and changing to that witch is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about sexuality and that if I had to ever expose all my sexual thoughts/fantasies/desires and what I have done in my life in relation to sex and masturbation that I will not be able to face other people or look them in the eyes, realizing that this is only my interpretation and self judgment and that I am the one that has to forgive myself and face myself and that it is not about others forgiving me, but me forgiving me and living the change and taking self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about who I am currently in my entirety as all of me with in myself and with out as the my physical body and appearance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about speaking up and not hiding my common sense and standing up for life as I judge myself as being to young and not good enough and not capable yet, realizing that as long as I hold back and hide with in myself I will never be ready till I take the step of standing and taking self responsibility head on for all of me as what I have accepted and allowed to exist with in and with out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as negative and positive, creating good points and bad points with in myself and thus creating the insecurities and the ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about sharing my actual real time experience with certain people that I have identified as being superior with in my life and that if I had to share with them my actual experience that i will be seen as less than, realizing it is only me who will see myself as less than as it is only my self judgment with in me, thus I realize I must stop the self judgment and simply face myself with in my writings and self forgiveness so that i may stand and walk as that which is best for all life in all ways.

Commitments.

I commit myself to when ever I see I am going into feeling like hiding from a certain situation scenario because I see that if I take part in the scenario I may be confronted with facing my insecurities, that I will take a breathe and not allow my fear and insecurity to direct m and giving permission for its continued existence, but to go there and see for myself what it is that I fear and feel insecure about.

I commit myself to take on all points where I have a resistance with in going/doing with in myself and to go there and to see what it is that I fear and feel insecure about facing as myself and to write and do self forgiveness on the points, using the tools I have been given to support myself with in changing myself as that which is best for all life as Life, as me.

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