Day 494 - My weirdest love fantasy story Part 3

From PART 2: So now I was letting go of all the girls I liked at school, and now I was starting to look for very very specific girls before I even started liking them or creating a relationship within my mind – they had to at least resemble something from an Anime character from the stories and also have the same kind of personalities/character to them – how they dress, look, speak, act, and their looks obviously – I set up an ultimate love fantasy relationship for myself to find, but what do you know. Something happened that fit exactly that description.

Part 3

Do not worry, there is a point that I am making within all these blogs about my weirdest Love story, but first these few points needs to be explained to understand a bit more.

So while at school now after creating this whole mind relationship with myself and girls and now attaching this to something completely out of reach by connecting it to anime character, to make the search way more difficult just so that I can compromise in my mind why I am not doing anything about liking certain girls/girl in real time/life – to be able to now say “this girl that I like just does not fit the picture in my mind” which again is a anime picture in my mind, where will I find such a girl? It was the perfect excuse and way to hide.

Well surprisingly a girl showed up, she was out of this world so to say, because she wasn’t from my country (South Africa), she was from Holland, and thus she didn’t act or dress like girls in my school at all, she had the physical design, the hair, the eyes, the character – everything was different about her, from the first day I saw her – my eyes locked and was like ‘wow”, my heart started raising and I was excited.

So I started doing the same things I usually did, interacting with this girl, getting to know her a bit, she was shy yet cute and she was willing to talk to me and sit next to me and she had no feeling about her of the girls from my country, I could not place it, but I was really liking her.
But not long after she left, back to her country. And I had no chance at all. But one thing was now confirmed, the type of girls I created in my mind as what I desire now, exists, just not in my country or where I am from.

So years started passing, and I finally got a girlfriend at 16, but not what I desired at heart as the picture that I created in my mind about the perfect girl I wanted I kept going for girls that could, might be the same – but the relationships didn’t last long, I started running after quit a bit of girls and starting relationships. And this fantasy relationship that I have created within my mind as the perfect relationship girl started being suppressed and ignored, even later on forgotten and just went away as Life continued.

But surprise surprise, YEARS later something weird happens, after being in a long lasting relationship, being married with a child and life has moved on for many years, the point visits me in the most unexpected way, I mean, I did create a entity in the past, and all entities at some point needs to reveal themselves.

At present, I was walking around in town getting some things from town for home, and at one of the counters, waiting in line, a women walked pass, she looked at me, and like not just a quick look, but with a smile she made at me, I breathed and stood stable, yes there was this emotional attraction that came up, and a sensation, I didn’t allow it to consume me as I was breathing and simply looking at the points coming up to work with them and not suppress them. And this is where the whole point came from, I found what came up within me at that moment was something familiar from a very long time ago, and it felt like what I was experiencing was only the MIND and nothing real physical, no actual indicators, just a blind emotion that opened up thought patterns, memories, emotions/feelings – which all led to fantasy thinking/longing – and I realized in that moment, I am not aware f what in any given moment might come up due to my past and environment triggering points,

And this is why it is so important to self-investigate and to take self-responsibility for myself completely and not wait for reality to force certain points out of me, as this was a point I could easily work with in the moment, but there are others points that I am not aware of yet.

Writing and walking my DIP, my mind constructs, and really become free within who I am as my own creator, as long as anything in my reality can suddenly direct me and push me a certain direction, I am a slave to the mind and its creations from the past as the past, a slave to the past, and not yet standing as life one and equal.