Day 541 – Investigating Ego Part 1

I was once told by an old school friend, Gian, You have a big ego, while this person wasn’t looking at me with a smiley face, it was more of a concerned and disgust face, but in micro expressions almost, because it was a friend and the friend didn’t want to “insult” me, so to say. 

So my first impression was, EGO means, when someone thinks a lot of or about themselves, as in general, everyone thinks about themselves and only themselves, but if you have an ego, then you think a LOT about or of yourself.

After this friend said those words to me, I was a bit angry, because I could not properly distinguish between him and me and why only I have a BIG ego, the main reason for my anger was, because I did not actually understand the word ego, I assumed what ego means due to the moment we had, I was talking about girls and parties and so on, which included me a lot, and my friend was talking about girls differently, he was more the romantic type, and I was more the player type as I can recall, so my way of talking about “girl’s” was insulting to him in a way, and thus he reacted and said to me I have a Big ego, basically only thinking about myself.

After this interaction, I walked away and I was now concerned about this ego thing, in fact I didn’t know how personal I took it till later on the same day, I was thinking about this ego thing so much that I built up more and more anger towards my friend saying I have a big ego, my back chat started running where I would think things like, “how can you say I am only thinking about myself, any guy in this world wants sex and no matter how you play the game it Is ALL about yourself, the male, the sex, I simply approached it less intimately and more in a cold way, so the separation part is easier for both.

I basically reacted to my friend saying what he is doing is all about the “girl” yet he knows as a guy as ME that it is never about the girl, the girl has what the man wants, simple.

So I created a grudge towards this friend, but secretly, in fact I made it my goal to PROOF to this friend that what he is doing as a “romantic guy” that his way is still JUST a game and nothing different from mine, and thus also EGO because it is only about HIM and HIS wants/desires.

As the days in school went by, I obviously interacted with this friend normally, but whenever I got the opportunity, I would say things to him to “test” his mind and where it is, very subtly, I will say things that only me “type” and ego will like, and not his romantic type, but I said the things I did in such a clever way that I could show him that he is no different.

For example, I would go sit next to this friend that has now labeled me as a BIG EGO guy because I talk about women as sex objects, where he does not do those things because he is so much better and mature and apparently has a deeper connection and understand women more and knows it isn’t all about sex and blab bla bla (the mind of a sixteen year old) and I would just sit there, quite next to him, and then I would ask him simple questions, like – what girl do you like? And he would say, no one at the moment, and then I would look at a girl that is walking around on the school grounds that is judged as not so pretty and outcast, and I would point and ask him, do you like that girl? And there, on his face, a face of disgust, the frown, and he would then look at me and say, Gian, why are you asking me this, and I would say, I am just checking if you as a “romantic guy” that do not see girls as just sex objects but that there is more and something emotional apply his rules to any women, or only pretty women, he reacted, stood up and walked away.

See, my point was, I wanted to proof to him that he is full of bullshit and just EGO as well, no matter how pretty he painted the picture in his mind, because if it is about beauty, and that you can only be a romantic to someone that is seen as a “sex symbol” – well, then you are only thinking about yourself and or of yourself in the whole picture, no different than me, I just did it openly.
The story of Ego to be continued.

Day 539 - opening up points of fear and regret

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR letting go of the fears within me that I have used to define me and to thus guide me and control me and keeping me enslaved to patterns and behaviors that I believe is best for me. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the consistent fear of not having money and security within this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the consistent fear of being all alone in this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of what others think of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of what others might do to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of what this money driven system can do to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of being harmed by other humans.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of not having a roof over my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of living the same way as billions of others do in this world, in poverty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of losing what I hold dear through changing or through circumstances.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing my time and the time that I have within this world and not using it to my utmost potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of doing something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of failing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the fear of being seen and actually being different from society.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear trusting myself and what that might mean, which is unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself as the unknown.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be trapped in this world system and not be able to change a thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the world coming to an end as an actual desire that I had as a kid, just ending everything, and now seeing this desire was actually a denial of a fear within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear JUST doing what I see I need to do in moments and to push myself beyond my fear in any moment to do what is required to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear doing things out of fear and to within this do things out of fear anyway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide from my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suppress my fears and deny my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear this reality and the cruelty that exist within it, from the system to the human that created it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually take that step to truly change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not knowing what that actual first step is to actually change and to take a stand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself to the service of life absolutely.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if the world/my life changes that I will face myself as who I am and what I could have done to bring change to this world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that at the end of my life that I will face myself as regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear regret.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear me facing my self-dishonesty at death as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and live as, as fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing myself as consequences that isn’t best for all life and that knowing that who I am currently isn’t yet standing as LIFE and thus I know where I must move my ass.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to already live in regret and to fear that because of this regret I will not be able to ever actually change anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my past as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and to define myself as and to within this fear that I will just die as a past and not as LIFE that is standing in absolute self-honesty and that I everything in my power to change this world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear looking crazy within me expressing myself to bring change to this world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear saying and speaking the common sense and the self-honesty that is required to be spoken to penetrate this reality and to bring change, starting with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will never get rid of my past as a current definition of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the truth about me into the core of who I am and to stand up from that and to see what is HERE for real as LIFE, where nothing is painted in thoughts/emotions/feelings to be something else, and to fear what I might see as OUR creation that is here of abuse and absolute dishonor to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the dishonor that I have existed as and still do to some extent towards LIFE.

Day 538 – The believe that what I know is always inferior to what others know

I have done hundreds of presentation in the past two years of my life, from one on one presentation to family presentations to doing presentations for dozens of people at a time. I have found within doing all of my presentations that I am confident, I know what I am talking about, my presentations are always mind blowing. But, this is because the information I am sharing with the people is something they are kind of familiar about, it is about education and learning and developing a child to reach their utmost potential within education and the education system that is here. This is easy, because it is accepted by everyone and within their vocabulary, thus their current accepted and allowed believes and ideas and opinions and the brainwashing of the system as the “normal”. So what happens when I go beyond that, outside of that? I have tested this many times, the results aren’t what one would think or believe. 

To give more context where I am coming from, I have to mention the following – I am part of a group/movement called Desteni, and I have been walking with this group/movement for the past seven years a fascinating journey, one that is most unexpected, many that read this will already know about all of this, many will not, so this is for those that doesn’t know, and to put it short, within this journey I have changed drastically in many ways. The person I used to be cannot be compared to who I am now. I have walked this journey within self-forgiveness and practically applying the corrections, developing self-honesty and common sense, where I do all of this within the principle of oneness and equality, as this is the principle of the universe and we are HERE as everything that exist, thus co-creators of LIFE in fact, we are responsible for what was, is and will come, by walking this Journey we remove all separation within ourselves and to stand one and equal as life to be able to take on FULL self-responsibility for what is here in all parts of life and to enable ourselves to in fact move and direct our realities and thus reality to change what is here to be what is best for all life, stopping abuse of life and creating heaven on earth – this is all written in a very short context – so please do not assume anything, to continue.

So basically walking this process with Desteni, it is my life, the process and re-birthing self as life and taking responsibility for myself as LIFE – and this means no matter where I go or what I do, I am always busy practicing what I learned and implementing what I have realized and testing out everything for myself and keeping what is best for all life, this does NOT mean I go around preaching to people about Desteni or what I have learned from Desteni, this does not mean I go around and make noise about a group or movement, this means WHO I AM is a living expression of what I have walked with the group/movement, this means over the years many things has become natural to me, it has become who I am, so I cannot suppress or just deny it, and thus I speak about it, I share my story naturally, when people ask me or tell me things that they see, I respond from my expression, within self-honesty and common sense, speaking from what is best for all life, this means taking all life into consideration and responding in equality to where each person is at, and always only what I have walked and realized for myself.

So obviously, EVERYONE I meet in this world belongs to a group or movement, may it be religious, and may it be just something “spiritual” or not, every person belongs to some group/movement, everyone has their Idea/believes/opinions coming from somewhere, so this sometimes create conflict and resistance within conversations.

What I have found as a reason is because what people are saying from religious groups, or from spiritual groups or other movements, comes from a very long line of history, so no matter how ridiculous or insane or non-sensical it may sound, it always is “right” – because it has been taken and seen as right for so long, and what I say or share or give perspective on coming from what I have learned and realized through walking my process with Desteni is so NEW, it is seen as just not acceptable, because it is so different – YET makes so much sense, and no one ever denied the common sense, it is always just a resistance or reaction.

In the past, I have given into these resistances and reactions, and actually for a while didn’t share or open up about me and what I stand by, just like how everyone else stand by something, no difference, just different in the message and the application, but I somehow gave power to the other peoples movements/groups and what they preach and say, as if it is more powerful and has more value and that it is more right, just because it is accepted by everyone with ease and comfort.

SO I realized an interesting point, why do people that is within other movements/groups as religion and spiritualism or just causes, so easily accepted each other being here and what they believe in and not resisted within what they say or preach? A side note, YES everyone has haters and people that goes against them, that’s kind of natural, but in general society, if a Christian and a Muslim or Atheist walk together in the same store, they are fine and KNOWING that what each one believe in is different and not the same, yet are okay, feeling some security, and that they are simply 100% okay with what they have as their group/movement within them, and they will preach and wear different cloths to show and display their groups/movements and they will with honor and pride share their principles and believes and everything that goes with it if asked. So the point that I had to investigate is why I am making what I am walking and living as weird and different within ME as and from my group Desteni, and thus creating the response from the outside world exactly what I am experiencing and expecting. And I came the one simple answer – FEAR, Fear of being different and not making it OKAY within me just like how ALL the other groups are doing it, and thus each group just respect each others believes so to say, sure there are global wars in the name of religion, but here in SA, everyone and every religion works together and live together, so I am coming from my reality/perspective as a cross-reference.

So I am applying what I live within what I am living to investigate my actions, where I feel I must keep myself secret and what I do, fear that what I have to say is less valuable or inferior to what others are saying and preaching, just because what they are saying or preaching has been here for thousands of years and so done within confidence.

I will write more on this point to come.

Day 537 – WTF is Usury?

Usury is today the practice of making unethical or immoral monetary loans that unfairly enrich the lender. Originally, usury meant interest of any kind. A loan may be considered usurious because of excessive or abusive interest rates or other factors. Basically a loan shark in slang, but understanding the word and the meaning of Usury is more relevant then “load Shark” – as Usury as the original word have a lot more to it and isn’t limited or defined by loans ONLY. As it states – interest of any kind, and this is the point I want to focus on.

what is more staggering; Usury is regulated currently by governments where limits are set, yet the corporations and companies find loop holes and deceive people and the government to take much more, yet making it seem like it is meeting the regulations, not that I agree with the regulated standards either as everything in this world is motivated by greed and self-interest. Why do we accept and allowed as a society for certain companies or organizations to charge massive interests, without any question. Like getting a mortgage to buy a home the interest is so high that some people end up losing their homes and sitting on the streets, this is but on example of Usury, Usury used to be condemned as sinful. And if we look at how Usury is playing out in society currently, it is sinful in terms of what it is doing to people’s lives and thus society, just for those that does the lending to make a shit load of profit.

We have to take the point back to ourselves and see where in our lives we are playing out any form of Usury “Interest of any kind” – to give more of a clear understanding of what I am talking about, let me give you an example.

Let us look at something personal that may occur in a person’s life at some point, like sharing or giving something to someone, we do so with the intent that now the other person own us something in return, let’s say you buy your friend a coffee because he didn’t have money on him at that moment, a couple of years down the line you suddenly need something, like 100 bucks, you will go to your friend and you will ask him for 100 bucks, he will say wow that’s a lot of money, and then you will suddenly say, HEY remember that time I bought you a coffee when you didn’t have money? And your friend will feel like he now just have to give you 100 bucks.

So now, is 100 bucks after a couple of years equal to a coffee you bought him way back? No it isn’t, but why did the friend give in and say OK, here, take the 100 bucks, because when you bought your friend coffee many years ago, it was in a moment of need, the friend might have been really tired and needed coffee to perform better at work, or just to make it through the day, it was all a emotionally charged moment, it was vulnerable, your friend was vulnerable and you had the strength at that time, so the money spend and what the money was spend on wasn’t a lot, but what was a lot was the emotional meaning, the intent and the gesture behind it all, which was more valuable is what counted, so after time this is what grew within YOU who stood as the strong point, that you had to sacrifice something in that moment for someone else, and thus within you the value became also more than the coffee and the money spend on it, thus over the years the USURY (interest of any kind) grew to such an extent within the lender (you) and the borrower, that the borrowed could now be forced to pay back ANYTHING that is requested of the Lender, because now there is a sense of “gratitude” that is at stake, and this emotional sense of gratitude fears that if it cannot repay or pay back the lender that the borrower is sinful or evil, and the Lender (you) know this, and usually if your friend would refuse to pay you back in any way possible for something you did for them in the past, what do you do? You become nasty and spiteful and will even condemn the friendship to hell and the person. LOOK what I did for you and now YOU aren’t willing to pay me back?? You will pay for this some way or another.

So you see through that example, which I hope brought the reader closer to understanding how Usury takes place in our daily lives within many other points besides the lending, for example, holding a grudge against someone for bumping you in the street, over the years this grudge becomes so much more within self, that if the opportunity arrives to bump the person back, we would instead bump the person and then beat the shit out of them, believing it to be fair.

so it is important that we see who we are INTERNALLY and within our personal lives, manifest into systems and other forms of programs that run this world at a larger/bigger scale, and for us to develop the ability to respond to these monstrous activities destroying and harming like and ending it, and changing it to be what supports LIFE, we must first take SELF – responsibility for what exist as the same systems and programs within us, to truly have the responsibility as the Authority as the co-creators that is here to stop it and change it.

Day 536 – Back to the word responsibility

About two weeks ago I revisited the word responsibility, only to realize that what I previously redefined as responsibility was still based on the mind, as a point of morality, where I want to be more than reality – thus taking on tasks and things within my reality that was/is unnecessary.

Let me explain a bit more, there is common responsibilities that I have, things that are immediate within my reality, such as eating and supporting my body with nutrients, this is a responsibility where I have to get food, prepare food and eat the food, I have to spend my time and effort on doing so, and it is immediate and obvious as a point of MY responsibility, no one else is going to feed me for me. Then there is more similar responsibilities, such as cleaning myself, taking care of my “space” where I live in and move within.

Then there is a level or responsibilities that is not about ME, yet it is within my ability to respond, such as when I see dog poo laying on the floor, I can wait for whom ever is “supposed to be responsible to pick it up, as it isn’t my dog, BUT it is within my ability within the moment to respond to what is here, I check within myself within self-honesty, do I have the time right now to do it? Yes I do, or No I do not, then I act on it, because I obviously have the ability to pick up some poo and throw it away, so I respond to it, and another point is, if I go to the toilet and I see we need toilet paper, In that moment I have the ability to respond to fetch more toilet paper, it isn’t about who left it empty, or someone else can do it when they need the toilet, it is points that is not about ME yet my responsibility as it is MY reality/environment, but it is to be self-honest in these moments if one has time and the ability.

For example, if I see someone on the side of the road with a flat tire and I do not have the skills to help a person in such a situation, isn’t then my responsibility to help the person with changing or fixing the entire problem within having a flat tire, BUT it is still within my ability to do something – I can stop and see if the person needs help, if help is coming, I can check if I can be of support to help the person with changing the tyre and in the process learn how to do it, that’s my ABILITY in the moment and thus my response, but IF I do not have TIME to stop and help I must be able to take that into account within self-honesty, but if I have the time or not I MUST assess within real time and not of/as the mind where it is simply a point of justification, as in I do not have the time I want to go home and just be lazy, and take into account the dangers of today, the area, the environment etc. – assess moments within common sense and self-honesty of what is HERE as the physical real time.

These are all easy points, they are responsibilities that show themselves to me – I am self-honest within my ability and thus respond equally, but remember, there is ALWAYS a response ability, if you don’t know how to fly a plane, your responsibility is then to learn how to fly a plane, if that is what YOU want to do or need to do for a certain purpose. It is pointless to jump in the believe that I must be responsible now and just fly this plane; it makes no sense as the ability isn’t here yet, the sensible response it to breathe and be self-honest and start from where you are and walk the process to get to flying a plane.

So I realized that I always have an ability to respond, BUT I must be self-honest within my ability and to respond from that ability and expand my ability more and more and thus increase my response.

BUT, I have now fallen into another dimension of the point of responsibility, I have gotten my two feet on the ground to be honest within my ability to respond to my environment and first of all within myself as who I am, BUT I haven’t considered the point yet of creational responsibility, till now.

Where I start being creative within GIVING myself responsibilities, as I have only lived according to what my environment is giving me, but never me giving myself responsibilities, and this if vital, as it is the point of creation/purpose – where I assess what it is I stand for, which is LIFE, what is it that I want to achieve as LIFE, which is oneness and equality to be realized within all Life and to create a world (heaven on earth) where this equality and oneness is implemented and lived, so NOW within my current abilities, where can I within self-honesty RESPOND and take responsibility for what is here and start giving myself direction and purpose till it is done.

I will in more blogs later on write on how this process in real time is taking grip as I learn to give myself responsibilities and developing myself to take on more and more till I stand as Life as responsible, able to respond to LIFE one and equal, an it is most important to be okay with my current abilities and my response as I trust and know the more I take responsibility and develop my abilities and my responses I will grow, I will expand and thus I trust the process as long as I keep walking and applying and living an BREATH.

Day 535 – Money has defined me, being self-honest

What has been seen as one of the major factors in my life as a limitation, I would say money? All my life I have had only a lack of money, never abundance, and I do believe that most people in this world has this physical limitation. 

To start.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that my environment determines MY limitations and what I can do or not do, seeing and realizing that Who I am within my environment determines my limitation or my expansion.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the only real limitations that exist is actual physical limitations, such as not having a car to drive somewhere, or not having certain resources available within my environment, but that WHO I AM within the environment can decide to move myself beyond perceived limitations that are of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse real limitations and mind limitations as one and the same thing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame other within my environment for the perceived limitations that I am experiencing due to how I interact or experience myself around others, seeing and realizing that this is an experience within ME that is limiting ME and my expression and not about the other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that limitation of and as the mind as blame/judgements and abdicating self-responsibility for my actions that enforce limitation can be changed and through simply changing my mind and who I am within a moment of slowing down and physically assessing and checking what is here and that needs to be done.
Money Point

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect who I am as an expression of myself to the amount of money I have or do not have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to go into a state of mind of retraction within my expression when and as there is little money available within my reality to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only expand and express myself if there is a lot of money within my reality/environment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into an expression of insecurity within myself and within my reality if there is little money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to explode and express myself fully only if there is a certain amount of money within my reality that makes me feel secure.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself dependent on money in terms of my expression as who I am as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep to myself and to pull myself into myself and hide my expression when and as I am in fear of survival due to how “little” money I have, seeing and realizing that money does in fact play a role in how I can move myself within my reality and my well-being, yet who I am as an expression is independent of money if I have it or not.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I change within who I am dependant on how much money I have or do not have, and within allowing myself to admit this point within me I can see what who I am is still of the mind as a preprogramed personality design that is dependent on an outside force to define me/who I am.

Who will I be if I am starving and will die of starvation?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider who I will be if I had to live in a state of starvation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deny and be ignorant to look at reality and what is here and till what extend MONEY has defined who I am, taking it to the extreme of removing money from my life and seeing the physical consequences that I will face within such a position and who I will be within such a situation, to face myself within self-honesty and to stand within such a position within oneness and equality within MYSELF, not physically going out and experiencing this, as that is unnecessary at this stage.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I had to starve on the streets as many others do in this world, that who I am at this moment will change and thus confirming that I have not yet taken full self-responsibility for myself as this reality and who I am as part of the creation of this reality where money decides everything, from who eats to who can express themselves and who can’t, and thus IF I do not stand within self-honesty, where I see I have money and I have the time and I have the resources to take a stand within this reality to bring actual change within this reality then I will most probably have to face the consequences one and equal to what I stand as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it for granted the money and position I have currently within this reality whereas billions of others DO not in fact have the same as me to do the same as me and to take a stand to change this reality, and IF I abuse this position to NOT stand then LIFE as me by my permission as my actions will place me in the position to see and realize all others parts of me and what I have accepted and allowed for all the others parts of me to exist one and equal.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that Money buys Time literally, and as long as I have the time I have the money to do something this life TIME to stand up for all the others parts of me that exist in this reality within inequality and suffering, that do not have the time and thus the money to do anything, thus as a body, I must take the position/responsibility as the immune system, where I focus all my time/energy/money to heal the parts of me that is suffering, or the whole body will collapse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LET fear in the name of not having enough or not having a lot of money decide my actions within what is HERE as my current reality where I can within self-honesty see that I am in a position to walk within breathe and to take a stand in each and every moment as long as I am breathing within the position I have and to not fall for the Idea of the future and what MIGHT be or not, and to realize me here and that each breath counts and who I am within each and every breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the trap of the MIND where the mind wants to be more than reality and NOT do what is necessary to live in this world, which is making money and working certain hours to do so, and making that Burden a MIND limitation where one acts and lives the MIND limitation of the physical limitation that has been placed onto self by a fucked up system, instead of seeing and realizing that one has a Job or work that is more than what billions of others can say, thus one has money and TIME do something to bring change to this world, as money speaks Louder than words in a world where screaming has been ignored and denied for as long as this has been going on, and we can make our expressions independent of the system that is a JOB for money from 9 to 5, our expressions does NOT have to be limited as the system is, our expressions is what will bring change, and we cannot fall for the MIND limitations that we make ourselves belief of being victims of a system we are part of and have created and entertained.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make money a factor in my expression, instead of using money to my advantage to bring change to this world, to take authority where it is least expected and to stand up and make the choice, take a leap of faith, what are we waiting for? For the system to magically change and support us to change this world? It’s not going to happen.

We must take authority and reach for the top even when we are placed at the bottom of a slave system. This is where we stop the slave preprogramed system of money and the effects it has on us. To move beyond it.

Day 534 - Saving for the future when there is no future to save for, unless we save the future

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that money is currently the life force within this world that provides people with the necessary resource to buy and or move other resources to gain a portion of life to sustain themselves as a life force.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am more than money in the sense that I am better than the money system that exist here and now and to within this disregard the power money currently have within and on this reality as I am placing myself “above” money and that I am morally better than money, yet when I am hungry I require money to buy food to sustain me, the same as everyone else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the design of money and what money currently “means” according to the believe in money that we have given it power with, within this world, where money literally decides everything as it exist now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to disregard the “power of believe” we have given money within this world, within me and to within this blind myself from seeing and realizing that money has the value according to the believe we as humans have given it, and when I look around me I can see that the believe invested within me in relation to money is literally Between LIFE and Death, as I know money currently gives me the “right” to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can have a love hate relationship towards money as my free will/choice, yet money does not care if I love it or hate it, it is currently required to do anything in this reality, including using money to change this system/world.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist embracing money and accepting the current believed “fact” that money has the value of life, and to within this create a struggle within me and within m life working/dealing with money as believe it is evil and that I must not have lots of it, thus compromising myself from actually doing something practical with money to bring world change through the use of money within what its current power is within this world according to the humans believe given to it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the money I have is MY money and to within this believe hold onto money as if it is MINE and to not share the money (life substance) with all equally – seeing and realizing that it is because I haven’t embraced the current believed fact that humans have created and connected to money as the substance of LIFE, that if we start seeing money as the manifestation of life force within this world we can look at money differently where LIFE force is the right to all life equally, and thus we must take money as the current life force and give to all freely to also have their life force to live within this world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I hold on to money in fear and paranoia of the future as MY money, that I am actually holding onto life force that should be moving towards and back into life to support and assist all life, and that in my actions of holding onto “life force” as money in fear of not having it, I am manifesting that exact fear for others to life and experience, thus doing exactly onto others as I would not like to be done onto me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with and towards money of fear, instead of movement and change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a relationship with money of MY money instead of creating a relationship towards money as in LIFE force and that where I place/put my money as life force, that is what I am supporting as LIFE and for life to grow and to expand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that by saving and keeping money to myself as MY money for a future that isn’t here yet, that I will be save, even when considering the state of the world and where we are heading, that there is no future for anyone, unless all the people in the world put their life force together and to push this life force in the same direction to change this world, then, that can really be the only way we must spend the money/life force we have to secure an actual future.