continuation of Day 242 - The Death of my Horse Titan Part 1
and – Day 243 and 244 – The Death of my horse Titan Part 2 The Journey to Life
and – Day 245 – The Death of My Horse Part 3 the Journey to Life
Leila wrote a cool blog on the events of the day here that Titan was put down – Day 146: Death of a Horse (Titan)
and continuation on her point here - Day 147 and 148 - Aftermath Death of a Horse
Also to see the process of horses here with us and their process stuff in general, check out the interviews from Eqafe, really cool.
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3
Not Everyone can have a horse, I did have a horse and I am grateful for the support and assistance from Titan, that is why I am sharing these points that I have faced, walked through and changed within.
One of the main over all points I walked with Titan was Awareness, the awareness I am talking about is real awareness of all that is here in each breathe as me.
What do I mean by this – when and as I walked and participated day to day with Titan I became aware of myself a lot more, especially in relation to all my internal conversations/back-chat and the thoughts and the reactions and the emotions and feelings and memories etc.
This happened mostly when and as I was doing Titans Stable such as picking up Poo, I mean doing poo is quite relaxing, I go into the stable and I have a bucket and rubber gloves on and I go down and I start picking up the poo, within these moments I found the weirdest things coming up, things from the past, from years ago, because it was quite and it was me alone in the stable with myself and Titan.
I would for instance sit down and start picking up poo and suddenly I am talking to myself in my head – Like I am finishing a conversation from years ago the way I wanted it to actually go, random stuff like that, I never got why it happened, but I faced my Mind in all its corners, and even sometimes get stuck in my mind, like the thoughts/feelings/emotions that come up during my time with Titan would bring these things up.
The there is the real actual Awareness as the physical, obviously I wasn’t to concerned about this awareness since I have always only known my Mind and my thoughts/feelings/emotions and nothing else to consider and take into consideration.
Titan which was a BIG animals with four legs and a Limited amount of space to move within the stable quickly woke me up to the real world, the physical reality, Because here I am sitting on the ground picking up poo and I am in my mind, I am trapped within thoughts/feelings/emotions that just spin out of control, running wild in my mind, and then the next thing I know something is moving and smacking into me, It is Titan, he had to move, He wanted to see what’s going on outside of his stable, there was a noise.
Now here is the interesting part, ever time something like this happened which was basically daily, I would immediately react and get angry, I would Judge Titan as not being aware, not taking me into consideration while I am working in his stable, I would push him and chase him to the other side of the Stable to teach him to not do that, because he can seriously hurt me.
But what I never saw in those moments was, that I reacted to Titan because he showed me in that moment where I was, I wasn’t here, I was in the mind lost in some alternate reality that isn’t real, and Titan was the realness hitting me in the face, Titan showed me that when and as I participate within the mind I will NOT and can NOT be aware of what is here and that is what creates the consequences that is always to Late, because Titan Hitting me is already to Late, the consequences hit me and the outcome is always un predictable, he could break my neck, or simply crush my finger, or snap my leg, or hit me in that moment of impact.
I also saw that I reacted to Titan because I knew that I wasn’t aware, I knew that I was being dishonest with myself and within what is here, I reacted not to Titan in fact, I reacted towards myself and what I was doing in that moment to myself enslaving myself to the mind as the thoughts/feelings/emotions.
The reactions I experiences was Like me saying – HOW DARE YOU WAKE ME UP TO REALITY, and then the Interesting thing happened over Time, It seems that just never learned my lesson, it just kept on happening, Titan kept on Hitting me moving around in the stable, he just did not give a fuck, Because I did not give a fuck about myself, I was telling myself through participating within the mind that I don’t care about myself HERE as the physical, so why should Titan?
I also discovered within these incidents How much Power I have given the mind, that not even physical consequences that actually directly inflict harm upon me could snap me out of my illusions as the thoughts/feelings/emotions of the mind and that I was so deeply trapped within it all within my mind and completely a slave to it.
Titan has stepped on my feet at least three times, I lost skin on my toes and I have ahd very saw toes for weeks even, and a bit swollen.
Interestingly enough I learned through my feet how important they are and how the physical work to some extent, when for instance even just one toe got hurt, my entire body is compromised, and what i found interesting through this was, that through having these small pains that Titan gave me in moments that I was not here and not aware and did not take self responsibility through breathing and willing myself into awareness that the pain of the toe and the entire body that is compromised through that that I could not participate within the mind.
The pain and the physical immediately takes priority over the mind, because what does the mind know, that without the body the mind cannot exist, but the body can exist without the mind, so the mind simply stayed out so that the body can focus/be aware and prevent and heal itself to get back to normal.
It was within these moments that I saw what is here and what is real and how I have completely missed it all, it is within these moments, even with the saw toe and my body compromised, that I could prevent Titan from hitting me, because I was aware of what is here I could see within Titans Body language when and if he wanted to move or not and I could already way before hand stand up and tell him not to.
So Is consequences and suffering First required before awareness can come to light for the Human race, does everyone have to suffer and go through extreme pain before we all see what is real and what is not, do we have to create HELL on earth with the possibility of never getting out of it just for the sake of seeing and realizing that the physical is real and here and that Must take self responsibility for it all – NO it isn’t required.
BUT we all seem to want it, we all seem to just go for it straight forward, not even stopping to consider something else.
We are all saying FUCK prevention, lets dive into hell and burn and only then hope for change, yet the cure is simple -- BE aware of what is here as LIFE as the physical and this way we can see what is here and what we are in fact doing and prevent and stop abuse and change the god for shaken world, because it is possible.
As I have seen and proven to myself to what extent I have enslaved and trapped and controlled myself within and as the mind as all the experiences/memories/thoughts/feelings/emotions/back-chat as energy (positive or negative) that awareness as LIFE as the physical is something that a self willed being must walk and it won’t come by itself as I have seen/lived it.
The correction that I lived was to always breathe when and as I am around Titan, and this does not only start once I am at the stables, it starts from the moment I wake up, to breathe and to prevent all and any thoughts/feeling/emotions, not to suppress it or deny it, but to prevent it, real prevention, and when it comes up to apply the tools of self forgiveness, self corrective statements and living them, common sense and self honesty.
Every day I check myself with no Judgment, I see what is here as the thoughts/feelings/emotions and anything that comes up doing stables and the back chat; it is a reference for me to see who I am when and as I am alone or with others, what am I accepting and allowing and how and why, stop it through breathing using what is here to bring myself back to awareness to see with my real eyes.
Thanks for sharing Gian, cool support indeed that is now integrated within you
ReplyDeleteCool Gian! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDelete