Day 507 – What I learned from Bernard Poolman – Lesson 7

The nature of myself/people as self-interest

When I was first introduced to the words “Self-Interest” – it was kind of a new thing to me, because ALL my life I lived in self-interest, but I never viewed myself as that, to me it was normal. But Bernard burst this bubble every single day, revealing that who I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as was literally just self-interest.

I have many stories to tell about how my self-interest bubble got burst by Bernard Poolman, but today I am want to focus on a point that really sticked with me and has over many years now only proofed itself/revealed itself to be so.

After living on the farm already for about a year and a bit longer, the farm has had many visitors already, Bernard has spoken and shared a lot with many people from all across the world, pushing the point in each and every person every day that they were here on the farm, the same as he did for me.
After ALL that Bernard has done for many that came to visit, pushing insecurities, fears, limitations, always pushing the person to their utmost potential and giving unconditionally support and assistance, nothing ever expected back – because anyone can go and leave Desteni at any time they wish, in fact it is the easiest thing to do, to just not participate with Desteni, because it is almost literally just internet based.

And this is the ultimate test for all that decide to stand as LIFE, with the “choice” being so easy to just not know, to just not do what is best for all life, being the easiest choice to make in this world – and even with such an easy choice always at hand, TO not make that choice, because you have walked this process for real and realized that this choice is an illusion/deception of the Mind.

And so on this one particular day Bernard asked me to my face, how long have you been here Gian? And I would reply, saying: probably more than a year now, and Bernard would ask me, why are you still here? This question quickly made me feel uncomfortable, because I naturally expected Bernard to think that I am here because I am making a stand for what is best for all life, but that wasn’t the case as Bernard soon pointed out.

Bernard said – you are still here because being here only serves your self-interest, be self-honest and take a look, your survival , only to serve you and to not really make a change or actually change– as money, but do not judge it, it is how you have been preprogrammed, so understand it and change it.

Like everyone else that has been here and that will come here will only do so in self-interest because that's who we start out as naturally and then change through walking the process, which is the purpose, some, if not most will disappear as they already have, because once they have received all the help they can get and have changed themselves and their life’s, they will abandon Desteni and abuse what they have learned for their own self-interest/life, they will suddenly be stable or make money and live a good life, but they will never admit it was due to help from Desteni, or give that to another as they have been given to, because it gives them power and the advantage over others, this will be self-interest at its best, but don’t worry, Life works one and equal to what each person stands as, and if you fuck with Life, life will surely show you it isn’t to be fucked with.

I had quit a realization after that conversation, realizing once and for all how DEEP self-interest is within me and how really doomed we are as humanity if this self-interest do not change – Because even when people have ALL the support, all the tools to change themselves and even when they have achieved some level of change within their life and FULLY understanding the principles of Desteni and how things work, they will and can still abuse that for ONLY self-interest.

Now to think that some will only walk process (considering myself) (as I have in the beginning) only for a specific outcome within their own life of self-interest. Like getting confidence within walking process just to get a girlfriend, or to get a job or to be liked by other people, or to suddenly make better decisions in their lives that lead to better self-interest outcomes, and then Quit walking process and forget about where they come from, how they got there and say it’s done, and so many have already proven this since the beginning of Desteni, Many have walked their process and change was significant, and suddenly, a lot of those people are gone, some also leave because they could not reach their self-interest point and standing for life was/is just not within their self-interest.

So I had to within myself Look at myself, who am I in this moment, will I change and leave, will I let anything in this world that looks like a promise for a better self-interest life let me stop and take that path or not, I placed myself in every moment that I can in any point in time in my life within myself, and I made a decision within me, that I will always stand as LIFE no matter what and make decisions that is best for all life, that I will also never forget where I came from as my process and who supported me and how I was supported and that I cannot and could not have done it by myself as the same counts for everyone else, because lying to myself and saying I did it all by myself, will come back tenfold. Some has already faced these points; some actually face this point the minute they start process with a purely self-centered starting point, and fall almost immediately facing themselves, but those that remain and that walk as Bernard also pointed out, they will be the ones that will change this world – and we do not need many, we only need a hundred or more that walk this process to the utmost in every breath.

So, I always check Who am I, is it self-interest that is living and walking and breathing, or LIFE, I do not judge any moment – I assess and then simply re align myself to what is best for all life.
Keep Breathing.

Day 507 – What I learned from Bernard Poolman – Lesson 6

In any moment on the Farm Bernard will surprise you, not daily per say, but at any time any day, it was always unpredictable, and what point he pushes will only then be known, so..


Once again, back in the day, as usual I am walking around the farm busy with some projects and hanging out with Destonians from all over the world. As I enter the kitchen for a coffee stop, Bernard is sitting there in the kitchen talking to other people.

I am just standing around listening to what Bernard is talking about with the other people, a quick distraction with a value bale reason for being distracted, I cannot miss out on what is being discussed lol, while I should be getting out to finding projects.

As I am in the kitchen now, listening to Bernard and all the other people, I am not really getting what is being talked about, because I obviously already missed more than half the conversation, but suddenly Bernard looks around at me and he says – Like Gian here, he has a GIFT, but he refuses to use it, because he enjoys living in fear so much.

Now everyone else is looking at me and Bernard is looking at me and he is saying stuff about me and I have no Idea what he is talking about – like it really took me by surprise, and then Bernard says: he has the gift to communicate with animals, He did it as a child, he played with snakes and spiders, but where is that now? He isn’t using it. But do not worry, Life gave him a gift and is he isn’t using it or abusing it, Life will take it away from him, or teaches him a lesson – because that’s the only way we learn. Perhaps one day he will get bitten by a snake and then it will be too late, because all he had to do was talk to it, but didn’t.

Then out of the group, Bernard looks at me with these really intimidating eyes – that when I looked into them I just felt shame and guilt/regret – because I knew what Bernard was saying was SOOO true, I used to play and communicate with ALL animals freely, none ever harmed me, and now I am just consumed with fear and thoughts and so many conditions/limitations – THE MIND.

And Bernard says: you better get your shit straight, develop your ability again and become worthy of life where Life can trust you again. And he moves on to talking to everyone else.

I walked away really facing my internal reality, facing my thoughts and what I have accepted and allowed of myself – I saw the journey ahead to regain my own trust within myself where I am worthy of life, to be trusted by life, as I was given this gift that others have to work so hard for to have, from birth and abused it, threw it away.

I remembered there was a time I lived without fear, and that for some odd reason I now fear living without fear – this journey of fearlessness and bringing myself HERE still continues to this day – But thank you Bernard for always showing and believing in everyone utmost potential and never accepting anything less.

Day 506 – What I learned from Bernard Poolman – Lesson 5

Lesson 1
Lesson 2
Lesson 3
Lesson 4

SLEEP – In the beginning of my Desteni Farm Life/process, I and just a handful of others used to do all the labor on the farm, in terms of developing the farm and maintaining the farm for what was yet to come in the future for Desteni and the world.

From my “normal” life – I used to wake up at seven/eight in the mornings and go sleep whenever I wanted to (after school days), I enjoyed MY sleep, I would for instance go to sleep straight after I came from the gym and wake up later for dinner and then do a few things and go back to sleep. Sleep was my way of just rushing my life, fast forwarding it. So I developed a very bad habit with sleep and conditioned my body – those were the reasons believed to be the reasons.

But don’t worry – this got sorted out quit quickly once I got to the Farm, BUT I NEVER expected how this change would come about.

Everyday single day in the beginning of my life here at Desteni, I would wake up REAL early, not by choice, Bernard would be walking around at 6/6:30am in the morning yelling out “ARE YOU AWAKE GIAN”, while I am sleeping I would just hear this yelling from outside, it would tremble through my core and I would have this slight anxiety running through my solar plexus, asking myself, am I awake? I would ask myself this question because Bernard didn’t just ask if I am awake in terms of my eyes being open and me being up, the sound within which he screamed it out was asking me as the being am I awake..

I would slowly start moving my body while still lying in bed and I would say, YES I am awake!! And then Bernard would ask me, are you sure? And I would say yes, BUT me saying yes only to me being physically awake, as the reaction that I had, that small amount of anxiety was still my self-honest part knowing that I am not awake as in HERE as LIFE alive and living in each and every breath, because waking up was such a struggle, which is an indicator of me still using sleep as a way to hide, not standing and taking full self-responsibility.

So I would then wake up and get dressed and move my ass outside, the morning is still fresh, I found the early morning to be very supportive in waking up with everything, like it is alive and just nice. I would get coffee and breakfast and then I would sit around for a bit till work time (no horse time yet for me at this stage)

After that I would start doing some Labor time, which I LOVE doing, we were building on many things, from housing to fencing to gardening and all kinds of things. Each day there was so many activities to participate within.

BUT – I would be working on something for a couple of hours and suddenly at some point I would just feel tired and like going to sleep, nesting somewhere and just SLEEP, and this is what I did, almost every afternoon around 12/1pm I would be on my bed sleeping/napping – or let me rephrase that, try sleeping/napping, because Bernard was in the area, and he was always aware of what is going on around the farm.

So Bernard would come and disturb my sleep deliberately, I would experience annoyance and some back chat within those moments, as I wanted to sleep, but now could not get what I wanted., there were some moments that I could get away with sleep, haha.

So this continued for a while, a couple of months, and in between all of this I would sometimes feel so desperate for sleep that I would go around the farm and find the weirdest places to lay my ass down and sleep, like a hay shed, or in a storage shed in between the shelves, or I would just find a location where people do not regularly go, this ended up in search parties looking for me, so I soon realized it wasn’t the best thing to do. Unless I tell someone “ hey I am going to go sleep in a hay shed so that Bernard can’t find me and disturb my sleep” haha – which would have led to the question, why do you want to sleep? And hide it from Bernard? And as I know within self-honesty, the answer isn’t because I am tired, why would I be THAT tired every single day, there is obviously a different reason for this tiredness and wanting to sleep, because Physically one get fit and used to the activities, so the tiredness was something more.

See Bernard didn’t just push my sleeping pattern, without him having to ask me why am I sleeping so much or wanting to sleep so much, he just had tp push my sleeping point through disturbing it when I didn’t expect it and to wake me up early and eventually I would face the points that I was running from by being awake, and the main point was always me running away from myself and who I have accepted and allowed myself to be.

Because I learned and saw, that through sleeping I am not busy in my MIND, there is no thoughts and no back chat’s or any feelings/emotions, so I don’t have to deal with them while sleeping, and thus the more I sleep the less I have to deal with them/myself – and when I wake up from sleep, I feel fresh and alive, but only for a while, till ALL my Mind bullshit has accumulated again to a certain point because I wasn’t breathing and forgiving myself and thus feeling burdened again – and then I would want to sleep again, but as long as Bernard disturbed my sleep, I was forced in a gentle way to deal with myself.

Thus the more effectively I walked my process, the less I want to sleep, because I am present, I am here, I am alive, sleep is then only required for the body to stabilize and heal itself, self-correct itself through a period of maximum 6 hours.

But I could ONLY walk through my sleeping point through writing and applying self-forgiveness and removing the thoughts and back chats. This period lasted for about 6 months, and Bernard was most consistent and supportive.

Day 505 – What I learned from Bernard – Lesson 4

Lesson 1

Lesson 2

Lesson 3

The following lesson is quite interesting, it contains quite a few dimensions – I will tell the story, but it will be up to you to see the lesson.

Many years ago, just as me and my partner starting living together and sharing everything in our life with each other, it became a norm to just use each other’s things.

On this one specific day, a rainy day, I was digging something somewhere and borrowed my Partners rain jacket, because I didn’t have one yet, she lend it to me no questions asked, a mutual trust.

So while digging with the rain jacket on I started heating up from all the physical movement and the rain wasn’t coming in hard, just like drizzling, so I took the jacket off and placed it on the ground next to me where I was digging.

After a while I was exhausted and just wanted to get some water and food, so I left for the kitchen and made myself some food and got myself something to drink, My partner asked me to remember her rain jacket that I left outside, I said I will get it after my lunch. After my lunch I didn’t go back to fetch it, instead I started doing other things and getting busy, after a while my partner asked me again to remember to fetch her Jacket, it is a rain jacket that came all the way from another country – I said I wouldn’t forget, and continued with what I was doing.

It started getting later and dinner time was approaching, this meant everyone was kind of gathering in the kitchen slowly to prepare for food time. While in the kitchen my partner asked me again – did you get my rain Jacket, it is rainy and muddy and it can get damage outside just lying there, plus the dogs can get it and damage it.

Now as my Partner said this, the kitchen was filled with other people, specifically MEN – and Bernard, now the guys were like ooh, here comes trouble because of what my Partner is saying to me, and I said in a small sense of shame, NO I haven’t fetched the Jacket yet – Now Bernard sitting there start to talk.

Bernard looks at me and says: You must look at this point, it is exposing a point of disrespect towards your partner, and thus the respect you have for yourself – you must look your partner in the eyes and ask for forgiveness – BUT, the forgiveness you ask must be done unconditionally, you cannot expect anything back, it must be done unconditionally.

As I stand there and my internal reality being exposed and who I have accepted and allowed myself to be, the other males in the kitchen are kind of teasing me, saying in a joking manner, COME ON GIAN ask her for forgiveness!! But as they were Joking, I knew this is very real, I looked within myself while breathing and not listening to the other people, focusing on clearing the starting point within myself for what I was about to do for the first time in my life.

I looked up at my partner and I looked her in my eyes, even feeling awkward and a bit shy, I pushed through and said – Partner will you forgive me for disrespecting you, I did not expect any response, as I cleared the starting point to be unconditional, and I felt in that moment how I actually forgave me and corrected myself instead.

The other guys in the kitchen were saying out loud – WOW he did it?? GOOD BOY Gian (there males were friends visiting the farm, family members of Destonians) – basically seeing a Destonian in action and living what he stands for.

So I immediately went out to go fetch the Jacket, while doing this I saw so many dimensions of myself opening up within just that one point of disrespect that Bernard pointed out, the behavior and the thoughts and where else it is taking place within my reality, but now I had the opportunity to correct it and change.

Day 504 – what I learned from Bernard Poolman, Lesson 3

I used to walk with Bernard almost every day, we would either take a walk down to the river and just look around nature, or Bernard would be walking around the Orchard and I would join him, looking at the fruit trees and how they are doing. Sometimes a couple of us would go to town together and Bernard would also be going.

Obviously this lesson is I learned was about walking in the Moment – walking with Bernard is quite interesting, we would start walking from the same starting point, let’s say a gate that we had to go through, I would in my mind already be at the dam/river – where we are going to, and thus I would just follow the picture in my mind of the dam/river as the destination I want to reach, so I would walk my “normal phase, but after a few seconds of walking I would be looking for Bernard next to me and find that he is still way at the back, I felt awkward at times, like I wanted to ask Bernard, are you deliberately walking slow right now? I have other things to get to. But instead I would not ask that and just wait till Bernard is next to me, and as we start walking I would try and stay with Bernard to talk to him or just to walk with him in a group manner.

But I failed every single time to stay with Bernard and his walking, I was “naturally” just fast, or should I say automatically, I got to a point of frustration of not being able to walk Bernard’s phase, meaning slowing down.

Bernard was consistent with this pace, it never changed – but I was always in a internal conflict within myself from walking that slow, it felt like I was missing something out, like I was not getting to something, as if I am losing something within walking slow.

BUT the result was always the opposite, I didn’t miss out on something, I have NEVER been late for something, in fact I seemed to always arrive just on time/in time – in breathe lol.

So occasionally Bernard would check me while walking with him, as we walk he would for instance ask me did you see that fly over there, and I would be like – HUH?? Nooo, what fly, and then Bernard would say, you must be aware not self-aware, this requires breathing and moving oneself HERE, where I was walking next to him but in my mind I still thinking about we are going to the dam/river and that’s where I am and my awareness, thus NOT here, because you can decide on something, place your direct and go towards it, but it doesn’t mean that while you are going there you have to think about going there, you already made the decision and took the direction, so now you can simply breathe and walk in the moment and be aware. It is like a GPS, when you put in the your destination, it doesn’t show you the final destination the whole time, is shows you step by step how to get there, being aware of each and every step, and then you will reach the destination.

One day, Me and Bernard were walking in the Mall, I was way ahead of him again, BUT I wasn’t aware of it at all, till I stopped and looked for him, he was still walking, head forwards and just walking, and once he came to me he asked me, where are you going to in such a rush, and I said well to the shop, he said why in a rush? And I was thinking by myself, shit I have no reason, I wanted to say – to get this over with, to get home in time and to then do other things?, but even those reasons was all based on fear and hast, nothing real as a reason, I can go slow and breathe and rather walk in awareness and I can still get to all those things.

So once again, Bernard said, stop your thoughts, Breathe, Be here. I stood next to him, I took a deep breath and I focused on each foot, on each step, and I saw the thoughts coming in, I felt my body responding to each and ever thought, and each time I would have a thought I would slightly move faster or feel irritated with the slow walk, but I kept practicing this for many years and I am still doing this to this day. And I have never been late, and death will still be here for me in time.

Day 503 - What I learned from Bernard, Lesson 2

previous Lesson/Part 1

Physical capabilities

On a day We cut the grass of a couple of fields, but most of the grass wasn’t usable, due to all the weeds in between it, especially the lantana weed, so we gathered all the weeds into piles and started burning the weeds and grass.

The cutting down and piling up of all the weeds and grass was easy, and then of course burning it was the easiest part.

As the sun started going down I thought by myself ok, we are done soon, so we just have to put out the fire and leave.

Then Bernard came o the Fields to help a bit, there was a couple of us, we had the tractor with a water tank on it, so we used the water tank to spray the fire and put it out, but after a while the tank was empty – even though the fire looked out and like nothing will happen, Bernard said we cannot take ANY chances., as there was still smoke coming out of the heaps, thus there is still heat and fire.
 
I was justifying within myself that it is unnecessary, the fire is out, we do not need to do anything more – but Bernard Pushed all of us to do more, even though we were tired and worked out from the long day in the sun with all the work we have already done, because when I am tired I tend to let go of a lot of things. And just want to go lie down.

Since the water cart/tank was empty and it was getting dark, we didn’t have time to go fill it up and then come back and spray it. Bernard said, use the water canisters and just fill them up from the river – inside myself I was like NOOO!! So much work I really do not want to do it, but I could not ignore the common sense Bernard presented – which was, if we leave anything like smoke or burning amber and we are not there to control it, we do not know what can happen in our absence – such as the farm burning down in our sleep.

So we started walking with the Canisters toward the river, each one with two in their hands, each canister takes almost 10liters of water, and the distance from where the fire is to the river wasn’t close at all, but we could take immediate action while it is light outside, unlike filling a 1000liter tank from far away.

As we filled the canisters and started walking my body in its already tired/exhausted state did not want to it, or rather my mind, but I had NO choice, so I did it, BUT I dint breath doing it, I was thinking about random shit all the way, then Bernard saw this and he just said – stop the thoughts and Breathe, be aware of each step you take instead of the distance you still have to do, be aware of your body.

So I let go of ego of not wanting to do it and I started breathing and focusing on my every step and my body, instead of how much I still have to do, and how much I have already done – which was making me tired.

Two thing happened, I stopped noticing how much I have been doing and how much I still have to do, but I rather started focusing on what I am doing and removing the work much , and secondly I noticed the weight of the canisters became much lighter, because my mind was so much lighter, and after just a few more time I was completely awake and just moving with the canisters and water and completing the task before it got dark, and I felt physically good and alive, how is this possible? Starting out “physically tired” and have already done so much – but by doing something way more physically straining and harder afterwards makes me feel alive/awake/fresh – well it is simple – stop the thoughts which generates the feelings/emotions/back-chat and all the conditions of the mind that kind of chains down the physical and its utmost potential.

These small moments that Bernard just say something, are the moments that determine the BIG.

Day 502 – what Bernard taught me Part 1

I have decided to write up a couple of parts of my blog about Bernard Poolman and what I have learned from him, and what he has shown me – these are personal experiences and a very BIG part of who I am today.

As a young man, living with Bernard I had the opportunity to firsthand experience (with many other people) what the living embodiment is of the principles of LIFE is/mean, living what is best for all life in each and every breathe where nothing can move this stance.

one of the first things I learned from Bernard by just being around him, not even saying a word or being close to me, was that I exited as fear and nothing else, BUT that I can be anyone without fear, this is the part that Bernard would always embrace when he did talk to me, when he come close to me, the utmost potential, the point of empowerment.

For example – I was busy one day on the farm closing up the sewage tanks, after the trucks came and emptied them – to place the lid back onto the sewage tank is extremely difficult, as it has no handles and it is a perfect fit, meaning, if I do not drop the lid back on square, it falls into the hole.

I was resisting doing this; I stood by the tank for about 5min just postponing doing this simple task, because I feared dropping it in. Then Bernard came and he just stood there, he said: do not fear doing it, just do it, stop the thought, but the fear was so ingrained, that one thought had such a massive grip on my mind and letting it go seemed so impossible, because I have never before in my life considered that I can stop a thought and just not have it, and I now just relied on HOPE and luck to get it on, not on me doing it. So I picked the lid up, I stood over the hole and BOOM it fell into the stinking sewage tank; this meant I had to climb in and fetch it.

After coming out, Bernard said, what you fear is what you will create, and I just had real time evidence right there, because all that was in me was the thought the fear, and the fear was projecting what I might do or not do and that’s what I then lived, so Bernard walked away.

Now it was just me and this lid. I stood there for a couple of seconds just breathing and attempting to remove the fear, but I just suppressed it, so I placed one sentence of Self forgiveness for myself softly so I could hear myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot stop a thought – but really meaning it, really holding it within me when I said it.

And I picked the lid up, I felt light inside and no fear, but a bit nervous – and I just did it, NO thoughts, I didn’t think about it – as the thinking produced the fear, and I dropped the lid on perfectly, I was so happy that I did that.

I learned not only what Bernard told me, but also that it is within the small things where I justify FEAR for existing as being okay, that I am accepting and allowing myself to live as fear and that any form of fear, no matter how big or small and that it starts with the thoughts – I need to apply Self forgives and stop all fear so that I can be HERE and live my utmost potential.

Day 426 – Be silent this conversation isn’t for you.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to “just” be silent when and as people are speaking in a conversation with the Belief dwelling within me that I can’t take part and that what I have to say isn’t of importance and I will just not be able to have an Intellectual participation with them.

When and as I see myself seeing a point that others might need to look at or see within a conversation happening and I decide within myself to NOT speak and just be silent from the belief that I will just sound stupid and not meet their intellectual standard of communication – I stop, I breathe and I check myself what I want to say and I give to myself in the moment the chance to speak and to voice the common sense or perspective within me from and as the starting point of clarity within me first.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to distance myself from conversations through being “just” silent as a a way so that when the conversation goes Bad or does not meet end’s I can have the Justification for myself at least I was silent and did not say anything as to wash my hands off from the outcome either way.

When and as I see I am in the pattern of just sitting in a conversation and leaving the conversation up to the other people to have and to communicate and thus indirectly making it ONLY the other peoples responsibility of what’s being discussed and thus the outcomes, I stop, I breathe and I realize that either way I am responsible in all conversations I am in if I am speaking or not as I am a witness and thus a direct/indirect participant and that being silent when I know I have something to say within clarity and common sense and yet keep quiet I am in fact responsible for that outcome as I had the key to a different one yet kept quit due to some mental self-belief and Idea I have about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in a Lesser position in relation to other when there is a conversation happening or a meeting as a deliberate way just not to feel responsible and thus taking responsibility and to take on the character of being silent and just Judging and pointing fingers in my own mind at those who are actually participating and taking a stand.

When and as I see myself just sitting and being silent and judging and pointing fingers at those who are within the conversation taking a stand as a position to be a speaker/representative for a moment as a perspective – I stop, I breathe and I’d look at what it is I am judging and pointing fingers at within those doing the speaking as those will/are the points that I am holding within me as the fears/reasons for why I have taken on the position of inferiority and thus the silent character to not speak and strand equally and being a participant of the direct outcome of the words/actions where its directed to what’s best for all in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that before I can speak/talk about anything that I require to have a point of authority as knowledge and information within me to be able to speak, I stop and I realize that within such an approach I will wait forever and it will take forever to obtain such a point of knowledge and information to be able to partake, and thus it’s a mental Block that isolates me in a prison of fear/anxiety of being lesser than or inferior , and thus I can rely on myself and what’s here as the common sense as the ability to learn naturally in the moment within actually taking part and not just accept the outsider waiting to someday becoming superior to only then built the courage to learn.

When and as I see myself stuck within the belief of myself of that I do not have the current knowledge and information to take part in this conversation that might even determine the future of my life or the life on earth and thus I can’t say anything and must just be SILENT like a kid not allowed to talk with adults and adult things even though they talk about everything that includes you, I stop, I breathe – I push myself to speak and to be like WATER to be flexible to learn in the moment and to use and utilize what I learn within common sense and what’s best for all life as the common grounds that we are all living on, and to not be limited by the moment and to go beyond my own self-belief and to push myself beyond any belief and remain here in breathe.

Day 420 - I am Belief Part 8

Day 419 – I am Belief. 

When and as I see that I am accessing a belief system within myself that I have about myself or towards myself – I stop – I breathe and I slow down, I check myself and why I am within the certain belief system of myself and why I am living as this belief/limitation and to correct myself within the realization that NO belief is ever real or valid, as I see and realize that any and all Beliefs are Lies made up in the mind.

When and as I see myself Living a Belief that I have created about myself or the world/others – I stop - I breathe, I check myself if I am here living in and as the physical as that which is real and measurable or if I am in the mind as Thoughts/feelings/emotions/back-chat that is not serving me or life to be the potential I can be as Life one and equal – as I see and realize that the Beliefs I have of myself the world/others is but only Knowledge and Information that I have made up or gotten and have accepted and allowed Knowledge and information to be real – Instead I see and realize that it is within each breathe as the Physical that I will see what’s here and real and thus no knowledge and information required to add to what’s already here as the Physical.

When and as I see myself Finding it hard to stop a belief because I have created a Belief of what is to be expected after stopping a Belief – I stop – I breathe, I slow myself down and I focus on my breathing and what’s here in the moment as the physical, using my smell, my sight, my touch and my hearing and my Physical presence as me to get real to Be LIFE instead of a Be LIEF.

When and as I see myself living/acting in accordance towards something that I belief of myself towards something that I am accepting and allowing to move me as a response to create disbelief or to create the belief as real, I stop, I breathe, I bring myself back here in each breathe each moment and focus on what I am doing and see/realize what’s real.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am creating beliefs about myself in my mind to stop and to breathe and to check why am I creating a belief about myself as a Image or Likeness within my mind – to sit down to write it out and to expose the belief system of limitation and to not accept and allow myself to be anything less or more then what’s here as the Physical within self-perfection.

To Be Continued.

Day 419 – I am Belief. Part 7

Day 418 - Word Belief lived/created Part 6

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Create more beliefs everyday about myself and the world through back-chat and secret mind BS within and as the Idea that I can use beliefs to undo old beliefs, seeing and realizing that it does not matter what Belief I create if it is positive or negative the system remains the same, a beliefs as an energetic experience motivation to move or not move that feeds off the body off the flesh of Life to sustain its short period of existence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create beliefs in the attempt to create or make something more then what is here within each breathe/moment just to feel something called an emotion/feeling to feel my life has a meaning, something more than what is here within simplicity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create beliefs out of everything Physical that is here just so that I can belief I am smart because of the Beliefs I can make up/create out of what’s here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create beliefs out of everything from why the earth is round to why I am not gaining weight or to why I love or hate certain things or why a dog is a dog and a mouse a mouse just to feel that I have some sort of intellectual power over what’s here as I am creating all these beliefs about everything here that makes sense and seem so smart and where when I sell these beliefs to others they seem to agree and they seem to acknowledge the intellect within my beliefs and thus it means my beliefs must be so true and so real and so Solid as facts.

Seeing and realizing that all I am doing is building a prison around myself a=of beliefs or knowledge and information that I must not remember all the time taking all my time just to keep this system alive within myself of not having to feel any less then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that I have created a world of beliefs in my mind within myself as a prison for myself and my mind to always be limited within these beliefs just so that the mind can keep on feeding off the energy the beliefs are creating within my prison.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create beliefs out of everything that is here in fear of what is here as the truth as the facts of reality and to instead create a belief to justify to reason to excuse me from reality and to not to have to take full self-responsibility as a co-creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am in a prison of my mind where I create beliefs about reality and me within reality just so that I can make myself seem more within reality and what is here and thus enslave and imprison myself within these beliefs of myself and reality to a self-create world in my mind, like copying what is in fact here into my mind into all my beliefs of myself in relation to the world/reality and to then live life from this illusion through my mind first then in reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Live through my mind as my beliefs of/about reality and myself as the illusions/delusions in my mind as the definitions I have attached to all that is here and what these definitions are within my own personal relationships towards the words/reality and to then live accordingly to this self-created Belief or reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to interact in a indirect way within reality within the physical through first looking at what’s here and then copy what’s here and imprint it into my mind as a picture and then to add my Beliefs to the picture and my definitions to the picture and all that’s in the picture and to then after adding all my own self-created beliefs and limitation to the picture in my mind I take that picture with all the newly added knowledge and information I am past it over reality as the physical as a mental projection and then to only move/direct myself within this delusion I have created from and as my mind.

To Be continued.