Day 123 – Being Skinny – The Machine Within Part 9.

 
Continuing from Day 115 Part 1 taking quotes and applying Self Forgiveness accordingly.

Quote 8: “basically feeling useless – I still kept my mind running, keeping burning the energy as I was in the fear of not moving, fear of not pleasing and fear of not being relevant.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when I am not moving that I will become useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place usefulness within how much I move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to move myself in and as the fear of being useless within what I do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place the value of my usefulness within how much I move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into fear of not being useful and thus becoming useless when I do not move.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Move myself emotionally within fear as to having to move a lot and to push my body into exhaustion just not to be seen as being useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect me being skinny as not moving enough and as not physically doing enough and so I have created the idea that I will never be satisfied with my self-movement until I have gained weight/muscles.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a goal for myself based on Ideas/beliefs/opinions of the mind that I can only be satisfied with my self-movement until I have gained weight, as I have created the connection of – if I gain weight I will have the physical evidence to show to everyone that I move/work a lot and thus I am not useless.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I seek confirmation from others if I have/am moving enough/working enough, and thus not realizing that self-movement is in each breathe as who I am and thus it is not determined by what others think, as I am always with myself in self honesty and thus it I to be able to trust my self-movement as who I am as that which is best for all life in all ways, even if I had to live on my own planet for eternity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek my usefulness within what others have to say about me, and thus I see and realize I have created the MUST gain muscles point as a physical point within myself to be able to manipulate what others think about me to think only “that guy must be working hard, look at his muscles”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect the amount/size of muscles a person/me have to the meaning of “that must be how hard the person work and thus that must mean the person is useful”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being useless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being useless because I am not gaining weight as muscles to prove to others that I do move myself and work hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/need/desire to prove to others I work hard through having the amount of muscles and the body to show others physically I do work hard.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that my want/need/desire for approval from others to confirm that I do work hard because of my body that I have comes from a point of self judgement that I have of myself and not what others judge of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being good enough to work hard because of my physical body that I am cursed with as being skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sure myself through judging my skinny body, instead of remaining here in each breathe in and as the physical with that which works practically best for all in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself not being capable withing doing all physical work due to my skinniness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being able/capable of defending myself against other human beings in this world as it currently exist as because I am skinny.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to gain a muscular body that can work as a weapon to harm Life just to not to have to feel insecure about my skinniness.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the danger I am to myself and others within the point of feeling insecure about my body and to what lengthiness I will go to “make-up” for my skinniness in other areas in my life to hide and suppress the skinniness that I judge as weakness – such as getting into fights or becoming an emotional bomb of anger and that can lead to the type of stories you hear about in the news and always wonder, how did this guy do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel insecure about myself being skinny and as if I am always open for attacks and abuse from others because of this, and so I create a defense for myself within myself to not be a bitch for others where I would take extra precautions such as taking karate classes or carry a knife on me or a gun or I would always be busy in my mind thinking of the next moment and how I can harm someone just to prove my skinniness isnt useless but has power all based on beliefs/opinions/ideas in the mind created in secret, all in the name of FEAR and feeling insecure about my body.

To Be Continued.

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