Continuing from Day 115 Part 1 taking quotes and applying Self Forgiveness accordingly.Quote 8 Part 2: “basically feeling useless – I still kept my mind running, keeping burning the energy as I was in the fear of not moving, fear of not pleasing and fear of not being relevant.”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect being muscular as being pleasing to others.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I will only be pleased with myself once I am muscular and not skinny.
I forgive myself that I have not realize that what I do and how I look will not change who I am and thus it is to change who I am as the starting point and removing the problem from the roots down to be okay with myself as I am and to from there on see what is practical and best for all life in and as the physical and to apply myself accordingly.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want/desire to gain weight and muscles based on the Idea I have about muscles that was brainwashed into me as a kid and the made up beliefs of what having muscles mean such as strength, confidence, meaning, usefulness, and the guy that does not get fucked with and gets all the girls.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed by society and to within this kept on brainwashing myself within my mind with constant thoughts/pictures/ideas/beliefs/opinions and back chat of what I am supposed to look like and within this only create self hatred towards myself and to separate myself from myself as my body in the resentment I have created towards my body for not being the apparent right body and to neglect my body and abuse my body through the mind trying to impose pictures onto the body.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place self confidence within a picture of how I should look and that once I look like the picture only then can I be self confident.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place strength within a idea/opinion/belief within my mind connected to a certain picture that I have made myself belief that only once I achieve the picture in my mind, only then can I have strength.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place “self value” within a picture within my mind as to how I should look and that only once I look like the picture in my mind can I value myself, realizing how absurd this is and how I have abused myself mentally/emotionally and physically in the past within not valuing myself as LIFE waiting for me to first look like a certain picture that was brainwashed into me by society and the media and that I accepted and allowed as truth.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place “usefulness” within a certain mind created picture of how I should look like before I can have any usefulness within this world, realizing that I have been making myself useless within this belief and wasted my life waiting and waiting for my body to become a certain picture before I acted and lived, realizing that what I do does not determine who I am, but that who I am determines what I do and sow within this understanding I see and realize that my body and how I looked had nothing to do with what I was doing and not doing but that it was a reflection of who I am that accepted and allowed such bullshit and so.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Blame my body for certain points in my life where I used my body as an excuse for not doing something or for why certain things never happened or worked out, realizing that the excuse within itself was the limitation and a result of who I am as what I accepted and allowed myself to exist as.
I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to care and nourish my body properly within self movement and nutrition but instead forced it to become and do what it isn’t meant to do or become such as the excessive working out and drinking shakes and supplements while my body was/is still developing and that I have compromised and confused my body and so only created consequences for myself/body.
To be Continued.
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