Day 158 – When The Starting Point is Self – Judgment Continued.

Day 158 – When The Starting Point is Self – Judgment Continued.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I have to do something new within my day such as Planting a tree or Building a desk to do the task from the starting point of Judging myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as less then the new activity such as planting a tree od building a desk where I will have back chat within the judgment of “ Ok I Have never done this before and thus it means I will be bad at it” and to the when and as I am doing the activity I constantly have the belief and thinking that I ma doing it wrong and not right, and so I create stress and anxiety for myself while I work where I feel self conscious about myself within doing the activity and that someone will come along and “attack” me. Saying I am doing it wrong and why and that I am bad for doing it so.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself that when and as there is a new activity that I have to do, that I judge myself as less than the activity to create competition within myself to be motivated to do the activity just to proof to myself and others that I am not less than the activity within the fear of being less then the activity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make myself within my mind small, and to within this try and be Bigger and better in what I do, not seeing and realizing that I am trying to disproof something in my head through my actions and thus contaminate everything I do with ego instead of common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be incapable of doing a certain task in my life within the prominent judgment within myself where the back chat always is – “ people do not expect this from me, they all judge me as weak and not able to, I must proof them wrong” and so force things in my life just to disproof people based on what I have in my mind (thus not real) and to within this harm my body such as picking up heavy bags and carrying them around forcefully – as this actions is reaction to the self judgment I have of myself based on the fear of being less then the job/task and that others will see me as weak for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear if other people will see me as weak just because I can for instance not pick up a fifty kilogram bag.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be judged as weak by others when and if I ask for help from another to pick up for instance a fifty kilogram bag and to through this instead pick up the fifty kilogram bag myself and force it onto my body and case harm such as muscle spasms/torn muscles that can lead to fracturing the spine and a lot of self harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that me not accepting and allowing myself to work within equality and oneness with my body creates insecurities as I compare what I want to be able to do within my mind to what is possible in and as the physical with the body I have and to then force the mind ideas/belief onto the body and cause harm.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate and move myself as the mind within and as the beliefs/judgments of the mind in a attempt to disprove the body and to say – look the mind was right I could do it and therefore I am strong and not weak and I can do things, and to within this process break the body as I want to place/impose that which is not real onto that which is real.

I commit myself to when and as I have to do a task/activity/work to work with my body one and equal in and as the physical and to use my body in oneness and equality in my movement and considerations to not give into the ideas and the wants/needs/desires of the mind that is always made greater and better in the mind then what it really is and that will cause harm and to not participate within such behaviors as the ego through forcing myself to do the opposite of what the mind wants to do, as everything works in reverse and at the same time walk through the self judgments and ego points in physical breathing space time and to write and self forgive when and as I see points coming up that needs direction.

Day 157 – When the starting Point is Self – Judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within activities in my daily live from the starting point of self judgment, and to within judging myself within the particular activities I do as not being good enough, or not being able to do it, or that I am less than the activity I am doing and to within this go into a competition with myself where I compete with myself to prove my self – judgment right or wrong so that the mind as the Ego can get an energetic kick out of it, does not matter if it is good or bad.

Example – I have to built a new Desk for someone. Before I start I have the thoughts of - “ me making the desk and finishing it and it looks crap and not “perfect” and not stable or nice” – and to then have the back chat of – “Ok so I am not supposed to be able to do this Nice of Good as I have always or never in my life perfected anything” as the self judgment – and to then within this have fear/anxiety/stress the whole time while doing the job, the fears are that someone will Judge my work and tell me where I am doing it wrong or not good enough, or that I will finish the desk and the persons who’s desk it is will be disappointing and thus only confirm my self judgment and beliefs about myself – and this stresses me out as I work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself as less than the Job/work that I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being the “guy” for the job, thus I will still do it but I will just not be able to do it perfect, seeing and realizing that I limit myself within this judgment and thus compromise myself from perfecting myself as the “guy” for the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself To fail myself for every job I have to do before I even do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am asked to do s Job such as building a new desk for someone to go into the mind as thoughts such as “ seeing myself already fucking up the desk” and to within that have back chat of “ Oh fuck I hope I do not fuck this up” within the fear of that if I fuck it up I will get punished and that I have wasted someones money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Learning something new within the already created expectation of myself of fucking up from the judgment of I am not able to do work that needs specificity and patience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes to perfect myself in any and all kinds of jobs within the fear of wasting someone else money, not seeing and realizing that as I have the fear/reaction within me of already fucking up that when I am actually doing the work, that I will be in constant anxiety/stress that takes away my focus here as breathe in each touch that gives away self direction and where I am then directed by UN-seen forces such as thoughts/feelings/emotions that will direct me and thus cause fuckups – seeing and realizing that the self judgment and fear is actually in fact only creating it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Identify myself as a failure in anything I do due to past mistakes where I did not correct myself, and to have not identified myself as being unable to correct myself and only being able to make mistakes, not seeing and realizing that I never gave myself the chance to fix my mistakes and to learn from them without any judgment and to breathe and walk the correction, seeing and realizing that this is the solution and the way to self perfection in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I MUST make mistakes to learn and self perfect myself, not seeing and realizing that mistakes is simply a second chance and not a MUST, and thus it is possible to self perfect the first time through breathing and being here in each touch in and as the physical focused in and as one dimension and not multiple dimensions that will cause dimension shifts that causes one to “fuckup”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self – perfection as it will show to me that I am able and capable and that all self judgments and beliefs and all the fears I have accustomed to was BIG fucking LIE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear Losing my Fears and self judgments and Beliefs in the fear of losing my comfort zone as all my limitations that I have enslaved myself to – That I simply got accustomed to and never considered anything beyond them such as self perfection and just kept on living the Lies about myself I kept on telling myself.
To be Continued.