Day 157 – When the starting Point is Self – Judgment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within activities in my daily live from the starting point of self judgment, and to within judging myself within the particular activities I do as not being good enough, or not being able to do it, or that I am less than the activity I am doing and to within this go into a competition with myself where I compete with myself to prove my self – judgment right or wrong so that the mind as the Ego can get an energetic kick out of it, does not matter if it is good or bad.

Example – I have to built a new Desk for someone. Before I start I have the thoughts of - “ me making the desk and finishing it and it looks crap and not “perfect” and not stable or nice” – and to then have the back chat of – “Ok so I am not supposed to be able to do this Nice of Good as I have always or never in my life perfected anything” as the self judgment – and to then within this have fear/anxiety/stress the whole time while doing the job, the fears are that someone will Judge my work and tell me where I am doing it wrong or not good enough, or that I will finish the desk and the persons who’s desk it is will be disappointing and thus only confirm my self judgment and beliefs about myself – and this stresses me out as I work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself as less than the Job/work that I have to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being the “guy” for the job, thus I will still do it but I will just not be able to do it perfect, seeing and realizing that I limit myself within this judgment and thus compromise myself from perfecting myself as the “guy” for the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself To fail myself for every job I have to do before I even do it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am asked to do s Job such as building a new desk for someone to go into the mind as thoughts such as “ seeing myself already fucking up the desk” and to within that have back chat of “ Oh fuck I hope I do not fuck this up” within the fear of that if I fuck it up I will get punished and that I have wasted someones money.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Learning something new within the already created expectation of myself of fucking up from the judgment of I am not able to do work that needs specificity and patience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear making mistakes to perfect myself in any and all kinds of jobs within the fear of wasting someone else money, not seeing and realizing that as I have the fear/reaction within me of already fucking up that when I am actually doing the work, that I will be in constant anxiety/stress that takes away my focus here as breathe in each touch that gives away self direction and where I am then directed by UN-seen forces such as thoughts/feelings/emotions that will direct me and thus cause fuckups – seeing and realizing that the self judgment and fear is actually in fact only creating it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Identify myself as a failure in anything I do due to past mistakes where I did not correct myself, and to have not identified myself as being unable to correct myself and only being able to make mistakes, not seeing and realizing that I never gave myself the chance to fix my mistakes and to learn from them without any judgment and to breathe and walk the correction, seeing and realizing that this is the solution and the way to self perfection in each breath.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I MUST make mistakes to learn and self perfect myself, not seeing and realizing that mistakes is simply a second chance and not a MUST, and thus it is possible to self perfect the first time through breathing and being here in each touch in and as the physical focused in and as one dimension and not multiple dimensions that will cause dimension shifts that causes one to “fuckup”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear self – perfection as it will show to me that I am able and capable and that all self judgments and beliefs and all the fears I have accustomed to was BIG fucking LIE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear Losing my Fears and self judgments and Beliefs in the fear of losing my comfort zone as all my limitations that I have enslaved myself to – That I simply got accustomed to and never considered anything beyond them such as self perfection and just kept on living the Lies about myself I kept on telling myself.
To be Continued.