Day 521 – let’s see where this goes – unexpected writing.

This blog isn’t specific, let’s see where this goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated with myself for who I am within myself as the experience of myself consistently tip toeing through life not wanting to do something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this irritation to be expressed as anger towards the world and to blame the world for me experiencing myself as being irritated with myself as if I am tip toeing through life in fear of doing something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tip toe through life in fear of doing something wrong and that this wrong doing will define me and my self-value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resentful towards the system and the people within the system and to keep this resentfulness against the people within the system as a way to blame them for how I am experiencing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry and tired at the system and to within this just want it to fucking disappear, even if it means through chaos and destruction, as a I don’t care anymore attitude that has taken over my mind as a point of me giving up my self-responsibilities and seeking an easy way out of this fucked up world that is here as the system , that enslaves me to fucking money and a life of not doing what I enjoy or can be capable of doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in BLAME towards the system and to within this blame go and live in a state of self-victimization and self-pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in spitefulness towards the system within just giving everything my middle finger and saying go to hell and fuck yourself, you want to be blind and deaf, not hearing the screams and the cries of misery, so now you will just have to suffer the same, go ahead and suffer, at least this means the world will end and this stupid ridiculous system that is pointless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HATE the system for destroying me as a child and enslaving me into a fearful mind being that can only live limitations that has been forced onto me through a fucked up system, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the system for what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and to define myself as, seeing and realizing that I made those decisions and that I could have instead NOT have chosen fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately live in a consistent mood towards the system as me being against it secretly and thus resisting everything within the system even while I have to participate within it to make money for survival and to become more and earn more than just survival and to use what I make to change this world, as I would like to be done onto others as I have been done onto, BUT first I must change what has been done onto me by myself and thus change the path for those that come after to not have to be done onto them as I didn’t want to be done onto, loving thy neighbor as thy self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Love and HATE money at the same time, as money is a fucked up limitation that decides everything in a very weird manner currently, yet I love it when I have it – a typical mind design of a polarity game. Never moving beyond the control of money and to be able to use money as what is best for all, but always riding a roller coaster with money and it being available or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to wish I was different and not me so that I could just be someone that is already perfect and live everything every breath that is necessary to bring change to this world instead of consistently falling into the mind and the cycles of self-harm and abuse and compromise and sabotaging every moment that might have had potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the perfect self that I see in myself that is possible as something that is out there, seeing and realizing that creating this perfect self is a process of physical application and the mind is fucking with me by wanting it NOW and thus if I am not achieving it now then I must be a failure and will never reach the goals/change that is required. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated by this energy game of polarity that goes from positive and negative in sudden moment as if I just cannot help it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am not worthy of the best, and thus the best that is for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am a fucking bad person and thus I do not deserve a world that is best for all including myself and that I just deserve a world that is going into darkness and being eaten alive by the demons as man’s MIND.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tired and irritated and angry at myself for giving this personality of I do not deserve anything good consistent attention and living it as a resonant seed within me even while I am doing things that is in the best interest of all , yet my mood/personality of I do not deserve it is fucking up everything resonantly, yet I keep on living it within this irritation mind pattern that just keep putting me down, even though I know its bullshit and not real. – seeing the point of why I can see it and yet do nothing about it is annoying as shit.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use “ I do not know” as an excuse for why I am not changing and thus waiting for information to change me where it must first make sense and why I must change, either through fear of consequences instead of me seeing and thus knowing the change and living it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a false Idea of caring that fucks me over as I care to much about the mind and the system and the consciousness of others and thus holding myself back in fear of not seeming like I am caring and compromising my entire process and movement believing that holding myself f back is caring for others. Meantime I am destroying myself and my potential by being so fucken self-conscious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live pretend in the name of self-preservation.

Day 307 – Not Being heard, Aggression and annoyance Part 2

Day 306 – Not Being heard, Aggression and annoyance Part1

I commit myself to when and as I react to others not hearing me to stop and to breathe and to wait a while till I see the person is focused more and here and then speak again.

I commit myself to when and as I get aggressive and loud within my communication towards others to be heard, to stop and to breathe within the realization that it is Not best for all life as i am starting to now treat others as I would Like to NOT be treated.

I commit myself to when and as I see that there is aggression coming up from within me to know myself in that moment and that I cannot trust myself to speak or act, thus I see and realize that I must commit myself to take a deep breath and to let go of the aggression and only speak once the aggression is stopped.

I commit myself to when and as I see back chat or thoughts coming up where I project what I am experiencing as aggression or annoyance from within me onto the other person to within the obvious common sense that it is within me to stop and to breathe and to take self responsibility for how I am experiencing myself and to check why and how I am creating these experiences and to change.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am making the other person the problem to stop and to breathe and and to make sure I am breathing and not giving attention to the experience within me.

I commit myself to when and as I experience anything in me that I am projecting towards another to make breathing my first priority within and as such a scenario.

I commit myself to when and as i see that I am in fear of who I am becoming when and as I am possessed by aggression and annoyance that I have already attached to another being as being the cause which is a dangerous scenario to sit down or to walk away or to direct my focus on touching something or anything physical while breathing to direct myself back to the physical out of the energy experience till I am stable and can walk to the other person and talk to them in clarity and have taken full self responsibility.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am a danger to others to take self responsibility through removing myself temporarily from the scenario if possible and to stabilize myself.

I commit myself to when and as I see a scenario that will and possibly can occur when I know I have to speak or ask questions to already place a foundation of prevention for myself where I give myself the breath that I may not be heard and that I will have to repeat myself and that I must be OKAY with it and not take it personal and simply do those actions over and over without any reactions or energy till I am heard and it is done.

Day 306 – Not being heard aggressive and annoyed. Part 1

Day 306 – Not being heard aggressive and annoyed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react when and as I find that others are not hearing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when someone else are not hearing me that I must react and become loud and aggressive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become aggressive when and as someone isn’t hearing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take it personal when and as someone isn’t hearing me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Stop breathing and to go into the mind where I hear myself and then to within that get aggressive and annoyed with the other person not hearing me as I see that in my head I sound clear and loud enough and thus the other person must be the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the other person the problem for what I am experiencing within me as aggression and annoyance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am getting aggressive with myself for not being patient and breathing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I get annoyed with myself fro getting angry instead of breathing and being patient and to wait till the person is here and I am here and we can talk clearly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Get annoyed when and as I have to repeat myself three or more times with what I had to say.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I must be able to say something ten to a billion times without reacting or experiencing anything within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear who I become when and as I am aggressive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear my own behavior when and as I get aggressive and annoyed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I can or might do when and as I am getting annoyed and the annoyance turns into aggression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear myself, seeing and realizing that I know myself and thus it is myself responsibility to direct myself in ways that is that of prevention and not avoidance but prevention as that which is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what others will think of me if I lose my cool and show my aggression and annoyed side.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear putting fear in others when and as my aggression shows or comes out.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear what I can do to myself, as I have never gone there fully but see that the energy behind it is strong and my body hardens up and I become really intense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget breathing when and as I see a situation coming up where I might have agr4ession or become annoyed and to prevent that from coming here through seeing the prediction and breathing and stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hold it against the other person when and as I experience aggression and annoyance within me, seeing and realizing that is manipulation and me not taking self responsibility for myself but instead trying to have power over another so that they must change for me instead of me changing how I experience myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to attempt to manipulate others through becoming aggressive and annoyed to induce fear with intensity and so NOT having to take self responsibility for who I have accepted and allowed myself to become.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize the consequences of what I am doing when and as I become aggressive and annoyed and to act on that, that i am creating fearful people around me. And fearful people usually will and want to get rid of the fear and thus I am opening myself for harm or whatever consequences, equal and one to what I am accepting and allowing within me.

To be Continued on Self commitments.