Day 521 – let’s see where this goes – unexpected writing.

This blog isn’t specific, let’s see where this goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated with myself for who I am within myself as the experience of myself consistently tip toeing through life not wanting to do something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this irritation to be expressed as anger towards the world and to blame the world for me experiencing myself as being irritated with myself as if I am tip toeing through life in fear of doing something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tip toe through life in fear of doing something wrong and that this wrong doing will define me and my self-value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resentful towards the system and the people within the system and to keep this resentfulness against the people within the system as a way to blame them for how I am experiencing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry and tired at the system and to within this just want it to fucking disappear, even if it means through chaos and destruction, as a I don’t care anymore attitude that has taken over my mind as a point of me giving up my self-responsibilities and seeking an easy way out of this fucked up world that is here as the system , that enslaves me to fucking money and a life of not doing what I enjoy or can be capable of doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in BLAME towards the system and to within this blame go and live in a state of self-victimization and self-pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in spitefulness towards the system within just giving everything my middle finger and saying go to hell and fuck yourself, you want to be blind and deaf, not hearing the screams and the cries of misery, so now you will just have to suffer the same, go ahead and suffer, at least this means the world will end and this stupid ridiculous system that is pointless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HATE the system for destroying me as a child and enslaving me into a fearful mind being that can only live limitations that has been forced onto me through a fucked up system, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the system for what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and to define myself as, seeing and realizing that I made those decisions and that I could have instead NOT have chosen fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately live in a consistent mood towards the system as me being against it secretly and thus resisting everything within the system even while I have to participate within it to make money for survival and to become more and earn more than just survival and to use what I make to change this world, as I would like to be done onto others as I have been done onto, BUT first I must change what has been done onto me by myself and thus change the path for those that come after to not have to be done onto them as I didn’t want to be done onto, loving thy neighbor as thy self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Love and HATE money at the same time, as money is a fucked up limitation that decides everything in a very weird manner currently, yet I love it when I have it – a typical mind design of a polarity game. Never moving beyond the control of money and to be able to use money as what is best for all, but always riding a roller coaster with money and it being available or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to wish I was different and not me so that I could just be someone that is already perfect and live everything every breath that is necessary to bring change to this world instead of consistently falling into the mind and the cycles of self-harm and abuse and compromise and sabotaging every moment that might have had potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the perfect self that I see in myself that is possible as something that is out there, seeing and realizing that creating this perfect self is a process of physical application and the mind is fucking with me by wanting it NOW and thus if I am not achieving it now then I must be a failure and will never reach the goals/change that is required. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated by this energy game of polarity that goes from positive and negative in sudden moment as if I just cannot help it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am not worthy of the best, and thus the best that is for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am a fucking bad person and thus I do not deserve a world that is best for all including myself and that I just deserve a world that is going into darkness and being eaten alive by the demons as man’s MIND.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tired and irritated and angry at myself for giving this personality of I do not deserve anything good consistent attention and living it as a resonant seed within me even while I am doing things that is in the best interest of all , yet my mood/personality of I do not deserve it is fucking up everything resonantly, yet I keep on living it within this irritation mind pattern that just keep putting me down, even though I know its bullshit and not real. – seeing the point of why I can see it and yet do nothing about it is annoying as shit.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use “ I do not know” as an excuse for why I am not changing and thus waiting for information to change me where it must first make sense and why I must change, either through fear of consequences instead of me seeing and thus knowing the change and living it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a false Idea of caring that fucks me over as I care to much about the mind and the system and the consciousness of others and thus holding myself back in fear of not seeming like I am caring and compromising my entire process and movement believing that holding myself f back is caring for others. Meantime I am destroying myself and my potential by being so fucken self-conscious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live pretend in the name of self-preservation.

Day 42 - Male Ego and dominance

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as a male it is my right to dominate other beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that as a male I have the right to dominate other life forms.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed through society and the education system that the male has the right to dominate.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to practice the believe that the male has the right to dominate and to do whatever it takes to dominate, realizing that within this believe and applying myself within it I am the direct cause of why the world is fucked up as all the suffering and harm that has been done onto life as the male ego as dominance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enjoy the believe/idea that the male has the right to be dominant and to practice dominance within my life through dominating others and other life forms so that I may feel all powerful as the male ego of dominance, realizing that within accepting and allowing dominance as normal and part of the male ego's right I am giving permission to all other males to do the same, realizing that through this accepted and allowed behavior/nature I am accepting and allowing and being the direct cause of all abuse and destruction and harm that has been and is done onto life through other males as myself that seek dominance such as within wars for land, killing animals for fun as to practice dominance, abusing women and children to be dominant and to fuck up life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be dominant within my life within certain areas just so that I may feel secure and save, and through seeking this dominance to do whatever it takes such as child abuse, women abuse, animal abuse, nature abuse and simply abuse of life to gain self interest and to feed the ego as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I am not dominant within my life over others that they will dominate me and abuse me for their self interest, and to within this go into competition with life to see who is most dominant and to achieve dominance so that I do not have to fear, realizing that within me within competing with others for dominance to do onto them before it is done onto me, that I am in fact actually trying to first abuse them and harm them before they can harm me, as I am then the only abuser that harms in the name of my fear and self interest, realizing that this behavior and nature of man has been accepted and allowed to exist within the current system of the world where some can have and some not and thus gives way for all males to seek dominance to protect themselves from not having anything as many others do through any means necessary such as abusing life and bringing the destruction of mother earth.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that If I am not dominant within my life over others that I will be seen as weak and not a real male that is capable of using his gifted right from the sins of the fathers to dominate in sin as abusing life just to not look weak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being dominated and been seen less than.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that dominance is part of the normal human nature, realizing it is only accepted and allowed as normal nature as it was taught within ignorance to children from the sins of the fathers based on fear/religion and believe, realizing that the nature can be changed through simply changing the system and how life works to a world that is best for all where all are taken care of from birth till death, and thus no fear for survival and no need for dominance at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear giving up the physical addiction of power as the male ego within dominance within certain parts within my life where I have practiced dominance over other life forms so that I may feel in control of my irrational fear of the future based on my own back chat within the mind where I constantly talk about others and other life forms as if they are out to get me, and that if I stop the physical addiction that I will be abused and seen as weak and that advantage will be taken of me, realizing that I have been the only one abusing and taking advantage of others as the male ego as dominance, thus I actually fear that what I have done to others will be done onto me. 

I forgive myself that I have not realized that as long as I practice the male ego as dominance onto life that I am the only keeper and creator of my own fear of what will be done onto me as I am doing onto others as it was never real till I created it so within my mind through thoughts and back chat that I formed within my own observation within my mind within a limited range of knowledge and information that limits my own perspective on all thins and thus as I keep brewing the thoughts/back chat within my limited mind I create my own fears and insecurities that I then try and prevent through dominating other life and abusing life within the idea that I would have gotten abused first, as this was never real and only in the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dominate life as abuse as the male ego just because I had a feeling that I was being abused or taken advantage of and thus through the dominating ego try and control theother being either through physical or mental dominance as control through fear and self interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as the male ego try and dominate other life through feeling that I was being abused or taken advantage of, realizing it was only a feeling that I experienced within me as my own thoughts and back chat that I projected onto another to not have to take self responsibility for who i am and to instead blame and control to avoid the real issue being me.

I commit myself to expose the male ego as dominance as brainwashing and that it is what children are thought through education and religion and that it is not part of human nature as it can be changed through a new educational system.

I commit myself to show that dominance within the human is what has been taught to children from birth through parents and religion and society as it is not part of human nature and that only we have accepted and allowed it to be so as there was no real supportive system for children where they can express themselves as equals without ego and without fear.

I commit myself to the research or investigating myself through self forgiveness to expose that male ego as dominance is not human nature but that it is taught through the actions of the sins of the fathers before and that it can change as we decide to change the educational system and the world system to a place where life is honored and not the male ego as to having the right to dominate and bring about abuse and destruction to earth and life and that the equalmoney system is a system that will reveal that all current human nature is taught and accepted by the human and not what it actually is and thus a new world is possible and that we are not bound to human nature as a excuse to not change.