Day 521 – let’s see where this goes – unexpected writing.

This blog isn’t specific, let’s see where this goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated with myself for who I am within myself as the experience of myself consistently tip toeing through life not wanting to do something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this irritation to be expressed as anger towards the world and to blame the world for me experiencing myself as being irritated with myself as if I am tip toeing through life in fear of doing something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tip toe through life in fear of doing something wrong and that this wrong doing will define me and my self-value.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be resentful towards the system and the people within the system and to keep this resentfulness against the people within the system as a way to blame them for how I am experiencing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be angry and tired at the system and to within this just want it to fucking disappear, even if it means through chaos and destruction, as a I don’t care anymore attitude that has taken over my mind as a point of me giving up my self-responsibilities and seeking an easy way out of this fucked up world that is here as the system , that enslaves me to fucking money and a life of not doing what I enjoy or can be capable of doing.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in BLAME towards the system and to within this blame go and live in a state of self-victimization and self-pity.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in spitefulness towards the system within just giving everything my middle finger and saying go to hell and fuck yourself, you want to be blind and deaf, not hearing the screams and the cries of misery, so now you will just have to suffer the same, go ahead and suffer, at least this means the world will end and this stupid ridiculous system that is pointless.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HATE the system for destroying me as a child and enslaving me into a fearful mind being that can only live limitations that has been forced onto me through a fucked up system, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the system for what I have accepted and allowed myself to become and to define myself as, seeing and realizing that I made those decisions and that I could have instead NOT have chosen fear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately live in a consistent mood towards the system as me being against it secretly and thus resisting everything within the system even while I have to participate within it to make money for survival and to become more and earn more than just survival and to use what I make to change this world, as I would like to be done onto others as I have been done onto, BUT first I must change what has been done onto me by myself and thus change the path for those that come after to not have to be done onto them as I didn’t want to be done onto, loving thy neighbor as thy self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Love and HATE money at the same time, as money is a fucked up limitation that decides everything in a very weird manner currently, yet I love it when I have it – a typical mind design of a polarity game. Never moving beyond the control of money and to be able to use money as what is best for all, but always riding a roller coaster with money and it being available or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to wish I was different and not me so that I could just be someone that is already perfect and live everything every breath that is necessary to bring change to this world instead of consistently falling into the mind and the cycles of self-harm and abuse and compromise and sabotaging every moment that might have had potential.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the perfect self that I see in myself that is possible as something that is out there, seeing and realizing that creating this perfect self is a process of physical application and the mind is fucking with me by wanting it NOW and thus if I am not achieving it now then I must be a failure and will never reach the goals/change that is required. Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated by this energy game of polarity that goes from positive and negative in sudden moment as if I just cannot help it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am not worthy of the best, and thus the best that is for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am a fucking bad person and thus I do not deserve a world that is best for all including myself and that I just deserve a world that is going into darkness and being eaten alive by the demons as man’s MIND.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be tired and irritated and angry at myself for giving this personality of I do not deserve anything good consistent attention and living it as a resonant seed within me even while I am doing things that is in the best interest of all , yet my mood/personality of I do not deserve it is fucking up everything resonantly, yet I keep on living it within this irritation mind pattern that just keep putting me down, even though I know its bullshit and not real. – seeing the point of why I can see it and yet do nothing about it is annoying as shit.

Thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use “ I do not know” as an excuse for why I am not changing and thus waiting for information to change me where it must first make sense and why I must change, either through fear of consequences instead of me seeing and thus knowing the change and living it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a false Idea of caring that fucks me over as I care to much about the mind and the system and the consciousness of others and thus holding myself back in fear of not seeming like I am caring and compromising my entire process and movement believing that holding myself f back is caring for others. Meantime I am destroying myself and my potential by being so fucken self-conscious.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live pretend in the name of self-preservation.

Day 173 – The Hulk in me.

Why do I enjoy the movie the Hulk?

When I investigate the point I see a specific energy within me that I connect to the movie when I watch it, this energy is power a feeling of being indestructible, and I enjoy seeing the hulk getting all powerful and strong and being able to do things that physically is impossible, and a power that isnt physically possible is unique and makes the hulk indestructible, bullets cant hurt him, bombs cant hurt him, nothing can hurt him and he just gets stronger and breaks free and keeps on fighting.

So here I investigate the point within myself of the fear of getting hurt, as the hulk is the complete polarity of this fear, and this is why I enjoy the hulk movie – he can simply become the hulk and not get hurt.

So this is the main point that motivates the other points to exist such as wanting to be indestructible and seeking power and being strong and to want to do things that is physically impossible for others as a way of feeling secured with myself.

Self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the Fear of getting hurt to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting physically hurt by other people/animals/objects/forces from outside.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the fear of getting hurt to generate energy within and as me as a force of anger that I can use when and as I feel threatened and to unleashes the anger as a way of dominating with strength and power, not seeing and realizing that within this I harm others based on how I feel and not what is in fact here, as the fear of being harmed is created within and as my mind within irrational thoughts/backchat that I create and the act upon.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a Hulk feeling within myself where I generate energy within and as me to feel/belief and give myself the illusion that I have a hidden power within me that I can use at any time that I feel threatened by another and defend myself, not seeing and realizing that such a feeling/belief is an illusion and not how reality as the physical in fact works and that I am only setting myself up for abuse/harm if I act on this illusion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what I feel as an energy within and as me isn’t strength as the physical, but an illusion of who I desire and want to be within and as the mind, and that when and as I act out this illusion from the mind within and as the physical as I feel threatened but others such and acting it out such as starting a fight, that I will Harm myself and set myself up for manifesting my own fear of getting hurt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge within the idea/illusion of myself within and as my mind as being able and capable of doing things like the Hulk just because I have a self righteous feeling of anger within me that I feel can explode, not seeing and realizing that it is just a feeling and not real, and thus if I act put on the feeling that isn’t in consideration of how things in fact physically work, I will abuse myself and only harm myself and hurt myself as I attempt to act out the mind energy within and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself that what I see in a movie can be made real in life in and as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to gain physical strength as the hulk to be able to fight and defend myself when I feel threatened and to be able to harm other first before they can harm me, not seeing and realizing that within my actions as such that I am the only one harming and being the harm to myself as I physically harm others for something that exists within my mind as my fears.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to be super strong such as the hulk to be able to go against physical laws and to be able to be special and not to be fucked with by others, seeing and realizing that within such desires I am only confirming my fears and for them to exist and control my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the fear of getting hurt seek power at any cost to prevent any harm to come to me as my own self interest, not seeing and realizing that this is the behavior of all humans in the world currently where everyone is fighting and trying to prevent any harm to come to them even if it means creating wars and killing billions of other people and destroying wildlife just because they seem dangerous and end up destroying the whole planet and harming everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the fear of getting hurt harm others first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as long as I give the fear of getting hurt attention through my actions that I am giving permission for others to do so as well and for the current world to keep existing as it does, thus realizing it is to prevent harm but not from the starting point of fear, to prevent harm for self from the starting point of common sense which will allow one to see how other and all life is currently harmed and thus instead of harming others first before self gets harmed to stop and look at a solution that is best for all life in all ways where no life is harmed and no one has to ever be harmed to not harm such as the Equal Money System solution.