Day 470 – Meeting new people Part 1

I have met dozens of families in the past few months, within this time and within meeting all these new and different people, I have noticed a very interesting point within myself.

When I meet new people they are literally new to me, they have never seen me or hear of me or have any idea about who I am. Yet when I meet these new people I am presenting my “old” self to them.

The interesting point is that within me meeting so many people that does not know me yet, I have the opportunity in each and every meeting to change myself, to be my better self, to be who I can be.

They do not have a preconceived judgment or idea about me, unlike everyone that already knows me and see me through a preconceived idea/belief/judgment – which is created through me and how I present myself and my presence and how I carry that with me in each and every moment – which is my own acceptance and allowance.

So why with so many opportunities with so many new people do I accept and allow myself to present and stand within and as myself as who I am as the lesser me, as my own judgments and ideas and beliefs, when I in fact have NOTHING within these new opportunities that tell me I must keep these judgments and beliefs and ideas about myself, the people I am meeting have no way of knowing how I have judged myself yet or not and keeping me to it.

Interesting that I mention “others keeping me to it” – I have this “feeling” that when I am around people that do know me that I have to be a certain me, that I must live within a certain presence around these people that they accept and allow, the person that they know, no matter how self-sabotaging it is or if it is a lesser me so to say, I always do it for the sake of being accepted and allowed to LIVE lol, yet it is clearly me acceptance and allowance as I am deliberately doing it knowing the game or the face I have on or am playing.

So now I take this with me when I meet new people, instead of using it as an opportunity to be myself.

Day 469 – Part 3 What have I been doing, Instead of living my true potential?

From my previous Blog - Day 467 – What have I been doing, while trying to reach my true potential?

“Every day when I wake up I have this small reaction, it is sitting in my solar plexus, it is undefined. I just excuse it and ignore it, hoping that later in the day I will not have this small reaction within me, hoping that there will be a good experience soon that will change this reaction and make it a different kind of a reaction, a more positive one. So I wake up and I get ready for the day, I immediately go out and I have some coffee and get to my work station.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I wake up and have this small reaction within me to consider it as okay and nothing to focus on for now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brush off the small reaction I have within me every morning that I wake up and to justify it as normal through accepting and allowing it and to walk my day in the anticipation for it to go away by itself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t given myself the ten minutes or so in the morning to actually breathe and to release the energy through real time self-forgiveness and livening it to take self-responsibility for the energy and to accept that I am experiencing it and that I have to deal with it and to see what it is that the energy is revealing about myself and my own creation within me and thus without.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear naming the energy, calling the energy out and the game that is being played and to within this play the game of ignorance and bliss.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot call out the energy and define it and to deal with it accordingly, and to instead keep it within me for some other time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that through not naming the energy and defining it I am deliberately leaving myself in an unpredicted state within direction, as I will keep falling back to the energy lurking within me, the reaction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of dealing with the negative (defined) energy within me to instead go out seeking for the positive/opposite energy within my day, seeing and realizing that within this I am literally directing my entire day to seek out a positive energy in everything I do, and thus also limiting what I do in fear of not getting the positive energy that I am seeking.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I do not take self-responsibility for this negative experience within me, this reaction that the consequences will be that my entire dya will now be focused on feeling better as an energetic experience and thus not on what I must do as in what is practical and best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set the sequence for my day as that of being negative within accepting and allowing myself to ignore and brush off the reaction experience that I have within me after waking up, as the day will now be about me only doing things where I believe I will get a positive reaction from to make me feel positive, and thus also ignoring and brushing off all the other points that requires to be done within the day that I then FEAR will be a negative experience and thus postpone and compromise/sabotage myself and everyone that is linked to me, which in the long run is the entire universe.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see it as possible to have a different morning without the reaction within me that I have had with me for the longest time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the morning that there will be no reaction within me when I wake, as the fear is that of what will direct me, give me a purpose of what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not take the direction and the authority for my day and who I am in the morning as myself to walk as my day in the belief that I need energy to direct me.

I see and realize that I do not need energy to divert me or to determine what I can or cannot do, or should and should not do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear real freedom, freedom from any reactions or emotions/feelings/thoughts directing me, as I can see that this freedom comes with self-responsibility and self-honesty.

THUS I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to divert myself from self-responsibility and self-honesty within the free will that I have to choose as choice and to choose, make a choice where I gamble instead of direct.

To be continued.

Day 468 – Part 2 What have I been doing, while trying to reach my true potential?

Continuing from previous Blog - Day 467 - What have I been doing, while trying to reach my true potential?

"From previous Blog: Yet with every breathe I take there is a reaction, the reaction sets off motion’s within me, these motions become emotions, motions of energy, the moment of content is lost and the breathing is shallow and has no flow. The essence of the present as self as the here is now everywhere undirected, following an irrational influence of some energy brought up by a single thought, a single memory bred from the past and brought into the present only to contaminate the moment, the simplicity of living has now been made complicated."

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow the slightest reaction/s within me as normal and that I just have to live with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight the reaction/s that come up within me and to within this fighting have an outcome of win or lose, where I end up losing as the fighting only creates more energy and thus more reactions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see any reaction that comes up within me as separate from me, and thus give away my authority to direct and to within this accept and allow the reaction within me to contaminate my direction.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be at peace with the reaction and to within this work with the reaction as myself to deal with the reaction when the reaction is here/presented in the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the reaction that is within me, and to within this have a reaction upon a reaction that simply does not stop.

I forgive myself for that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I have been approaching facing my reaction from the starting point of trying, seeing and realizing that trying is a construct of “I don’t really want to” – and thus within this not actually doing anything but just pretending to look like I am doing something.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hide my self-honesty from myself and to within this react towards everything I have to do and face in reality, even though the reaction isn’t visible it is slight, like a candle burning in the far distance, as the reaction is showing my self-dishonesty – where I am hiding what I know about myself and to live the opposite of the self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not live my self-honesty in each and every moment, and to fear my self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my self-honesty and to question my self-honesty from the starting point of morality and to within this walk honesty instead within morality and to within this create friction within myself and my reality and thus a consistent reaction within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live anything less than my self- honesty in each and every moment, and to within this accepting and allowing the lesser me of my true potential to move and direct my reality and to within this know I am living in self-dishonesty and so create a consistent reaction within me of what I am doing or not doing and what I am supposed to do or not do and yet not trusting my self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not trust my self-honesty and to live my self-honesty and to apply myself within self-honesty as I know I should yet I do the morality magic trick in the believe that it is the right way of deceiving others through morality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear myself, to fear who I know I can be in my full/true potential and to hold back because of the morality that I have within me and through what I am judging reality and living within this reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within believing that morality exist and for me to follow morality within this world through living honestly in others eyes is but me deceiving myself, never being self-honest with myself and what is here and to instead attempt/TRY to find a way around reality through making all my actions that of trying instead of doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone living my full and utmost potential in every breath within self-honesty.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I can do without self-honesty and to hide my self-honesty and to not work with my self-honesty and to instead take the path of trying/attempting to live within the limitations of my own mind set out by my own morality within my own mind. Instead of sticking to reality and what is here taking all into consideration and not just myself.

To be really honest with myself, I can see that when I am honest with myself in each moment that I have a reaction or where I am facing a fear or where I am anxious or where I am finding a limitation within myself or reality, that the real truth that I am hiding from myself through the TRYING character is that in reality I personally do not have a fear or anxiety or stress or a limitation for what is ahead of me, it is what OTHERS will perceive of me that I believe will care so I MAKE myself have this anxiety/reaction/stress within me through the trying character – because if you look at it, the trying character is designed to create energy/friction and thus to have emotional problems, where the doing living being has none of that, and that is the self-honest being, the being that is here – and that is what I self honestly will do/see in those moments – DOING it, breathing and directing reality.

So now I must come back to reality, I have now in self-dishonesty created this character of trying and I have designed many systems around it and I have lived this trying character into all my behaviors and patterns for the sake of others seeing me living, which ends up back to self with the point of self-interest, it is self-interest that cares what others think about self, for the sake of self-survival and comforts and not having to face reality, the reality of things, not the opposite, just reality.

So the trying character is a character whose role is that of self-enslavement,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in such a way in self-interest that I am attempting to serve all other humans interest of what I believe is expected from me to be a good and obedient citizen that remains enslaved and controlled by the mind just like everyone else, and to within this never step out of character, and just like placing a shock collar around a dogs neck for whenever the dog is DOING something he isn’t supposed to do according to the moralities/believes that humans has placed – I have placed a trying character within me to create a consistent reaction within me to SHOCK me whenever I am DOING something that according to MY own morality/beliefs from society is seen as not right to stop me from DOING and to scare me back into just trying and attempting – terrorizing myself with my own mind to stay in my place.
Starting specifics.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that someone with a lot of confidence is seen as arrogant and having a big ego.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see people with a lot of confidence as being arrogant and having a big ego, thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge other people with high confidence as being arrogant and having a big ego and to within this create a point of morality within me of what is accepted and allowed from me within society placed by my own judgment.

To be continued.

Day 467 – What have I been doing, while trying to reach my true potential?

I realized more self investigation is required, more self honesty within this point of doing and stop trying, this is my self honest self investigation.

Take note – this blog is written out as a point of exposing the mind, the thinking and the thoughts/back-chat, it is not written with corrections yet, so the information within here is revealing the deception and the self-interest of the mind and exposing the games that is played and how it’s played. The corrections will come in the self-forgiveness to come on each point mentioned in this blog after paragraph two.

Being okay with myself, here breathing the air around me, taking it into my lungs and to then release the air. It is so simple, it is a few actions in the physical that I require to do in awareness in the present in the here. To then move myself from the HERE as breathe while directing myself within my reality one step at a time. It is so simple, the essence of these few actions are that of content.

Yet with every breathe I take there is a reaction, the reaction sets off motion’s within me, these motions become emotions, motions of energy, the moment of content is lost and the breathing is shallow and has no flow. The essence of the present as self as the here is now everywhere undirected, following an irrational influence of some energy brought up by a single thought, a single memory bred from the past and brought into the present only to contaminate the moment, the simplicity of living has now been made complicated.

Every day when I wake up I have this small reaction, it is sitting in my solar plexus, it is undefined. I just excuse it and ignore it, hoping that later in the day I will not have this small reaction within me, hoping that there will be a good experience soon that will change this reaction and make it a different kind of a reaction, a more positive one. So I wake up and I get ready for the day, I immediately go out and I have some coffee and get to my work station.

I ignore the fact of eating because I am within this reaction, this negative reaction, so my body and mind is completely focused on this small reaction that is undefined within me, and I ignore the physical and what is required for my body to function properly and to be taken care of, so I first attempt to do all the right thing according to my mind as soon as possible in the morning, the right thing is to NOT think about myself, but to care only what others think about me, so I must be at work right on time, I must be seen working and I must seem busy with work, and not with personal things like eating and doing stretches and showering, all those things I can do later after I have set my position in the good light with all the people around me.

Yet even when I do this the reaction is still here within me, it is ready to just become something bigger, so all my attempts in the morning to be the GOOD person and do the right things was for naught, but at least I now know that the bad feeling I had hasn’t become worse, so I must have prevented something, so I must keep doing it this way. Now what can the next few thing be that I must do to prevent this bad feeling from possibly becoming something worse – in terms of how I experience myself because that will determine what I think about myself, and what I think about myself will determine what I can do, and will be willing to do.

So now it has been a couple of hours’ later already, I still haven’t eaten and I have had at least five cups of coffee already, and I have been doing all my work, I have checked my emails, I have checked my schedules and I have started calling people and setting up more work for myself, so now that I have done all that, I know I am in the good light and I have done everything I can to not get reactions from anyone else, which can make the bad feeling already within me even worse and make me feel bad and make me feel like shit and that will effect what I think about myself and thus what I do and how I move myself.

So now that it is almost afternoon I can eat something, maybe a small bowl of cereal, but I don’t really feel hungry because this bad feeling is still on my stomach, but I do need to eat as my body is starving, but I don’t feel like eating as my stomach is still full of emotion/reaction.

I eventually eat and move on, but now I feel like there is something I should be doing more – this bad feeling in my stomach is still here, this bad feeling feels like it is warning me the whole day for something very bad that might happen as if today might be the day I face the truth about myself, as if there is something that I do not know about myself and that if I make someone else react towards me or voice themselves towards me that they might just see something about me, or I might just reveal something about myself that I have never known about, so I better do everything possible to prevent others from going there with me, which works against me because this isn’t me doing everything possible to actually live my day to the fullest to reach my true potential and to live each day as if it’s my last, but only to live each day to the fullest to prevent some mysterious fear come to live, so all my actions isn’t to actually accomplish anything but only to prevent ME from feeling bad/worse about myself.

Day 466 - DO IT, trying sounds like lying.

Continuing from - I am trying so hard.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist just doing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be lazy about doing something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see myself incapable of just doing it, to get up and to do it full hardheartedly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as not being capable of just doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the judgment of myself as not being capable of doing it within me as real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the judgment of myself not being capable of doing it as I am comfortable within not doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be comfortable with myself not doing anything as I have this believe that if I do not do anything then I simply do not have to face myself, not seeing and realizing that the judgment I create/have of myself is me beating myself down anyway.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to be comfortable with myself not doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an already awaiting expectation of myself and the physical for what is to come for me if I do do it, and to within this fear who I will be within that new reality, and only seeing the negative always.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I start doing all the things that I know I must do in every single moment and to never stop but to just move within breathe and to not be determined my energy as the moods and thoughts that I will never sit still and live my life and always just be busy with all the thing that NEEDS to be done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge me DOING what needs to be done in each and every moment and to not postpone as me not living, not seeing and realizing that it is actually the opposite and that if I do everything that is HERE in the moment that needs to be done that I am actually then in fact living, directing reality and creating, instead of waiting and being lazy and wasting time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not do it, just because I have an idea in my head that if I do that then I will not be able to do other things, not even knowing what the other things are, yet just making it up in my head as a mysterious reason for not doing this or that, yet seeing that I do this for this image in my head of seeing myself just doing nothing and just living in self-interest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live every day for the achievement of having to do nothing. And thus doing as little as possible just to have that time to do nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire my live to be a big nothing through working hard every day with the intention in mind soul and resonance of in the end of the day to do nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to work hard and to do all the effort I can do with the actions of wanting to do nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to push myself and my limits everyday within the intention of having to do nothing in the end of the day, basically to become zombie.

I forgive myself for that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize this point of desiring to do nothing existing within me at all times and to within this making work and any action I have to do tiring and heavy, and thus no matter how hard I work or push myself everyday ends up with a collapse of doing nothing and being tired.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live with intent, seeing and realizing that intent does not mean shit if the actions isn’t aligned, and also seeing and realizing I cannot rely on intent as it changes all the time, and thus I must rely on my breathing and DO it in the moment and not to postpone for one second, working with what is here and not with what is within me as that is limited and deceptive and cannot be trusted at all.

Day 465 - I am Trying so hard

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Try and do something instead of doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the living expression of DO IT, and to within this hide within the trying point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within the reasoning point of “I am trying”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the Do it point a point of over assessing the point at hand and to within this move into the trying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be that trying guy, the guy that always tries but never succeed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the fool in being the doing guy and to within this move into the trying mode where I can still have the reason/justification of “but I am just trying” or I just tried and to have an scape goat for why I am not doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when and as I am DOING, DO it, that I will be seen as a fool for just doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the fool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contaminate the word fool with a negative experience of how other have defined it, instead of investigating for myself the word fool and to see what has the system defined as fool and why the system would define fool the way it is currently, what is the key within the fool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back within being the fool, the DOER, as the fool trust unconditionally and as the fool takes that step no one else would take, as the fool isn’t afraid and lives in the moment here as the expression of here, as the fool does not care what others think about him but is set on his path and determined within it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace the fool as myself within the principles of what is best for all life and to life this foolishly to the utmost in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by energy reactions towards my own actions and what they might be/expose about myself and within this live in a controlled limited way defined within a systematic definition of morality within my mind and to behave in a way that isn’t foolishly to others/the system and to fall in line with the system, and thus becoming a trying guy, accepting and allowing myself to remain within always trying and never succeeding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the control systems that I have placed within myself in relation to me expressing myself within DOING, DO IT without thinking but simply acting in the moment within common sense and what is here – letting go of the mind and the thinking and the fighting with myself and my mind and the experiences that is within me as the fears/anxieties/stress and the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within the morality of the system within my own mind as the systems I use within GOOD and BAD to determine what I can and cannot do and to within this always walk within those two lines and to then not move beyond the BAD defined in my head and to now only remain in trying to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thoughts that is within my head an to believe that instead that I have been taught about right and wrong and to keep them alive within myself through thinking about them the whole time and to validate them with system reasoning implanted by the system to keep itself save = the mind, to never push beyond and to push into the physical living of what is here but to keep a evil cycle alive of self-abuse.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I do not live HERE in and as the physical with the physical in full awareness of who I am as the physical as a living expression then I am living within the mind a divide and conquer battle with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRY SO HARD to be the fucking right guy for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRY SO HARD to be the GOOD guy for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRY SO HARD to be the perfect guy for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have this idea in everyone’s heads about me that I am the right guy and thus I go into this consistent TRYING and TRYING an d adjusting myself to every person I meet to be the right guy, and then I end up in this trying cycle or what is right and what is wrong and I just cannot seem to find myself within it all and not be here stable breathing as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ACCEPT me and to be me here as the physical as NO fear as no anxiety as me directing reality in each breathe and to have no limits but those set by reality as the physical as the principal I walk as what’s best for all and what isn’t.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be the Be the best guy for myself, and to stop trying to be someone else in every moment of everyday as the right guy for everything and everyone and to lose myself within this energy experience of myself.

I have noticed there is an awesome reference point that exist within me, it is this spike of an energy reaction within my solar plexus, every time it occurs I am moving within energy and thus the pattern and thus just moving the same as always, so I must breath and forgive myself for this creation point and face the reality of breathing and what is here.

To be continued.

Day 463 – My personal Survival mode

continuing from Day 462 survival mode and money

When I am living each day from the morning to the night, I am living to survive. It is how the system is designed. We all need to survive, so I am doing what needs to be done practically each day to make sure I am making money. Money is with what we trade and how much money I have depends on what I can have. Money decides everything in the material world currently.

The matter of facts is that we live in a material world. Without the materials we can’t do or make anything that is of basic needs, the earth is one big ball of materials and it can be made, shapes and molded to all kinds of different forms, some materials we don’t need to change but simply collect.

I as an individual requires some of these materials like all other people, animals or plants, and for me to have it I need money.

So currently survival isn’t optional, I have to survive. BUT who I am within surviving is the one thing that I can change.

Because I can look at survival as a practical application within the system that is here, it is a simple equation that I can apply on a daily basis, there does not have to be any experience attached to me surviving, or any thoughts or emotions or any feelings towards it.

But instead there can be me deciding who I am going to be within applying myself on a daily basis to ensure my survival and to within this not make/create survival as a mind possession of self-interest, but a simple practical equation.

Who have I been within this survival mode within this system designed to force modern man into living in a modern time with a cave man mentality.

I have been fearful, I have been tired, I have been paranoid, I have been anxious, I have been feeling like there is no way out, I have been feeling that there will never be an end, I have been feeling that I am stuck in one cycle over and over, I have been feeling that this is how my life will be forever no matter how much I push and try and change my circumstances, I have been feeling that the system just isn’t big enough for me to push and go beyond where I am within the system currently, I have been feeling that the system is falling and thus there is no point in me pushing the system, I have been feeling that by the time I succeed the system will collapse and all my effort is for nothing, I have been feeling like there is no place for me in the higher places in the system and that it is full, I have been feeling that money is limited and thus no way for me to make money, I have been feeling fragile in the system fighting every day to make that money, I have been negative towards myself within the money system, I have been anxious towards myself working in the money system, I have been giving up on myself ever reaching that goal that I have set and that I have been applying the equal pressure to reach it, yet it just never comes, I have been not believing in myself, I have been not believing in the system, I have been doubting money itself, I have been feeling stagnant within myself and within the system in terms of money movement as if I just cannot move money, I have been hating money, I have been hating people with money, I have been placing myself outside the rich people scope, I have been seeing myself less than successful people, I have Not been moving as breath as I fear time isn’t enough, I have been fearing running out of time as it feels like money is running out of my country, I have been feeling that I must have one point of success at least by now with all that I have done, I have been feeling that the whole system is against me and me making some of the money within it, I have been feeling that maybe there is someone deliberately pushing me out of the system and reaching the money that is here,

And that someone lives in my head, ME

To be continued.

Day 463 – Survival mode and money

continuing from: Day 462 – Survival mode and money

Money can only be available to us if we have access to money; to have access to money we need a Job. So now one might have a job and the access to money but the amount of money is what matters now.

See a man without money knows where he stands, he has found himself a place in the system where he is now surviving, it is a horrible life, maybe one can never get used to it, but I will assume from my personal experience and research that most of jobless and homeless people get used to the way of their life. There is a norm within it all for them, things they do every day to survive. They simply have given up and they only live for the next meal.

Then we have people with some money, just a little bit. This amount of money is enough to get food for half of the month and the other half is a struggle, it is horrible. But over time like all things, they got used to it and are surviving within it, within the circumstances they are in, they will always just stay in this state and see no way out ever, because there usually isn’t a way out at all, it’s in the design of the system.

Then we have people with just enough to meet all basic needs on a monthly basis, in other words they are making it, they have a life, there isn’t any starving or bad struggles, but it is still horrible, because these type of families are just making it, it is what we define as making it in the system, a roof and basic needs just met, so they have the consistent fear of the possibility that they may/can go below this life style.

Then we have people who live nice, they have just more than the basic needs and they can afford some comforts, but they are also in the consistent fear of going below the line of where they are, losing their job is for instance a daily concern.

Then we have the middle class, the middle class have more than basic needs, they can afford cars and bigger houses and they can go into debt and make all kinds of promises and have some vacations, and have more emotional problems at home, which is horrible. And these types of people are also living in consistent fear of what if their life can change at any moment and go below the line of where they are now, so survival can even be stronger in this type of class.

Then we go a bit higher than the middle class, what we are now getting at is the upper class, the upper class are small business owners or highly paid people in GOOD positions, and people that started their own thing and made a success, like a little mini market, they don’t have much issues in life, they have more than enough and can easily do more if they have the desire to, but they are in a type of comfort zone that they fear breaking, so it is horrible, they can actually have a fear of losing a bit of comfort, and thus will never change their live style or do more, it’s how they survive, their fear will not be about going below the line of their current class, but going below a line of class inside the home, it’s horrible.

Then from here on we have the rest, the people I haven’t met yet, I can’t talk about them. I mostly just see them driving from certain neighborhoods with their sexy cars and taking their kids to schools that looks like palaces. I suppose their fear will be the rest of the world and staying rich keeps them in a nice bubble away from everyone else.

These classes are from what I have seen and interacted with and still do daily through my work.
So now looking at myself, seeing where am I, and why do I live in Fear and within a survival mode, what is this doing to me, or rather me to myself and what am I keeping myself from doing and achieving through being stuck in this survival mode, what is the consequences of living this way on my individual level/life. Can this show me what my future already looks like if I am living this way?
Stay tuned, to be continued.

Moving within Survival mode is dangerous.

It is quite simple, when I move within survival mode I can only see that, Survival and nothing more. Just like when a horse gets a fright or a dog is fighting, to the horse in that moment all that matters is survival, and to the dog at that matters is surviving, when we as the outsiders see the horse having a fright or the dogs fighting, we always have this remark of calling the horse stupid or the dogs stupid for what they are doing. We will say thing to the horse like, Why are you having a fright, look there is nothing, it is nothing are you dame stupid, or while the dogs are fighting we will say something like, stop it, it is pointless, you guys are fighting for nothing, why can’t you share or live together or get over the Alfa dog point already, in this house we are all equal and no need for fighting over the Alpa position.

So I hope through those two examples of the horse and the dog fighting I could get a common standing and reference from the reader. This will be needed to see my point that I am about to make.
As the dogs are fighting, and as the horse have a fright. We as the humans are proving to ourselves in those moments that we can see beyond what is supposed to be “our nature” or in this case a dog or a horses nature, which means we can and should be able to see beyond what we call human nature equally.

And this should show to us that if we can see beyond our nature, or teach an animal to have a different nature, then what we are defining as our “nature” currently isn’t really out nature, it isn’t natural, because we can see beyond it, we can see the common sense and the self-honesty within those situations.

So why have we accepted and allowed the nature of survival to exist within us and to still run our daily lives as if it is in out nature to live in survival mode.

When we can see a horse having a fright and jumping up and down and trying to run away and could possibly harm others as being silly or stupid in those moments, or a dog fighting another dog for an alpha position, when we can see that the nature of the dog in that instance is pointless and not fitting because according to where the dog lives and what life the dog has it isn’t needed to be an alpha so why do it, why bother with is, the same goes for the human we live in survival consistently everyday within what we do, no matter what it is, it’s all for basic needs to be met and to have it daily and weekly and monthly till we die.

It is no different than when we watch the horse or the dog, if we have to observe ourselves the same way we can clearly say that human nature as the survival nature currently is stupid and silly, when we as the human race have the brains and intellect to not live the way we are living now and to make live on earth in a way that is best for all live, then why are we not doing it, just like how we don’t get why the horse never changes their ways or the dog, the same way we must first ask ourselves that question, why are we not changing our ways, when we unlike the dog or horse can see the reasons and the common sense and the self-honesty, just like how we the humans have the capacity and ability to do the same for the animal through training.

We as the human race have this ability to see beyond our self-interest and thus our nature, the survival mode that we are stuck in like a broken record.

And this is where I am bringing the point back to myself, to my daily living and application within what I do and how I do the things I do because of who I am, who I accept and allow myself to be, that which decides what I do.

If I live my daily life within the survival mode, then I am no different than the horse or the dog, I will do many things on a daily scale that I can’t find reason for in accordance with where I am within my live, I will have fear and I will have anxiety and I will have thoughts that has no purpose at all, yet they will make me do things like having frights and then doing things within my actions that makes no sense, as I lose all common sense in those moments, as survival mode exist only out of two components, fight or flight, the horse or the dog.

And thus I will find my life not flowing, the things I do will not add up, my hard work and efforts will end up as being nothing, because if I am in that survival mode without even noticing it, or seeing it, or knowing I am living it, all my actions, each and everyone one of them will come from fear/anxiety/stress, which means even when I calculate my every move they will only have been calculated from the starting point of survival, which is fear and thus all that I can create is fear and a consistent cycle of surviving in fear.

To be continued.

Day 461 – Death and form.

I will die, it’s a fact, everyone will die, in a hundred or more years everyone that is on earth now will be gone and there will be new humans on earth running what we have left behind.

The new people that will run the earth and the human systems and looking after the earth (I wish) will never think or even care for that I existed, I will be dust again and that is it.

How and why am I stating these points, I was sitting the other day by myself in the lounge and waiting for food on the stove to boil, as I sat there I started massaging my hands and breathing nice and slow.

Within this my hands became very warm and soft, I could really feel my hands and I was here inside my body, no thoughts in my mind and no energy trapped within my body, everything was quiet and here, me as the physical breathing and being chilled.

I then took my hands as I was massaging them and I started to really look at my hands, I noticed the details of the hair on my hands and the sweat poor’s and the skin texture, I also noticed the veins running through my hands and where they might be going with the blood obviously flowing through them.

As I looked at my hands I then wanted to now pick up my leg and see my leg, as I picked up my leg I realized that I was picking up my leg, for some reason I did not pick up my leg using my leg muscles, I used my hand, I grabbed my leg and pulled it upwards onto the chair, within this I felt the bones and the shin and the veins running with the hair, and for but a moment It felt like I was picking up something separate. The same as me picking up a rock.

I then looked at my leg and my hands holding my leg and I realize that the body I have isn’t me, it will one day age and die, or die through other means. My body will return to the earth.

My body does not have fear, my body by itself does not experience fear of have any fear for this transition that has to yet come – where the body dies and returns to earth in its more basic form.
If I had to remove myself from my body my body would have no fear as the fear come from the mind which I use as the being to create and generate energy from.

I also realized that the fear I had of the Body dying was the mind fearing it, NOT me as the being here, because the mind knows that it requires the body to exist, as the mind takes the energy from the body to exit in energy as the feelings/emotions, yet me and my body are calm and here, we understand the process of LIFE as one and equal, as the physical and that death is real, yet not to be feared.

Because me as the being and the body as the solid physical form, we do not require energy as thoughts/feelings/emotions to exist, we are here, we simply have to breathe as the body and even when the body stops breathing each cell on its own as a being will continue living and I as the being that for a time used the physical body as the vessel to move around and to learn about the physical and life and creation and to reborn myself through using the awesome body form that is solid and thus a practical tool to self-realize, will be here – yet I also saw in that moment how I as the being have chosen the mind over the body and have lived within the mind for as long as I can remember, and thus I have created myself as a mind being that will also end with death as I would have never self-realized myself in that moment if death has to occur, I also realized that I as the being as the one with the creation powers are the one choosing between the mind and the body at all times, and the body is rarely chosen but only neglected and abused.

As the body is solid here and the mind is floating up there in energy – I am consistently always one breathe away from self-realization, and self-realization isn’t something special, it is HERE, the physical is that consistent reference as the body and the earth, even though I will not be the body after death, I will still be here as the Physical, if I create myself s the physical, choosing the physical and self-realize what is here.