Day 463 – My personal Survival mode

continuing from Day 462 survival mode and money

When I am living each day from the morning to the night, I am living to survive. It is how the system is designed. We all need to survive, so I am doing what needs to be done practically each day to make sure I am making money. Money is with what we trade and how much money I have depends on what I can have. Money decides everything in the material world currently.

The matter of facts is that we live in a material world. Without the materials we can’t do or make anything that is of basic needs, the earth is one big ball of materials and it can be made, shapes and molded to all kinds of different forms, some materials we don’t need to change but simply collect.

I as an individual requires some of these materials like all other people, animals or plants, and for me to have it I need money.

So currently survival isn’t optional, I have to survive. BUT who I am within surviving is the one thing that I can change.

Because I can look at survival as a practical application within the system that is here, it is a simple equation that I can apply on a daily basis, there does not have to be any experience attached to me surviving, or any thoughts or emotions or any feelings towards it.

But instead there can be me deciding who I am going to be within applying myself on a daily basis to ensure my survival and to within this not make/create survival as a mind possession of self-interest, but a simple practical equation.

Who have I been within this survival mode within this system designed to force modern man into living in a modern time with a cave man mentality.

I have been fearful, I have been tired, I have been paranoid, I have been anxious, I have been feeling like there is no way out, I have been feeling that there will never be an end, I have been feeling that I am stuck in one cycle over and over, I have been feeling that this is how my life will be forever no matter how much I push and try and change my circumstances, I have been feeling that the system just isn’t big enough for me to push and go beyond where I am within the system currently, I have been feeling that the system is falling and thus there is no point in me pushing the system, I have been feeling that by the time I succeed the system will collapse and all my effort is for nothing, I have been feeling like there is no place for me in the higher places in the system and that it is full, I have been feeling that money is limited and thus no way for me to make money, I have been feeling fragile in the system fighting every day to make that money, I have been negative towards myself within the money system, I have been anxious towards myself working in the money system, I have been giving up on myself ever reaching that goal that I have set and that I have been applying the equal pressure to reach it, yet it just never comes, I have been not believing in myself, I have been not believing in the system, I have been doubting money itself, I have been feeling stagnant within myself and within the system in terms of money movement as if I just cannot move money, I have been hating money, I have been hating people with money, I have been placing myself outside the rich people scope, I have been seeing myself less than successful people, I have Not been moving as breath as I fear time isn’t enough, I have been fearing running out of time as it feels like money is running out of my country, I have been feeling that I must have one point of success at least by now with all that I have done, I have been feeling that the whole system is against me and me making some of the money within it, I have been feeling that maybe there is someone deliberately pushing me out of the system and reaching the money that is here,

And that someone lives in my head, ME

To be continued.

Day 463 – Survival mode and money

continuing from: Day 462 – Survival mode and money

Money can only be available to us if we have access to money; to have access to money we need a Job. So now one might have a job and the access to money but the amount of money is what matters now.

See a man without money knows where he stands, he has found himself a place in the system where he is now surviving, it is a horrible life, maybe one can never get used to it, but I will assume from my personal experience and research that most of jobless and homeless people get used to the way of their life. There is a norm within it all for them, things they do every day to survive. They simply have given up and they only live for the next meal.

Then we have people with some money, just a little bit. This amount of money is enough to get food for half of the month and the other half is a struggle, it is horrible. But over time like all things, they got used to it and are surviving within it, within the circumstances they are in, they will always just stay in this state and see no way out ever, because there usually isn’t a way out at all, it’s in the design of the system.

Then we have people with just enough to meet all basic needs on a monthly basis, in other words they are making it, they have a life, there isn’t any starving or bad struggles, but it is still horrible, because these type of families are just making it, it is what we define as making it in the system, a roof and basic needs just met, so they have the consistent fear of the possibility that they may/can go below this life style.

Then we have people who live nice, they have just more than the basic needs and they can afford some comforts, but they are also in the consistent fear of going below the line of where they are, losing their job is for instance a daily concern.

Then we have the middle class, the middle class have more than basic needs, they can afford cars and bigger houses and they can go into debt and make all kinds of promises and have some vacations, and have more emotional problems at home, which is horrible. And these types of people are also living in consistent fear of what if their life can change at any moment and go below the line of where they are now, so survival can even be stronger in this type of class.

Then we go a bit higher than the middle class, what we are now getting at is the upper class, the upper class are small business owners or highly paid people in GOOD positions, and people that started their own thing and made a success, like a little mini market, they don’t have much issues in life, they have more than enough and can easily do more if they have the desire to, but they are in a type of comfort zone that they fear breaking, so it is horrible, they can actually have a fear of losing a bit of comfort, and thus will never change their live style or do more, it’s how they survive, their fear will not be about going below the line of their current class, but going below a line of class inside the home, it’s horrible.

Then from here on we have the rest, the people I haven’t met yet, I can’t talk about them. I mostly just see them driving from certain neighborhoods with their sexy cars and taking their kids to schools that looks like palaces. I suppose their fear will be the rest of the world and staying rich keeps them in a nice bubble away from everyone else.

These classes are from what I have seen and interacted with and still do daily through my work.
So now looking at myself, seeing where am I, and why do I live in Fear and within a survival mode, what is this doing to me, or rather me to myself and what am I keeping myself from doing and achieving through being stuck in this survival mode, what is the consequences of living this way on my individual level/life. Can this show me what my future already looks like if I am living this way?
Stay tuned, to be continued.

Moving within Survival mode is dangerous.

It is quite simple, when I move within survival mode I can only see that, Survival and nothing more. Just like when a horse gets a fright or a dog is fighting, to the horse in that moment all that matters is survival, and to the dog at that matters is surviving, when we as the outsiders see the horse having a fright or the dogs fighting, we always have this remark of calling the horse stupid or the dogs stupid for what they are doing. We will say thing to the horse like, Why are you having a fright, look there is nothing, it is nothing are you dame stupid, or while the dogs are fighting we will say something like, stop it, it is pointless, you guys are fighting for nothing, why can’t you share or live together or get over the Alfa dog point already, in this house we are all equal and no need for fighting over the Alpa position.

So I hope through those two examples of the horse and the dog fighting I could get a common standing and reference from the reader. This will be needed to see my point that I am about to make.
As the dogs are fighting, and as the horse have a fright. We as the humans are proving to ourselves in those moments that we can see beyond what is supposed to be “our nature” or in this case a dog or a horses nature, which means we can and should be able to see beyond what we call human nature equally.

And this should show to us that if we can see beyond our nature, or teach an animal to have a different nature, then what we are defining as our “nature” currently isn’t really out nature, it isn’t natural, because we can see beyond it, we can see the common sense and the self-honesty within those situations.

So why have we accepted and allowed the nature of survival to exist within us and to still run our daily lives as if it is in out nature to live in survival mode.

When we can see a horse having a fright and jumping up and down and trying to run away and could possibly harm others as being silly or stupid in those moments, or a dog fighting another dog for an alpha position, when we can see that the nature of the dog in that instance is pointless and not fitting because according to where the dog lives and what life the dog has it isn’t needed to be an alpha so why do it, why bother with is, the same goes for the human we live in survival consistently everyday within what we do, no matter what it is, it’s all for basic needs to be met and to have it daily and weekly and monthly till we die.

It is no different than when we watch the horse or the dog, if we have to observe ourselves the same way we can clearly say that human nature as the survival nature currently is stupid and silly, when we as the human race have the brains and intellect to not live the way we are living now and to make live on earth in a way that is best for all live, then why are we not doing it, just like how we don’t get why the horse never changes their ways or the dog, the same way we must first ask ourselves that question, why are we not changing our ways, when we unlike the dog or horse can see the reasons and the common sense and the self-honesty, just like how we the humans have the capacity and ability to do the same for the animal through training.

We as the human race have this ability to see beyond our self-interest and thus our nature, the survival mode that we are stuck in like a broken record.

And this is where I am bringing the point back to myself, to my daily living and application within what I do and how I do the things I do because of who I am, who I accept and allow myself to be, that which decides what I do.

If I live my daily life within the survival mode, then I am no different than the horse or the dog, I will do many things on a daily scale that I can’t find reason for in accordance with where I am within my live, I will have fear and I will have anxiety and I will have thoughts that has no purpose at all, yet they will make me do things like having frights and then doing things within my actions that makes no sense, as I lose all common sense in those moments, as survival mode exist only out of two components, fight or flight, the horse or the dog.

And thus I will find my life not flowing, the things I do will not add up, my hard work and efforts will end up as being nothing, because if I am in that survival mode without even noticing it, or seeing it, or knowing I am living it, all my actions, each and everyone one of them will come from fear/anxiety/stress, which means even when I calculate my every move they will only have been calculated from the starting point of survival, which is fear and thus all that I can create is fear and a consistent cycle of surviving in fear.

To be continued.

Day 251 – The Death of My Horse Part 9 – The Journey to Life

continuation of Day 242 - The Death of my Horse Titan Part 1
and – Day 243 and 244 – The Death of my horse Titan Part 2 The Journey to Life
and – Day 245 – The Death of My Horse Part 3 the Journey to Life

and – Day 246 – The Death of My Horse Part 4 the Journey to Life

and - Day 247 - The Death of my Horse Part 5 - The Journey To Life

and – Day 248– The Death of My Horse Part 6 – The Journey to Life

and – Day 249 – The Death of My Horse Part 7 – The Journey to Life
and - Day250 – The Death Of My Horse Part 8 – The Journey to Life

Leila wrote a cool blog on the events of the day here that Titan was put down – Day 146: Death of a Horse (Titan)
and continuation on her point here - Day  147 and 148 - Aftermath Death of a Horse

Also to see the process of horses here with us and their process stuff in general, check out the interviews from Eqafe, really cool.

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3

Continuing from this part – “Seeing and realizing that as I live as Fear as who I am that all I will and can do as Fear and self interest is create and manifest my own fears, through constantly trying to dominate and control life in fear of Life being alive lol, because that has been judged as being bad and out of control.”

Ok so I am going to apply self forgiveness on all the fear points I faced daily with Titan.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Losing control. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear losing control of other Beings and that they might hurt me then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting hurt if and when I lose control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I ever had control, seeing and realizing that the control I thought I had was always only a attempt and not in fact control as it is impossible to control another being as it always require their agreement first to seem like control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not control things outside of me that they will always be a threat to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other beings as always being a threat to me, seeing and realizing that within this I act out in my behavior to control and dominate which is abusive and not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being dominated and controlled by other beings, as being their bitch and having to do whatever they ask/want, thus seeing and realizing how I always attempt to do this first to other beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being another beings bitch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as another beings bitch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to work with another being and to within this fear first control and dominate the other being to force the being into working with me, never considering to simply communicate and create equal agreements to walk together, and to within this destroy relationships through always first built the foundations of the relationships on fear through control and dominance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not have control over another being that the other being will take advantage of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not have control that I will be abused and misused by other beings, seeing and realizing how Titan showed me that within this fear all I did was create my fear onto other beings and abuse them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to fear something Bigger than me such as a horse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I have to fear something when and as it is bigger than me, seeing and realizing that it is to understand and work with and not to control and dominate as that will lead to abuse and consequences and in the end in fact manifest the fears.

To be continued.

Day 250 – The Death Of My Horse Part 8 – The Journey to Life

Me and Titan in 2009 February been with Titan for about 2 months almost

continuation of Day 242 - The Death of my Horse Titan Part 1
and – Day 243 and 244 – The Death of my horse Titan Part 2 The Journey to Life
and – Day 245 – The Death of My Horse Part 3 the Journey to Life

and – Day 246 – The Death of My Horse Part 4 the Journey to Life

and - Day 247 - The Death of my Horse Part 5 - The Journey To Life

and – Day 248– The Death of My Horse Part 6 – The Journey to Life

and – Day 249 – The Death of My Horse Part 7 – The Journey to Life

Leila wrote a cool blog on the events of the day here that Titan was put down – Day 146: Death of a Horse (Titan)
and continuation on her point here - Day  147 and 148 - Aftermath Death of a Horse

Also to see the process of horses here with us and their process stuff in general, check out the interviews from Eqafe, really cool.

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3

Continuing from this Part.

Quote: “because this system and world is so big all I have ever done was trying to dominate and control to try and prevent this death I fear. “

So continuing from the point where I had this general fear around Titan. every time I was with him this fear would already be the reaction towards something else existent within me, it was always to protect self interest.

I would for instance have a thought where I see myself getting hurt, or I would Fear that Titan would not work with me and that I would Lose control, or where I see Titan taking chances with me and that I am not in control.

These type of thoughts would come up and then I would react, the reaction as a negative experience would be interpreted as Fear, and thus I create fear/anxiety within me.

But looking at what started it as the Thoughts I can see within the understanding that Thoughts come from Memories which is from Past experiences, and since Titan was my first horse and this fear and the thoughts were already here I had to look deeper into where does these thoughts come from, what memories. Because Titan was pushing these buttons of mine every day – Showing me what is existing within me and that I need to sort that out.

So I can see within looking into my past as a child How Adults was the Bigger Beings, just like Titan, and that the Adults has superior strength and everything over me, and that the Adults used this to their advantage to control and dominate me as a child, so that I do not step out of line, or so that I do not cause anything and so that everything can always just be okay all the time, and the Adults did all of this from the starting point of Fear as they were taught from those before them.

So I learned that I had to always be in control and dominate anything or anyone I can to remain in control, because losing control was shown and connected to be BAD and not good and to be dominated and controlled wasn’t nice, that’s what I experienced as the child being controlled and dominated.

So here is my Childhood experience all over again, a Bigger Being Titan as representing the adult of when I was a child that Can dominate and control me, which I have connected as BAD and negative and that I don’t want to feel small and stupid again.

So I constantly wanted and attempted and did control and Dominate Titan in this fear of it being done onto me, when the solution is obvious – it is to work together as equals in terms of what is here in and as the physical within practicality and common sense, this does not require control and dominating, it requires communication and understanding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try/attempt to control and dominate other life forms in the fear of that they might do so to me if I do not do it first.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to control and dominate other life forms out of the fear that it will be done onto me if I do not do it first is stupidity and evil as I am saying it is okay if it happens to others but not be yet I fully understand how if feels and that it isn’t nice and can and will lead to abuse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if and when I live to control and dominate that I will never actually Live life within self honesty as that which is best for all life but that I will always only be trapped within my own fears and trying to prevent them and call that living life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to control and dominate other beings from the starting point of fear and self interest will only create fearful and self interest driven beings as that is what I am living and showing them all the time within my actions and words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I all I have ever done within living in the anticipation of my fears is creating the past from which my fears were born in the present and that I am in fact creating and manifesting them within who I am as that determines what I do.

Seeing and realizing that as I live as Fear as who I am that all I will and can do as Fear and self interest is create and manifest my own fears, through constantly trying to dominate and control life in fear of Life being alive lol, because that has been judged as being bad and out of control.

To be Continued.