Day 465 - I am Trying so hard

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Try and do something instead of doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear the living expression of DO IT, and to within this hide within the trying point.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide within the reasoning point of “I am trying”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make the Do it point a point of over assessing the point at hand and to within this move into the trying.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be that trying guy, the guy that always tries but never succeed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the fool in being the doing guy and to within this move into the trying mode where I can still have the reason/justification of “but I am just trying” or I just tried and to have an scape goat for why I am not doing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that when and as I am DOING, DO it, that I will be seen as a fool for just doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being the fool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to contaminate the word fool with a negative experience of how other have defined it, instead of investigating for myself the word fool and to see what has the system defined as fool and why the system would define fool the way it is currently, what is the key within the fool.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back within being the fool, the DOER, as the fool trust unconditionally and as the fool takes that step no one else would take, as the fool isn’t afraid and lives in the moment here as the expression of here, as the fool does not care what others think about him but is set on his path and determined within it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace the fool as myself within the principles of what is best for all life and to life this foolishly to the utmost in each moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be controlled by energy reactions towards my own actions and what they might be/expose about myself and within this live in a controlled limited way defined within a systematic definition of morality within my mind and to behave in a way that isn’t foolishly to others/the system and to fall in line with the system, and thus becoming a trying guy, accepting and allowing myself to remain within always trying and never succeeding.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear letting go of the control systems that I have placed within myself in relation to me expressing myself within DOING, DO IT without thinking but simply acting in the moment within common sense and what is here – letting go of the mind and the thinking and the fighting with myself and my mind and the experiences that is within me as the fears/anxieties/stress and the thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to trap myself within the morality of the system within my own mind as the systems I use within GOOD and BAD to determine what I can and cannot do and to within this always walk within those two lines and to then not move beyond the BAD defined in my head and to now only remain in trying to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that thoughts that is within my head an to believe that instead that I have been taught about right and wrong and to keep them alive within myself through thinking about them the whole time and to validate them with system reasoning implanted by the system to keep itself save = the mind, to never push beyond and to push into the physical living of what is here but to keep a evil cycle alive of self-abuse.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I do not live HERE in and as the physical with the physical in full awareness of who I am as the physical as a living expression then I am living within the mind a divide and conquer battle with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRY SO HARD to be the fucking right guy for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRY SO HARD to be the GOOD guy for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to TRY SO HARD to be the perfect guy for everyone.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have this idea in everyone’s heads about me that I am the right guy and thus I go into this consistent TRYING and TRYING an d adjusting myself to every person I meet to be the right guy, and then I end up in this trying cycle or what is right and what is wrong and I just cannot seem to find myself within it all and not be here stable breathing as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to ACCEPT me and to be me here as the physical as NO fear as no anxiety as me directing reality in each breathe and to have no limits but those set by reality as the physical as the principal I walk as what’s best for all and what isn’t.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be the Be the best guy for myself, and to stop trying to be someone else in every moment of everyday as the right guy for everything and everyone and to lose myself within this energy experience of myself.

I have noticed there is an awesome reference point that exist within me, it is this spike of an energy reaction within my solar plexus, every time it occurs I am moving within energy and thus the pattern and thus just moving the same as always, so I must breath and forgive myself for this creation point and face the reality of breathing and what is here.

To be continued.