Day 444 – The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part 3

Day 442 – The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part1

Day 443 – The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry the past as the thoughts I have with me at all times, believing that the thoughts as the past is who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the thoughts as the past I carry with me from moment to moment is only me if I accept and allow them to be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to burden myself with carry the thoughts from yesterday into today in each moment and to do the same for the next day before the next day is even here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the past and the future through participating within thoughts/back-chat at all times which is a creation of the past within certain moments that is now consistently being projected into the future and lived in the present, never really living HERE in each breathe as I trap myself in the cycles/patterns of thoughts I have made myself accustomed to – for the purpose of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within survival mode the whole time through burdening myself with the past as the thoughts/back-chat I entertain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the MIND as energy as personalities/characters wants to survive, and for the mind to survive the mind needs the physical body, and thus the mind will trap the body in cycles/patterns that is of limitation, within the purpose of keeping the body limited within its capabilities as the physical so that the body can live linger simply for the mind to MINE is for a longer period of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fight for my limitations – which in return becomes my burden, because when I am fighting for my limitations everything else I have to do becomes a struggle, it becomes a extra thing I have to do that I don’t FEEL like doing, that I don’t LIKE doing, and thus when I have to do it regardless it is seen as a Burden within me, which in return creates a lot of back chat and thoughts that now argues and go against what I am doing, what needs to be done, and thus the point of responsibility becomes a burden within my mind, when the facts are it’s only the mind that’s the burden because in reality as the physical, the body can do it, the body isn’t seeing it as what it likes or dislikes doing, the body does what it practically can do or cant, and that’s the point that isn’t walked and thus only the mind as the thoughts/back-chat is walked and in the process the body is carrying the mind, whipping it the whole time saying NO, you are my slave, you shall not do this, you do not want to do this, you are too weak, you are to stupid, you are incapable, you are inferior, and since I gave the mind permission to do this the body listens, the body obeys, and carry the burden I place upon it, as I am the one in charge, the being that has this one opportunity to walk in the body with the mind to take self-responsibility as both and to stand one and equal as both and to direct both one and equal in each breathe, but cannot because I, the one in charge has fallen a slave to my own mind instead of being the director.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to torture my own body through submitting to the mind as the thoughts/back-chat I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself and my body and my mind through not standing as the director as the one in charge and to just let them BELIEVE what they must do, and thus just letting the mind and the body play along, while I stand Idle and feel bad, or feel like I am carrying a burden.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I as the being must stand one and equal as the mind and the body and merge them as one as me and to rebirth myself as all that is here within and as me as one and equal and to walk as the director, as the Authority and to be the one who decides and not leave it up to the mind to decide and to be something separate of me, and the body to just submit and me just accepting and allowing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my mind and my body as being something that isn’t me, and thus they can do as they please and I will try and do as I need to, seeing and realizing that such a relationship of separation with myself isn’t healthy not effective.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that through separating myself from my mind and my body – that I have created a relationship of me having to deal with the mind and then the body and them myself, where I have now made it a burden to deal with the mind and the body as I have separated myself from the mind/body, not seeing and realizing that I am the mind and body and that I just move the mind and body as me, and thus it’s not a burden as me having to take care of two other things within me, it me taking care of me.

Day 443 - The Burden, and the story of True Potential Part 2

Day 442 - The Burden,and the story of True Potential Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Burden myself with the thoughts I have in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that there will never be consequences for participating within the same daily thoughts/back-chat and that it is totally fine to just have them over and over again, and to keep on following the thoughts and to then later on say nothing is changing and just making everything in my reality a burden, when I am the one quite obviously creating it, living in the evil cycle of thoughts, in the spider web of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the only burden I carry is the one I am filling with stuff every day, which is the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I change my thoughts that things will change, seeing and realizing that a thought is a thought and it does not matter what it is, it’s the same things, and thus the burden in itself is thoughts that I participate within, and the more thoughts I participate within and entertain the more my head is being filled, and the more the burden becomes, as the mind works like a filing system, if I file the same thoughts every day, I will only find the same file everyday as that’s all the file cabinet will be filled with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to burden myself with reoccurring thoughts through daily entertaining these thoughts as real, as something that I must participate within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automate the same thoughts for me to have every day every time I enter a certain environment with certain people and with certain thoughts, as I know I will daily enter these factors and yet I blindly set up the same thoughts/back-chat for myself to have to have the exact same play out to take place and thus the exact same things to keep on happening, and thus create Burden for myself through not stopping , not checking what it is I am actually doing and to change through not participating within thoughts/back-chat and to rather focus on breathing and directing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reoccurring thoughts is here for a reason and thus I must entertain them and give them my time and attention, seeing and realizing how following this pattern becomes the burden.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow this pattern of everyday burdening myself with the same reoccurring thoughts within the belief that it is all there is, and all there can be, and that if I change this pattern and do not have these reoccurring thoughts that I will not know what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on reoccurring thoughts to be my direction within what I do and how I do things, thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that this is what becomes my burden that I carry with me all the time, the thoughts I have with the back chat backing them up and then me making it real.

So what occurs most in my head? As thoughts or back chat or both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “not getting to do the things I would like to do” when I have to give time to other things in my reality, and to within this have the back chat of, “I do not have enough time to do what is required” as a way of not doing what needs to be done to the fullest so that I can skip on that and get to spending the remaining time on things I rather want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thought of “ seeing myself not getting to the things I would like to do” reoccur within my mind, where I not do everything else before me half assed to just get it out of the way and to then get to what I want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the back chat of “ I don’t have enough time to do what is required” reoccur within my mind multiple times a day – where what I am currently doing then becomes a burden because I am in my mind doing something that I don’t have enough time to do, yet I am doing it just to do it so that I can say look I have tried and to then go on with what I wanted to do, for which there is more than enough time all of the sudden.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thought of “seeing myself failing within what I am busy doing” reoccur within my mind in the back ground, and to within this have the back chat of “I am going to fail within this anyway, so I might as well just rush it and get to what I want to do” reoccur within my mind, NOT seeing and realizing how this is just existing within my mind on a daily basis and where I am creating these points for myself, and through accepting and allowing this thought and the back chat to reoccur within my mind, I am burdening myself with the thoughts/back chat and what I play out as the patterns from having them, accepting and allowing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the thought of “ seeing myself failing within what I am busy doing” within my head and to create anxiety/fear within myself in relation to what I am busy doing, where I then play out the same pattern over and over and later on just don’t see the point in what I am doing, and then start thinking about what I could have been doing, or what I wish I could have been doing – where I am now splitting myself into two worlds, the reality and the mind, and thus I make the reality a burden and the mind something I am chasing, instead of focusing on what’s here and changing what’s here to something else, through stopping the thoughts/back chat and thus my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to burden myself with thoughts and feeling/emotions through spending time within the mind thinking and judging myself and others, instead of spending my time breathing and moving myself within the physical and what’s here within considering all practical points at all time, to live HERE and do my best with what’s here.

Day 442 – the Burden, and the story of True Potential Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my own true potential from myself through hiding behind characters that support unhealthy patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear revealing my true potential through the Idea/belief I have created towards it, where I have the idea/belief that if I live as my true potential that I will have more burdens to carry, seeing and realizing that the burdens I have created in my head in relation towards standing as my true potential is but only in my head, as I haven’t even gone there to the true potential, so how do I know, why do I hold myself back in assumption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that if I stand/live as my true potential that I will have more burdens to carry, as I have seen living up to my true potential I will take on more responsibilities, and thus I see and realize that I have defined responsibilities in a negative way for myself where I see it as a burden, instead of a privilege, an honor.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a negative emotion to the word responsibilities and to within this define the word responsibilities for myself as a limitation and thus living responsibilities as a limitation as a burden, where I always approach any point of responsibility with a feeling of being burdened – seeing and realizing that this is a self-created point within the mind, because when I open up the dictionary I don’t see the word Burden come up, or any negative expression, thus exposing to me how I have participated within the mind adding my own meanings to the word as I see it fit to fit only my own self-interest and thus fighting for my limitations, to never wanting to take on responsibilities unless they are forced onto me and then make it a burden for myself, where I will use this “burden” then to manipulate people and to make people feel sorry for me and to pity me and to look up to me for taking on this burden where no one else did.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to investigate the word responsibilities for myself and what I am living as this word, and to see for myself why I am not moving and directing myself effectively within my true potential to where I can take on responsibilities yet I am not as I don’t want to be burdened according to my own made up definition, and to thus force more responsibilities onto others and waiting till they can’t take on more and I am then in the position of becoming a “hero” where the responsibilities are now forced onto me – and thus I am taking on this burden that others could not have handled, Yet I was a direct creator within such a manifestation because I waited, I sat aside till the others became overburdened and then only will I take on some of the Burden and make it all seem special, as if I gave up my life to do this now for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Play a game within life, where I believe I have free choice and that I can just sit by and look at how others are doing all the hard work, and how others are advancing and how others are reaching their true potentials, and that it just isn’t for me, it’s my choice, so I might as well do nothing and pretend to be busy – and then when the others are overburdened because of my lack of participation, I will not sacrifice my free choice and move myself, direct myself I will not give up my life/time to handle what they could not and take on these burdens, these responsibilities, I will wait till its forced upon me, so that I can play a game, a game where I am seen as special, where I am taking on burdens they could not, where I am sacrificing myself for them, just to get attention, and to only move myself once I am burdened, once I am someone not nice to work with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a selfish bastard that does nothing with my true potential, that only sits by and wait till the pressure is too high for others to handle, and to then have the nerve to make everyone else feel bad when they ask me to take on some of the work load, and to then take it on in such a way that I make it look like they just gave me a burden to carry, to live, and to live in such a way that every day I pretend to suffer and to be tired and to be under a lot of pressure of what OTHERS have asked of me to do, not seeing and realizing that all of this is self-created and that due to my lack of self will and self-movement/participation and hiding behind free choice, I have overburdened others and to such an extent that they had no choice but to ask me to do something, and the fact that they could ask me meant they saw I was not doing that much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mentally abuse myself daily with the deliberate intent to always LOOK tired as to show others how overburdened I am right now, how much work I have done now – and to do this in such a manipulative way where the hidden intention is to seek attention, where the attention is gained through making it seem like I am carrying the burden FOR them and not myself like I am doing everyone a favor, not seeing and realizing that I am simply abusing myself and making what I am doing much more difficult for myself, and never moving for myself as myself and pushing myself as far as I can go to where I stop carrying burdens that I have related to responsibilities – to a point where I am living and expressing myself and making the best for the responsibilities to be effective and to not be tired and mentally exhausted just to keep up the game of obtaining energy from others.

To be continued.

Day 441 - Waiting till the last minute Part 2

Day 440 - Waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

When and as I see myself going into the pattern of waiting till “later as the last minute, I stop, I breathe, I consider what’s here and my action, to see if they are within consideration of the moment or that of energy as ego, and to assess my actions and the consequences of them, to from this point re-evaluate my decision and take a different path, the path of correction and apply myself within what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

When and as I see myself waiting and waiting to make a phone call to someone where I have to re-arrange a meeting or an appointment, I stop, I breathe, I realize that I am in a pattern again, where I am now thinking the whole time instead of doing, and that doing it easier and takes much less energy and time then thinking about re-arranging things with other people, and thus I move myself to use my energy productively and get the points out of my head.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

When and as I see that I am in the pattern of waiting up until the last minute to call people to re-arrange meetings or schedules, even if something unpredictable happened, I stop, I breathe, I do not wait till the last minute to notify the others, I pick up my phone or use any form of communication I have to contact the other person, as I see and realize that this is me actually considering both ends, as I would have liked for myself, thus seeing and realizing that when I do onto another as I would have liked to be done onto, I do not create anxiety/stress for myself, but instead I build my self-respect and honor.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

When and as I see myself creating fear towards having to call people to re-arrange meetings or appointment and using the “justifications” and “excuses” of that here might be reactions or they might take it personally, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this is my fear and not the reality of what is here and what might happen or not, and that I am only creating these fears to postpone and not take full self-responsibility for my actions/words, and thus I now instead direct myself to focus on what here and not my fear, and to move accordingly within the practical steps that’s required in the moment to bring about correction and considering everyone else instead of my fear.

When and as I see myself having to call someone or notify someone, or inform someone about appointments/meetings that has to be re-arranged/scheduled, and I am postponing using my fear of them questioning my actions of why, and that I will not be able to explain to them the situation, I stop, I breathe, I instead focus on getting my story in line, preparing myself to tell the other person whats needed to be heard, instead of focussing on “I do not KNOW” as a way of keeping myself in my pattern deliberately just to protect myself and my comfort zone

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

When and as I see myself going into the Illusion of choice in relation to changing schedules/arrangements with other people, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that I am postponing because I a creating reasons/justification within my mind that seems valid and real for why I am postponing, when in fact it’s just me deluding myself within the point, because the inevitable is that I have to do it, there is no other way, and thus I take a Breathe and I push myself to work with what’s here and not in my head.

When and as I see myself participating within the construct of choice, I stop, I breathe, I check for myself if there really is choice, and to self honestly look at what it is I am crating choice towards and why, whats the reason, whats the purpose behind it, why do I want choice, even when there isn’t any choice, because the facts stand, it's isn't es-capable, and to within this self-instigation in the moment follow the common sense and not the pattern, the trap of the usual, where make things difficult for myself, instead I make it simplistic for myself.

Day 440 - waiting till the last minute Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait till the last minute to arrange meetings with people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wait up until the last minute to re-arrange meetings or appointments with people.

I forgive myself, That I have accepted and allowed myself, to wait till the last minute to call people or to notify people about changes in plans.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to compromise myself and others, though NOT considering both ends equally and one, within the arrangements, or appointments that has been made, and when they are being changed, and to within this, create a constant anxiety within me, in relation to what I know I should have been doing, Yet I postponed till the last minute.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to postpone notifying others about appointment or meetings that has to be changed, In the fear, that if I notify them, that they will react, or take it personally, or that I will be questioned about why, and using not knowing how to explain myself to them, and my situation as an excuse, I then instead go into resistance of doing it now, and thus postpone it till the last minute, when I have no choice but to go there.

I forgive myself, that I have accepted and allowed myself, to NOT see and realize, that this is a point of choice, where I still believe that I have a choice, and to within this always postpone till the last minute, where there isn’t any choice anymore, when in fact, all that is being shown to me is that there never was any choice, I simply deluded myself, and to within this delusion of choice give away my authority, my power, within moving myself to do what needs to be done, and to then create dishonesty within me, where I then live within dishonesty, and thus create consequences of fear/anxiety and stress that then becomes my prison, where I am trapped within the experience of myself as it all being real, and to within this always repeat the pattern, never learning or changing for the best, to be my perfect self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delude myself within believing I have choice.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself within the illusion of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that choice is a weakness within me, a trap that I fall for, a comfort zone that I do not realize as being a limitation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find comfort as a way of hiding from my fears within the illusions of choice.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize the truth of how I have deluded myself within choice, when, even in situation like where I have to call someone to tell them I can’t be there for a meeting, leave it till the last minute, as if I had a choice, when the truth and fact is I don’t – and thus now seeing the extend of how I have accepted and allowed myself to fool myself with choice.

To be continued.

Day 439 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 4

Day 436 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 1.
Day 437 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 2.
Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part3.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the power words have for granted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge words as unimportant throughout my life and to thus never focus on developing my vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the vocabulary I do have as just not good enough for me to get round, never developing myself to be better and to be effective within the words I use and live.

When and as I see myself judging myself and my vocabulary as not being good enough for communicating, I stop, I breathe – I give myself a chance to explore myself and my vocabulary and to express myself as my vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my ego to run away from words and learning new words and to instead just rely on energy and focusing my words on jokes and talking bullshit and thus compromising effective communication.

When and as I see myself running away from learning new words/vocabulary, I stop, I breathe – I instead focus on what is here and to give it a try to push through the resistance and the self-limitations of what I have judged new vocabulary as.

When and as I see myself focusing using my words/vocabulary and my time and energy only on making jokes, as a way of avoiding using the words I know and can use but don’t want to just because my ego do not want to as a way of hiding my own potential from myself just to remain in my comfort zone, I stop I breathe – I give myself the time and breathing to put together my words/vocabulary and to speak them once I am clear.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine myself within learning new words and expanding my own vocabulary.

When and as I see myself undermining myself within learning new words/vocabulary – I stop, I breathe, instead I give myself the time and the breathes I have to go there and to learn new words/vocabulary and to stop the inferiority position I am creating and accepting and allowing within myself a the words I live as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me learning new words and vocabulary as my demise as it conflicts with my self-belief – and to within this never push myself to expand.

When and as I see myself learning new words and it meaning the end of myself as y ego as the limitations and inferiority position I have taken on within myself as my ego to have the ego as my personality where I use not knowing words as a personality trait that keeps me as the ego intact – I stop, I breathe - I see and realize the pattern/reasons/justification and why I have them as the ego, and thus I take self responsibility for myself and my own creation of who I am, and to within this not accept and allow myself to exist as the limited ego and all that keeps the ego in place and to push myself beyond and learn new words/vocabulary – as the words I know are the words I live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the self-belief I have of myself as who I am within not learning new words/vocabulary. Seeing and realizing the resistance I have towards learning new words/vocabulary is the mind protecting itself within the personality design.

When and as I see that I am resisting to learn new words/vocabulary – I stop, I breathe – I see and realize that it is the mind protecting itself through not wanting to go there, thus I Breathe and move myself regardless of the resistance that is here till I have proven to myself that the resistance is but a resistance and does not mean anything I would make myself belief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am the personality that I have assumed since child where I belief that I am not capable of learning new words/vocabulary and to within this belief actually not learn new words/vocabulary – seeing and realizing that it’s not real but only me making/creating it to be real within my actions and attitude towards it.

When and as I see myself having an attitude of limitation within my actions towards learning new words/vocabulary, I stop, I breathe, I change my attitude to be that of expansion of self-perfection of not living as the limited me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the trap of personality designs of myself and to delude myself that they are real and Who I Am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear learning new words/vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that even if I do learn of a new word that I will just forget it, and to within this already give up and not learn new words.

When and as I see myself being in fear when I have to learn new words/vocabulary, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that being in fear towards the point is me as my being, being contaminated by a chemical reaction within my body that then overwrites the actual ability as the body as me as the physical to actually learn quantum time with no fear, no fear needed at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not push myself to learn new words/vocabulary based on the belief that it will just be a waste of time, because I will just not remember and forget, and thus it’s not worth me.

When and as I see myself in a mood or state of not pushing myself to learn new words/vocabulary based on a self-belief I have of myself as not being able/capable of learning new vocabulary, I stop, I breath, realizing that this self-belief that I am continuing to direct me is keeping me in a state of never going there, never even considering to push myself, not even seeing that vocabulary is important till it is to,late, and thus I move myself, I direct myself to deliberately expand and grow my words/vocabulary as a result of growing and expanding myself.

Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 3.

Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 1

Day 438 – Frustration, Communication and Words Part 2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the power words have for granted.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge words as unimportant throughout my life and to thus never focus on developing my vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the vocabulary I do have as just god enough for me to get round, never developing myself to be better and to be effective within the words I use and live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed my ego to run away from words and learning new words and to instead just rely on energy and focusing my words on jokes and talking bullshit and thus compromising effective communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to undermine myself within learning new words and expanding my own vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me learning new words and vocabulary as my demise as it conflicts with my self-belief – and to within this never push myself to expand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to the self-belief I have of myself as who I am within not learning new words/vocabulary. Seeing and realizing the resistance I have towards learning new words/vocabulary is the mind protecting itself within the personality design.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am the personality that I have assumed since child where I belief that I am not capable of learning new words/vocabulary and to within this belief actually not learn new words/vocabulary – seeing and realizing that it’s not real but only me making/creating it to be real within my actions and attitude towards it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fall in the trap of personality designs of myself and to delude myself that they are real and Who I Am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear learning new words/vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that even if I do learn of a new word that I will just forget it, and to within this already give up and not learn new words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see and realize that it isn’t my ability that is influencing me learning words/vocabulary, but that it is the fear I have towards learning new words/vocabulary that affects me in learning and then keeps the self-belief alive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make words more then who I am, and to within this thus separate myself from the words and placing them higher and above me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist new words in the fear of not learning them and just forgetting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not push myself to learn new words/vocabulary based on the belief that it will just be a waste of time, because I will just not remember and forget, and thus it’s not worth me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I am not worth a better vocabulary and learning new words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not belief that my own self-worth is more then what I am currently accepting and allowing for myself to exist as.

To be continued.

Day 437 – Frustration, communication and words Part2

continuation of Day 436 - Frustration, communication and words Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get frustrated when I do not find the words to express myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to build up frustration through losing my words through thinking within the mind and building up energy that then directs me, instead of me breathing and directing myself as the words I decide to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to communicate with others from the starting point of energy as the mind as me only then expressing a limited form of what I want to, as I am then only following the energy path way – instead of letting go of energy and opening/expanding myself to what is here as me as the physical expressing the words.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Blame others for my frustration within points of communication when the communication isn’t effective and not getting the points through,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that frustration is something that happens to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that frustration is an indication that it is the other person that is the problem, never getting to the solution as I leave the responsibility with another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give the responsibility of me becoming/making myself frustrated with the other person, seeing and realizing I am dis-empowering myself from stopping and changing the point of frustration and to move forward.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that participating within frustration from the point of victimizing myself within it, I am creating a cycle of the same patterns happening over and over as I am not taking self-responsibility and change who I am with myself within communication and words/vocabulary.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the words for not simply being here, and to separate myself from the words, seeing and realizing how I am placing the words out there – instead of being here as breathe and thus the words also being here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from words as something that I must fear and to within the point of communicating with others then experience anxiety/fear while communicating, as NOT having the words and to within this rather give attention to the fear and not what’s here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be frustrated with the anxiety/fear of not having the words to communicate effectively with others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself with how others are communicating and to within this judge how they are comparing as something that comes naturally to them, not seeing that how others are communicating when they are effective is due to them actually giving it the time and practice to become who they are and living it, and thus I see and realize that this is what I must give myself equally and to not be frustrated within the process but rather focus on bettering myself and becoming effectively, being okay with mistakes and then correcting myself, as this is only possible in each breathe when I am not within energy and trapped within a pattern/cycle.
To be continued

Day 436 – Frustration - communication and words. Part 1

In writing and in speaking, I am just not getting my point through – in my head it is and then was as clear as it can be, when I open up my mouth, I lose focus and I lose the point.

This I see is due to me speaking from energy, instead of slowing down and speaking with following the points that’s here, the sequence and basically how they are all connected – having the words/vocabulary to express these points are also necessary.

I do have the vocabulary and the words within me – I can use the words and see them within myself, but as soon as I speak, it’s gone. I can’t find the word.

And this happens quite coincidentally around specific people as well, mostly people that I find I have judged as more than myself, and who I have placed above me in my mind, people who I belief I have to show something, proof something, and this is an contaminated relationship I have within myself with others.

This is due to me getting all excited about my finding/seeing and then I just can’t wait to express it, and then I speak from this excitement/reaction and the energy just floods it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I speak get all excited about what I am about to say, and to within this not keep my breathing stable and to loose the information that is here and to go with the energy as a reaction.

When and as I see myself going into energy/excitement/reaction when I am about to speak, I stop I breathe, I slow myself down and I keep to what is here, as the words and the relevant information and to speak in breathe each word at a time as myself, and to basically learn how to speak properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse excitement as energy as something positive, when I can se the outcome isn’t positive when I follow through on speaking from energy as excitement, but instead compromising myself and my words, and thus what I live.

When and as I see myself within a point of excitement as energy – I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that the excitement that I have judged as positive isn’t what it seems to be, I instead breathe and let go of the excitement and follow through on speaking only once I am clear in the moment, or to move myself out of the energy while speaking slow and breathing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am the creator of my own frustration in moment of communicating with others when and as I follow excitement/energy as a positive judgment of that energy, which compromised my communication as the words I speak and how I speak them, and to instead lose focus and direction and miss the point.

When and as I see myself being in a state of positive energy as excitement before communicating, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this positive energy that I want to blindly follow is only positive because of what I have made it within my mind and experiences, and that the actual reality of it is me compromising myself for a quick fix of seeing if I can win – winning within my words, thus rushing for the end goal, instead of breathing and flowing through each word at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge the word excitement as positive based on past memories with which I defined the energy with/as and to within this only see the energy experience and wanting that, not seeing the physical timeline outflow of participating within excitement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump into conversation and to make it something that must be excited or else it’s a waste of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that a conversation that isn’t excited or fun is a waste of my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time within not slowing down and breathing and to be aware of my words and following through with what I want to say, through rushing in and out and to then never get to the point or the point being directed, and thus becoming frustrated with myself and within myself.

When and as I see that I am approaching a conversation within the starting point of it must be fun and excitement – I stop, I breathe, I slow down and I focus on my breathing where I make myself the directive principle within all things considered and where I make the decision within myself to change the starting point of approaching the conversation as my words as me as that which is best for all life, where each word is accounted for.