Headache - what can create one? Day 9 of 21 - Day 594

I woke up this morning with a headache, now waking up with a headache for me is very strange, and this headache was very annoying, it is heavy, every slight movement I make where my head is moving, I feel the headache. All day I had to move slowly, I had to be aware of all my movement a lot more.

I assessed what the headache can be, is it due to something physically missing or lacking in the body? Or a mind point. So I drank water and ate fruits and more meals, as I felt my body needed, yet the headache is still here. So now in Self-forgiveness I will open up my experience towards the headache.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate this headache.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame this headache for LIMITING my movements and participation of me during my day and to within this Blame, blame my body for creating this headache, when I know the body does not create headaches, but how I participate and use the body and thus how I accept and allow the mind to run free within doing with the body as it pleases. And thus I am responsible and I must take self-responsibility for my creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to over think many things during my day instead of acting/living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to THINK about what I want to do and to just keep thinking about it, not acting on it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize when I SEE what is here and what I can do and I do not act on it, if I do not live what I SEE is possible here and to either direct myself to live it, do it later of right now, and to rather go and THINK more and more on it, and thus when I do not act when I SEE I turn all the potential of the physical into thinking and thoughts and regrets.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create this headache that compromises my physical movement as a reflection of how I have been compromising my physical movement when I do not act but rather turn the potential of me HERE into thoughts, into future and then past and to never LIVE, for real.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to JUDGE myself when and as I see what is HERE as the physical living potential of and as ME and to rather go into the mind and not expand myself, live creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see a physical living potential where I will benefit and ALL to rather go into the mind as limitations, where I start thinking, I am not ready for this, I need to prepare more for this, I am not professional enough for this, I do not look good enough to do this, I do not have the skills right now that matches what I want to create YET so best that I do nothing at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to LIVE in my mind as thinking as imagination, as I am unable to breathe and direct my reality as the physical when and as I see, and thus as time pass by I create distrust within me within what I see as I have never established trust within myself to simply trust myself and to act, to respond, to create what is HERE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accumulate a headache over so much time of living within the mind and not living, and thus now facing the consequences of my action as my physical body being compromised, where a headache is a red light for where the body is already SO full of accumulated energy that the body/brain cannot even handle it anymore, like a soda bottle that has been shaken and needs to be opene4d up, and thus I can see this is a red light and that if I continue any further the way I have been living I will accumulate more headaches and over time more other physical problems that will match my LIVING one and equal and thus my LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to place high expectations on myself of what I am supposed to live, and to within this compromise what I can live and to never act or live but wait and wait and to within this waiting for the right time, when I may be able to live up to my expectations later on create within my mind a mountain of what I haven’t lived and thus must when I am ready make up for all the times and moments I haven’t lived.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a headache to my physical body and capabilities, where I place everything in my head and not live here what’s possible, what is best for all and myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hold myself back and to rather move back into the mind and so place myself in the back of LIFE and not being an active participant as a creator of me and thus this world that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge myself and who I am and what I can say, express, do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR living – what I SEE and to act, to respond, to be responsible, and to rather give into the fear as reasons, justifications and logic to why I am not living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wish this headache away without having to physical correct myself of having to investigate the headache and how its manifestation came to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hate the headache and to just want the headache to go away, the same way as I have dealt with creating the headache to when and as I see what is here o be done, to be lived to bring about my utmost potential, to just make it go away and to just not having to live it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fight the headache, just as I have been fighting myself to live and to let go of fear to stop the thinking about it and to rather LIVE it and be it, to test it out to develop myself and to be HERE.

I commit myself to when and as I see what is here as to live, to be my utmost potential, to act upon it, to breathe and to push through to not accept and allow ME to become thought, to exist as thought and every other dimension that then forms and takes creation within me as thoughts/thinking and imagination, that is always of consequences that isn’t best for all, and not myself but harmful to the body and of abuse.

Day 551 - Postponement Continued

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as postponement, within the believe that today isn't the right time, that the right time isn't here, and to within this seeing for the right time, wait till tomorrow, or the day after, and to within this keep on postponing in the hope for the right time to show up, the right moment.

Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone doing a blog just because it is already a certain time of the day, to late or to early and to within this tell myself that tomorrow I will do two blogs to make up for this, and when tomorrow comes, the same pattern occurs, the same thought, the same reasons.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to postpone doing vlogs, that I have been jurning to do, waiting for the right time, the right atmosphere, the right light, and to within this make my actions, my participation dependent on the environment and hoping that the environment will magically just fit in with my schedule in my mind, instead of actually scheduling and making the right time, creating the environment through communication, through planning to do the vlogs.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use justifications/reasons within my life to why I am postponing certain changes, changes within myself, within the believe that I am not ready yet, I cannot do this yet, I am not capable yet, I am not good enough, I am not smart enough, I do not deserve this change, mostly the time isn't right, the moment isn't right, I might as well remain the same for just today, tomorrow I will change, seeing and realizing that within this point of postponement there exist no such thing as the right time, moment or place, it is all about me making decisions and living those decision, either bets for myself and all or not, and If I continue to postpone I will continue to remain the same - and there will never be a right moment/time, I will never be ready or be perfect to change, it must be done in the moment here and walk it, regardless of what the mind has to say, remain breathing in and as the physical and use the physical as the real cross reference

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am going into the mind regarding doing something that is HERE, like doing a blog/vlog, to stop and to breathe, to rather check my reality, ask around if I can do it or set up reality to do it after considering everything, now, check my schedule, and to then base my decision on what is HERE and not within the mind, I create my options, I make my time, I plan things, instead of throwing rocks in the bush thinking something will come out of it.

I commit myself to when and as I see a moment of change, to speak up, to stand, to direct or to intervene, or to be quite, to Stop and breathe, to check myself physically here and what is here, to not go into the mind as the reasons/excuses/justification for why I should or should not and to instead rely on the physical and to direct and move myself as the physical.

Day 445 - The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part 4

Day 442 - The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part1
Day 443 - The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part 2
Day 444 - The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Burden myself with the thought I have and not stopping them, to keep them repeating and accumulating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that each time I have a thought that it is accumulating and not just the same one from yesterday, that I am copying the thought and pasting it within my present from the past, and in the end filling up myself with the same thought thousands of times, and to within this everyday experiencing myself the same way. As being burdened with this thought/thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I will everyday have to do with the same Physical reality and that if I create memories of each day and thus thoughts/feelings/emotions, that I will everyday repeat these memories/thoughts/feelings/emotions as I encounter my physical reality, and thus I now have to deal with two realities, one which is internal and then reality that is here, instead of breathing and NOT creating memories/thoughts/feelings/emotions and thus only have to deal with one reality which is here as the physical, thus seeing and realizing how through creating memories of each day within my reality that I will burden myself with having to deal thoughts/feelings/emotions while inevitably dealing with reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compartmentalize my day – where I create a mental Idea of each part of my day that has to come, the same as the day before, and to within this prepare myself mentally for each compartment of my day through repeating certain thinking patterns and thoughts and thus the experiences that comes with from the past experience – and to repeat this every day the same way – where my day is not already lived in my head as the past and thus never living but simply recreating the past and experiencing the past – and thus burden myself with the past while attempting to live today, never reaching that goal, as I am not stopping the thoughts and the thinking and the memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lay out each day for myself as an pre-determined experience – within each part of my day having the same thoughts/feelings/emotions as the day before, and to within this just repeat and repeat till I feel stuck and unable to change anything, not as what I do per say but as how I experience myself within what I do, which is also part of why I am doing what I am doing or how I am doing it, because its already been determined and with that comes what I belief I can and cannot do within this experience, while it’s the other way around, I can do what Is here regardless of the experience as the experience in fact determines nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the past n each day within each part of my day living a different past through accepting and allowing myself to have the thoughts and to then follow through with them and the experiences that come along.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that everyday cannot be different, or simply new within how I experience myself and thus in fear take the past where I have already had the experiences and thus the memories and us them to determine the next days to come to be the same, because I have survived, I have lived through those days so I belief that I can use those days to prepare and to make me ready for the next exact days to come, such as making every Monday the same by using a particular Monday from the past to project onto every Monday and to live that out as a way of securing myself, when all I am doing is, I am burdening myself every Monday with the previous Mondays thoughts and feelings/emotions and just keep repeating the same pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-movement as my self-responsibility to move myself every day in every breathe through giving that responsibility to the patterns that I have created for myself and have repeated over and over time and to within this trust these patterns as the best for ME, just because I have used them and I have survived so I pressed the automatic button and now run every day on automatic mode just to get through the days, and thus burdening myself with the same patterns as the thoughts/feelings/emotions as the mechanics of keeping the pattern alive which is instigated within the behaviour within the certain environments.

Day 444 – The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part 3

Day 442 – The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part1

Day 443 – The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry the past as the thoughts I have with me at all times, believing that the thoughts as the past is who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the thoughts as the past I carry with me from moment to moment is only me if I accept and allow them to be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to burden myself with carry the thoughts from yesterday into today in each moment and to do the same for the next day before the next day is even here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the past and the future through participating within thoughts/back-chat at all times which is a creation of the past within certain moments that is now consistently being projected into the future and lived in the present, never really living HERE in each breathe as I trap myself in the cycles/patterns of thoughts I have made myself accustomed to – for the purpose of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within survival mode the whole time through burdening myself with the past as the thoughts/back-chat I entertain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the MIND as energy as personalities/characters wants to survive, and for the mind to survive the mind needs the physical body, and thus the mind will trap the body in cycles/patterns that is of limitation, within the purpose of keeping the body limited within its capabilities as the physical so that the body can live linger simply for the mind to MINE is for a longer period of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fight for my limitations – which in return becomes my burden, because when I am fighting for my limitations everything else I have to do becomes a struggle, it becomes a extra thing I have to do that I don’t FEEL like doing, that I don’t LIKE doing, and thus when I have to do it regardless it is seen as a Burden within me, which in return creates a lot of back chat and thoughts that now argues and go against what I am doing, what needs to be done, and thus the point of responsibility becomes a burden within my mind, when the facts are it’s only the mind that’s the burden because in reality as the physical, the body can do it, the body isn’t seeing it as what it likes or dislikes doing, the body does what it practically can do or cant, and that’s the point that isn’t walked and thus only the mind as the thoughts/back-chat is walked and in the process the body is carrying the mind, whipping it the whole time saying NO, you are my slave, you shall not do this, you do not want to do this, you are too weak, you are to stupid, you are incapable, you are inferior, and since I gave the mind permission to do this the body listens, the body obeys, and carry the burden I place upon it, as I am the one in charge, the being that has this one opportunity to walk in the body with the mind to take self-responsibility as both and to stand one and equal as both and to direct both one and equal in each breathe, but cannot because I, the one in charge has fallen a slave to my own mind instead of being the director.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to torture my own body through submitting to the mind as the thoughts/back-chat I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself and my body and my mind through not standing as the director as the one in charge and to just let them BELIEVE what they must do, and thus just letting the mind and the body play along, while I stand Idle and feel bad, or feel like I am carrying a burden.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I as the being must stand one and equal as the mind and the body and merge them as one as me and to rebirth myself as all that is here within and as me as one and equal and to walk as the director, as the Authority and to be the one who decides and not leave it up to the mind to decide and to be something separate of me, and the body to just submit and me just accepting and allowing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my mind and my body as being something that isn’t me, and thus they can do as they please and I will try and do as I need to, seeing and realizing that such a relationship of separation with myself isn’t healthy not effective.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that through separating myself from my mind and my body – that I have created a relationship of me having to deal with the mind and then the body and them myself, where I have now made it a burden to deal with the mind and the body as I have separated myself from the mind/body, not seeing and realizing that I am the mind and body and that I just move the mind and body as me, and thus it’s not a burden as me having to take care of two other things within me, it me taking care of me.

Day 443 - The Burden, and the story of True Potential Part 2

Day 442 - The Burden,and the story of True Potential Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Burden myself with the thoughts I have in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that there will never be consequences for participating within the same daily thoughts/back-chat and that it is totally fine to just have them over and over again, and to keep on following the thoughts and to then later on say nothing is changing and just making everything in my reality a burden, when I am the one quite obviously creating it, living in the evil cycle of thoughts, in the spider web of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the only burden I carry is the one I am filling with stuff every day, which is the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I change my thoughts that things will change, seeing and realizing that a thought is a thought and it does not matter what it is, it’s the same things, and thus the burden in itself is thoughts that I participate within, and the more thoughts I participate within and entertain the more my head is being filled, and the more the burden becomes, as the mind works like a filing system, if I file the same thoughts every day, I will only find the same file everyday as that’s all the file cabinet will be filled with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to burden myself with reoccurring thoughts through daily entertaining these thoughts as real, as something that I must participate within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automate the same thoughts for me to have every day every time I enter a certain environment with certain people and with certain thoughts, as I know I will daily enter these factors and yet I blindly set up the same thoughts/back-chat for myself to have to have the exact same play out to take place and thus the exact same things to keep on happening, and thus create Burden for myself through not stopping , not checking what it is I am actually doing and to change through not participating within thoughts/back-chat and to rather focus on breathing and directing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reoccurring thoughts is here for a reason and thus I must entertain them and give them my time and attention, seeing and realizing how following this pattern becomes the burden.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow this pattern of everyday burdening myself with the same reoccurring thoughts within the belief that it is all there is, and all there can be, and that if I change this pattern and do not have these reoccurring thoughts that I will not know what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on reoccurring thoughts to be my direction within what I do and how I do things, thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that this is what becomes my burden that I carry with me all the time, the thoughts I have with the back chat backing them up and then me making it real.

So what occurs most in my head? As thoughts or back chat or both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “not getting to do the things I would like to do” when I have to give time to other things in my reality, and to within this have the back chat of, “I do not have enough time to do what is required” as a way of not doing what needs to be done to the fullest so that I can skip on that and get to spending the remaining time on things I rather want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thought of “ seeing myself not getting to the things I would like to do” reoccur within my mind, where I not do everything else before me half assed to just get it out of the way and to then get to what I want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the back chat of “ I don’t have enough time to do what is required” reoccur within my mind multiple times a day – where what I am currently doing then becomes a burden because I am in my mind doing something that I don’t have enough time to do, yet I am doing it just to do it so that I can say look I have tried and to then go on with what I wanted to do, for which there is more than enough time all of the sudden.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thought of “seeing myself failing within what I am busy doing” reoccur within my mind in the back ground, and to within this have the back chat of “I am going to fail within this anyway, so I might as well just rush it and get to what I want to do” reoccur within my mind, NOT seeing and realizing how this is just existing within my mind on a daily basis and where I am creating these points for myself, and through accepting and allowing this thought and the back chat to reoccur within my mind, I am burdening myself with the thoughts/back chat and what I play out as the patterns from having them, accepting and allowing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the thought of “ seeing myself failing within what I am busy doing” within my head and to create anxiety/fear within myself in relation to what I am busy doing, where I then play out the same pattern over and over and later on just don’t see the point in what I am doing, and then start thinking about what I could have been doing, or what I wish I could have been doing – where I am now splitting myself into two worlds, the reality and the mind, and thus I make the reality a burden and the mind something I am chasing, instead of focusing on what’s here and changing what’s here to something else, through stopping the thoughts/back chat and thus my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to burden myself with thoughts and feeling/emotions through spending time within the mind thinking and judging myself and others, instead of spending my time breathing and moving myself within the physical and what’s here within considering all practical points at all time, to live HERE and do my best with what’s here.

Day 442 – the Burden, and the story of True Potential Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my own true potential from myself through hiding behind characters that support unhealthy patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear revealing my true potential through the Idea/belief I have created towards it, where I have the idea/belief that if I live as my true potential that I will have more burdens to carry, seeing and realizing that the burdens I have created in my head in relation towards standing as my true potential is but only in my head, as I haven’t even gone there to the true potential, so how do I know, why do I hold myself back in assumption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that if I stand/live as my true potential that I will have more burdens to carry, as I have seen living up to my true potential I will take on more responsibilities, and thus I see and realize that I have defined responsibilities in a negative way for myself where I see it as a burden, instead of a privilege, an honor.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a negative emotion to the word responsibilities and to within this define the word responsibilities for myself as a limitation and thus living responsibilities as a limitation as a burden, where I always approach any point of responsibility with a feeling of being burdened – seeing and realizing that this is a self-created point within the mind, because when I open up the dictionary I don’t see the word Burden come up, or any negative expression, thus exposing to me how I have participated within the mind adding my own meanings to the word as I see it fit to fit only my own self-interest and thus fighting for my limitations, to never wanting to take on responsibilities unless they are forced onto me and then make it a burden for myself, where I will use this “burden” then to manipulate people and to make people feel sorry for me and to pity me and to look up to me for taking on this burden where no one else did.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to investigate the word responsibilities for myself and what I am living as this word, and to see for myself why I am not moving and directing myself effectively within my true potential to where I can take on responsibilities yet I am not as I don’t want to be burdened according to my own made up definition, and to thus force more responsibilities onto others and waiting till they can’t take on more and I am then in the position of becoming a “hero” where the responsibilities are now forced onto me – and thus I am taking on this burden that others could not have handled, Yet I was a direct creator within such a manifestation because I waited, I sat aside till the others became overburdened and then only will I take on some of the Burden and make it all seem special, as if I gave up my life to do this now for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Play a game within life, where I believe I have free choice and that I can just sit by and look at how others are doing all the hard work, and how others are advancing and how others are reaching their true potentials, and that it just isn’t for me, it’s my choice, so I might as well do nothing and pretend to be busy – and then when the others are overburdened because of my lack of participation, I will not sacrifice my free choice and move myself, direct myself I will not give up my life/time to handle what they could not and take on these burdens, these responsibilities, I will wait till its forced upon me, so that I can play a game, a game where I am seen as special, where I am taking on burdens they could not, where I am sacrificing myself for them, just to get attention, and to only move myself once I am burdened, once I am someone not nice to work with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a selfish bastard that does nothing with my true potential, that only sits by and wait till the pressure is too high for others to handle, and to then have the nerve to make everyone else feel bad when they ask me to take on some of the work load, and to then take it on in such a way that I make it look like they just gave me a burden to carry, to live, and to live in such a way that every day I pretend to suffer and to be tired and to be under a lot of pressure of what OTHERS have asked of me to do, not seeing and realizing that all of this is self-created and that due to my lack of self will and self-movement/participation and hiding behind free choice, I have overburdened others and to such an extent that they had no choice but to ask me to do something, and the fact that they could ask me meant they saw I was not doing that much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mentally abuse myself daily with the deliberate intent to always LOOK tired as to show others how overburdened I am right now, how much work I have done now – and to do this in such a manipulative way where the hidden intention is to seek attention, where the attention is gained through making it seem like I am carrying the burden FOR them and not myself like I am doing everyone a favor, not seeing and realizing that I am simply abusing myself and making what I am doing much more difficult for myself, and never moving for myself as myself and pushing myself as far as I can go to where I stop carrying burdens that I have related to responsibilities – to a point where I am living and expressing myself and making the best for the responsibilities to be effective and to not be tired and mentally exhausted just to keep up the game of obtaining energy from others.

To be continued.