Day 445 - The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part 4

Day 442 - The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part1
Day 443 - The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part 2
Day 444 - The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part 3

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Burden myself with the thought I have and not stopping them, to keep them repeating and accumulating.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider that each time I have a thought that it is accumulating and not just the same one from yesterday, that I am copying the thought and pasting it within my present from the past, and in the end filling up myself with the same thought thousands of times, and to within this everyday experiencing myself the same way. As being burdened with this thought/thoughts.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I will everyday have to do with the same Physical reality and that if I create memories of each day and thus thoughts/feelings/emotions, that I will everyday repeat these memories/thoughts/feelings/emotions as I encounter my physical reality, and thus I now have to deal with two realities, one which is internal and then reality that is here, instead of breathing and NOT creating memories/thoughts/feelings/emotions and thus only have to deal with one reality which is here as the physical, thus seeing and realizing how through creating memories of each day within my reality that I will burden myself with having to deal thoughts/feelings/emotions while inevitably dealing with reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compartmentalize my day – where I create a mental Idea of each part of my day that has to come, the same as the day before, and to within this prepare myself mentally for each compartment of my day through repeating certain thinking patterns and thoughts and thus the experiences that comes with from the past experience – and to repeat this every day the same way – where my day is not already lived in my head as the past and thus never living but simply recreating the past and experiencing the past – and thus burden myself with the past while attempting to live today, never reaching that goal, as I am not stopping the thoughts and the thinking and the memories.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to lay out each day for myself as an pre-determined experience – within each part of my day having the same thoughts/feelings/emotions as the day before, and to within this just repeat and repeat till I feel stuck and unable to change anything, not as what I do per say but as how I experience myself within what I do, which is also part of why I am doing what I am doing or how I am doing it, because its already been determined and with that comes what I belief I can and cannot do within this experience, while it’s the other way around, I can do what Is here regardless of the experience as the experience in fact determines nothing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live the past n each day within each part of my day living a different past through accepting and allowing myself to have the thoughts and to then follow through with them and the experiences that come along.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that everyday cannot be different, or simply new within how I experience myself and thus in fear take the past where I have already had the experiences and thus the memories and us them to determine the next days to come to be the same, because I have survived, I have lived through those days so I belief that I can use those days to prepare and to make me ready for the next exact days to come, such as making every Monday the same by using a particular Monday from the past to project onto every Monday and to live that out as a way of securing myself, when all I am doing is, I am burdening myself every Monday with the previous Mondays thoughts and feelings/emotions and just keep repeating the same pattern.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self-movement as my self-responsibility to move myself every day in every breathe through giving that responsibility to the patterns that I have created for myself and have repeated over and over time and to within this trust these patterns as the best for ME, just because I have used them and I have survived so I pressed the automatic button and now run every day on automatic mode just to get through the days, and thus burdening myself with the same patterns as the thoughts/feelings/emotions as the mechanics of keeping the pattern alive which is instigated within the behaviour within the certain environments.

Day 444 – The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part 3

Day 442 – The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part1

Day 443 – The Burden, and the Story of True Potential Part2

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to carry the past as the thoughts I have with me at all times, believing that the thoughts as the past is who I am.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the thoughts as the past I carry with me from moment to moment is only me if I accept and allow them to be me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted an allowed myself to burden myself with carry the thoughts from yesterday into today in each moment and to do the same for the next day before the next day is even here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the past and the future through participating within thoughts/back-chat at all times which is a creation of the past within certain moments that is now consistently being projected into the future and lived in the present, never really living HERE in each breathe as I trap myself in the cycles/patterns of thoughts I have made myself accustomed to – for the purpose of survival.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within survival mode the whole time through burdening myself with the past as the thoughts/back-chat I entertain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the MIND as energy as personalities/characters wants to survive, and for the mind to survive the mind needs the physical body, and thus the mind will trap the body in cycles/patterns that is of limitation, within the purpose of keeping the body limited within its capabilities as the physical so that the body can live linger simply for the mind to MINE is for a longer period of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fight for my limitations – which in return becomes my burden, because when I am fighting for my limitations everything else I have to do becomes a struggle, it becomes a extra thing I have to do that I don’t FEEL like doing, that I don’t LIKE doing, and thus when I have to do it regardless it is seen as a Burden within me, which in return creates a lot of back chat and thoughts that now argues and go against what I am doing, what needs to be done, and thus the point of responsibility becomes a burden within my mind, when the facts are it’s only the mind that’s the burden because in reality as the physical, the body can do it, the body isn’t seeing it as what it likes or dislikes doing, the body does what it practically can do or cant, and that’s the point that isn’t walked and thus only the mind as the thoughts/back-chat is walked and in the process the body is carrying the mind, whipping it the whole time saying NO, you are my slave, you shall not do this, you do not want to do this, you are too weak, you are to stupid, you are incapable, you are inferior, and since I gave the mind permission to do this the body listens, the body obeys, and carry the burden I place upon it, as I am the one in charge, the being that has this one opportunity to walk in the body with the mind to take self-responsibility as both and to stand one and equal as both and to direct both one and equal in each breathe, but cannot because I, the one in charge has fallen a slave to my own mind instead of being the director.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to torture my own body through submitting to the mind as the thoughts/back-chat I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse myself and my body and my mind through not standing as the director as the one in charge and to just let them BELIEVE what they must do, and thus just letting the mind and the body play along, while I stand Idle and feel bad, or feel like I am carrying a burden.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I as the being must stand one and equal as the mind and the body and merge them as one as me and to rebirth myself as all that is here within and as me as one and equal and to walk as the director, as the Authority and to be the one who decides and not leave it up to the mind to decide and to be something separate of me, and the body to just submit and me just accepting and allowing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my mind and my body as being something that isn’t me, and thus they can do as they please and I will try and do as I need to, seeing and realizing that such a relationship of separation with myself isn’t healthy not effective.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that through separating myself from my mind and my body – that I have created a relationship of me having to deal with the mind and then the body and them myself, where I have now made it a burden to deal with the mind and the body as I have separated myself from the mind/body, not seeing and realizing that I am the mind and body and that I just move the mind and body as me, and thus it’s not a burden as me having to take care of two other things within me, it me taking care of me.

Day 443 - The Burden, and the story of True Potential Part 2

Day 442 - The Burden,and the story of True Potential Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Burden myself with the thoughts I have in my head.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that there will never be consequences for participating within the same daily thoughts/back-chat and that it is totally fine to just have them over and over again, and to keep on following the thoughts and to then later on say nothing is changing and just making everything in my reality a burden, when I am the one quite obviously creating it, living in the evil cycle of thoughts, in the spider web of the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the only burden I carry is the one I am filling with stuff every day, which is the mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I change my thoughts that things will change, seeing and realizing that a thought is a thought and it does not matter what it is, it’s the same things, and thus the burden in itself is thoughts that I participate within, and the more thoughts I participate within and entertain the more my head is being filled, and the more the burden becomes, as the mind works like a filing system, if I file the same thoughts every day, I will only find the same file everyday as that’s all the file cabinet will be filled with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to burden myself with reoccurring thoughts through daily entertaining these thoughts as real, as something that I must participate within.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to automate the same thoughts for me to have every day every time I enter a certain environment with certain people and with certain thoughts, as I know I will daily enter these factors and yet I blindly set up the same thoughts/back-chat for myself to have to have the exact same play out to take place and thus the exact same things to keep on happening, and thus create Burden for myself through not stopping , not checking what it is I am actually doing and to change through not participating within thoughts/back-chat and to rather focus on breathing and directing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reoccurring thoughts is here for a reason and thus I must entertain them and give them my time and attention, seeing and realizing how following this pattern becomes the burden.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to follow this pattern of everyday burdening myself with the same reoccurring thoughts within the belief that it is all there is, and all there can be, and that if I change this pattern and do not have these reoccurring thoughts that I will not know what to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on reoccurring thoughts to be my direction within what I do and how I do things, thus I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that this is what becomes my burden that I carry with me all the time, the thoughts I have with the back chat backing them up and then me making it real.

So what occurs most in my head? As thoughts or back chat or both.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the thought of “not getting to do the things I would like to do” when I have to give time to other things in my reality, and to within this have the back chat of, “I do not have enough time to do what is required” as a way of not doing what needs to be done to the fullest so that I can skip on that and get to spending the remaining time on things I rather want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thought of “ seeing myself not getting to the things I would like to do” reoccur within my mind, where I not do everything else before me half assed to just get it out of the way and to then get to what I want to do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the back chat of “ I don’t have enough time to do what is required” reoccur within my mind multiple times a day – where what I am currently doing then becomes a burden because I am in my mind doing something that I don’t have enough time to do, yet I am doing it just to do it so that I can say look I have tried and to then go on with what I wanted to do, for which there is more than enough time all of the sudden.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let the thought of “seeing myself failing within what I am busy doing” reoccur within my mind in the back ground, and to within this have the back chat of “I am going to fail within this anyway, so I might as well just rush it and get to what I want to do” reoccur within my mind, NOT seeing and realizing how this is just existing within my mind on a daily basis and where I am creating these points for myself, and through accepting and allowing this thought and the back chat to reoccur within my mind, I am burdening myself with the thoughts/back chat and what I play out as the patterns from having them, accepting and allowing them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the thought of “ seeing myself failing within what I am busy doing” within my head and to create anxiety/fear within myself in relation to what I am busy doing, where I then play out the same pattern over and over and later on just don’t see the point in what I am doing, and then start thinking about what I could have been doing, or what I wish I could have been doing – where I am now splitting myself into two worlds, the reality and the mind, and thus I make the reality a burden and the mind something I am chasing, instead of focusing on what’s here and changing what’s here to something else, through stopping the thoughts/back chat and thus my participation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to burden myself with thoughts and feeling/emotions through spending time within the mind thinking and judging myself and others, instead of spending my time breathing and moving myself within the physical and what’s here within considering all practical points at all time, to live HERE and do my best with what’s here.

Day 442 – the Burden, and the story of True Potential Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hide my own true potential from myself through hiding behind characters that support unhealthy patterns.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear revealing my true potential through the Idea/belief I have created towards it, where I have the idea/belief that if I live as my true potential that I will have more burdens to carry, seeing and realizing that the burdens I have created in my head in relation towards standing as my true potential is but only in my head, as I haven’t even gone there to the true potential, so how do I know, why do I hold myself back in assumption.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to assume that if I stand/live as my true potential that I will have more burdens to carry, as I have seen living up to my true potential I will take on more responsibilities, and thus I see and realize that I have defined responsibilities in a negative way for myself where I see it as a burden, instead of a privilege, an honor.
 
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a negative emotion to the word responsibilities and to within this define the word responsibilities for myself as a limitation and thus living responsibilities as a limitation as a burden, where I always approach any point of responsibility with a feeling of being burdened – seeing and realizing that this is a self-created point within the mind, because when I open up the dictionary I don’t see the word Burden come up, or any negative expression, thus exposing to me how I have participated within the mind adding my own meanings to the word as I see it fit to fit only my own self-interest and thus fighting for my limitations, to never wanting to take on responsibilities unless they are forced onto me and then make it a burden for myself, where I will use this “burden” then to manipulate people and to make people feel sorry for me and to pity me and to look up to me for taking on this burden where no one else did.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to investigate the word responsibilities for myself and what I am living as this word, and to see for myself why I am not moving and directing myself effectively within my true potential to where I can take on responsibilities yet I am not as I don’t want to be burdened according to my own made up definition, and to thus force more responsibilities onto others and waiting till they can’t take on more and I am then in the position of becoming a “hero” where the responsibilities are now forced onto me – and thus I am taking on this burden that others could not have handled, Yet I was a direct creator within such a manifestation because I waited, I sat aside till the others became overburdened and then only will I take on some of the Burden and make it all seem special, as if I gave up my life to do this now for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Play a game within life, where I believe I have free choice and that I can just sit by and look at how others are doing all the hard work, and how others are advancing and how others are reaching their true potentials, and that it just isn’t for me, it’s my choice, so I might as well do nothing and pretend to be busy – and then when the others are overburdened because of my lack of participation, I will not sacrifice my free choice and move myself, direct myself I will not give up my life/time to handle what they could not and take on these burdens, these responsibilities, I will wait till its forced upon me, so that I can play a game, a game where I am seen as special, where I am taking on burdens they could not, where I am sacrificing myself for them, just to get attention, and to only move myself once I am burdened, once I am someone not nice to work with.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a selfish bastard that does nothing with my true potential, that only sits by and wait till the pressure is too high for others to handle, and to then have the nerve to make everyone else feel bad when they ask me to take on some of the work load, and to then take it on in such a way that I make it look like they just gave me a burden to carry, to live, and to live in such a way that every day I pretend to suffer and to be tired and to be under a lot of pressure of what OTHERS have asked of me to do, not seeing and realizing that all of this is self-created and that due to my lack of self will and self-movement/participation and hiding behind free choice, I have overburdened others and to such an extent that they had no choice but to ask me to do something, and the fact that they could ask me meant they saw I was not doing that much.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to mentally abuse myself daily with the deliberate intent to always LOOK tired as to show others how overburdened I am right now, how much work I have done now – and to do this in such a manipulative way where the hidden intention is to seek attention, where the attention is gained through making it seem like I am carrying the burden FOR them and not myself like I am doing everyone a favor, not seeing and realizing that I am simply abusing myself and making what I am doing much more difficult for myself, and never moving for myself as myself and pushing myself as far as I can go to where I stop carrying burdens that I have related to responsibilities – to a point where I am living and expressing myself and making the best for the responsibilities to be effective and to not be tired and mentally exhausted just to keep up the game of obtaining energy from others.

To be continued.

Day 185 – Spiritualism and Me Part 3.

Day 182 - The Day I said Fuck Spiritualism 
Day 183 - Spiritualism and Me Part 1
Day 184 - Spiritualism and Me Part 2 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HIDE behind the light so that all I see is light and do not have to look at what is HERE as the physical.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLIND myself with the light concept within spiritualism where the light is the positive and the good, only seeing the light as positive and good I am abdicating my actual responsibility to be able to respond to what is here on EARTH as the physical in my physical application to fix/correct what is here.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to see what is going on in the world and that it is ABUSE of LIFE and to within this Fear what is Here and instead of correcting and fixing what is here give into the fear and Hide in the light so that I do not have to see anymore, not realizing that if I have to ever stop looking into the bright light that blinds my sight that the consequences will only have worsen and that it will be inevitable for me to face these consequences, thus I see and realize I must stop participating in spiritualism as me Hiding from the truth here as the physical and Start immediately on fixing/correcting what is here and take full self responsibility.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to NOT see and realize that The only motivation for participating in spiritualism as the love and light concepts is from FEAR, because I see and realize within my self- honesty that only because FEAR exists can love and light exist as there would not have been any other purpose for love and light but to Hide from fear as the opposite of fear which is LOVE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hide in fear of what is Here as Life on EARTH as we have and are creating is as within participating in the one and only thing that can be used successfully to deceive self to belief that everything will be okay and that is Spiritualism.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I participate within spiritualism as Love and LIGHT and positivity that I have already within such a decision decided that FEAR wins and therefore love and light is required.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear to stop participating within spiritualism as the fear of Losing LOVE and having to actually face what I have created on earth as a co-creator of life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as something such as spiritualism is required to solve problems that the problem has already WON and that those who participate within spiritualism is only confirming the problem to be too big to fix as the alternative solution as Love and Light as spiritualism is of a alternate reality that isn’t real which indicates running away and Hiding, seeing and realizing that it is within such actions that the problem only escalates and become bigger as consequences as all will instead go for the easy way as spiritualism and thus no one is actually in fact solving the problems.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that IF People and myself INSTEAD solve problems on earth and fix what we have accepted and allowed to exist and create that a thing such as spiritualism would have no purpose or value or meaning.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if I use /spend my money and time on fixing and correcting our Planet and creating a world that is BEST for all LIFE instead of using it on crap such as spiritualism where you invest in something that is Utterly insane and none existent that a real change WILL happen that is true transcendence and a new world that is best for all such as the Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that spiritualism is ONLY existent within the mind and that it cannot exist without the physical body and thus it is more than enough evidence that all can confirm equally within applying basic math of 1+1=2 as the physical that it is not Real and only made belief.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that as long as I fear negativity as the opposite of positivity as Love and Light that I will never be able to in FACT change a single things in this reality, as I see and realize that Negativity is where one must go to see the problem first and then to solve it to that which is best for all life and not as a positive good thing as that would only require the negative again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to BLIND myself of the Obvious FACT that to participate within Positivity as love and light I must support all that is evil and negative for me to be able to be positive otherwise I will not know what positive is, and thus I see and realize I must stop this abuse of the polarity game and stand as that which is best for all life which is a physical equation and not based on a feeling or emotion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that to participate within Positivity as love and light as spiritualism that I want the negative to be more negative and worse as this is a great opportunity for me to be even more fucking special and make money out of spiritualism, because as the world gets more shit and fucked up more and more people will seek positivity and thus I can make money from being positive as I will sell it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not seeing and realize that Spiritualism is a buy product of greed as capitalism, because if spiritualism was the Real answer in fact within the context of how it is presented as being able to help people with thoughts and sending out light and positivity then no products would have ever have had to be made and the world should have been heaven one earth, yet it isn’t, it is in reverse and spiritualism is only a thing that some can afford with money to buy the products as it is simply a SCAM that all who wants to do good but do not have an alternative will fall for.

To be continued.

Day 184 – Spiritualism and Me Part 2

Continuation of: 

Day 182 – The Day I said F*** Spiritualism.

Day 183 – Spiritualism and Me Part 1

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within spiritualism because I saw that it serves self interest and is easy, not seeing and realizing that as spiritualism promotes self interest to the ultimate degree - that is Greed and the very thing that is the cause of almost all suffering on earth, and through me participating within spiritualism as love and light and believing in a spiritual realm and others things that distract me and all those I poison with spiritualism from the physical reality and to do something real to change the world to a place that is best for all life that I am the cause of the world spiraling to its destruction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Go for spiritualism because I saw it was easy and that no real change was required in fact, but only me having to built more characters that can pretend to be something else and be special and feel good.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Hide the fact that I knew when I participated in spiritualism that it wasn’t working and wasn’t real because I had to always pretend and act and make it all up, yet I would promote it as truth and real for others just so that i can give the impression it is working for me and thus it must mean I am special and seeking that within others and for them to recognize it as I lie to them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Lie to other beings about spiritualism and all that it includes as LOA and the white light and Reiki and Crustal healing and astral traveling and spiritual communication and that I was able to do some of those things just be feel special and to within that built a Lie of myself in others eyes that I fear breaking through telling them the truth as it will reveal the true me as a Liar and a deceptive cunt.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Play with other human beings and their lives through Lying to them about my spiritual experiences and making them feel like they are missing out and that there is something more to life that they are missing and thus they are not as good as me as I have had these experiences first hand yet knowing it is a full on LIE in their faces just to get a kick out of to feel good about myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to enforce all myself judgments and insecurities and fears of myself through participating in something that promotes the opposite as a solution, not seeing and realizing that the more I participated within the opposite side as spiritualism as happiness and feeling good and being enlightened that I was in the polarity side in secret in my mind only enforcing the negative as the positive requires the negative to exist and so only make myself feel more insecure, more fearful and more depressed as I felt more and more like this I had to make myself belief that I was getting happier and happier and achieving more and more spiritual things to suppress the secret inner world of myself, never solving anything but only enforcing ignorance and bliss while the world shows the true nature of what I was enforcing as everything getting worse and worse and more suffering.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that spiritualism is a solution when and as I can see with the physical evidence that is here for all to see equally and confirm that in the thousands of years that spiritualism has had its chance to change the world to a place that is best for all life – that life on earth has only gotten way worse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that spiritualism is a product that is sold to people so that money can be made, since it promotes happiness and bliss that which everyone wants in life it is like a fly trap and very easy to get trapped with as it only requires gullible people to make it work.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that if spiritualism was real then no one had to teach me about it, and that if spiritualism was real then I would have known about if from birth as a part of who I am, yet spiritualism is something that has to be taught and practiced for decades with no results as it requires people to constantly be in the mind keeping it alive never in fact becoming a living state as self.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I was born that all that was/is here is the physical and no one had to teach me about it or show it to me or give me teachings from ancient times so that I could understand it, as I am the physical in fact and can be confirmed by all equally and myself, and thus as this is proof that what is here is being ignored and neglected through giving value and attention to something irrational in the minds of people in search for more just so that people do not have to face what is actually required to change this world to a place that is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all the time I spend in my mind in attempting and trying to make spiritualism real – I could have made a real impact in that same time on what IS HERE and is REAL s the physical and create a better world for all.
To be continued.

Day 183 – Spiritualism and Me Part 1

Day 182 – The Day I said F*** Spiritualism

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be deceived by the love and light movement as a solution to life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that it is possible to change the world and end all the suffering that is only osculating in the world through love and light.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself to belief that if I am positive and it I am only sending love out to the world that it will change the world, not seeing the obvious that it is only to make me feel better about myself that I am not in fact changing the world and doing something and that my actions can be justified in my mind.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that if I send out everyday a bit of love and light into the world that my daily work for changing the world is done and I can now only feel good, realizing that I only did that from the starting point of feeling good and not in fact to help anyone or anything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deceive myself within making myself belief that if I change nothing of myself as Who I am and how I live as what I do but only send out love and light with my mind into projection in my mind that it will change the world, not seeing how reality in fact functions as me having to actually physically change and move myself to bring change for the rest.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to through participating in love and light KILL and murder all common sense within me through giving love and light more value and weight than the actuality of how the physical work and functions and what is needed to be done to get things changing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not be honest with myself and to admit to myself that the first time I started participating within love and light I was excited and wanted to change the world but after a while I saw it did not work and I was disappointed but instead of standing up and saying Love and light is bullshit I continued in the fear of what others will say about me when I suddenly quite and say the opposite of what I imposed of myself to be in their eyes as love and light.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear admitting that Love and Light does not work and that I found this out for myself when and as I practiced love and light after a while and Nothing changed, the only thing tat did change was I was now more able/capable of deceiving myself and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to continue pretending that love and light does work after I found out for myself it is bullshit and does not work in the fear of what others will think of me and what will happen to my reputation I built as a love and light worker.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear stopping to pretend that love and light works even as the world clearly shows everything is only getting worse, as I fear that when I admit I was wrong that I will be held accountable for only being part of the problem.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate within spiritualism as love and light in the attempt to be special and unique, because I know and realized that love and light can be bent to any persons onw self interest as it isn’t real and thus I knew I could use love and light to justify everything about myself and make it all seem as if it is something special and thus not having to change it or myself as I could simply use love and light to justify everything.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use spiritualism as a weapon and tool to only serve my own happiness where I could always win in why my happiness is more important then others as I could simply say things like “if I am happy and positive I will effect the universe and so everyone will become happy and the world would change” knowing that because it sounds so fucking nice and easy anyone will simply agree with me and I win.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use spiritualism as a weapon to always win where I can keep my lifestyle and do not have to change anything while I promote it as a solution, knowing that it is only a solution to my life as it makes everyone around me accept and allow my life style of bliss and happiness as I know it isn’t real and can simply be bent and molded to make everyone I tell about my justifications and reasons for being happy and blissfully to somehow be the best for all as it obviously isn’t.