Day 436 – Frustration - communication and words. Part 1

In writing and in speaking, I am just not getting my point through – in my head it is and then was as clear as it can be, when I open up my mouth, I lose focus and I lose the point.

This I see is due to me speaking from energy, instead of slowing down and speaking with following the points that’s here, the sequence and basically how they are all connected – having the words/vocabulary to express these points are also necessary.

I do have the vocabulary and the words within me – I can use the words and see them within myself, but as soon as I speak, it’s gone. I can’t find the word.

And this happens quite coincidentally around specific people as well, mostly people that I find I have judged as more than myself, and who I have placed above me in my mind, people who I belief I have to show something, proof something, and this is an contaminated relationship I have within myself with others.

This is due to me getting all excited about my finding/seeing and then I just can’t wait to express it, and then I speak from this excitement/reaction and the energy just floods it all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when I speak get all excited about what I am about to say, and to within this not keep my breathing stable and to loose the information that is here and to go with the energy as a reaction.

When and as I see myself going into energy/excitement/reaction when I am about to speak, I stop I breathe, I slow myself down and I keep to what is here, as the words and the relevant information and to speak in breathe each word at a time as myself, and to basically learn how to speak properly.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to confuse excitement as energy as something positive, when I can se the outcome isn’t positive when I follow through on speaking from energy as excitement, but instead compromising myself and my words, and thus what I live.

When and as I see myself within a point of excitement as energy – I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that the excitement that I have judged as positive isn’t what it seems to be, I instead breathe and let go of the excitement and follow through on speaking only once I am clear in the moment, or to move myself out of the energy while speaking slow and breathing.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I am the creator of my own frustration in moment of communicating with others when and as I follow excitement/energy as a positive judgment of that energy, which compromised my communication as the words I speak and how I speak them, and to instead lose focus and direction and miss the point.

When and as I see myself being in a state of positive energy as excitement before communicating, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize that this positive energy that I want to blindly follow is only positive because of what I have made it within my mind and experiences, and that the actual reality of it is me compromising myself for a quick fix of seeing if I can win – winning within my words, thus rushing for the end goal, instead of breathing and flowing through each word at a time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge the word excitement as positive based on past memories with which I defined the energy with/as and to within this only see the energy experience and wanting that, not seeing the physical timeline outflow of participating within excitement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to jump into conversation and to make it something that must be excited or else it’s a waste of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that a conversation that isn’t excited or fun is a waste of my time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste my time within not slowing down and breathing and to be aware of my words and following through with what I want to say, through rushing in and out and to then never get to the point or the point being directed, and thus becoming frustrated with myself and within myself.

When and as I see that I am approaching a conversation within the starting point of it must be fun and excitement – I stop, I breathe, I slow down and I focus on my breathing where I make myself the directive principle within all things considered and where I make the decision within myself to change the starting point of approaching the conversation as my words as me as that which is best for all life, where each word is accounted for.