Day 583 - We tend to forget when things are “Happy”

Happiness is a disease, it brings ease to us in a world of pain, where we can experience a sense of gain, as if life is moving forward, BUT only for ourselves, yet in this world where the basis of every beings existence is that of suffering, there cannot be any gain, it is only creating Loss, a loss of life, a loss to never be gained back, when an animal goes extinct, that is it, when an innocent child dies of starvation or extreme abuse, that LIFE is lost – no one is gaining, happiness is a disease that people are attempting to affect others with as a feeling, feeling blessed, feeling lucky, feeling like things are getting better. The matter of fact is that what matters as the physical that is designed in oneness where nothing is in fact separate, and thus implies that as long as YOU are happy you are in fact the most negative message on earth as you can be happy while suffering is taking place continuously, your happiness is deceiving others from seeing what is truly here, your happiness is pulling a cloth over the eyes of those that DO have the power (which is MONEY) to do anything about this reality, where your Happiness is LYING to others that they can do what you do, be happy and forget, be happy and join MY happiness, this is better, when the most positive message we can really give each other is reality, the truth of what is HERE within the understanding of oneness as a whole, so that we can POSITIVELY take action to bring about a world of true happiness where all life is Equal and taken care of equally, but this frightens people, to have to face the reality of what is here.

Take a look at yourself – see how others “happiness” that they deceive with in pictures effect you, you suddenly want it for yourself, yet you know, to have that happiness you must FORGET about the truth of Yourself and this world, you must indulge in ignorance and Blissfulness, you must put on a mask and play a character that seemingly has a GOOD life – happiness isn’t achievable within how the world exist currently, it is impossible, stop seeking happiness, there really is NO happiness till there is equality for all, till all life can truly express themselves fully without any FEAR, without any NEED threatened. When you see a happy couple, a happy person within their wok, within their family, within their Friend circles, within their lives – then you must know, that is but a moment, a moment in a picture, not the reality, not the truth, that s hidden, that is never revealed, that is how happiness can always ONLY be a picture within this current reality, when you take a picture of a moment of “happiness” what do you find? You had to possessed by a character, you had to be full of energy to really force that happiness out, to really suppress ALL and everything you know to be the truth, and see how easily it is to forget in a sudden moment just to experience yourself as happy, it is so easy because the world is so Damn negative, but we do not dare taking on that negativity as ourselves and not to mention this world.

So – when you heck yourself, remind yourself why you are HERE, do not forget and fall for the quick very very small moment of happiness that will present itself as a solution for NOW just not to experience yourself as useless and not able to do anything, facing and dealing with yourself is the first point of empowerment, and only through being real about that Truth of what is here as You can we start facing the truth of what is here as the world, and it isn’t pretty, it is scary, it is evil beyond what we can conceive, we have blinded ourselves for so long we can virtually even say to ourselves that things are looking better. It isn’t, stop denying the reality of what is HERE, only once we all stand up and as Individuals stand as a group within the SAME principles that is FOR and AS LIFE, can we actually start seeing change through taking on this world.

There is support for TRUE happiness – Detseni I Process is that support, Eqafe is that Support, the Detseni Forums is that support. Desteni is the most positive message in this world, it is Equality – and actually understanding it.

Day 136 – Living Commitments – Day 8 of 21 – Conversations with myself.

This is a continuation of Day 135 Day 7 of 21.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate positive and or negative experiences within myself through internal conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify the world and how Life currently is as Abuse of life within internal conversations with myself – where there is no real feedback but only me always winning and being right, never allowing myself to actually face reality and taking self responsibility for and as the physical as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip and judge others within my mind within internal conversations so that I may always feel better/good about myself, not seeing the evil I am doing onto others and myself as there is never any feedback that is real, but only me talking to myself as multiple characters that I designed in childhood to always only fight for me and win, even when it is at the cost of LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Glorify myself within my mind through having internal conversations with myself where I will only praise myself and make myself feel good through constantly Re-playing conversations from the past in my mind of memories in different/modified ways to create the energetic experience I seek that I have identified myself with and as being alive – not seeing and realizing that this is an outflow from a past memory where I was glorified or made special by those that has gone before me and that I experienced myself a certain way and now I constantly seek this experience through creating conversations with myself in my mind that is similar, creating the past over and over the present, never moving on or seeing what is really here as LIFE as I trap myself within these energetic experiences I seek and create myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all internal conversations is but past memories that I have connected with certain energetic experiences that I have liked or hated, and when and as the conversations start within my mind where I re-create the experiences I am simply reliving the past and trapping myself within the past and to within this Identify myself as these past experiences – never realizing myself as the physical.

I commit myself to when and as I see/find myself within talking to myself or having internal conversations with myself, to stop and to ask myself, why am I doing this?, what si the energetic experience I am feeding/creating and why? And to within that realize that it is completely useless and not necessary as I am here breathing and able to move myself physically in breathe and to write and self forgive myself for trapping myself within such conversations that I have with myself and to re-birth myself as LIFE and to not continue on as the past as memories and experiences that just keep repeating and repeating, realizing that this is how the world is in the state it is now, from the past always being re-lived/created in the present and people trapping themselves within the mind as these conversations within the belief that they carry meaning just because they have some sort of energy experience.

Day 135 – Living Commitments – Day 7 of 21 – conversations with myself.

Day 7 of 21 – conversations with myself - It is a trans – it takes over without me even knowing it, when I realize it is to late – I am talking to myself in my head about really weird stuff – how a movie should have ended, what I would have done instead of... such random distractions within the mind. Literally the conversations of multiple characters, each character consist out of one opinion and each opinion has to have their say – yet it is only me talking to myself. Keeping me pre-occupied within my mind, a personal prison so that I may never see the light of day and what the fuck is really going on in this world.

how did I create such a prison for myself -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the “interesting” CONversations I have within my mind to such an extend that I actually created multiple characters each with a different opinion and view point, so that they may play a TV show in my mind about basically anything.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that this is a side effect/out-flow of when I was a child, and my parents would tell me to go sit somewhere and be quite, and to within such events where I was Suppressed and handled as being a “problem” for adults for just being here in this world, as I was always asked to sit still and be quite as the Adults are talking, and to within this find an escape within my mind, as a way to not to have to face the reality of things – where I now have created characters from each and every situation where this happened. and then where they talk to each other and give opinions to each other on the matter at hand and to entertain each other.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the Internal conversations I have created was/is a outflow of how I was raised, where as a child I was not allowed to talk back or stand up to my parents within their actions, or I would be smacked or yelled at, and through this I have created characters as my parents as voices in my head, where I now can within my mind talk back to them and say what I wanted to say just to give myself a sense of release from the anger/powerlessness I experienced as not having any free speech, and within and through this, I have created multiple characters for all characters in my physical reality within my mind where I entertain myself with these characters and say to them what I wanted to say, where I always WIN and feel good about it, seeking the opposite experience of what I actually experienced when it happened, and through this Never taking self responsibility for this reality as I always belief/believed I solved the problems in my head because I felt better, yet nothing substantial or physical ever changed and so the sins of the fathers continue of a society of oppression and suppression and where mental instability is created within the child and and does create mental disorders that has physical outbreaks and that is harming life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question why/how I have created and accepted and allowed internal conversations as normal, realizing as I have never questioned this I have never seen the actual problem and thus only continued living the lie, where I “make Belief” in my mind that I am solving problems within having conversations with myself, yet physically not living anything, as I know that the conversations in my head is always only about me winning and me being right and thus not valid within the actual solution to actually talk about the points. Thus I realize the solution is to stop the internal conversations and to Breathe and to bring myself back to the physical reality with actual real physical communication to that I can see the actual real solutions as Myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drift off into my mind into the secret internal conversations I have with myself. without even noticing myself slipping into the mind, only to discover myself in deep conversations with myself, where I - as a character talk to myself as another character so that I may always WIN, realizing that I have created this within myself because I know that if and when I have to physically communicate such points with others I will not always win and feel good, because I will receive actual real feed back – thus I see and realize that I have connected actual real physical feedback as a point to avoid/fear as I always only got punished in the past as a child, for speaking up or simply being a child making noise as a expression of sound and that it was made to be BAD and an annoyance and a interference with the adults life’s, and that I must instead keep my sounds/questions/common sense and conversations in my mind - where I am save and wont be abused, realizing that this also gave the perfect environment for evil to grow in secret as the conversations was only heard by me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the internal conversations/thoughts/secret-mind is an outflow of the parenting and the education and the environment that a child is brought up in, as it is not within support of life where all life is equal but within a society where the mind as Beliefs/opinions/ideas/judgments as the tree of Good and Evil rules over the physical as the tree of LIFE, and thus only create And manifest children through physical programming such as abuse/shouting/hitting and completely molding a child into a certain way the parents have of life. as their religions/cultures/beliefs/ideas/opinions etc - and to thus live in the mind. As reality was/is constricted by those that has gone before and thus limited and enslavement to the sins of the fathers.

To Be Continued...

Day 132 – Living Commitment – Day 4 of 21

Continuing from Day 131 day 3 of 21 from this section – 

Quote: “So I learned that Authority has the power to punish you without even explaining in detail what was happening, what is happening and why and why was it asked of me to stop and to sit still, or to not scream, or to not touch a certain thing in the house, this gets taught to me only when I am older and all the damage was already done through the parents reactions/emotions/feelings instead of breathing and directing situations in common sense in real physical support as to what is here in this physical reality, it is not like a baby is born with the knowledge of what everything is. This should be a basic common sense point.” End Quote.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn to accept and allow that Authority has the power to punish without reason and that I must accept it as it is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept and allow Authority to Punish and to abuse without having a reason that is within the best interest of all life and that I have within this always just accepted and allowed the world to continue in abuse due to the decisions Authority make in this world even if it is destroying forests and the oceans and killing animals and creating wars, as I have learned to accept and allow that “Authority” knows best and therefore I can “trust” what they are doing even if it is Killing LIFE, as what was taught to me as a child, within the belief that it is for love, that the decisions and actions taken by Authority is done so because the Authority loves me/us and always have our best interest as heart, when in fact it is but only self interest and money that makes the decisions and the only love authority have for me/us is to give them the authority they want/need to do as they please, and this is done easily as long as I/everyone beliefs we are BAD people and deserve to be punished and suffer and that we as the Bad people have no right to speak up, to question and to SAY NO MORE and that we demand change.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all people have the belief that they are born into sin, thus the belief that we are all BAD people and have no Right to to do anything but subject and give up and give in and be punished as our daily survival, as survival is based on the Idea that you must fight for your food/roof/water because you are to bad to have it simply given to you in a perfect world system such as the Equal Money System.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live within and as the belief of myself that I am a bad person and within this belief have the attitude of “I have no right to trust myself, belief in myself, to give a new world to myself that is best for all life” because I am so bad, look at the world, the world is telling me I am so bad all the time, the Media says I am fat the whole time, the Media says I am unhealthy the whole time, the Media says I am not working hard enough the whole time, the Media keeps showing me what I should have had by now if I was a Good Hard working person.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the world is built and kept the way it is because of people that has been brainwashed and educated to belief they are BAD and thus created Broken characters that keeps the Broken world the way it is.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that as Long as the Media such as the newspapers and magazines and TV shows me perfect clear pictures and advertisements they are in opposite telling me I am not that and thus a bad person if I have not self respect/honor or integrity to not accept and allow bullshit that is only made to capitalize of the billions through deception/manipulation and mind control through constantly putting in ideas/pictures/opinions into the human mind that was never perfected as a part of life and thus is completely vulnerable to anything those with money wants to do with them.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I breathe in awareness as myself as the director breathing I can not process thinking (brainwashing/mind control) and thus as long as I am thinking I must realize that I am busy with brainwashing myself and controlling my mind by myself and participating in the religion of self and that this is all a malfunction of the human robot not being perfected in the first seven years of life to what is here and how everything functions as LIFE and thus can and IS used against you for self interest and profit gain.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that Breathing is the KEY to stopping all brainwashing and mind control and all of that which isnt me directing and deciding for myself to LIVE as that which is best for all life in ALL ways.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself go into fear and anxiety of Authority to breathe and to stop the thoughts that resonate within me as energy that takes over the body as a resonant possession and to breathe and to bring myself back here and to realize through the breathing that the thoughts is but a creation of myself and that I am the one creating them and thus I can stop them, and to realize that they have no meaning unless I give them meaning as to participate within them and give them power and following them.

I commit myself to when and as I see that I am not breathing that I am in fact within thoughts/mind, to stop and in awareness breathe and be here, to breathe and be here, and to breathe and be here and to continue supporting myself with and as Breathe till the thoughts stop, the same way I created them in space and time I will remove/stop them in space and time through breathing, till only breath remains and I am here as self support for myself within re-birthing myself as Life one and equal.

I commit myself to when and as I see/realize I am not breathing -- to within the understanding of – that when I am thinking I am not breathing but in fact only participating within my internal reality as thoughts/feelings/emotions which is me in the process of creating my own fears/anxiety/stress and thus I can within the knowing apply my knowledge practically through stopping the creation of my fear/anxiety/stress by BREATHING, as I have proven to myself that when I breathe in awareness there is no time within me for feelings/emotions/thoughts as I am Focused on breathing and what is really here as the physical.

Day 131 – Living Commitment – Day 3 of 21

This is a continuation of Day 1 of 21 as there was two parts/sections in that blog, I am not continuing form this section, on the Character of “I am always a Bad person” as one of the main characters that I pin pointed within living the commitment of breathing everyday and how this character actually “robs” me of my breathe.

Quote: “This Character activates around people that I have placed in my mind as “authority” and as better than me – as people that always do better.

So when I am for instance working and doing my stuff and a person comes in that I have placed in my mind as authority and they say something I freeze inside myself and I literally stop breathing, I am in complete anticipation of getting yelled at or being told how bad I am or that I am doing something wrong, this character is so intense that I will literally do “Nothing wrong” for months and when someone comes to me and say something that I have judged as authority in my mind – I will within myself stop and beam all of me into the mind – like taking on battle positions. ‘ End Quote.

Self Forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the “I am always bad” character when and as I am within the presence of someone I have identified within my mind as an Authority, realizing that because I have identified someone else outside of myself as Authority I will always see myself as less than and as Bad within their eyes as I give away my own Authority to Breath and decide who I am for myself in each breathe, realizing that this is a self judgment I have of myself related to past experiences in relation to “authority”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me from others within my mind as Authority, instead of seeing and realizing that those that I place as Authority in my mind is about older people that do have more everything than me and that I can learn from, and I realize this isn’t a point of fear of placing someone as more than me making myself less than, this is simply a point of practicality as the person has authority within what I can learn from them till I stand one and equal as them as that Authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect a negative experience to the word Authority.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect Fear/emotion to the word Authority and thus every time someone enters my area/space that I have judges as Authority I go into the connections I have made of I must now be in fear, I must now be in a negative experience.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am in the presence of someone that I have judges/identified as Authority within my world to belief that I must now be in fear – realizing that I must simply BREATH and not accept and allow the emotions/feeling or the thoughts to influence me but to breathe through it as me and to release myself from it one and equal as I am the creator of it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that I must now be within a negative experience of myself when and as someone is within my space that I have judged/identified as Authority within the belief that they have power over me as the negative connection – realizing that I am the only one giving away my authority within such a belief, and that the person is but a support in my world from whom I can learn and this does not make me more or less or a bad person or a good person.

Memory of Authority experience – aged between 3-7

I am playing in the living room – I am doing something – one of my parents ask me to stop, I do not want to - I do not understand why I am just told , don’t, get away, shut up, leave me alone, I am just told to stop. then the parent threatens me with saying – if you do not stop and my partner come home you will have to deal with my partner, I get threatened with words of what might happen. I suddenly stop in the Fear of knowing what that means as a memory activates in that moment of a past experience/event.

the memory is of me not stopping and getting yelled at – when the other parent gets home he/she is told about the event and the words I hear from listening in on the conversation in secret is – he is such a bad kid, he does not listen, he gets on my nerves, he does not stop – I listen on in fear/anxiety within what is said further – He must be punished and he must learn his lesson, you must smack him – the parent comes to me calling my name, I am frightened and Know it is going to happen, I am going to get smacked, as my name is called I start saying – I don’t want to, I start crying and manipulating in my actions to get out of it, the parent does not give in and uses the following words to get me to co-operate – you know I am doing this because I love you, your mother/father said you must stop and you did not, so now I must teach you a lesson, go to the bathroom and close the door and wait for me – I sit in the bathroom awaiting the punishment, the parent went to fetch a Belt to smack me with – I am in fear/anxiety the whole time, the door opens and I am told to turn around – a I turn around I start feeling the leather belt hitting my bum, I get six shots as it is called six of the best. It is done, I am crying and I feel broken, I hate the parent that was the cause of it, not the parent that hit me as I knew - that parent did not want to do it, he/she was told to, just like me.

I am confused with what love means – is love when you hurt someone and beat them up to show them you care? Is love to react and get angry and to then beat the shit out of something till they obey and conform to your ways. Is love when you Harm life because you have some mental issues and need everything else to fit according to your mental problem and doing this is through harming things/others physically, so to love myself I must constantly beat myself up in self hatred and through punishing myself as being bad..

End of Memory.

So I learned that Authority has the power to punish you without even explaining in detail what was happening, what is happening and why and why was it asked of me to stop and to sit still, or to not scream, or to not touch a certain thing in the house, this gets taught to me only when I am older and all the damage was already done through the parents reactions/emotions/feelings instead of breathing and directing situations in common sense in real physical support as to what is here in this physical reality, it is not like a baby is born with the knowledge of what everything is. This should be a basic common sense point.

To be continued on Self Forgiveness.

Day 104 – Parents Held Accountable Part 3.

I commit myself to rebirth myself through writing/self forgiveness and to live the correction and as the physical and to become the living expression of/as life one and equal in all ways, so that when and as I bring a child into this world the child will not be nothing less than life as the physical as all that is here one and equal within full understanding of how everything here functions.

I commit myself to purify myself and to stop the mind as enslavement/limitation/mind control and to rebirth myself through writing/self-forgiveness and applying myself in and as the physical as that which is best for all life in all ways before I bring a child into this world.

I commit myself to educate myself effectively on what it actually in fact means to raise a child and what it actual implies in and as the physical and how raising a child is in fact, how the world will be as the result of the parent as the child.

I commit myself to show to parents that their children is but only products of who they are and that the world is an end result as the consequences of how the children was raised and that all parents is accountable for the way the world is.

I commit myself to investigate and to research how effective parenting must be applied to bring about a world that is best for all life and where each and every child is brought up/raised to be at their fullest potential as LIFE.

I commit myself to educate and inform all parents and soon to be parent that having a child isnt a right they have it is a responsibility they must prepare to take on as they must be prepared in all ways and only then through in fact being ready to have children that will be raised effectively and to their fullest potential and that will create and manifest a world that is best for all life in all ways and to show that any other way is abuse to the child and LIFE.

I commit myself to to show to all parents that children is a copy of who they are and that is the copy isnt what is best for all life then the world will only remain as hell and life as we know it will end.

I commit myself to show that all parents is accountable and that they are aware of what they are doing in their words and deeds.

I commit myself to show that parents that did not prepare for years on how to raise a child should never have a child unless they have gone through training and actually made a directive decision to have children within the starting point of what is best for all life as their self honesty.

I commit myself to educate myself on/in being an effective parent for when and as I have children within and as the principal of what is best for all life to create a child/adult that is a living custodian of earth and that is developed to his/her full potential in and as the physical.