Day 136 – Living Commitments – Day 8 of 21 – Conversations with myself.

This is a continuation of Day 135 Day 7 of 21.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate positive and or negative experiences within myself through internal conversations.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify the world and how Life currently is as Abuse of life within internal conversations with myself – where there is no real feedback but only me always winning and being right, never allowing myself to actually face reality and taking self responsibility for and as the physical as Who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to gossip and judge others within my mind within internal conversations so that I may always feel better/good about myself, not seeing the evil I am doing onto others and myself as there is never any feedback that is real, but only me talking to myself as multiple characters that I designed in childhood to always only fight for me and win, even when it is at the cost of LIFE.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Glorify myself within my mind through having internal conversations with myself where I will only praise myself and make myself feel good through constantly Re-playing conversations from the past in my mind of memories in different/modified ways to create the energetic experience I seek that I have identified myself with and as being alive – not seeing and realizing that this is an outflow from a past memory where I was glorified or made special by those that has gone before me and that I experienced myself a certain way and now I constantly seek this experience through creating conversations with myself in my mind that is similar, creating the past over and over the present, never moving on or seeing what is really here as LIFE as I trap myself within these energetic experiences I seek and create myself.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that all internal conversations is but past memories that I have connected with certain energetic experiences that I have liked or hated, and when and as the conversations start within my mind where I re-create the experiences I am simply reliving the past and trapping myself within the past and to within this Identify myself as these past experiences – never realizing myself as the physical.

I commit myself to when and as I see/find myself within talking to myself or having internal conversations with myself, to stop and to ask myself, why am I doing this?, what si the energetic experience I am feeding/creating and why? And to within that realize that it is completely useless and not necessary as I am here breathing and able to move myself physically in breathe and to write and self forgive myself for trapping myself within such conversations that I have with myself and to re-birth myself as LIFE and to not continue on as the past as memories and experiences that just keep repeating and repeating, realizing that this is how the world is in the state it is now, from the past always being re-lived/created in the present and people trapping themselves within the mind as these conversations within the belief that they carry meaning just because they have some sort of energy experience.

Day 135 – Living Commitments – Day 7 of 21 – conversations with myself.

Day 7 of 21 – conversations with myself - It is a trans – it takes over without me even knowing it, when I realize it is to late – I am talking to myself in my head about really weird stuff – how a movie should have ended, what I would have done instead of... such random distractions within the mind. Literally the conversations of multiple characters, each character consist out of one opinion and each opinion has to have their say – yet it is only me talking to myself. Keeping me pre-occupied within my mind, a personal prison so that I may never see the light of day and what the fuck is really going on in this world.

how did I create such a prison for myself -

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the “interesting” CONversations I have within my mind to such an extend that I actually created multiple characters each with a different opinion and view point, so that they may play a TV show in my mind about basically anything.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that this is a side effect/out-flow of when I was a child, and my parents would tell me to go sit somewhere and be quite, and to within such events where I was Suppressed and handled as being a “problem” for adults for just being here in this world, as I was always asked to sit still and be quite as the Adults are talking, and to within this find an escape within my mind, as a way to not to have to face the reality of things – where I now have created characters from each and every situation where this happened. and then where they talk to each other and give opinions to each other on the matter at hand and to entertain each other.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the Internal conversations I have created was/is a outflow of how I was raised, where as a child I was not allowed to talk back or stand up to my parents within their actions, or I would be smacked or yelled at, and through this I have created characters as my parents as voices in my head, where I now can within my mind talk back to them and say what I wanted to say just to give myself a sense of release from the anger/powerlessness I experienced as not having any free speech, and within and through this, I have created multiple characters for all characters in my physical reality within my mind where I entertain myself with these characters and say to them what I wanted to say, where I always WIN and feel good about it, seeking the opposite experience of what I actually experienced when it happened, and through this Never taking self responsibility for this reality as I always belief/believed I solved the problems in my head because I felt better, yet nothing substantial or physical ever changed and so the sins of the fathers continue of a society of oppression and suppression and where mental instability is created within the child and and does create mental disorders that has physical outbreaks and that is harming life.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to question why/how I have created and accepted and allowed internal conversations as normal, realizing as I have never questioned this I have never seen the actual problem and thus only continued living the lie, where I “make Belief” in my mind that I am solving problems within having conversations with myself, yet physically not living anything, as I know that the conversations in my head is always only about me winning and me being right and thus not valid within the actual solution to actually talk about the points. Thus I realize the solution is to stop the internal conversations and to Breathe and to bring myself back to the physical reality with actual real physical communication to that I can see the actual real solutions as Myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drift off into my mind into the secret internal conversations I have with myself. without even noticing myself slipping into the mind, only to discover myself in deep conversations with myself, where I - as a character talk to myself as another character so that I may always WIN, realizing that I have created this within myself because I know that if and when I have to physically communicate such points with others I will not always win and feel good, because I will receive actual real feed back – thus I see and realize that I have connected actual real physical feedback as a point to avoid/fear as I always only got punished in the past as a child, for speaking up or simply being a child making noise as a expression of sound and that it was made to be BAD and an annoyance and a interference with the adults life’s, and that I must instead keep my sounds/questions/common sense and conversations in my mind - where I am save and wont be abused, realizing that this also gave the perfect environment for evil to grow in secret as the conversations was only heard by me.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the internal conversations/thoughts/secret-mind is an outflow of the parenting and the education and the environment that a child is brought up in, as it is not within support of life where all life is equal but within a society where the mind as Beliefs/opinions/ideas/judgments as the tree of Good and Evil rules over the physical as the tree of LIFE, and thus only create And manifest children through physical programming such as abuse/shouting/hitting and completely molding a child into a certain way the parents have of life. as their religions/cultures/beliefs/ideas/opinions etc - and to thus live in the mind. As reality was/is constricted by those that has gone before and thus limited and enslavement to the sins of the fathers.

To Be Continued...