105 – I can Survive anywhere/anything Character.

This character basically leads my life, it always has, the I “can” survive anywhere in any situation with any or all people and types of things. 

Even if I have to Sell my soul I would do so just to survive. I would do what ever it takes, even if it means changing everything about me, changing my mind set, changing my characters, changing my personalities, changing how I look act behave and even speak. Just to survive anywhere and anything.

This came as far back as I can remember from school days and when I had to switch schools and friends and situations and where I had to fit in with the environment and the people to not be abused and kicked out and to be seen as an outcast. 

Within this I literally did anything I had to to survive, to fit in and to show that I can survive, I am a survivor.

So obviously looking at this point I can see that it isnt a natural way of Human nature, because I had to deliberately teach myself and transform myself and deceive myself and mold myself to become a survival machine, if it was Human nature to be like that from birth then I would have not had to do all that and simply fit in naturally. 

So this also shows me that school only teaches how to survive in a system that everyone knows is unfair and that everyone knows only a few will be able to get the good jobs as there is only so many good jobs and that the rest will have to be the people that suffer and work the hardest and do all the shitty jobs, this is actually made clear as school clearly consist out of winners and losers and that the winners and losers are actually promoted in front of the school through events that take place such as competitions on all levels, from friend groups and everything happening in the friend groups to sports and academical achievements. Showing kids that only some can make it as there can only be one winner and the rest is actually losers then and that is how the system works, a few thousands in the world have EVERYTHING and the rest have the shit and this also makes kids give up on themselves as being the losers and thus accepts and allows life to be so because there is no other way, and those that already have the advantages in school as the parents had more money already or so forth, they will always compete the most or not much at all and always seem to be the winners already and always get the prizes. So mysterious I always thought. 

So Here I am facing the character that I have created, actually this is many characters in one of the same – The survival character.

I will be going into this character into deep details and how and why I play this character out.

What is the fears, the insecurities, the ideas, beliefs, judgments and the opinions that formed and created this character and to then de-construct the character so that I can see how I have fucked myself, basically LOST myself within this character, I have manifested and created myself as this survival character to such and extend that I create and manifest all and everything about me just to survive, all the time. 

My every word, my every action, my every expression is moved and directed and comes from this character that must/want to survive any and all things at all times, its a vicious cycle.

So stay tuned as I go into the survival character.