Day 89 – Anger and Me – Fairness Game part 2.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek fairness within what I do and what is done towards me, instead of realizing that Who I am determines what I do, thus seeking fairness is showing me that I am an unfair person.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that if I seek fairness within what I do or what is done towards me I will always end up angry at myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a scenario within my day/life through always seeking fairness, that it is set up in such a way that there will always be unfairness and thus me being angry.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the fairness I seek and judge within my life is only based on MY Idea of fairness and not actual fairness in fact, as fairness can only exist once all has it equally on earth, until then fairness is to take self responsibility for those that can not because I have the opportunity and the ability, and thus it is only fair that I do what can be done till equality for all life exist in all ways, it simply is fair.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I see something as unfair and react and have a energy movement within me towards the “unfairness” based on my idea of fairness, that it will only be fair that I face the point of unfairness till I can stand in and as the physical one and equal as the creator with no limitation and enslavement of any energy/mind possession such as fairness and to simple be a living being as who I am as life one and equal as that which is best for all life in all ways.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that fairness is what I create within my mind as Ideas/beliefs/opinions towards things in my life, and that this is not based on the actual physical reality of how things work, and so I react and get angry when I feel reality isnt matching up with my mind as a alternate reality not one and equal as the physical. 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I experience something not being fair and getting angry, that I am actually only reacting toward my own mind as I have already planned my future in my mind according to my “like” and “dislikes” and when the physical reality isnt moving according to my mind I experience unfairness – which isnt real but only me experiencing my own fuck up of participating in the mind instead of the actual world as the physical one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a “save” folder within my mind of all the things I have done during my day and to store all the things I have done during the day within this folder, and so when I see my folder looks full I cna say I did a lot, and as soon as I judge I already did a lot according to my save folder anything else that is asked of me seems unfair toward me, realizing that only I am aware of this unfairness as only I created it within my mind – thus it is proof that it isnt real, if the unfairness was real then everyone would have known it to be so without me having to convince anyone, as we all can see – what starving children is going through and people in poverty and all of NATURE – that is fucking unfair and they do not have to convince anyone, it is in our faces.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a folder within my mind of the future – where I look at what I have to do in the future such as in an hour, in a day or a week, and to then save and store all I still have to do within this folder and then judge it as being full, and that what I still have to do seems so unfair that I have to do all these things, and so when someone asks me something more to do, I react, I get angry, because I have already in my mind (not real) filled myself up with stuff to do making it seem a lot, not living in each breathe!! And to overwhelm myself with things that isnt here yet and then blame and feel like everything is unfair as soon as I am asked to do more. Realizing it isnt real, it is all compounded in my mind into one folder, yet when the time comes I will see I have more than enough time as in the physical things move a lot slower than in the mind and thus more time, yet it is to move as breathe and not time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the past and the future in a constant comparison of each other to see when things isnt fair, realizing that within this I am constantly making thing unfair for myself as I place the past and the future in the present and giving it power over what is here and actually possible for me to do and how to apply myself. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep and eye on people in my environment, to see what they are doing... and through this compare what they are doing with what I am doing, and within this I will deliberately make myself try and look better just not to be the unfair point, thus obviously making them the unfair point, and so live in a constant reaction towards all the people in my environment as a judgement of unfairness – not realizing that I made it all unfair though my deliberate actions to just not be the unfair point but not reacting towards everyone else as being the unfair point. 

To be continued.