Day 153 oops I forgot to act appropriately.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEEL bad when I did not ACT”
appropriately" in front of people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Feel Bad when I ask someone for
Something and I did not smile or show a happy face.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Feel like I did something wrong.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that when and as I "forget" to act when I am with other people either interacting or speaking that the Who I Am as the real me that I have to change is revealed, as the me that I actually hide when I act and play characters and thus feel bad or as If I did wrong when I am not acting and hiding the main character.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I reveal Who I Am through not Acting or being in character is the part of me that I have judged as wrong and bad and thus I feel bad and as if I did something wrong when I forget to Act, and thus I see and realize that it is the main character that I fear revealing that I need to Change/Stop and to rebirth myself as the flesh and to not hide within acting and Characters as this only
Suppresses the main character I fear revealing.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the characters I am acting out in play is the opposite of the character I am hiding/fearing to reveal.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that I feel bad or as if I did something wrong when I forget to act or be in character because I know that the
character that is revealed is the one that must be changed as it is a character that is based on self interest and NOT what is best for all life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I am aware of the main character as I can only play the many characters I do everyday due to the awareness of the main character I want to hide, and thus I keep the main character in my secret mind where I feed it and keep it alive as the thoughts/judgments/opinions I have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear living as me as the real character and to within that work with what is here and that is relevant instead of continuously creating sub characters to hide the main character and to then having to first work through the sub characters and then only the main one, and all of this just because I fear what others will think of me facing Who I am in real time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make my process about others, instead of seeing and realizing that my process is about myself and that who i am includes all live and thus others as me, so it is to work with myself as ALL that is here one and equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing me as the main character in real time in breathe where I can face my main character without it effecting others around me in a harmful way, seeing and realizing that as long as I always take everything back to self and direct my reality practically and within common sense and not on thoughts/feelings/emotions then I will be able to walk myself effectively in detail.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear facing the character that always pops up when I forget to Act or play my role where I am protected and approved of, as I know and see that the character that always pop up is that of fairness/self righteousness/frustration/anger/depression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as the characters that i hide, and to within this hide the characters and never facing them real time to transcend them in and as breathe within self honesty and common sense and self forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Stress myself out within the idea/belief that I MUST no matter what always be in character and acting appropriately or I will DIE somehow.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to FEAR being questioned when I am not in character as I know and see that when I stop the characters that hide the character I fear exposing that people will definitely see another side to me and that I will have to explain, as I see and realize that the explanation is what I fear, as I will have to admit that all I was and have presented myself to be is a lie and that the character I am exposing is also a still a lie, as the only real truth as Who I am is here as Life as the physical and not characters.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that any state of mind/experience I am within s a character as part of the polarity games of energy, and thus the only real truth is here as the breath where there is no thought.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that i will create a EVIL character when I let go of all the other characters that hide the "evil" character Idea I have of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a secret hidden Evil character within me from the fear of having an evil hidden character within me if I had to stop all the other pretentious characters that always present themselves as happy and smiling and okay and good and so forth, seeing and realizing that this is all but a polarity play out of the same coin - as I Play out Positive Characters MOST of the time I generate all the negative energy I deny I create within me in secret creating a hidden monster that I fear, because I know I am hiding the other half of the coin as the negative form most people and that it has to go somewhere. As this is most of the time taken to a secret place it will grow and grow as I do not attend to it within self forgiveness and STOP.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself play out a positive character to stop and see why and to take a deep breath and to not play out any one of the polarities and to not deny any polarity, and to breathe through the experiences and to investigate the points and how I create them, to stop and bring myself back to what is here as Life as the physical one and equal, and to not Fare being exposed as I see and realize that the Good character is just as bad as the bad character and vice verse, as they both require each other and that my opinion I have of "it is better to play out the good characters rather than the bad ones is misguided as both are the same simply a different experience and that it is not Best for all life in all ways to play out either one polarity as both feed and nourish each other. Thus it is to breathe and remain here with no
Judgment.

5 comments:

  1. I have several questions, how come you don't write out the event where thinking, emotions, and feelings occurred? That way you could correct he physical movements, behaviors, thoughts, emotions, and all relevant facets/part that require attention to change of self's behavior.
    This is not personal, your writing needs specificity. How else will you know what to change as behavior as self?

    ReplyDelete

  2. this is me opening up the point, not going into ALL moments of this same pattern, this is just me looking at the pattern that plays out in most of everything, so it is impossible to mention ALL the behaviors and thinking and emotions when I look over the "over all pattern", first exploring the realization and then within looking at the point abroad I can see the smaller point and go into them, it is like looking at a Car - you see the outside of it but all the mechanical and so forth is not visible, and it is so first start with taking off the Shell of the car to see all the other parts and go into detailed stuff.

    look at the blog within the context it is within.
    thanks


    ReplyDelete
  3. For Instance if I now look at my Day within awareness of this Point that I opened up I can now Identify where such a point played out.

    I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when i wake up to have the thought of " Seeing myself already being busy with horses" and to react to the thought and think " Shit how much time do I have till horses" and stand up feeling tired and at the same time rushing myself to first drink water and go pee before the daily routine begins, and to judge it as a bad experience rushing me and being a burden, not seeing and realizing that it is the first thought I had when I woke up that I accepted and allowed within me and as as a projection of the past onto the future and believing it is how it must be today, and thus creating it as I experience it, and to when I go to horses feeling all tired and shitty and looking like a mess to Instantly put on a different face/act as soon as someone else enters the area just to not be seen as tired and messy as I have judged it as being "weak" and that others will take advantage of me when they see I get tired and am not always smiling and full of energy and Life.

    and so the SF goes on, this is the SF I walk mostly in the DIP courses and my other writings for myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is so cooooooool Gian - i can see me doing just that in your shoes.

      Delete
  4. ok, cool, yeah i did not realize you could just write out points and do self-forgiveness separately.

    ReplyDelete

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