Day 154 – Walking with straight shoulders.

I have been working on walking straight for over 4 years now, as I have a kind of a hunch back anc avery weird forward neck.

It isnt supportive at all for my body and only causes pain and discomfort, yet WHY am I just not getting it, why do I keep lowering myself to LIFE and me being here, why do I belief within myself that I do not deserve to keep my head high and walk with self respect and honor.

Because I have noticed within my “attempts” to walk straight. I can do what I want but as long as Who I am and what I accept and allow within me does not change I will not walk Proper.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I am with other people to think “ I am not allowed to Fill the room with my presence” as it will only be ego and that I will get judged for it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to connect walking straight and with my body in proportion as being EGO as I have in the past only abused my body for the purpose of ego in walking straight and thus now as I am walking my process of self honesty and change where I have realized the points of EGO. I have connected EGO as bad and thus also the posture of my body as it always being EGO.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Judge walking straight and respecting my body and honoring my body as EGO, seeing and realizing that the moment I judge my body and the way I walk in posture as Ego I make it Ego, instead of breathing and stopping all EGO as thoughts/feelings/emotions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Feel like I am attempting to be more than others within walking straight and supporting my body and to within this lower my shoulders and making myself less than, instead of equal as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I walk through the Farm while having my shoulders pulled back to think “ I must look stupid attempting to change my body posture” and to within this become self conscious about what I am doing and to then have thoughts of certain people “ where I walk by them or where I am in their presence and they say stuff to me like – why are you walking so weird, or wow you have a big ego because of the way you walk, so high and mighty of yourself” and to then give up and give in and lower my shoulders slowly but surely and compromise my process of change.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I Physically adjust my body to a form of “perfect: structure in proportion of the physical object as my body to achieve perfection with and as my body – to judge myself and to think “ what if my body seems better than everyone else’s and they will feel inferior or less than because they cannot achieve perfection with their bodies” and to the within that have the thoughts of “ me being next to someone else and they act in their behavior towards me as inferior than me because of my dedication and success of change with my body while they are not achieving it” and to then simply give up on the effort to support my body, not seeing and realizing that the thinking and the thoughts id the EGO suppressing the body from actually change, so that I can be stuck within the mind within the same patterns over and over with the same thoughts/feelings/emotions coming up trapping myself within it all everyday doing the same procedure and so continue for years and years never actually taking the point on and changing it for myself and stop the pattern and all the mind fucks that go with it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel that I am trying to be more than others when I change my posture of my body to that which is supportive and equal and one with the body.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to determine what I am willing to do for myself through looking at others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately lower my shoulders and my head when I am in other peoples presence out of the fear of my own thoughts/judgments I have of myself and that others might say it out loud and then I am confronted with myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my body has manifested the way it is now where my back is extremely bent and my shoulders are way to forward and my heck looks like a chicken neck and that it is all a manifestation of the mind Controlling the body through impulses such as thoughts/feelings/emotions and me validating them as true and acting on them, and thus resulting in no self respect and no self honor as the physical and thus always letting the mind win where I lower the physical body as if I am bowing down to the mind, saying yes MIND you are god and I obey and thus fucking up my body and my self-support.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself lowering myself when I am faced with other beings to stop and breathe and keep myself high/straight and support myself in those moments to STAND and not obey to the mind control over the body and to breathe and to give myself back to myself with real Will power, no matter what the mind throws at me as thoughts/feelings/emotions and BREATH.

I commit myself to when and as I see myself lowering myself to stop and realize that I am in the mind and not here as the physical as the body where I decide how the body must be and not the mind. As only giving power to the mind will result in my body physically mutating and deforming.