Day 155 - Am I ready.

Today Things in my life took a unexpected change of events, well it is planned to change, I made the decision to Go out into the matrix and do some work to make money.

I decided that I am going to investigate and see if it is possible for me to become a Truck Driver.

The first question that came up was - Am I ready to do this?

When I asked myself the question many things came up that revealed why I belief I am not ready, and Fear came in, not a lot or fear, just a general fear of something new, which should not be general lol.

The points that came.

Will I be accepted for such a job?
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will not be accepted for such a job due to how I look.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that how I look is important in relation to if I am able to do the job.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Belief that others will judge if I can do the job or not due to how I look, seeing and realizing that this is my own judgment of myself where I have judged myself as looking to "young" to be able to be trusted with a job that is delegate.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to trust myself due to my oneself judgment of I look to young and not mature enough to do the jobs that is meant for grown up people, or rather people that looks grown up.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that how I look is just how I look, it isn’t who I am and what I am capable of.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that only men that looks tough and strong and rough can get a job to drive a truck, as I have judged driving a truck as being a poor man’s job and where all poor people are tough as they have endured more suffering and pain in their lives.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I have to had suffered and endured pain in my life to become tough and strong and rough so that I can handle a job such as driving a truck where I have to live in a truck for days on the road and meeting and interacting with strangers and with the possibility of danger around every corner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being a truck driver as there will always be the possibility of danger and that I fear I cannot handle it as I did not grow up in poor conditions that could have conditioned me to handle more abuse suck as being robbed/attacked/harmed.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that when a person looks at me that has to hire me for the job of driving trucks will give me one look and say " you look to soft to handle such a job" and not give me the job just because of that, even though I know I am more than capable of doing such a job because of the process I have walked with Desteni for the last 4 years.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being accepted by a person that employs people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that I will be all excited about being a truck driver and when I go to apply for the job the person will say - sorry there isn’t any work for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that there will not be any work for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make driving a truck the only option for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Feel like I am to young to do work such a driving a truck and having the responsibility of all the stuff in the truck and to get it to the delivery points.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get my hopes up instead of breathing and walking in each breathe practicality here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of " I am failing me truck driver license and losing all hope of getting the job" to exist within me and to through this already fear not making it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live in the future in and as the mind in projecting what might happen or not and thus compromise myself and sabotaging myself, instead of breathing here looking at the practical steps in each breathe in space and time and moving myself accordingly to get the job.

To be continued.