Day 151 – Asking for Milk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when our house runs out of milk and I have to go to the other house to ask for more milk, to feel guilty for asking for more milk, as I believe that me asking for more milk is me taking their milk just so that I may have for instance a cup of coffee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that the guilt is only a feeling I have when asking for milk because I was raised and brought up in a system where LIFE cost money and within that I have developed guilt when I ask for something simple as milk for coffee.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged by others when I go to them asking for more milk, within the fear that they will judge me for using lots of milk and only making the monthly expenses more.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that asking for more milk DOES make the monthly expensed more and thus more money must be spend for me to have more milk, I see and realize that it is not a point to feel guilty about but to check Who I am when I ask for milk and what thoughts/back chat I participated within to have accumulated fear when asking for milk and guilt when I receive milk.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use milk daily from the starting point of indulging in drinking milk because I resist drinking water as i have judged water as not “tasting” like anything and so instead of drinking what worse and what is here I down a litre of milk a day that does cost more money, all for the sake of a thought/belief in my mind that I have about water.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to drink milk every time I open the fridge till it is finished, and to then when it is finished -- I know I did it purposely not considering the actual reasons/purposes we bought milk for, such as coffee or cereal, and now that I finished it I have to now go and get more milk for the rest of the house for the coffee and cereal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I created the guilt and fear when I ask for milk through my actions in the past where I made decisions within the secret mind that is always based on self interest.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that when I pen the fridge and I see the milk and I think in my mind “ OH just a few sips quickly” and then take a few sips that it ads up to me finishing a whole bottle a day as I entertained the thought that was backed up with justifications such as “ a few sips will not make a difference”, “I deserve a few sips”, “ I am hot and the cold milk will cool me down” and to then play out the actions of drinking the milk till it is done at the end of the day, knowing we ALL still had to use milk for purposes that includes the whole group, and now I have to go to another house and ask for milk that they have and did not finish in self interest like I did and take their milk from them and to within this as the fear – fear that my actions would be questioned for why we run out of so much milk so fast, that I also then know costs more money and that the money could have been spend on something else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I keep on entertaining the thought every time I open the fridge to drink the milk and to then act out on it because I refuse to actually re-hydrate my body through drinking water, due to the judgments/opinions I have created around water and so have all the outflows of all the consequences JUST within my life within this one situation on this one point, not yet looking at my life where all points is playing out like this and costing literally.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to stop and breathe and simply drink a glass of water and to see what is real and not - and obviously to be most practical within the current reality of this world where everything functions with money and where everything costs money that I do, even opening the fridge door every time I just want to take one sip of milk and that it is not to judge or demonize the milk or from having a sip, but to stop the part where I am literally only consuming for the sake of it and not addressing the point practically and thus only cost money and compromise the house and other houses all because I was following one thought.

I commit myself to when and as I open the fridge for any reason and I see the milk to not drink the milk, and to instead go and fill up a cup of water and drink the water and to stop the attempt to quench my first with everything I can BUT water - and to actually support my body with water as 70% of me is water and thus it is but only common sense and to stop wasting money on mind bullshit that isn’t real but only self indulgence.