Saturday, March 23, 2013

Day 310 – She is Pregnant, what do I do Now??

So when my partner told me that she is pregnant I was very cool about it, there was nothing running through my head, I was sticking to the principals: practicality and common sense within self honesty doing what is best for all life.

This made everything SOOO easier, because that removes “personal” crap from the equation, it removes the fears and limitations and all the shit latched to the “having a baby”.

So after me and my partner looked at the whole point practically and within what’s best for all life within our actions within what is here, it was decided (no reacted upon, as it would have been if there was “personal” involved) to have a Baby, this changes the entire “experience”. It is actually pretty cool and enjoyable.

I have come to now wonder a nit afterwards what do I do now?? Lol, I mean my partner is carrying the baby and she is the one having the pains and having to feel like throwing up and having head aches, but I am not having any of that at all, so what can I do? I asked myself.

I kind of feel useless in this stage of my partner being pregnant, obviously I am here for her as support and assistance and to talk to and to share and express with, but that doesn’t change the physical changes, I kind of feel guilty to – because I am having it easy to bring a child into this world, my partner has to carry a baby for nine months and then give birth, the giving birth part is actually called going into Labor, no one gets paid over time for that labor, in fact it will cost us a shit load.

I will do SF here on the Useless point and feeling guilty and then continue the story.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel useless within being of any actual help for my partner while she is Pregnant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself as being useless while my partner is pregnant.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Feel that I must be able to do more then what I really physically can for her within the desire of not feeling bad.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire to not feel bad about being useless within not being able to help my partner with the carrying of the baby and to through this judge myself as being useless to make myself feel better about myself, seeing and realizing that it is really a waste of time and energy playing games like this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel Guilty for being part of getting my partner pregnant and not equally carrying the baby and going through the physical symptoms and pains.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for Being at work all day and not being home supporting my partner in this time, seeing and realizing that currently this is not practical and possible as we all have to work to feed and support our lives in this system and thus feeling guilty is a way of self manipulation to not tale full self responsibility within changing this world to a place that is best for all life as a real solution to the problem.

Continuing with the story.

I am now daily looking at Everything in my current place and state in the physical reality where I must bring my child into and where I must raise my Child, I now see things as dangerous that I did not before, Like I would walk outside and see my child running or crawling around and then I see a bush with a thorn hanging to low, and I would go, THAT needs to be trimmed lol. Stuff like that.

So it is interesting how I also now see the world within considering bringing a “innocent” child into this world where there is ALL these fucking things around. So I am breathing and taking it one step at a time, cancelling out the mind and looking at it practically not going into over drive within looking at things, YES changes must be made for the child where we can prevent what is possible in all ways.

BUT the prevention cannot come from fear; it must come from actually physically considering it all. If it is done from fear then there will be consequences on those actions, so NO fear, breathing and walking step by step.

Where I have seen my house as clean before now looks like shit still lol, and where I have seen stuff as being practical I now see it was only practical in terms of Adults living here, and not all life.

I now see what patterns and what habits I have that I must deal with and work with, because a child will learn from who we are as LIVING beings, the words come later, the sentences come later, the reading comes later, the Physical actions we do right here in each moment is what is Instant for the child to learn from, Nine months is a lot of Breathes to fix the shit, the sins of the fathers, and to correct, to prepare, to see where I was lazy before and now to really take the patterns and habits and change them to what’s best for all life.

To be continued with self forgiveness (SF) and (SCS)

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