Day 308 - When she told me – “She is Pregnant.”

I came home from work one day and as I was sitting in the kitchen there were people talking, my partner and her sister was talking about having late periods, and since both of them were late it all seemed to make sense that its just a change in their cycles, I did not think anything of it. We joked about them both being late and how it might be funny if they both were pregnant on the same time.

So the next day after work when I got home I heard that My partners sister got her periods, my partner then started to look concerned and said she still haven’t gotten her period and that it has been two weeks or more.

So during the day that I was at work I send my partner a message asking her if I should buy a pregnancy testing stick, she said ok, I found a gap at work to go out and to go buy the stick.

At the Pharmacy I walked in and I was hanging around looking for the stuff, the girl behind the counter asked me if I need help, I looked at her and I said YES, I am looking for those sticks that you can test if you are pregnant with, she said Oh they are right here, we keep them behind the counter locked up.

I walked towards the counter and I said: can I have one? She said yes you can it is twenty five rand's, I thought it would be cheaper since in the movies sometimes women uses like ten to test to make sure, but I could only afford one. She gave it to me and I gave her the money, as I took the stuff she then had a little grin smile on her face, I saw that lol.

I went back to work and I furnished the day off at five thirty, I went home and I placed the bag with the stuff in it in my room and did not say anything to my partner. But she went into the room and she found it and she red the instructions on it, she then told me she will only be able to test tomorrow morning since you need to do it early when something is more.

So I waiter, I was curious and I have been thinking about it all day lol, I drive cars around and I work a lot in situations where I am alone like driving very long distances.

So the discussions/considerations I had with myself was what if it is a YES or a NO - I knew I had to look at these point within myself, I had to be clear and make sure there is no Fear, I have a little book with a pen always on me, so I opened up the book and I wrote down, This isn’t a Point to Fear, it is to Breathe and take self responsibility either way - I also wrote down what I saw was the Fear, the fear was that if it is a Yes, we haven’t prepared and that the HOW it happened frightened me as I wasn’t sure on How it happened at all.

So as I was driving around and looking at the scenarios I saw that I would like to have a child, I would enjoy to have a child, especially since I have been with Desteni and that I am busy with the Equal Money System. As my participation with Desteni I have developed myself a lot more effective and to be self disciplined and to trust myself in all and any situations.

But my biggest concern was the economy, the world and the way things are going, so I questioned having a child in this time and age and with everything happening. This was my ONLY reason for not wanting to have a child right now. I got a Job and I am working full time and I can make a lot of money, so I saw that this was already a upgrade within being able to have a child as being able to support the child.

But an even better point was that I was living on the farm and on the farm is the best support and the environment is great, so that part is set and cool.

Back to hearing the news, after a while considering everything and investigating points within myself I was quite stable with the answer going either way, but at How my partner/wife seemed a bit concerned - so I made myself concerned as well lol, instead of breathing and being self honest within it all.

Late night came and we all went to sleep. The next morning I was woken by my partner laying over the bed looking at me and saying Gian - it I positive, I am pregnant, my partner sounded concerned, like she was giving me heavy news, like it was expected from me to not be happy about such news, so I had a sudden response - I said REALLY, and I looked at her in her eyes she said yes the strip had to stripes, I then said, and that means you are pregnant, she said yes it says so on the box or paper, and I said okay and how accurate is this test? I was diverting the conversation towards certainty to convince myself lol.

Since it was morning and I had to get ready for work and go to work we would not talk, we agreed to have a talk when I come back, and to not yet mention anything to anyone.

To be continued.