Continuing - from Day 252 – The Trap of Who I Am Every Day.
Knowing is useless, applying is the key.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I have used FEAR in my life to create a red light within me to stop me from doing certain things or from facing certain things and to only keep me trapped within my mind as all the reasons/justifications I have attached to each and every fear I have and why I have it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I use fear as a way to manipulate and control myself.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that I use fear to deceive myself within my mind.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear as a way to control and manipulate myself into doing certain things or to not doing certain things.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use fear to direct me as a energy experience that scares me, where I scare myself. Instead of using common sense and self honesty within the principal of what is best for all life in all ways that never requires fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify all the fear I have created within me through space and time within past experiences stored as memories within my body as JUST who I am and thus cannot change it, seeing and realizing that it is JUST a JUSTification, as all justification is just a fiction of the mind and not real.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I have to always follow fear no matter what it is or I will lose something of myself, seeing and realizing that all I fear losing is the fear itself and that I will then realize that the fear was never real.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself t fear losing all the fear I have within the fear of what I already know being confirmed – that all the fear isn’t real and just made up in my mind.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to fear realizing that the fear i have existed as all my life to not be real, seeing and realizing that I have thus created myself as fear all my life and that what I actually fear losing is myself as I have built and created myself through space and time on fear.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear losing myself within the realization that all I have ever known as myself was my fear and that i will not know who I will be without the fear, seeing and realizing that stopping the fear also means that now I have to make the decisions and not rely on pre-programmed fear to direct me as a energy that i give power to scare me into making certain decisions.
Ok so here I am making cool discovery, I have and am still only ever made decisions from fear, so I have have defined myself and built my characters and thus my entire personality on fear, so if I remove the fear as the foundation then all of me that I have defined as me through all my life will be revealed as not real, as it has always only been fear – so who the fuck am I then if not FEAR.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that my foundations of who i am currently is built from fear, seeing and realizing that if I remove the fear than I will suddenly not have ALL those limitations and moralities and all the shit I have always hated about myself any more and that I then have to make actual real decisions for myself in each moment that is one hundred percent me deciding it all and thus I am then self responsible for everything all the time in awareness of it all, which is the part I am scared of. You know, removing the whole ignorance is bliss point, where I use fear to be apparently ignorant to always be able to say, I was scared as something that is again apparently justifiable.
To be continued.
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