Day 251 – The Death of My Horse Part 9 – The Journey to Life

continuation of Day 242 - The Death of my Horse Titan Part 1
and – Day 243 and 244 – The Death of my horse Titan Part 2 The Journey to Life
and – Day 245 – The Death of My Horse Part 3 the Journey to Life

and – Day 246 – The Death of My Horse Part 4 the Journey to Life

and - Day 247 - The Death of my Horse Part 5 - The Journey To Life

and – Day 248– The Death of My Horse Part 6 – The Journey to Life

and – Day 249 – The Death of My Horse Part 7 – The Journey to Life
and - Day250 – The Death Of My Horse Part 8 – The Journey to Life

Leila wrote a cool blog on the events of the day here that Titan was put down – Day 146: Death of a Horse (Titan)
and continuation on her point here - Day  147 and 148 - Aftermath Death of a Horse

Also to see the process of horses here with us and their process stuff in general, check out the interviews from Eqafe, really cool.

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 1
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 2
Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse - Part 3

Continuing from this part – “Seeing and realizing that as I live as Fear as who I am that all I will and can do as Fear and self interest is create and manifest my own fears, through constantly trying to dominate and control life in fear of Life being alive lol, because that has been judged as being bad and out of control.”

Ok so I am going to apply self forgiveness on all the fear points I faced daily with Titan.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear Losing control. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear losing control of other Beings and that they might hurt me then.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear getting hurt if and when I lose control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I ever had control, seeing and realizing that the control I thought I had was always only a attempt and not in fact control as it is impossible to control another being as it always require their agreement first to seem like control.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not control things outside of me that they will always be a threat to me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear other beings as always being a threat to me, seeing and realizing that within this I act out in my behavior to control and dominate which is abusive and not best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Fear being dominated and controlled by other beings, as being their bitch and having to do whatever they ask/want, thus seeing and realizing how I always attempt to do this first to other beings.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being another beings bitch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being seen as another beings bitch.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear not being able to work with another being and to within this fear first control and dominate the other being to force the being into working with me, never considering to simply communicate and create equal agreements to walk together, and to within this destroy relationships through always first built the foundations of the relationships on fear through control and dominance.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not have control over another being that the other being will take advantage of me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear that if I do not have control that I will be abused and misused by other beings, seeing and realizing how Titan showed me that within this fear all I did was create my fear onto other beings and abuse them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to to fear something Bigger than me such as a horse.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that I have to fear something when and as it is bigger than me, seeing and realizing that it is to understand and work with and not to control and dominate as that will lead to abuse and consequences and in the end in fact manifest the fears.

To be continued.